#micksterecap

OUR EPISODE STARTS OUT-

-with Ruby thinking about reenacting her favorite scene from “An American Tail”, moon and everything-BUT-

2:05 -CAN’T due to Bumblebee angst. Look at Weiss in the middle there, no WAY she doesn’t know she’ a buffer between the two of them. Girl just wants to be warm, why does she also have to be in between passive aggressive romance drama?

Its sad times like this when a girl JUST needs a stable adult to talk to, so she GOES to Qrow-

-aaaaaaaaaaand he’s drinking...super. Way to keep it together, one of only 2 stable adults. He then tells her that he’s okay and that he’ll wake everyone up in the morning because he’s the STABLE adult he is!

A CUT TO-Maria telling Oscar about the late man of the house Bartleby, and how the farming community was going through a BIT of tough times, which I’m SURE he didn’t try to solve by using the dark arts...so sure.

Ruby than tells everyone they gotta go to sleep as they gotta get out of this rejected Evil Dead setting ASAP, which I’m sure Qrow will DEFINITELY be awake to wake up everbod-

4:13 Oooooooooooooooooooooh Qrooooooooooooooow...you got a problem man. That’s an ENTIRELY different bottle of booze. AND-just when you think his drinking problem couldn’t be even MORE of a problem-

-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH she woke up before him and saw him in this state. We’re getting real here folks, we’re tackling alcoholism, WE’RE DOING IT FOLKS!

In a FIT of anger-

-Ruby SMASHES that shit-

-WAKING-his drunk ass up-

-making him INSTANTLY realize he broke a promise due to his drinking...we are getting DANGEROUSLY close to very special episode territory here folks.

Ruby than gives him a sweet hug telling him he could talk to her and Yang about stuff, but like many people with a problem Qrow brushes it off...uuuuuuuuuuuuuh...HAMMERS! Sorry...trying to make a joke here but its just...SUCH an angst fest!

5:36 Everyone else is awake, hell Weiss even welded a hitchemup to Bumblebee(the bike not the ship) with her dust magic so the cart will attach to it! When Weiss learned welding I do NOT know but I’m glad she did!

EITHER WAY everything goes out fine without ANY proble-

-aaaaaaaaaand Qrow’s Misfortune pops the tire (Ruby, HIDE THE BOOZE).

This single deflated tired sparks a chain reaction of mental anguish, where everyone is practically giving up on the mission, Yang even tells Ruby she should just throw the Jinn lamp down the well ALSO-

7:43 These three just...STARE at Ruby until she drops it in the well...like weird sleepy zombies. Ruby attempts to toss that sucker down the well-

-while ALSO sporting a sleepy zombie demeanor like everyone else which I’m SO SURE won’t mean anything later-BUT THEN-

“Hey kid...you like balloons?”

Ruby than drops the lamp, LOGICALLY freaks out about it ALL WHILE-

-these...three sleepy bitches don’t give a SHIT! If you can ‘t tell by now, some CLEAR devil magic is being had here.

Ruby somehow being the ONLY person to not be sleepified, gets her team to join her in getting the magical lamp that the bad guy wants that is STILL a freakin priority! And I’m sure Qrow, being a mature man of body and mind will FIGHT BACK the curse holding them-

Qrow: Everyone do whatever, I’m gonna drink away my feelings.

Ooooooooooooooh right, depression.

9:29 Team RWBY jumps down the well without receiving fall damage, in what is CLEARLY Killer Croc’s level in Batman Arkham Asylum. Get the Poison Ivy spores and then GET OUT OF THERE! The four than search for the lamp-ALL WHILE-

Maria continues to read Bartelby’s diary which I’m sure will have NOOOOOOOOOOOOO relevance at all...absolutely none.

After slightly more emo than usual Blake points out their scroll’s flashlights are useless when they’re looking for a glowing lamp of infinite glowing-

-BAM-they finds that shit, and I’m sure NOTHING bad will happen when they go look for it, not Salem’s crew, not White Fang-bangers, not nightmare Grimm that suck away your will to care about anything creating utter and total apath-

-ooooooooooooooh crap, RUN OLD WOMAN! RUN AND HELP THOSE FOUR TEENAGERS WHO AREN’T USED TO THE SOUL CRUSHING NOTHINGNESS!

OH SWEET JESUS-they’re all bendy and moaning, and GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE! They even freak out Ruby-

-BUT thankfully-

-THAT was enough to wake them up from their case of the SERIOUS mondays. TERROR-the greatest alarm clock of all! Ruby THEN introduces them to the monsters of the week-

-DAMMIT-I wish I could get a better picture of how unsettling they all are, like freaky inky skeletons. Ruby then gives the FIRST volley-

11:12

-WHICH does nothing! That’s what you get for forgetting those super cross-bullets from the character short Ruby...and RWBY in general, what the hell happened to those things? Its even worse when the Apathy uses-EMO SHRIEK-

And its SUPER effective! THANKFULLY THOUGH-

OLD LADY MARIA APPEARS to save the day...by...encouraging them to run! Hey, helping’s helping, I’m not picky.

Maria: LET’S GO LESBIANS, LET’S GO!

Team RWBYM then runs ALL throughout the catacombs, running into more and more of these Grimm zombie fucks and JUST when they get to the exit-

-AND they hit em with another depression wave, they make Blue Diamond look like Holly Blue!

12:29 That don’d stop Maria, the little Yoda that could from trying to open the door-BUT-to no avail! Strong will power has its limits. ALSO-Blake has the most...HORRIFYING reaction to the Apathy’s power-

Blake:...its fine.

While she just LIES down, complacent in the absolute nothingness the Apathy gave them, just CREEPY!

Things are just NOT looking good folks, the music keeps getting creepier, the Grimm keep getting closer, and the PROM is tomorrow! But RIGHT before one of the skeledudes try to Freddy Kruger Blake-

Ruby: NO-not my sister’s almost girlfriend!

WOO-silver eyes-STUN THOSE LITTLE BITCHES!

Things seem good for like THREE seconds, Yang rushes to the door to bash it open BUT-

-they blast them with YET ANOTHER emo wave-RIGHT before Yang could get to the door.

Yang: NO-I can’t reach one of my two almost girlfriends!

Don’t lie, some of you were thinking shippy thoughts with that shot, and you DISGUST ME!

13:54 Once again its up to RWBY Grandma Katara to SAVE the day!

Maria: Ruby, what color are your eyes?

By...asking questions about eye color apparently! Also her goggles don’t look THAT distorted, I’m amazed she hasn’t guessed their silver.

Maria than gives her the ULTIMATE pep-talk, Ruby gets up and REVEALS-

-SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HA GRIMM DISINTEGRATION POWERS! AWESOME! H-wait...did Ozpin KNOW about how Silver Eye powers WORKED? Cos if he did...wwwwwwwwwwwhy didn’t he get Ruby a tutor? Because that is one BAD ASS super power!

Either way it was an attack SO awesome-

-that it fixed Maria’s eyes! HUZZAH!

Yang bashes the exit’s door, REVEALING IT LEADS TO-

15:22 -THE HOUSE...uh, yeah where else would it lead? I’m just saying EVERYONE here is surprised, including Weiss and Ruby who saw the door LAST episode. Man, intense magical apathy must do TERRORS on the memory-WHICH-is actually true for those for depression. They ALSO see-

DRUNKLE QROW-who has been ABSOLUTELY useless this ENTIRE episode due to the Apathy amplifying his depression. Seriously, I want to point out he DOES look worse in this episode than others, most times he was a functional drunk, this time he went full off the wagon.

Everybody decides to logically leave this hellish house of hell-housery-RIGHT BEFORE THE ANIMATORS-

15:37 Give us SHIP BAIT! GLORIOUS GLORIOUS SHIP BAIT!

Either way, Weiss who is absolutely DONE with being scared and apathetic does the ONLY logical thing one can do in this situation-

-SET SOME BITCHES ON FIRE! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH-their gonna toast up NICE with all that wood and alcohol there!

After pushing a belligerent Drunkle Qrow who EVENTUALLY notices the death monsters-

16:26 See that look? THAT is a combo look of both breaking from a plus 10 apathy enchantment AND instant sobriety!

Either way, everyone gets on the cart attached to Bumblebee and they get OUT OF THERE-

...rather...smoothly I gotta say! I mean what is that, 25 miles an hour? Bumblebee has a GOOD amount of horsepower for a motorcycle, wander why Yang had so much trouble trudging it through the snow earlier.

Everybody than says sorry for ever saying they’d want to quit the debatably futile mission of stopping an immortal witch, Maria gives final backstory on the apathy inducing monsters they fought being rounded up there by dumb-ass Bartleby who just didn’t want to pay Hunstmen and thought putting his friends and family into a state of constant apathy was a good idea, bla bla bla-TELL US WHAT WE ALL READY KNOW WOMAN!

Ruby: Ms Calavera, how do you know so much about the Grimm, and in the tunnels you know exactly what to say to make my eyes do that...how?

Maria: Well, isn’t it obvious girl...I had silver eyes!

BAM-a creepy as hell horror episode, more examples of Qrow’s drinking being a LEGIT problem, and SECRETS REVEALED in Maria being a Silver-eyes! DAMN what a good episode, hell the Apathy are almost as creepy as the Nuckaleave, and I LOVES the Nuckaleave!

HOLY SHIT-Cinder’s corpse!  OOOOOOOOOOOOR  IS  IT?!

1:49 HUZZAH-she’s alive-OR IS SHE?!  I ask because I’m  live-blogging here, FRESH reactions today!

But seriously, TURNS OUT-this isn’t a dream sequence and she IS still alive...for NOOOOOOW! Cinder than punches her way out of the cave using what LITTLE strength she had left after her Avatar battle with Raven “Mother of the Year” Branwen, and upon escaping-SHE MEETS-

2:57 SOME RANDOM LADY WITH  FOOD! Man THAT was convenient eh Cinder? Will she beg for food, or just murder her and take the basket-LET’S FIND  OU-

3:11  We need to take the relic to Atlas?

GAH-I forgot this show had multiple plotlines-CURSE YOU SHOW I LOVE!

AW  NEAT-a  pointless flashback, taking place in that house that they...rented? Or did Qrow or the school own it? They never explained WHOSE house that was and it will always always ALWAYS bug me despite it never mattering in terms of plot.

BUT-said flashback ALSO features Weiss’ initial response  to going  back to Atlas!

3:20

“You’ve GOT to be joking”.

I feel for  ya Weiss, escape your shit  dad in Atlas, pay a plane to leave, get attacked by  bees, get kidnapped by one of your possible love-interest’s moms, go to a school, fight bad guys, get IMPALED, get healed by ANOTHER of your possible love-interest( I said POSSIBLE, don’t hate me) ONLY to learn your going  back to the place you escaped! MAN-how she don’t have whiplash from that I don’t know HOW she wouldn’t!

They also  bring up a nice secondary reason for bringing the  relic to Atlas that I admittedly didn’t think  of-

3:33

Qrow: Without the Spring  Maiden here to  seal the relic back in its vault,  its our best option.

Yang:  And I just want to say its NO-ONE’S FAULT for not having Raven  seal the  vault back up after verbally decimating her for years of neglect.

Ruby: Yang its cool, you needed a cry.

3:50 We ALSO LEARN why their going to Argus in the first place, its the last Atlas  military installation that still has soldiers...and considering Adam  MOST PROBABLY hijacked the train to Argus they  BEST get  to steppin’ after this flashback is  done!

Through that they figure through  either asking nicely, or telling them they found  one of three of Jacques Schnee’s abuse victims that they could get to Atlas. After they set up the low-down, Jaune asks Oz-

4:38

Jaune: Speaking of, what does it(the  relic) do, exactly?

Oz: HAHA-definitely doesn’t attract monsters-DEFINITELY not!

But seriously, turns out it can answer ANY three questions(GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENIE) once every 100 years about the present or past. NORA of course geeks out about it-

5:29 

Nora: CAN WE ASK FOR MORE QUESTIONS?! CAN WE ASK WHY ME AND REN HAVEN’T KISSED ON SCREEN YET?!

Ruby: Yeah what’s up with that, y’all are CLEARLY a couple!

Ren: I’m as confused as you are.

SADLY THOUGH-the magical knowledge genie can’t answer ANY of our deepest ship questions as  it turns out they were all used up before it was sealed-OR WERE THEY?! Seriously I’m legit wondering, for all we know Oz is lying.

5:40 Ruby: Well, we’ll be sure to keep it safe.

Yang: GIMME THAT STUPID LAMP-I’ma SMASH IT! 

Ruby: Isn’t that more Nora’s thing?

Yang: I DON’T CARE I’M JUST PISSED AT OUR STUPID PRINCIPAL IN A FARMBOY’S BODY!

But seriously everyone is LOGICALLY pissed off about the current  run of events, half their party is gone, Yang’s gonna push her motorcycle she should’ve left at home through  snow-

6:11 -and they  now have ANOTHER mysterious mystic old person who REEKS  of  mysterious mysticism...AAAAAAAAAAND THE PROOOOOOOOOOOOOM IS TOMOOOOOOOOOOOORROW! Remember that joke? Practically dissapeared.

LOGICALLY pissed off at Ozpin for LYING about how the ancient relic of ultimate destiny attracted murderous chimera after them, and I’m sure he won’t pull some bull-shit line like-

6:47

Ozpin: I did not lie  to you.

PFFT-look at Maria’s face here, her bullshit detectory is on POINT! Because not  informing them of the dangerous GRIMM MAGNET wasn’t a half-truth. Can we get a wizard who DOESN’T give the main heroes the run-around with their bullshit for a change, CAN WE PLEASE?!

Oz than  explains that the reason he  held  the truth  is because  he wanted to save them from anxiety and negativity, AS WELL as that being the reason for why he had it so Lionheart wasn’t revealed to be a traitor after his death, in what KINDA sounds like  a villain speech, even going  as  far  as saying “The people of Remnant  deserve more than the truth”, (because THAT line is never condescending) as WELL as saying he’s been betrayed so many times he’s straight up used to it.

Oz than  puts it all to a head when he asks where the relic is and TURNS OUT-

8:32 RUBY HAS IT! Way to stay on task girl, especially in quite possibly the most STRESSFUL year of your LIFE! Remember the silly school dance? I miss that.

Ruby than LOGICALLY calls him out for saying he had so much faith in humanity in these years when the opposite is true. Its also a good thing that he didn’t lie about the relic not being able to ask questi-

9:10

Oscar:HURRY...he’s trying...to stop you...he’s afraid you’ll find out...what  he’s hiding!

...well that’s ominous but as long as it turns out the relic still can’t work I say its o-

9:31 

Oscar: Her name...is Djinn...say her name to summon her.

...well that’s good to know but AS OZPIN SAID-the relic TOTALLY doesn’t work so saying it won’t do ANYTHI-

Ruby:...Djinn?

9:45 ...OKAY-time just happened to freeze, I’M SURE NOTHING ELSE OZPIN MURDERINGLY MAGICAL HAPPE-

10:33 Djinn: Wonderful!

...OKAY-so there was a genie in it that every single person on planet Earth saw coming, but SURELY it still can’t answer 3 questi-

10:40 Tell me, what knowledge do you seek?

SON OF A BITCH OZPIN-not ONLY did you lie about the lamp housing a genie whose PRIME waifu material, but ALSO lied about the questions being used up! Because just saying “Don’t use the relic to ask questions” would be SO hard you dis-trustworthy ass old man!

Well surely the next thing to happen is Team RWBYOMQ asking how to best murder Ozpi-

10:47 ...or cut to a random dirty ass alley, because the writers like to TORTURE us!

10:55 DAMN-Cinder, you even stole the bitch’s CLOTHES! What are you, the Terminator?!

Cinder walks through the rainy ass street of scum and villainy-UNTIL SHE SEES-

11:37 RANDOM SPIDER-MAN GRAFFITI! Didn’t know Remnant had such a Marvel fan-base, NEAT!

But seriously, it turns out to be the INSIGNIA OF-

PURPLE CLAD GANGSTERS! I gotta  assume they are like, REALLY good criminals becasue DEAR GOD do her two guards look silly, LOOK AT THEIR SCARFS!

Cinder than bribes her  for information-

Cinder: You’re little Miss Malachite?

Malachite: Is that a fat joke or color joke? Because I’ve TRIED changing my name to Violet, but UGH the system.

She then tells Spiderlady that she’s looking for team RWBYJNR by SHOWING HER-

12:35 SEASON THREE SCREEN SHOTS! ALSO-yes those are all from the Vytal festival, for some reason I thought the JNPR pics were from the placement exam. And now we wait for the Pyrrha fans to be mad she was cropped out!

AFTER Little Miss Malachite(Her name should STILL be Violet dammit, or maybe Amethyst) gives a spooky spider speech, she tells Cinder she’ll find the team in a few days-BUT IT TURNS OUT-

13:34 

Chaps: Little Miss, we all ready know where they are.

Little Miss:  Oh really, we do? Why don’t you say it louder SO THE MYSTERIOUS MURDER LADY WE DON’T KNOW CAN HEAR YOU?!

Cinder: What was that?

Little Miss: Nothin’ sweetie, just makin’ creepy spider metaphors!

A THEN CUT BACK TO-

13:55 MARIA-adjusting her broken ass cyborg eyes to double-check if she’s not looking at a floating Navii from Avatar.

And WOULDN’T YA KNOW IT-turns out Djinn can still answer TWO more questions this era! ALSO-

14:25 

Djinn: A-heh, its a pleasure to see you again old man.

AND-she’s met Oz before, PROBABLY since he asked the first question.

Ozpin pleads Ruby not to ask Djinn a question, which prompts Qrow  to ask-

Qrow: Hey-

Weiss: WANNA DIE OLD MAN?!

Qrow: GAH-I was just gonna tell Ruby to do what she felt was right!

Yang: Well excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse us if we can’t trust OLD PEOPLE RIGHT NOW!

Ruby than asks Djinn what is Ozpin hiding from them WHICH CAUSES OZPIN-

14:56 ...to...attempt to  tag her...slap her...push her-WHAT WERE YOU ATTEMPTING TO DO TO MY DAUGHTER YOU WEIRD OLD MAN?!

BUT-before Ozpin  can  commit attempted assault and/or attempted game of tag-TEAM RWBYQOM-

A FREAKY ASS VOID-that turns INTO-

“Once upon a time, there stood a lonely tower”-

ALSO-

Blake turns into Qrow because...genies? BUT ENOUGH ABOUT THAT-

“-that sheltered a lonely girl...named-

“-Salem”.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH SHIT-Salem used to look NORMAL ONCE! BACKSTORY MOTHER FUCKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERS!

AND THAT’S SEASON SIX EP TWO-following the classic RWBY formula of exposition episode after action episode and I gotta say we learned...A LOT! FOR ONE-Ozpin pulls a full Rose Quartz in revealing he’s not the ethical leader we all thought he was, AS WELL as showing he has a secret connection TO Salem, implying...A BILLION possible things  that I won’t put here because this is a recap blog and not a theory blog perse. HOO BOY-what a cliffhanger, NEXT WEEK-backstory time baby! SEE YOU NEXT WEEK on MICKSTERECAP!

The episode starts out with BACKSTORY TIME-where its revealed Salem was a princess locked away in a castle by her cruel father during the good old days, where the only thing keeping her busy is manipulating arcane magic.

2:07 Salem: *SIGH* What good is being able to shoot energy blasts if there’s no bad guy to blast them with?!

BUT LUCKILY-a HERO arrives on the scene-TO RESCUE THE FAIR DAMSEL-and his NAME-

-was OZ...ma. Ozma was his name...does he just happen to reincarnate into anyone with the syllable “oz” or “ma” in their name? THAT is a weird rule.

ALSO-look at confused as fuck Qrow here, he’s all “Uh...hi.” OH-he’s gonna drink himself into a coma after all of this is done.

BUT-not only does Ozma BRAVE the evil forces of the castle to reach Salem for ONLY pure motives(Jinn said so so its true)-HE ALSO-

2:49 LET’S SALEM IN ON THE BLASTING-like a TRUE gentleman!

The act of kindness of giving her her freedom, and Salem...just being Salem, cause the two to FALL in love!

3:13 ....aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand kiss! KISS! KISS DAMMIT! Seriously, what IS IT with this show and its “No-kissing” policy, its WEIRD.

Either weither, Salem and Ozma go off on LOADS of adventures-UNTIL-

3:36-when Ozma got sick with a FATAL case of “Unnamed TV disease”. CURSE YOU UNNAMED TV DISEASE-you’ve taken FAR too many lives!

Salem in her grief decides to seek out the god of Light and Creation in the LAND of light(what is this Homestuck?)to bring him back to life-AND-

4:38 -it is DOWNRIGHT beautiful, obviously inspired by Japanese scenery and it just WORKS. SHAME this is where the doom of man kind came to begin.

The god of light than reveals himself to Salem, WHO REVEALS HIMSELF TO BE-

4:51 ANTLER JESUS-a WEIRD mix of Japanese deer spirits, and as I’ve said-JESUS-

-SEE?! Water-walking, full package.

Antler Jesus than gives Salem the same spiel we’ve heard about ressurecting the dead we’ve heard a million times, gotta respect the balance what-not, bla bla bla-GIVE HER BACK HER HUSBAND YOU MONSTER!

BUT-ol’ Mr.Light rose petals her away telling her to let it go, but ain’t NOTHIN’ gon’ stop her from getting her man back, so its time to make a DEAL with the devil in REMNANT HELL-

-which is also in its own way VERY beautiful, nice use of dark colors and purple, kinda looks like Cybertron when it was infected by Dark Energon!

Salem’s here to seek  out the God of Darkness, whom after seeing Antler Jesus’ striking albeit minimalist god form, I’M SURE-the god of Darkness’ form isn’t utterly creep-

6:20 AAAAAAAAAAAAAAND welcome to your nightmares for the next few months folks, Purple Satan is here and he is HERE FOR YOUR SOUL!

Salem then asks Mauvisto(Get it, like Mephisto but with Mauve?) to bring back Ozma, ALL while not bringing up that she asked Antlers first. The dark being agrees because he’s just SO happy someone is giving him praise for once, why does his BROTHER get all the praise JUST because he didn’t create a race of empathic eldritch beasts whose only purpose is to cause as much misery and destruction as possible? Un-GRATE-ful is what those humans are!

Purple Haze than brings back Ozma-WITH-

6:57 THE POWER OF PURPLE! PRAISE HIS GRAPELY EMINENCE! 

After Oz has a BRIEF freak-out over no longer being in the land of the dead-GUESS WHO SHOWS UP?!

*CRACKA BOOM*

7:12

Mauvisto: OKAY EVERYONE-party’s over, AJ’s gonna kill it with ANOTHER of his lectures.

AntlerJesus: Don’t you give me that tone.

Mauvisto: WHATEVER YOU’RE NOT EVEN MY DAD-GAH!

I joke, but that is BASICALLY how it went down.

AJ than rose-petals away Ozma to preserve order-

Oz:...S...Salem...I don’t feel so good.

Seriously y’all, I BETTER see some Thanos memes from this episode.

BUT-the elder brother forgets the younger brother still has the POWER OF PURPLE!

PRAISE TO THE PURPLE! Either way, Mauvisto is NOT happy about that which starts-

8:19 A DRAGON FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT-or does it?!

ACTUALLY no, AJ tells Mauvisto that Salem went to HIM first, and after he told her he wouldn’t resurrect her hubby, she tryed to manipulate him into going behind AJ’s back. Mauvey than apologizes to his best bro the BEST way possible...WITH A PURPLE DEATH BLAST!

8:48

The Purple giveth, and the purple taketh away.

Salem is NOT happy about this, and EVEN tries to THREATEN the god’s with her magic-BUT-AntlerJesus than gives her a chance to cool off by-

9:15 ...drowning her from a million miles in the air. MAN-the Super God Bros don’t fuck a-ROUND do they?

9:26 ACTUALLY no, by dunking her in the pool of light, the Gods curse her with immortality, unable to see her sweet Baboo Ozma EVER again, and will only die once she accepts the importance of life and death. 

Salem than does the most logical thing after being cursed by two immortal beings who think cursing someone with immortality is a COMPLETELY rational response to wasting like...WHAT five minutes of their time, AND RALLIES AN ARMY to take on the gods!

11:24 It should also be noted that this army...and all of humanity are just TWO WEEKS from retirement!

The army than BLASTS Mauvisto, with a beautiful display of firework-I MEAN-magic attacks-

11:56 I’m just gonna assume since it was the old days, people weren’t as creative with magic as they could be. BUT-because Mauvisto is a friggin’ GOD-

-he PURPLIZES all the magic into one handy dandy ball! What the hell CAN’T purple do?!

Either way, as an ancient omnipotent being, I’M SURE he’ll give them all a just and fair punishm-

12:12...OR just nuke everyone, whatever works for you Satanic Purple Beerus!

Salem of course due to her immortality is NOT ONLY the only one in her army to survive the blast, but ALSO the only HUMAN who survived the blast! GEEZE-Mauvisto, ain’t that a little harsh? I get it, you hate Salem, but what did all those side-characters who DIDN’T go against you do? BUT-enough about that-NAME ORIGIN TIME-

12:51 AntlerDragon: This planet, was a beautiful experiment, but it is merely a Remnant of what it once was. 

DAH-they said the name of the continent-HUZZAH!

Either way, both bros decide to leave the planet to create OTHER Avatar meets Soul Eater meets X-men meets Harry Potter worlds. AJ leaves in a BEAUTIFUL yellow mist-

13:08

While Mauvisto leaves in the most OVER THE TOP way he POSSIBLY could.

Mauvisto: SUCK IT SHORTY!

13:21 HUH-guess Atlas Arcadium Rex DIDN’T destroy the moon from Rwby. Sorry folks, your shared universe headcanon is DEAD! DEAD!

13:41 Salem than takes a GOOD long walk throughout ALL of the planet now named Remnant, until after an ETERNITY of walking decides she deserves a GOOD soak!

14:04 IN the God of Darkness’s POOL of darkness! MMM-look at those bubbles, bet they’re NICE and warm!

But seriously, after EONS of roaming the Earth alone, she figures that since the fountain of life gave her eternal life, the pools of Grimm with finally kill her, ending her suffering...but we WEREN’T all so lucky were we?

INSTEAD-the pool recreates her from a being of infinite life, to a being of infinite life who wants PURE destruction!

14:33 DAMN she looks scary, and that’s not even her FINAL form!

A THEN CUT TO-

14:43

OZMA-having himself a NICE nap in the eternal void of nothingness! Honestly if I died, brought back to life, killed, brought back to life, and then killed a SECOND time I’d want one hell of a nap as well.

BUT-for realsies, AntlerJesus pulls Ozma into a void between worlds to curse him for all eternity to fight his now corrupted wife-I MEAN-give him a chance to return to the land of the living! Yeah...THAT! Where APPARENTLY humans will come back again in time...presumably...NOT made by the god of creation? SO...is this a world where humans are made by gods...OR evolution? HUH-well if THAT ain’t a neat bit of science-fantasy!

15:56

Its ALSO here where we learn what happens when all four relics are brought together, that they’ll summon BOTH god brothers back to Remnant and judge humanity. If they’s chill, its ALL good, but if they AIN’T chill-BYE BYE REMNANT!

Either way, despite hearing his honey Salem won’t be the same anymore, OZMA accepts and REINCARNATES INTO-

17:40 THIS GUY...whose name iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis?

18:01

Oz?: GRIMM STAB!

QUIT DODGING THE QUESTION YOU-what’s your name?!

Rando: Thank you! Please, tell me your name, who are you?

SEE-he’s got the right ideal-TELL US DAMN YOU!

18:17 Oscar:...he didn’t know.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH that sucks. I’m not sure if it means he over-wrote his host’s memories or what, either way the reaction on Oz’s face says it all.

AFTER the Grimm attack, Unnamed Ozma reincarnation takes a page out of his lady’s book and GOES on a walk, where he sees the world has CHANGED completely!

With LACKLUSTER architecture-

-enSLAVEment of the new Faunus race and WORST of all-

18:33 -PEOPLE HAD TO USE DUST INSTEAD OF MAGIC!

Blake:...why wasn’t my people’s early enslavement not saved for last? Like it was only the SECOND worst thing?

Jinn: Look I just put it in order of what he saw okay, gimme a break!

Turns out, only Ozma2 and a MYSTERIOUS woman known only as “The Witch” could do magic, WHERE SHE IS FOUND-

18:41 In this GHETTO ass shack! COME ON SALEM-you’re immortal, you seriously tryna tell me you don’t got time to make a nicer house?!

Ozma2 than logically assumes the witch is Salem and goes to see what she has become, AND IT IS REVEALED-

Ozma2:(OH NO SHE’S HOT!)

19:27 AND it turns out that both of them recognize each other-CAUSE THAT’S THE POWER OF LOVE!

Salem and Ozma than tell each other all the CRAZY shenanigans that have been going down in their lives while hiding their SECRET backstories-WHILE THEY ALSO-

19:40 -FINALLY fix up that old shack! Fixed up the windows, got a deck table and chairs, re-varnished the wood, if THAT don’t help out property values I don’t know WHAT will!

Also during their convo Salem fearing Ozma would hate her, blamed the end of the world SOLELY on the gods...well...I mean TECHNICALLY it was, she raised only ONE small army against the gods, and instead of punishing JUST those humans they killed EVERYBAH-I feel she could be honest.

The days went by, Salem and Ozma enjoyed their happy lives, having logically an INFINITE amount of sex, until one day SALEM SAID(paraphrased)

20:18 

Salem: Okay hear me out, WHAT IF-we act like gods, and be the NEW AntlerJesus and Mauvisto?!

Ozma:...okay I am SO sure that won’t work but I am INSANELY attracted to you so LET’S DO IT!

21:07 SO it appears they live on as gods and nothing else crazy happe-

21:33...bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbby MAIDENS! THE FOUR MAIDENS WERE THE DAUGHTERS OF OZMA AND SALEM! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLY god damned shit-THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING-probably, for all we know Oz gave four COMPLETELY DIFFERENT young girls magical powers. But enough about that-

21:38 LOOK AT THEM! LOOK AT HOW LOVING THEY LOOK! CURSE YOU ANTLER JESUS AND MAUVISTO-the world is FUCKED because you refused to let my new OTP be HAPPY!

But sadly, all good things must come to an end, as during their plans Ozma has second thoughts on their quest to reshape the world given the destruction they cause, which PROMPTS Oz-

22:02 -to start, with the maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan in the mirror (OH YEAH) and he’s asking him to chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaange his ways(COME ON CHANGE)!

But for realsies, he then remembers the great quest the god of light gave him-BUT THEN-

22:21 DAW-baby’s first use of the dark arts!

HRNGH-LOOK AT HER! LOOK AT HOW PROUD SHE IS OF HER BABY GIRL! DAMMIT SALEM-you’re supposed to be the evil Sorceress Supreme, you have NO business looking adorable!

SO-I guess they go their magic powers from their parents, I wander what else they go-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WHAT IF-Oz’s daughters didn’t just inherit their magic...BUT ALSO-Oz’s CURSE to forever reincarnate across the Earth like he did?! THAT’S WHY THEIR CONNECTED TO THE FOUR RELICS-probably, like I said there’s still the possibility of the story still be being true-HELL-maybe the maiden spell merged the four girls souls with those of his daughters?

AFTER the adorablenes, Ozma FINALLY decides to be an honest husband for once and tells Salem of the four relics and the judgement day that would occur if they were ever brought together, which Salem basically responds with-

22:51 Salem: You know what?! Let’s take the relics and make our OWN human race, with BLACKJACK! AND HOOKERS! And you know what? FORGET THE HUMAN RACE! KILL ALL HUMANS!

Yes, I am now headcanoning Salem as witch Bender from now all on-TRY AND STOP ME!

This logically upsets Oz, so he decides to calmly and rationally talk with his wife-

...OR take the kids and run without telling her only to get caught, because LORD KNOWS he couldn’t just get a marriage counselor to talk about their problems...seriously, this was ye olden times, the concept probably wasn’t invented yet.

22:34And sadly, it appears this is where everything ended between Ozma and Salem-

23:42 LITERALLY EVEN-everything between them in the castle has been destroyed! INCLUDING-

...don’t...don’t make me make a joke about this sub-conscious...tis too sad.

The battle/divorce ends with Salem winning RIGHT before saying this-

23:58 “...we finally...had freedom.”

AND...there’s TWO ways to look at that. That either A.) With the knowledge of the god’s relics, they could do the same thing the god’s did but without their rules or the metaphorical outlook B.) They were free BEFORE Oz told her about the relics...because than the god’s power wouldn’t keep controlling their lives. The latter I’m pretty sure she didn’t mean but to me...I think that’s true.

Salem than finally takes out Ozma2-

-with a Super SMASH bros meme no less! Don’t lie, you know who you are Gifmakers, AND YOU DISGUST ME! PERISH IN FLAMES!

After this, Oz takes the break up PRETTY badly-

24:10 -going on sad graveyard walks-

24:17 Drinking near paintings of empty liquor bottles.

24:21 ULTIMATELY getting out of his funk when he reincarnates as a nice swarthy individual and a bad ass new cane!

Even finally starts dating again and settles down with this nice lady, WAY TO GET BACK ON THAT HORSE BUDDY! BUT-just like in real life, the evidence of his ex STILL haunted his life-

24:37 In the form of monster raids no less! That’s break-up aftermath for ya.

Oz than realizes he has to bury the ex(literally) and goes out to find the FOUR RELICS-

25:00 ...in his next life as a hipster for some reason! Cleh, he’s an immortal soul-symbiote, he has time. 

He seeks out knowledge first and asks her where the other relics are, what could they do, and how could he kill Salem(in that order)? The first two answers we don’t know...but the THIRD one one we do-

Jinn: You can’t.

And the episode ends-

-with Oscarpin giving himself a good sit in despair.

So...yeah...HOLY SHIT-there’s a lot to take away here! For ONE-its interesting noting how tragic a villain Salem was, and how Oz spent so much time avoiding his fate because he just wanted to be with the woman he loved. FURTHERMORE-its neat how Salem is now like, Lord Garmadon in that destructive impulses BURN through her veins...but also like Lord Garmadon, she was still able to love. Sadly though...her worse impulses got the best of her, and now she has nothing to do but move forward and Thanos the planet, because there is NO going back to the good old days.

I’m Yoshimickster, and this was Micksterecap, and I hope your lives are filled with joy and happiness, and that you don’t become the toys of fate. Thank you, and have a pleasant night.