#michellerodriguez

1ST LICKER RESIDENT EVIL #LICKER

The world is a pie. It's been placed in the oven. It's got all kinds of goodness in it:

apples, what else do y'all like?... banana pudding? - sure, maybe some walnuts, of course the milk and eggs and stuff... what's that? - you like meat pies?... idk if that's gonna work... but sure, it doesn't matter, um... got some... BBQ pork up in there as well... imagine whatever goodness you want. We are all baking inside of this goodness pie at 350 D's. But, the main ingredients of this pie are pain and disappointment. What a twist, right?? Makes it kind of a crappy pie. Maybe there's literal crap in the pie as well.

That's what life can feel like at times though, right?? You walk outside and look at life, and say to yourself "Wow, there are a lot of sad and angry people out there." And perhaps more times than you're willing to admit, you're one of those sad and angry people.

But, FEAR NOT, there are plenty of ways to cope (and it's all about the coping) : faith in God, cute animals, booze, guns, strippers, pills, dark magic, robbery, murder, chocolate, etc.

But, one of the best ways I've found..... you guessed it -

Watching Fast & Furious movies.

This man, right here... my emotional anchor...

VIN DIESEL

There's something about him isn't there??

Vin is rocking his most beloved character -  Dominic Torretto, leader of the... "FAST GANG". Is that what they're called? Doesn't matter. I love this guy! When I saw the trailer, I smiled big, and said "The bullshit IS BACK!" And I meant that in the best way.

It's been over 20 years of this nonsense. 20 years of fun, racing, ridiculous acts with cars, thievery, Coronas, and FAMILY.

ANNND probably killing. No one ever wants to talk about this, but they've caused a lot of property damage haven't they? - and within that damage, there has more than likely been a rising body count. The damage alone may have ruined lives! BUT, they're such a cool group of people, and VIN... those flex poses?? - C'MON :) 

You can't help but love him.

This time around Dominic is seeing the end coming. He tells his lovely wife (Letty, played by Michelle Rodriguez):

"How long can we keep doing this shit? We've got a kid. We've got a nice home. I'm making all of this Marvel Money ("I AM GROOT"), and dishing out hot singles “Feel like I Do”

(real song - check it out).

We can get out. We don't have to live this life of sexy, dangerous racing anymore."

The problem is, when you've spent 20 years stealing, and probably killing, you make some enemies.

In walks Jason Momoa (Dante), dressed like Prince.

He's our villain who doesn't just want to race Dom, doesn't just want to kill him, but wants to make him and his team (sorry, his FAMILY) suffer. This is why we need to chill and be kind to one another. There's already so much sadness and anger, then you add assholes to your life, like this... But, Momoa don't care, he wants revenge cuz Dom killed his daddy. To be fair, Dom didn't mean to kill him. He was driving 1000 miles down the highway, while stealing his daddy's money, and shit happened. Plus, Momoa's daddy was a criminal, so... you know... the real offender here is karma.

But, here we go anyway.

Jason Momoa had a blast making this movie. You can tell that he had a lot of fun. 

Dante's a fun character, but also kinda confusing. Sometimes, he acts like The Joker, sometimes like a super villain from... a show like “The Power Puff Girls”, and sometimes he's serious gangster revenge guy. Idk. What in the world did the director whisper into Momoa's ear as motivation? If the director whispered the words "cartoonishly evil" , perhaps he nailed it.

The movie is pretty much Dante chasing Dom's family around with Looney Tunes gadgets, guns, and at one point a giant rolling bomb, that was on fire.

YES!

Now, I don't think this installment is as fun as some others, mainly cuz there's no real mission here. You normally get the vibes of Ocean's 11 meets The A-Team, but it feels more like Dom and the Family getting chased for 2 1/2 hours.... cuz that's what it is. Some actual acting star power up in here:

Brie Larson 

and ONCE AGAIN, the underrated, yet GREAT Charlize Theron. 

whom I still don't understand why she's a part of all of this (being a real actor), but she works. They finally got her hair right tho.

Trust me, that's an improvement.

  That's her not long after getting her ass BEAT, and she still looks amazing. Those UFC people must be doing something wrong.

I love this franchise! I get it :)

It's just not quite as good. And the dialogue, which has always been bad, but... c'mon y'all. There's been talks within this current Writer's Strike of protection from writing scripts with AI action like “ChatGPT”. People will say "Well, that won't happen, and even if it did... it wouldn't be any good." And then I saw this movie.... Not only could AI have def written this film, but it would have been 10 times better! I'm not sure how the strike will affect the next movie or two that come out for this franchise, but... honestly, it might be an improvement.

Ludacris and Tyrese are old. 

Not that they look old, but their act is old, you know?? Like, they're still cool for their age, I guess, but they're not "young people cool" anymore. Sorry, fellahs. It happens to everybody. Just part of the pie we're all baking in :)

BUT, all in all, lots of laughs (even though I was the only one in the theater laughing at the absurdities) Good, solid, destruction porn. An AWESOME fight scene between Michelle Rodriguez and Charlize Theron.

And so much star power... though I think they might have to beef-up the villain star power in the next one.

Go after some other respected actors: see if Angela Bassett and Jake Gyllenhaal are doing anything.

Grade: C+

I really think that Dom would make a good pastor. 

Perhaps once he's truly done with the stealing and killing.

He's good with people. Very accepting. He's always got that mood music in the bg; perfect for his sermons.

I feel like Vin could keep his congregation focused on the goodness in the pie, not just all of the crap. Plus, his churches would be filled with sexy people. Church is not all about sexy people, but it helps.

And the best part is, he can solve any of the world's sad/anger-inducing problems with racing.

Rising Homelessness - "Let's ride!"

Climate Change - "Let's ride!"

Crippling Depression - "Let's ride!"