May 22, 2014
it's okay i was hoping you'd say no anyway hahaha mickus7 has gotten me through a lot i understand
i love you mickus shoutout to you
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it's okay i was hoping you'd say no anyway hahaha mickus7 has gotten me through a lot i understand
i love you mickus shoutout to you
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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I love your fanfic it's my favorite thing have a good day kmj
i love YOU mickus thank u <333
I can be love I can be death I can be staring you in the face Grinning from ear to ear I can take your breathe away I can end your life I am a Titan I am a God I am fate
the point on the pencil breaks again
it snaps like the bones on my back
as i hunch over trying to write my last words to my mother
i love you mom
i'm sorry i couldn't live my last days
but i love you
i crumble that up
i throw it in the trash
this is all getting too heavy to carry
all this weight
all this burden
i'm such a burden
this is what you think
this is what you think when you can't live your last days
this what what you think when you can't feel a fucking thing
i remember happiness
i remember it for a minute and it goes away really fast
it's in your hand and it slips away through the cracks
happiness doesn't last does it
anyway back to the letter
dear mom
i love you
what else do i say
do i say how much i'm a failure
do i say how much i suck
do i say how sorry i am for wasting your time
what else do i say
i should just end my life now
i hear a ring on my phone
a text
i never get texts
not at this time at night
i look at my phone
a text from my phone
i open it up
"i love you too"
mother knows best
This is a note This is a letter This is to someone I don't know who But whoevers reading this Thank you Thank you for listening to me scream Thank you for hearing me cry Thank you for the tears you're wiping away I hang my noose up high I hang my chin up higher I want to go down as the girl who tried but couldn't succeed The one who tried to swim but always forgot her floaties The one who went to class but forgot her paper The one who went to therapy but forgot her sanity Wow this is it A letter A note A suicide letter I thought I keep writing these words down Thank you for reading reader I tie the noose nice and tight I climb on the chair I put the noose around my neck Just as I'm about to kick the chair Kick the bucket I hear knocking on the door Fuck that I thought It's 1 in the morning Who could be there Sweat drips down my face What if this reader is my mom I've disappointed her She knows She knows I'm a failure I have to do this I thought I grip the noose a little tighter for support It's my only hope A ring of hope The knocking gets louder I'm coming I say out loud I'll open the door this time Maybe it's the neighbor Maybe they're bringing my mail from 2 days ago I open the door And look who it is Every single person Who's ever gave a damn about me We're all here for you they scream out loud I cry a little I cry a lot It's okay to cry It's okay to want to die I've never seen that noose again
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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I turn the music up louder That doesn't help I eat some more food That doesn't help I try to run away But where do I go It's like I intentionally put salt on this wound just to feel something I feel so numb I feel so dead I take a walk outside and try to start my car But I forget the keys I go to put the gun to my head and pull the trigger But there's no bullets This feeling is so horrible This feeling never goes away It's like waiting for the sun to come up No no I say Get out of my head The ghosts are here and they're crawling through my head They're crawling through my ears They're crawling through my heart and ripping it apart I can't feel it though I only feel the ticking clock The ticking clock keeps me alive It keeps me a little sane A little sane makes you a little okay A little can go so far Can I get that far? It hurts to breathe It hurts to talk There's stitches on my lips I start to freak out Someone restrain me! Someone stop me! It's all me now I have to stop this I have to be the hero of my own story I have to save the day I rip the stitches off I find my cape I find my giant S and slam it on my chest I'm the hero I'm the writer I'm the winner
a lover is such a complicated way to say a companion
a partner
a love is such a complicated term
but when you add an adjective to it it becomes more complicated
a forbidden love
a forgotten love
that 4 letter word can be so wrong and so right at the same time
love
what does it mean?
it means i'll burn a bridge and rebuild it just to see your face
it means i'll lock the door away but find the key later in my pocket
it means i would do anything for you
what kind of love is our love?
the kind you go fishing for and you end up with a nice catch and you don't want to throw it away
the kind you'd sacrifice for
the kind you become attached to
the kind where you catch a star and that still wouldn't be enough for you
will this love ever end?
i could write a thousand words, paint a thousand pictures, walk a thousand miles, and it still wouldn't put my feelings into what i'm trying to say
no it won't ever end
this meaning of love
this kind of love
it doesn't end
i hear knocking on the door
who's there i say out loud
no response
i try to get up but something is weighing me down
it's like all this weight is on you and you try with all your might to even stand and nothing is working
the knocking begins again
i'll be right there i say
i start to panic
what's wrong with me
why can't i get up
this person might leave
who's even knocking at this time of night
it's like there's big heavy chains weighing on me
it's like i'm trying to escape from this horrible horrible heavy burden and nothing is working
i start to struggle
the knocking is getting louder
call for help i say now
call for someone to help me
i feel helpless
i feel hopeless
help help help!
now there's banging on the door
with every bang and every knock my anxiety heightens
i feel like scratching off this terrible feeling
i feel like scratching my skin off
peeling it off
i start to scream
i start to cry
there's more banging
please leave i say now
please leave i don't want this now
please leave i can't bear to be weighed down
the banging stops
just for a moment
and in that moment it all became clear
let the sand sit, let the sand sit in your palm instead of struggling to hold it
i sit
i wait
i sit
i wait
i calm down
i can breathe a little easier now
i can see a little clearer now
i begin to stand
and as i stand i feel all this weight leave my body
i feel all the pain, all the agony, all the terrible memories leave
i take one step forward
forward not backward
i feel okay
i open the door and there's a small package
i bring the package inside
i close the door
i open it up
and what do i see
only a mirror
a reflection of myself
i see tears in my eyes but a smile on my face
i think i'll be okay