#micouk

Sunny only rolled her eyes, continuing to pack her things.

“I’m serious! He’s gonna find a way to get you almost killed for the fucking third time!”

“He’s the reason that last time it was only almost.”

“I don't care!” he spat out, reaching to snatch her bag. “Stay here tonight. Please.”

She finally noticed the glassy layer in Leo’s eyes, barely managing to avoid choking on his words as her brother feared for her safety.

Sunny sighed, admitting defeat. “Fine.”

There was no comfort in being away from him. 

Every movement out the corner of her eyes sent a shock in her heart, every loud noise. Even the peace Sunny used to find in sleep was long gone.

Running and running. Dark woodlands, trees of tall enemies. Everything reached for her as she ran, forcing screams out.

“Chris! Chris, help!” she sobbed out, yelling.

Her legs ached, barely pushing her forwards, beginning to dig into the mud.

Till her foot was stuck, slamming her body to the ground. Sunny grunted out in pain, before all noises and breaths were blocked by her stalker’s hand. She flailed around, tears streaming down as she choked and lost oxygen.

“Sunny!”

She was shaken awake, heart still beating out of her chest.

“Hey, you’re okay, you’re okay.” Chris spoke gently, caressing her face and holding eye contact until her body settled down.

Sunny had no words for him, only sitting up with all the strength she had to wrap her arms around the back of his neck, clinging onto him. He held the back of her head, rocking her gently.

“How did you get in?”

“Window.” Chris laughed softly, eyes almost closing from the ease in his heart now that he was holding what was most precious to him.

Sunny hesitated for a moment. “You shouldn’t be here.”

He pulled back to look into her eyes.

“I think my brother will kill you if he finds out.” She smiled a little to ease the tension of her words.

“I think I'd deserve it.”

“Oh my god, will you stop?”

Chris only grinned, leaning down to press his lips against hers, holding her gently. 

He pulled away only to mumble apologies, “I’m sorry, baby.” before chasing back contact immediately after. 

“Asshole.”

They settled themselves down more comfortably, Sunny clinging onto Chris as she faced him seated on his lap. She played with his locks of hair, face somehow expressionless in deep focus while Chris stared admiring her.

He noticed the soft bags under her eyes and a glint of sadness inside them, his heart now aching in memory of her fearful sleep.

Chris hated the idea of Sunny suffering, especially repeatedly and from a fault of his own. 

“What was your dream?”

She removed her focus from his hair to his eyes, lips tightening from a little discomfort in the topic.

“You don’t gotta tell me.”

“Doesn't matter really. you saved me.” she spoke lightly, trying not to show all the emotions she was feeling.

“I hate that you're not feeling good.”

“I hate that you hate you for the fact I'm not feeling good.”

Sunny refused to meet his eyes now, choosing to pout with Chris' refusal to stop self deprecating. 

“Can you look at me?”

“Nope.”

“Sunny.”

“Christopher.”

He didn't speak up again, puppy dog eyes while he waited for her to finally notice. The quiet finally felt heavier, forcing sunny to crack and meet his eyes, mouth unwillingly forming a smile. It was hard to be mad at the boy who hung on her every word.

“Okay look, I just don't care.”

“What?” he spat out, laughing.

“I don't care! The times being around you that got me in trouble, I don't care. I didn't have a life before you, I had no friends, nothing fun, nothing at all! And even after everything, look, I'm okay!”

“You’re not fully okay, baby.”

“Just give me time to work on it! But stop shitting on yourself all the time. We both need to be okay.”

Chris sighed deeply. Reaching to cradle Sunny’s face to calm himself. She broke free from his delicate grasp, rushing to place hurried pecks all over his face.

“Stop trying to leave me.” she mumbled between kisses.

“I’m not trying to leave.”

She pulled back to face him. “You’re trying to convince yourself I'm better off without you, when I'm not.”

“I just feel selfish keeping you.”

“Just be selfish.”

Chris breathed deeply, his desperation setting heavy in his chest. 

he rushed forwards, gripping Sunny's chin to meet his lips to her. She held his shoulder to keep steady, reciprocating with as much desperation as Chris gave.

his hands travelled down, feeling her form and pushing her closer into his chest. His tongue slipped past the gap between her lips, groaning out from the pleasure of more contact. 

Chris held Sunny's hips, more possessive in his touch as he moved her to roll against him. 

she gasped out, breaking the kiss and resting her forehead against his. 

he continued his motivations, watching her face twist in pleasure the more effort he put in. 

“you got it.” he whispered lowly. 

She focused on his actions for a few more grinds, working up the courage to copy them. 

Chris reached lower, gripping the skin of her ass and grinning as sunny gasped out. she hid herself in the crook of his neck, moaning softly and nibbling at her lip as he massaged her skin and they grinded into each other. 

he cradled the back of her head, holding her as he switched positions so he was hovering over her. 

“Chris.”

“I know, baby.”

Sunny wrapped her legs around his torso, grabbing his face with desperation as he continued his kisses. 

Chris separated to kiss down the skin towards her neck, nibbling and licking to soothe the areas he teased. 

His eyes met Sunny's once again.

“This okay?” he whispered, one hand letting go to move down towards her heat.

she nodded hurriedly, breathing heavy as she prepared to let the feeling take over her. 

Sunny used Chris' hair to ground herself when he slid a finger into her hole, slowly thrusting it into her. The kissing on her neck got more passionate and messy, groaning in response to the sound of her needy whining.

he worked up the pace, ending his kisses to hold eye contact, body rushing with desire as he watched how he made sunny feel.

her eyelashes fluttered, threatening to close while she listened to the sound of her slick filling the room.

"Eyes open." Chris ordered.

sunny struggled, blinking up at him, eyebrows furrowed and mouth slightly agape.

"Good girl." he praised, chuckling mockingly when the words were enough for her to let out a moan.

"M-more?" she used all her effort to get the words out, eyes pleading up at him.

Chris' confidence faltered only slightly. "More?"

"I want you. Please."

he pulled his finger out gently, hushing sunny when she whined. Chris reached his hand up, slipping his soaked fingers between her lips, grin widening when she instinctively sucked on them.

retreating back, he unzipped his pants to reveal his heavy bulge. he let out a groan as he freed himself fully, feeling a little self conscious when he processed that this was genuinely happening.

with the hunger and need in her eyes, Chris was desperate to please.

he teased his hands up her torso, pushing up her oversized shirt. he looked to sunny for approval, continuing his movements when she placed her hands over his in encouragement.

they pulled the shirt over her head, now fully bare for each other.

Chris hurried now, kissing down the skin of her chest as his hands pushed her back down to lay against the bed. he gripped the backs of her thighs, pushing her knees to place himself in between them.

he lined himself against her hole, teasing her and coating his length with her wetness. Chris entered in slowly, growing desperate from the sound of her pleasure but remaining careful.

he groaned out, feeling her tightness around his cock. her back arched slightly, desperate for more of this new feeling.

"You got it, baby. Take it all."

she moaned out again, looking down and processing not even half of him was inside of her yet. Chris thrusted in and out as he worked his way in, holding her hips against the mattress securely.

"Tell me how it feels." he whispered against her skin.

sunny held his shoulder, eyes opening and closing in pleasure whilst only able to let out moans.

"Words or i stop."

she whined, before focusing on forming a response. "f-full."

Chris hiked one of her legs over his shoulder, the other around his waist as he pulled out slow then back in deep - bottoming out. He leaned down, slipping his tongue into Sunny's mouth possessively.

she moaned into the kiss, arms circling around the back of his neck while he sped up the pace.

"C-Chris, i," from her hesitation he slowed down, earning a panicked "No, don't stop!", in response.

he laughed teasingly again, building back the pace. "Talk to me, baby."

"i-" her moans interrupted herself. "i- i want you."

sunny's words went straight to his dick, making him more desperate and start pounding into her faster.

"oh my god." she cried out.

"You have me, baby. I'm all yours." he felt her clench around him.

"i- chris-"

"smart girl can't use her words now, huh?"

sunny whined in frustration, too overtaken by pleasure to think of anything but the feeling of him inside her.

"You're so pretty like this."

"Mine." she forced the words out, moans escaping her louder.

Chris held eye contact in realisation of how deeply Sunny meant her words.

"You wanna be my girl?" he smirked, heightening his efforts in need to hear and watch her squirm even more.

her eyes pleaded as she nodded.

"fuck, baby." he groaned out. "You are mine. shit- I'm yours. always been yours."

Chris' rhythm sped up once again, he watched the way her eyes rolled back and her back arched into the feeling.

sunny cried out his name, the unfaltering pace letting her ride out her orgasm while he moaned out above her.

they both breathed deeply, minds and bodies coming back to earth and calming down.

"I love you." the words escaped him quickly, a hurried admission.

"i love you." sunny echoed, eyes heavy and expression more vulnerable. "i, are we-"

"Yes. uh- if you meant it, i-"

"I meant it."

"I meant it too."

chris grinned, watching as she mirrored his expression. they both let out comfortable laughs, chasing back each others lips, holding each other as they wished they could forever.

“C’monnn, no you don't."

You turned on your other side, facing completely away from Chris. Moving your face to plant it directly into your pillow, you yelled out a muffled ‘i do’ in response.

He reached out, rubbing soothing patterns into your back in a cruel scheme to win you back over. As much as it was working, you were not going to tell Chris that. 

“So you’re jealous?”

You flipped onto your back, mouth agape at his accusation. “I’m not! You are.” you mumbled as your turn to speak ended.

“Of what?” he scoffed, laughing.

“You’re not the only person I've kissed either.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.” You rolled your eyes, but sat back onto your side that faced him this time. 

“Who’s the lucky guy?”

You hesitated, eyes comedically squinting while Chris' smirk only grew. “I don't wanna talk about it.”

“Wow, okay, you’re either a liar or it was awful.” he mocked you, contrasting with the look of pure love in his eyes.

Of course, you didn't actually care. Though you did have to remind yourself over and over of this fact, competing with the pull of your heart that happened every time you pictured him kissing other girls.

You rolled your eyes, watching as Chris eyed your lips, indicating what was running through his mind. 

“Am I a good kisser?”

They were meaningless. You knew that, he told you that, he’d proved to you that they were.

It didn't change the fact that they might have been better, even crossing a line you and Chris still hadn't. You didn't need it, but your need to be perfect in all areas made you worry that maybe you weren't good enough for him to want you like that. 

He laughed at how you broke the silence. “What?”

“Does that mean no?” you sat up, voice clearly showing how much stress that idea filled you with. 

“Of course not, what? Is that what you're worried about?”

“How bad am I? Like in what way am I bad at it?”

“You’re not.” Chris reassured. 

You pouted, dropping your body dramatically back onto your pillows, staring up at the ceiling. “You mean it?”

“Yes.”

Pausing to think, Chris laid down close beside you, making you instinctively lean into his warmth and rest against his chest. “Am I a really good kisser?”

“The best.”

You grabbed the collar of his shirt, pulling him down to meet your level and pressed your lips to his. It was the most amount of effort you’d put into kissing him, making you eventually feel self-conscious that your effort might have the opposite effect and result in kissing him badly. 

Pulling back, Chris' face turned to concern upon seeing that same expression on yours. 

“You okay?”

“Score?”

“What?” he laughed again.

“Stop saying what, give me a score!”

“You want me to score your kiss?”

“Yes. Hurry up!” you whined, not taking time to wonder why he wasn't taking the matter as seriously as you. 

“Eight.”

Without hesitation, you rushed your lips back to his, chasing to give pleasure to him. You gripped the sides of his face, pulling Chris into you and trying more and more to get the approval you wanted. 

He groaned into your mouth, causing the corners of your mouth to lift in victory. You pulled away, not missing the way Chris tried to chase back your lips. 

His eyelids were heavy, breaths loud as he tried to settle down the burning heat rushing around his entire body. “Eight” he whispered.

Breathily, you spoke up again. “Score?”

“You’re lying!” you giggled, holding the face of the boy you’d worked up so extremely. 

“I know, I just want you to do it again.”

You chuckled again at his behaviour, letting him connect your lips together once again.

You separated from him first, breathing in each other's air, ignoring your full body urges to attach yourself to Chris and just live there. Holding his face, you ensured he didn't pull too far away. 

Chris moved to climb over you, making your legs instinctively wrap around his torso as he tried to reciprocate the effort you put into kissing him. You swallowed each other's moans, increasing heat and need for each other that you both shared. 

“You know,” you ghosted your lips over his as you spoke. “If that was an eight, you should show me how to get better.”

He laughed breathily, smirking evilly at your schemes. “Yeah?”

You hummed in agreement, tugging at the locks of his hair to close the gap between you two.

Chris hurried back, the sudden act making you gasp and a gap enough for him to slip his tongue inside your mouth, chasing dominance. One hand gripped your face and another was secured on your waist. 

You caught your breath quickly, pulling him back and copying everything Chris had done exactly, proving you’d paid attention and proving how much you wanted to be good for him.

His noises didn't quieten, his effort didn't decrease, separating only for a moment but pulling at your lip with his teeth when he did. 

Your only addition was a slow but sure grind of your heat against the bulge of Chris' jeans. You felt him slightly tense, groaning out again from the pleasurable feeling. 

Tugging his bottom lip the way he had with yours, you grinned, removing and giggling with your new increased confidence.

“Like that?” you whispered. 

He’d never cried this much before, never felt this much either. It was obvious all along that he didnt deserve her.

She wanted to be safe, sure he could protect her, but that didnt make her safe. It just made her one step away from danger, and now chris had pushed her into it.

He thought he couldnt miss the deal but he shouldve. He shouldve stood his ground, told her to wait. He never shouldve taken her with him.

It was too late to regret. She was already gone.

“I just miss you.”

“I'll be there when you wake up.”

“Youve been doing this all week, chris. please?”

“I have to do this.”

“No you dont.”

He was letting her down. It was supposed to be for her - for him and his family, to be comfortable. He didnt want to have to lie. She was right - he didnt have to. It was his own dumb rules.

If he wanted to keep lying to himself, he wouldve blamed her. He replayed her sweet voice and begging words, enough to push him against his own self. He couldve held back, its more effort for him to break down his wall than to just keep it up. He wanted to do it - for her, not because of.

so he did.

“Sunny. What the fuck are you wearing.” he scoffed, scanning her frame as she glowed practically neon in the dark of the car.

“You said cover up! Im comfy.” she crossed her arms defensively against her chest.

“Not for warmth, baby, to hide. Youre-” he stopped himself and sighed.

“I’m what?” she spat out.

“Youre a fucking lighthouse.” her mouth opened wide in offense, “or a duck.”

“A duck? I actually hate you.”

“I told you we were going somewhere dangerous and you wore yellow.”

Her tense expression softened, only due to increasing insecurity. She stared down at her sleeves. An attempt to look pretty had make her look dumb.

“This is your fault.”

He let out an abrupt laugh, beginning to pull the car away from outside her house. “My fault? Whys that?”

“You like this one.” her voice had softened noticeably.

All mockery left his capabilities when he remembered. The first time she'd worn that jumper had also been to hide. Only in the middle of the day, and for a much less high stake scenario.

He couldnt help but grin when she saw her, fiddling across the clothing rack, bright colours in front of her to differ from the grey she had on. Eyebrows furrowed in determination, she wanted to make an effort - an effort to look pretty for the boy she didnt know was watching her from outside the store.

“You should get that one.”

She jumped out of her skin. “Chris! Are you fucking serious?” Sunnys hand slapped against her chest as if she was trying to restart her heartbeat to normality.

“I am serious. Yellows your colour.”

She couldn't help now but laugh, no longer anxious and purely glad to be in his company. She tugged the jumper off the rack to wrap it around herself. Chris watched her movements closely.

“Yeah?” she stared up at him expectantly. Never usually needing a second opinion because she had her own. Forced upon herself to be self reliant and now she was asking him for an opinion. On how she looked of all things.

“Yeah.”

Hideous fake cackles entered the store, making the two of them grimace and turn in search of the source.

Upon recognition of the faces, chris instinctively reached for sunnys hood, tugging it over her head before doing the same with his own. He tugged her waist close to his side.

It fell too far over her eyes, chris took the initiative to poke it a little higher up so she could stare back at him. He was met with her sparkling eyes, softened and unguarded despite his freak out from knowing people.

She wasnt offended, she understood. She knew what it meant to him, she knew what she meant to him.

“You seriously should get this.”

Now, he wished she didnt have to change - replace the jumper that reminded him of Sunny's soul with his own clothing. The dark shade was now reminiscent of his soul.

Maybe what hurt the most was the fact it felt like he was almost turning sunny into himself. Dragging her into places to hide and be cautious when she was much safer at home.

Maybe she was just safer away from him completely.

“We should probably at least cover my mouth. so no one knows what i look like.” sunny interrupted his spiral of thoughts, leaning against the brick wall.

chris leaned down to press a quick kiss to her lips, grinning widely as he lifted his head and faced her again.

“That work?”

“No.” she stated blankly.

“Ouch.”

He searched around his car for a bandana, eyes fixed on hers when he tied it around her face. He retreated to check his handiwork, lips pulled tight together awkwardly as he processed how dumb this whole idea had been.

He continued anyway, despite being the closest to a logical thought that he had been all day.

“Okay. most people wont be a problem. They arent expecting you so they'll probably blink twice but no more than that.”

Sunny nibbled at her lip as he spoke, fiddling with chris’ hoodie strings as her mind yelled at her. Bad idea, too risky, too dumb, it was all gonna go wrong.

“You can't look nervous. You need to look like you've done this a thousand times. Act like it's normal and they're the idiots for being confused. Dont even look at me, just stare them down. No one will wanna be here long so it's not a long act, but you need to do it.”

She nodded in response - despite her mind and eyes being elsewhere.

His voice softened. “It’ll be okay.”

He hadnt lied, it had been okay.

Despite that, her breath stuttered everytime someone left. Arms reaching and clinging instantly onto chris for any kind of support. She didnt know why it crumbled her so badly.

Maybe someone looked too long, maybe the night got too dark or nothing even happened at all; but the knot in her throat relentlessly tightened. Her mind corrupted with thoughts that she was ruining it for him. That she was letting him down.

She could feel it going wrong, her facade slipping every second and her tears closer to brimming.

“I cant-” she let out a sob, pulling the bandana sharply from her face. “I cant do it! I wanna go home, please.”

“Sunny- we cant. Im sorry, we wont be long. Theres only a few people left and then we can go.”

“I dont wanna do it anymore.” tears finally escaped down her cheeks, chris reached his hands up to cradle her face.

“After. I promise.”

She sniffled and wiped her own tears after forcing her head away from chris. She wasnt mad, but he had the control - she couldnt leave without him.

Sunny hated handing over the control. She'd learnt to drop her guard only for chris, mind now swimming with ideas that she never shouldve.

She wanted to escape - not him, but the situation, the emotions. It got hazy trying to clarify the difference between them.

the next deal was worse.

An asshole trying to be funny, joking about the price, joking about how close he was to chris. Referencing old beef they had together as if he wanted to put chris on edge. Showing off, testing his patience.

He spoke too much, ugly wide grin as his eyes wandered towards sunny. Head moving too close.

“This your girl?”

“Get the fuck out of her face.”

Chris didnt say another word, eyes staring daggers until it was clue enough for him to leave, not following through with the deal as initially planned.

He could feel sunnys anxieties increase. Chris only sighed, fueling her upset further.

“Sunn-”

“No.”

“You wanted to come here!”

“And now i want to go home!”

“You couldve been home! You asked me-”

“I didnt want this i just wanted to be with you!”

Chris wanted to apologise but he didnt. He stared blankly, eyes speaking for him but that wasnt enough.

Embarrassment filled her, enough to motivate her body to push past him. He tried to reach out for her, the apparent only word he could let out anymore was her name - which wasnt remotely encouraging.

“Get off me.” she pushed off him, marching forwards.

“Stop- Where are you going?”

“The car. Drive me home when youre not an asshole.”

But then it was too late to wish - wish he'd said sorry, wish he'd followed, wish he hadnt thought “i’ll let her cool down” and had actually done something proactive. He could mentally take it all back, but it would never actually happen that way.

The car had been too far away, he couldnt watch her leave - didnt want to. The distance meant her screams were too far, not registering as soon as they began from how foreign the sound was. His legs moved for him, but not fast enough. The car door was open partially, the only visible trace of her.

It felt like he'd now been deemed unworthy - she was snatched away from him the moment he treated her wrong.

Of all the feelings he had, yes he deserved it, but sunny didnt.

but his fuck up didnt mean he could continue to break his promise. He was going to keep her safe. No matter what that meant doing.

A part of him wanted them to somehow scar. A permanent reminder of what he caused.

Why did he care so much? She was a random girl and it wasn't like no one had ever taken pills to kill themselves before. His own pills had probably killed someone already - not that he could know for sure, because it's not his business.

Chris sells to people he hates, likes, people who are perfect, people who are assholes - it just doesn't matter. He does his job and tries not to dwell on it because he can't afford to.

Sunny had formed a room in his mind. Following him around like she had actually passed away and turned into an angel on his shoulder.

Same days he felt like a fucking creep, constantly thinking about a girl he no longer had anything to do with. But she was so constant - more consistent than any thought or emotion he had felt.

Eventually he realised he craved her.

Walking around hoping to bump into her, wanting her to just appear there for him - whether to punch him, ignore him or let him treat her right, he didn't care. He’d become secure in the idea his purpose was to protect her, ignoring how badly he’d failed at that so far.

Chris smoked in the alleys opposite from the school entrance. Watch how some days her brother would drive her home, bus other days and reluctantly walk home the rest of the days. He imagined himself intervening but never did.

It became routine for Chris to find a bench he knew she had to pass on the opposite side of the street, all of this just so he could remember she existed outside of his mind.

He was desperate for a glance, her to know he was looking out for her. A part of him was relieved that she never did, afraid she’d find the opposite of comfort in it.

When she was out of sight, he’d sit with his thoughts. A mix of praying for a different life and reminding himself that this was his punishment.

“Hi,” she spoke softly, Chris whipped his head to the side to see her, not having noticed her walk towards him.

He felt the most exposed he ever had been, interrupted from his staring at the other side of the street while he smoked, waiting to see the girl who now stood to the side of him.

He felt caught - hoping that she wouldn’t realise why he had been sat there.

Chris cleared his throat, “Hey,” trying to act casual, straightening his back when he processed himself hunching over.

“Are you um, waiting for someone?” Sunny gestured towards the space on the bench next to him.

He shut his mouth realising it was partially agape - behaving as if he'd had the first sighting of a real life angel, which was obviously the exact way it felt for him, having her so close to him after so long. Chris shook his head, taking a drag to calm his nerves and gesturing to offer her the space next to him. His movements were growing smoother and more confident despite how he felt.

She sat herself down, staring at her lap and fiddling with the hem of her clothing, itching to speak but not yet scratching it. Chris felt the exact same way.

“Im,” she breathed to calm her nerves. “Im sorry about my brother.”

He looked over to her, noticing the glassy sheen of a heartbreaking mix of guilt and sympathy over her eyes.

“It’s fine, I deserved it anyway,” caring more than he wanted to admit out loud but revealing himself anyway.

She seemed completely shocked by his words. “What? No you didn’t-”

“You could've died.”

“And I wanted to. I don't think you give a sanity check to everyone you sell pills to.”

“That doesn't matter. My pills, your injury, I get punched in the face.”

“So, we’re even.” she stated gently, an amount of joy and calm in her voice that Chris couldn't understand.

“What?”

“I forgive you. I-if you were wondering.” she watched his body tense up all apart from his eyes. He stared kindly like it was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for him - like he needed it. “I don't think you should have to be forgiven but, if that's what you need then I forgive you.”

Chris stayed quiet, processing the fact that it was exactly what he wanted to hear, despite not feeling like he deserved it. He faced forwards, taking another drag and breathing deeply.

Sunny slowly stood up, wondering if she had pushed too far and made the conversation weird. She brushed off her clothes to make sure she looked okay, grabbing her bag from the side of her.

Chris only looked up at her when she walked away, eyes meeting hers when she turned back to check if he was looking. She gave a small smile as she kept walking, which Chris unwillingly mirrored.

He needed her more now than ever before.

Matt and Nick were talking, Chris wasn't listening.

“And we can get there for 7 and- Nick, he’s not fucking listening.” Chris hadn't even noticed the conversation turning to him.

His brothers stared at him intently, waiting for him to look up and notice.

“Jesus, what the fuck?” when he did look up, their focused gazes made him nearly jump out of his skin.

“We’re talking to you, Chris, are you dumb?” Nick spat out, wanting this conversation over with just a little more than Chris did.

“What's wrong with you?” Matt spoke slightly more gently, watching the way his brother pushed at his forehead to relieve his headache.

“Doesnt matter.”

“Chris.” Nick ordered.

He sighed, rolling his eyes but following orders anyway. “I sold a girl some pills and she tried to kill herself with them. Almost died and it's my fault.”

“That was you?” words fell out louder than Matt had intended.

“Yes and I feel like shit already, you don't need to make it worse.”

“Okay wait, how is it your fault?” Nick began his attempt to use logic to comfort his brother. “She wanted them and you sold them. you didn't know she was gonna use it for that.”

Matt vocalised his agreement with Nick while Chris worked up the courage to give away the last piece of detail, making it more definitively his fault.

“She told me she needed enough to kill someone.”

“Okay, youre just a fucking idiot.” Nick laughed from both confusion and to relieve the tension building up in his body.

“She had fucking bruises, I thought it was for someone else!”

Chris had turned the conversation into silence, a moral dilemma shutting everyone up. A part of him was glad for the silence, until Matt broke it.

“Why don't you talk to her? And you could- and he’s walking away.”

The rain was hammering down and Sunny was late.

Chris had parked opposite to the school entrance, waiting to catch a glimpse of her but ending up enduring the irritating choir of people leaving classes laughing and talking, as if they were vaguely interesting. He was growing concerned on her whereabouts until he saw her running out the doors, art book in hand.

She sprinted down the street, making Chris wince in preparation as she seemingly didn't care of the likelihood she could slip from the wet concrete. Raincoat held over her head as if she hadn't had the chance to put it on properly. she ran but had to watch the bus leave the stop before she could get remotely close.

A frown formed on her face, turning into a gasp when she realised how soaked her sketchbook had got. She hurriedly covered the book with her coat, letting herself get hit by the rain and looking like a sad abandoned wet dog.

He watched intently, forgetting he could be looked at too.

When she met his eyes, his whole body flamed up. He let them hold the gaze for a moment, conflicting thoughts on what to do. Her eyes seemed to silently beg.

With the car window down, he gestured his head to the side to signal her to cross the street to get to him. Chris leaned over the console to open the passenger when she got close, meeting Sunny's eyes as she climbed in.

“You good?” he spoke out despite the lump in his throat.

“Yeah, um, sorry i-”

“Dont worry about it.” he comforted, earning a small smile from her. “Your book thing okay?”

“Oh! Yeah, it's okay, I just didn't wanna ruin it walking home,” she laughed.

“It's okay, I get it. I owe you anyway.” he finally returned her smile, still a little unsure of himself.

It was unlike him to laugh, the sound foreign as it slipped out.

On the drive to her house, Sunny unknowingly demonstrated her ability to fully relieve the tension in his body. Talking about nothing and everything at the same time, giving Chris glimpses of parts of her life that he didn't know about. The life of hers that he wanted so badly to be involved in.

His heart broke a little when they reached her house.

“Did you wanna come in?” until she managed to fix it all over again.

“I, what about your brother?”

“Not home.” Her eyes begged again, a small waiting smile as she blinked up at him like he meant something. “You owe me, you said so.”

“Yeah,” he spoke softly, watching her smile grow when he answered, “Okay.”

Sunny was nervous as she let him into the house, hoping she remembered correctly that she didn't leave her room in a mess.

She explained the various rooms, essentially walking him upstairs. This type of routine wasn't new for Chris. However, he was sure he knew what type of girl Sunny was, and that wasn't the message she was intending to send.

The door opened to her clean room - Sunny invited him in, almost proud of her space.

Chris hadn't had time to notice the scattered details when he was there before, trinkets that were so fully Sunny that he wished he could permanently be in her space.

“I have a question.” she spoke softly as he scanned her room, interrupting his thoughts. “Have you, um, been following me?”

He was taken back by the question. It wasn't an exact yes but he couldn't fully say no.

Sunny walked to place her belongings on her desk and herself on her bed, letting Chris decide whether to lie or not.

“I don't follow you, I just- Watch.”

“I just wanna know why.” She invited him to sit next to her.

“I guess I just felt bad.” he rested his head back on the headboard, hiding from her eye contact.

“You really don't need to feel bad.” she frowned, eyes magnetising his as they met each other’s again. “I’m okay.”

In the second between his next action, he felt like his soul might burn and die if he didn't close the gap between them. Chris leaned forward, hand gentle as it held her face. His lips met hers, moving to hold the back of her neck and deepen the kiss once she’d reciprocated it.

Just the kiss was enough for Chris to know he could die happy - having been deemed worthy enough by Sunny to share that with her. Then he remembered who he was, and what he’d done - breaking the kiss and taking the opportunity to stare into her eyes.

“Why’d you stop?” her sad voice felt like a punch to the gut, but that he would've preferred.

“I’m sorry.”

“Why though?”

“I’m not good, I can't be good for you.”

“Please don't say this is about the pills-”

“It’s everything. You should be safe.”

“It's just a kiss.” Chris wasn’t sure whether her words hurt or helped. “We don't have to figure anything out right now.”

He hesitated. This clearly meant a whole different thing to Chris than her, but he was definitely going to take anything he could get when it came to her. He previously thought he was doomed to watch her live on after he almost killed her, but now she was staring up at him, waiting for another kiss.

“Can I kiss you again?” Sunny smiled widely in response.

©mi-co-uk

Chris had convinced himself he knew the ins and outs of the party - for her benefit, for her safety, security, to help her. But he failed her.

He shouldve known things like these werent entirely predictable. He wanted to know, he wanted to control it so that she wouldnt get hurt. It had come so easy to him up until know, quick thinking to solve any problems yet this time his quick thinking was its own problem.

Dotty felt better in the garden, the people there were less focused on being as vocal and disruptive as possible. There was still noise but there was air. Chris could monitor everything easier too.

When he thought back he had to reassure himself, it had been fine hadnt it? He didnt leave her when she was already tense? he didnt miss something? Someone? Anyone wouldve made the same mistake?

He needed it to be the truth or he could never forgive himself.

Life for dotty had two stages: eyes glued open or eyes glued shut. In that moment, they were definitely open.

Their movements were predatorial - she guessed only if predators wanted to make it extensively clear they were talking about you maybe, but threatening and stalker-ish all the same.

She didnt put up a fight when chris left, not really able to as a result of living life like a frozen deer in headlights.

Regardless, she really didnt try to stop him. She wasnt actually thirsty either but it was the sentiment, he liked his role of protector - he got maybe too comfortable in it during that moment. He left her outside - which isnt entirely equal to burdening her to perform in front of the entire population, though it definitely felt like it.

The muttering voices became slightly clear, enough to piece out “go, go, go” whispered lowly.

A tall boy with a tall shadow and a second ‘shadow’ consisting of three girls and another tall boy. He stood in front of dotty expectantly. Maybe she was supposed to leave? Well, if hes giving her the chance then-

“Do you have a name?” the (surgically glued to his hip) laugh track followed their role behind him.

she couldnt respond even if she wanted to - which she didnt.

He grinned smugly. “You dont? Wow, youre like an abandoned dog.” he spat out.

It hadnt completely felt like that until he put the words in her head. But Chris always came back. She needed him to. especially now.

dotty could name all of them. It was clearly a game but she didnt know what the prize at the end was supposed to be.

He stepped closer, movements for once stealthy and smooth as if rehearsed - leaning down condescendingly.

“You know youve made yourself sub-human. Made up shit because youre lazy but now you cant go back on it.”

He licked his lips - much more predatorial this time.

“You did it to yourself. You cant blame us if we test it.”

She wished shed flinched more when he grabbed her wrists. She wished she fought back more than just trying to grip her feet to the floor. It was all useless. Wasted efforts despite the fact she tried harder and harder.

It was five steps till the edge of the pool. She thought she had those five steps to work up strength, maybe he'd even stop. Maybe it was a bluff.

At three steps she was swung around, trading positions so dotty stood unbalanced where he just was - so he only had to push.

Her ankle hit the concrete edge as she fell in, before choking on water as it surrounded her. The liquid burned into her eyes as she pushed herself higher, enough to be above the surface.

She coughed and sputtered, trying to work on breathing, hand protective over her throat. The water brimmed at her neck, a reminder of how close she still was to it - she still wasnt safe.

A set of hands gripped her shoulders, tight on her skin, enough to scream at her instincts that she was in increasing danger.

“Yell for help and i wont do it.”

Her eyes widened, throat closed and only mentally screaming. He wanted her to yell but god did she wish she could more.

She tried to elbow back, just to get pushed forwards. She tried to smack at his grip but he didnt budge, only applied more pressure downwards. Her back was secure against his chest, slipping below the surface once again.

She thrashed around as much as she could, limbs thrown away not caring for how much she was contorting them. She needed to get him off. It felt worse that she could see herself. The clear water made everything crystal clear - almost mocking the fact she was failing in her fight for her life. She could watch herself put up a fight but it was entirely useless.

His hands ripped away. Dotty didnt waste time questioning, she reached over the water, flailing around to pull herself to where there was air. She clawed the wall, choking out and probably spitting though that was the last of her focus. She looked under herself to the water surface, glass shards swimming to the pool floor.

She felt hands on her arms again and instinctively pulled back this time. She was met with his eyes. Much more familiar and far less threatening. He looked almost terrified.

“Come on, you got it.”

He made her feel weightless, pulling her up high enough to put her knees on the surface. He let go of her hands so she could secure herrself, just for him to get tugged away from her.

Skin met skin aggressively, chris’ face ricochetting back from the other tall boy's fists.

The hits didnt relent, barely giving chris the opportunity to fight back. His knees gave out, the boy worked to straddle his chest to continue pummelling his face in. blood spilled down his face.

Both pool water and tears streamed down dotty's face. She cried out, wailing non sensically and crawled onto her feet to run over to him. Chris yelled at her to stop but she couldnt - instead she smacked and pushed the boys head, just to get more strongly shoved away in retaliation. Dotty sobbed in the spot she fell in.

The other boy from the boy had finally climbed out, blood running from his head from the glass bottle chris had thrown at him. She wished she couldve gone back, let herself die in that pool so that chris never had to suffer because of her again.

Everyone outside watched in horror, as helpless as dotty. The gasps felt comedically coordinated, mocking her once again that her misery was comedic to anyone not associated with her.

She swallowed her tears, working up her effort and standing up next to the two of them. She raised her foot and use every piece of strength she had to kick his skull. He jolted back and felt to the side of chris. She replaced where he had been, laying on his chest and now cradling his face, making herself a human shield.

She sobbed even more at the weak sight of him. She choked on her cries, holding them back as she shuffled on the floor to place his head on her lap.

Dotty shook her head at herself, feeling entirely to blame. Chris shook his head too, only to disagree with her self blaming spiral of thoughts.

She caressed his face, shifting the hair away from his eyes. He looked broken and bloody, but now calm.

“‘S okay, ‘m okay.” he steadied his own breathing. “Dont cry.”

He reached his hand up, wiping away her tears. Dotty wished she could nag him about not talking, watching the way speaking tugged at his already split lip.

“You okay?” he formed a small smile, finding irony in his blood covered face to her tear soaked one - its clear he was the most not okay. not that it mattered to him.

He turned his head to kiss at her palm that cradled his face. Breaths completely steady now, finding relief just in meeting her eyes.

“I should get up off the floor.”

He sat himself up slightly, resting his back on a nearby chair. Dotty placed herself properly on his lap, facing him to press healing kisses on every inch of skin that didnt have his blood on. Once she was satisfied, chris wiped his blood with the bottom hem of his shirt, groaning from the sensitivity of his skin.

Dotty formed a deep frown, earning a sympathetic smile from him.

“Im okay. promise. just need five minutes.”

He shut his eyes and leaned back, hand searching for dotty to pull her to lay against his chest. She avoided surveying her surroundings at risk of feeling embarrassed.

She layed back and gripped onto his shirt. It felt much safer now that she could hear his heartbeat. It was steady. They were both okay.