#micahs thoughts

Compared to how I usually spend my day before a gig I took things very slow and steady at morning before Karneval. I even went to the SPAR half a km away to look for some fruit and joker out themed drinks before heading home to change into my Stephanie cosplay which was to be my gig outfit of the day. I was finally in the queue at 10.30 and it was such a blast. It really felt even more like a family gathering than usual, I never think I have gotten this many fangifts ever! Thank you as always to all of you amazing people coming over to say hi and even more to those of you talented people who gave out freebies, I appreciate every one of them. <3

My 100 fanzines were quickly finding new owners, and I am so glad you guys enjoyed them! Vita passed by around lunch time so of course I went to give her a hug and a handful of zines for herself and the boys and käärijä since as I literally said “there’s no way that I’ll meet them any of them today”. Crew Jure got a zine too.

Now all things up to this point were fairly as I had expected. What did take me by surprise was Käärijä, Häärijä, Jesse, and Jukka walking straight into the heart of the gathering in front of the gate after their rehearsal (especially since their bus was nowhere to be seen). So I ended up in the inner circle of fans excitingly waiting to get their seconds with Jere and I was trying my best to keep it together since he was literally standing next to me taking pictures and hugging fans for what felt like forever. I had time to take in how the gold fang sparkled very sparklatively when he smiled and how much he laughed and felt happy being with us even if we kept asking for pictures and his attention. Jukka at some point had to poke Jere on the shoulder to signal that they had to go but still Jere kept accepting pictures and hugs and attention from us fans.

When it got to be my turn I looked in horror at my phone since I’d forgotten to turn the 2 second timer off so I switched to video and took a 6 second video instead in hopes that I can find screenshots later. I cannot remember if I got a hug, but I do recall Jere suddenly singing his new pop star song to a camera and me being two heads or less away from him started singing along too. I then squished myself out of the circle and found Tomi talking to three people and we got to hug and catch up. He even complimented my outfit jokingly adding that he should have worn something similar (if we get H!Stephanie at some point, you are welcome – joking of course).

Doors opened at what felt like at most 30-40 min after the K crew said their goodbyes. Everything went smoothly outside of some confusion about where and how I could get the promised bracelet for the fanpit.

I loved how all out they had gone with the grounds. There were carnival themed games, photospots, a wall for messages written on stickers, face paint, a barber shop for some reason (very close to go there even tho I’d just trimmed my hair a few days before at home) etc. Oh, and so many clowns and acrobats roaming around interacting with the crowd.

I stood in line for merch for what felt like ages yet it was a very pleasant queue since we got to trade stuff and also we were right next to a performer blowing huge soap bubbled (I got one double the size of my head in the face yet at this point it was so hot I took every bit of water on my body I could get). I managed to get a shirt, a poster and four cups. Other things I ended up having time for was adding a message 5o the greeting wall, getting my face sparklativified and take pictures under the Joker Out arch. By the latter activity we ended up running into Vita again, and she asked if she too could take a picture of us and then a video for fit check and then a video of us saying “KARNEVAL!”.

Everything was a dream come true. I even got a decent spot in the fanpit despite not queuing in from the of the entrance for long.

However, something shifted upstairs as in like the before blue skies turned dark. Then thunder started happening. Then the smallest bit of rain. The rain got stronger. I am so relieved I had my rain poncho in my bag because the rain kept falling for what seemed like ages. It went under our clothes and into our shoes. The ground turned into a lake under our feet. The wind tore down the backdrop of the stage during the support band, Alter Ace’s, first song. After that Jan’s cannon fell down from stage. At this point security called it and begged us to leave the stage. Hell broke loose with people running and screaming. I found shelter under the merch-tent until that one too threatened to collapse. Then I ran to the DJ tent. I was devastated and cried but not for myself; I felt heartbroken for the guys and all the work they’d put into this event only to see the weather tear everything down.

After almost an hour the sun started to peep through. I, together with a few others I had been chatting to, took a chance and went back to the stage. The group of fans running to the stage grew slowly bigger yet even with that I still was able to a similar spot as before but better: it was at Kris’ side by the catwalk now just a tiny bit closer to the mainstage and at the barricade.

Joker Out went on stage and we all cheered - until Bojan signaled us to quiet down. I was so scared this would be it. He informed us that the electric gear was underwater and the crew and firemen worked overtime to check whether it would be doable and safe to continue.

We could all collectively catch our breath the second time Joker Out – with the addition of a Häärijä in his undies and Käärijä in a red Honda shirt – went on stage to announce Karneval would move on!!! Bojan even made us say fuck to the skies – it was quite iconic!!

A few changes in the program had to be made – Poor Alter Ace had to cancel their show, but they were good sports about it, throwing shirts into the crowd and taking in our applause. The freestyle rappers planned to go live after Käärijä had their performance cancelled too, and Käärijä himself had his set cut for time.

Jere and the crew still did their best with what they had been given, really bringing the party mood back into the crowd. Starting with Ruoska was a new experience for me, but what really made an impact was Jere’s one big speech about the worries about the rain, how he was able to comfort Bojan backstage and how honored he was that we were crazy enough to stay (he even threw a tribute line in about Oliver Tree in there).  He also had the audacity to make a chant version of ARE YOU which I felt personally attacked by (I would do this all day!!!). Cha Cha Cha went great as well, where Käärijä had found a huge Slovenian flag to play around with. The one thing I missed was maybe Mic Mac but we got mushroom H roaming around during People’s Champion!!

The second time I cried that evening was when a marching band went on stage welcoming us to the Karnival, playing the chorus of Novi Val. Then after that we had the most unexpected opener, Umazane Misli (luckily the karaoke part was “just” Bojan playing around with what part of the audience got to sing when). Every two or three songs acrobats and/or dancers would join on stage and the boys themselves brought their a-game with gorgeous solos, amazing outfits (although in not the sturdiest material as witnessed with Bojan quickly ripping his pants over the boxershort line on his thigh), great energy, confetti and fire.

However poor Nace just began his solo during Ona when the back gear monitors went out yet this turned into another amazing display of fan-to-band support with us singing on top of our lungs both Ona and the bits of (I believe) Plastika while all we could hear was Jure banging hard on the drums in a desperate attempt to be heard. The gear got back on after one and a half song and kept working the rest of the evening.

Now having been witnessing the rehearsal the day before [from outside the fence since I arrived a bit too late to get inside even if I had had a ticket] I had an idea what to come for at least five songs. With this in mind I had decided to limit my phone activity to a few songs: Padam, Novi Val and whenever the violin solo would happen. The latter turned out to be right before ASTP so I have like two minutes of footage of just pure violin. Padam was amazing with Bojan making somersaults in the air as the little circus performer he is.

I loved how varied the stage show was with songs like Katrina, Barve Oceana and Metulji having tons of fire and and lights and people dancing with those fire and lights, songs like Bluza just having a pair of dancers and then there were songs with “just” the band.

Devito did, as expected, join for Supersonic but I was personally happy that it was mostly sung in Slovenian then having a tiny bit of the Serbian version sprinkled in. Not knowing much about Devito I spend his one song just vibing and drinking the ice tea I’d gotten from security.

I broke my own rule of not filming when I saw the stage turning green and heard a recognizable riff. Not far after that a sluttily dressed Häärijä joined Bojan on the catwalk and then half a song later Jere appeared picking up singing CCC with Bojan. And yes, this was indeed another part where I cried. My Bojere heart still am in heaven these three-four days later [when writing this report]. I am surprised how well my videos and pictures turned out, and it is so surreal to me that this actually happened right in front of me!!! Their smiles seeing each other is even more unbearably precious irl!!!

NGVOT and Obsevi Sonca were both fun for how we could dance around during the chorus (I found one on the other side of the catwalk I got eye contact with and we synchronized our dance together). Vem Da Gres and Vse Ka Vem were magical, the latter having the most aesthetic hand sea, directed by Bojan from the end of the catwalk. So many songs were happening in quick succession I cannot fully remember everything but that it was big and spectacular! I do remember Novi Val and how I just started sobbing (yes, a fourth or fifth time that evening) seeing that every member on stage had tears pouring down their faces (except for Jan but you could see sublte signs in his face thathe too was affected deeply, just probably crying on the inside). Then out of the blue a tipsy Käärijä with a guitar showed up and joined the hug pile. This distracted me so much I missed the confetti cannon until I found myself covered in white confetti!!

After the cameras for RTV1 were gone we got an encore version of Umazane Misli this time with a Bojan striptease because at this point his pants were close to dead anyways – by the end Bojan ran around with pants-turned-miniskirt and his blue boxers showing underneath - no shoes or socks either. It was so silly and so fun!!

Having to digest what in the world just happened I stayed around in the pit for a bit longer before making my way out slowly. I managed to run into Jet Black Diamonds (didn’t go to talk to them but they seemed very happy and relieved the night had turned out alright in the end). Other than that, I just made my way back to the hotel and debriefed with the other fans gathering in the kitchen with all of our wet and muddied shoes standing ground outside [I lived at a hostel only 10 min away so the place was taken over by babyboos for the weekend].

To my surprise all but a few of my many freebies had survived. The poster I’d bought earlier had taken the worst of it, second to the Magazines I’d gotten from a friend. I tried my best to let them out to dry in hope of saving both as best as I could. Yet since we lived in rooms that were literally just a bed on the wall the “best” I could find for a surface was one of the kitchen tables. The next day however I couldn’t find my stuff. After speaking to the staff a very apologetic owner followed me to the bins and helped me dig up my magazines and poster from the trash. I am honestly just relieved we found them and now they have an even wilder story.

Sunday, I got to hang out and bebrief with even more amazing fans through a fan meet up that Xin (lady_frypan on insta) initiated. After hours of sharing more gifts, more stories and more good vibes the five left of us at this point went to eat traditional Serbian cousine by the river. There were a few tables with other fans at the same place which felt very cozy and familiar. We lucky managed to get home before the Ljubjana thunderstorm 2.0 started.

Monday I ran into lots of familiar finnish faces (including Käärijä’s parents) at the airport given that the Helsinki flight 20 min before the Copenhagen one had a gate right next to each other. We got some great conversations – so good in fact I had to throw away half my breakfast and I forgot my waterbottle in the rush to get through the boarding in time.

Make me a choker out of a rose

I will smell good

As I am struggling to breathe.

I will smile

meanwhile thorns punctuate the soft flesh of my neck

And it will still be a lesser evil

Than my mind has in store for me.

Drive me over.

Make me into roadkill.

I lay bleeding, rotting, life cut short midscream.

Let me be the deer head over your door frame

I have practiced the dead stare.

Hunt me for sport,

Make me run for my life.

Show me what I am good for,

If I am good for anything at all,

Dead or alive.

Play me the broken record:

"The greatest hits of my mistakes"

I am a cliché without the reward

"The tortured artist" but where's the artistry?

You gatekeep the creativty

that should be the payoff

for this misery.

But I keep on going

I'm too stubborn for everything else

If I wait through the storm

Eurodisko saturday = some of my best queue experience especially for so big a gig. While I was very sceptical at first seeing the information mail looking suspiciously like what we got two years ago for the böle arena gig(s), the security actually felt approachable while fair (both in keep of staying closish to the rules while making sure we the fans were okay the whole day with water, toiletbreaks, shade and whatever else we needed - even gave two of them a sticker as thanks which i have never done before). Ran into a very excited Matti and got to quickly say hi to sonny, the daltons and tomi/h (with a big bearhug) - of course all got stickers as well. Met lots of new and old wonderful fans (not new per say but just to the 11th degree here due to the shear amount of people), got interviewed twice (one for a finnish newssite!?!?) And somehow managed by the end of the day to only have 6 out of 350 stickers left (all given to people the next day at tavastia). Inside being guided to the golden circle was also surprisingly calm and nobody actually ran and stayed respectful (at least around the part of the queue i was standing). Now a few words about the bands themselves: I had not expected pure to be free style rap for some reason - while not understanding anything i liked it - my fave was definitely when they had to freestyle over childhood and early career pictures of käärijä (bojere in esc sauna included). joker out did a great set and seeing them as a support act for the first time was a new experience. Felt very intruiged and entertained by häärijä cam. Eurodisko itself.... that was insane. I dont think i havent fully digested all the things that happened. Some highligts include the new and experimental way of waving half songs into each other (like the rock rocks and menestynyt + micmac and ccc), valikoulema finally back on the setlist (if shortened), paidaton riehuja with stage surving h (if shortened), the boyband, kaistaa with bess, the gorgeous new rendition of autiomaa, the family photo and proud parents moment at the end of the show and the album announcement (cried by the end of this one). All the collaboraters did amazingly - had never expected to ever see any of the babies (baby lasagna or bbno$) live, erika and joost did great as always, having robin and viivi there was a nice surprise, adored the "joker out in the crowd" moments on the screens (and when jere pointed out where they were)... this got longer and deeper than expected but yes, it was great and hard to compare with anything else i have witnessed - käärijä included.

Tavastia sunday = Not surprisingly after all of this I couldnt sleep so after trying (and only half succeeding) between 2-4.15 am i went to the tavastia queie where I was at 7. This one was also a calmer queue than expected yet more in line with "normal circumstances". All in all i really loved tavastia queue as well and i got some lovely - if short - conversations with Kiki (basically froze up so he had to ask me what I wanted to say to him so a little embarrasing but he has probably seen worse), jan, vita but especially jure that got out twice looking like he was having the time of his life taking pictures and getting gifts and yapping to fans (i got a hug and a lovely catchup convo that felt surprisingly not forced as in nobody was hurrying us to cutting it short we just talked like friends which was so nice). I felt actually very touched by jure yesterday and how far he has come at least with the fan interactions i have witnessed (to be too unsure and anxious about us to get close in Malmö to now by own account meet with 70-80 ish people around tavastia of all places) i admittedly had forgotten it was his birthday the day after otherwise I would have gotten him a gift or a danish flag (tradition in danish to have a flag on your table/on you to show it is your special day) or something and also in retrospect it might explain his extra happy demeanor.

In all accounts the gig(s) inside were amazing as well. Nace kept noticing my hearts and sending smiles and hearts back, bojan was right in my face multiple times even with me on second row even keeping eye contact for 5-6 seconds while serenaded part of - i believe obsevi sonca - to eachother. We got a transflag on stage for ssol and my nonbinary flag for novi val (was hard to get them back tho since security didnt want to even watch the video evidence prooving it was ours saying that that doesnt proof anything), dopamin and demoni back on the set (great ending squeal as well), close to no barricade. Happy guys. Nace compliments. Great jan solos. It was a fun time and i did enjoy it.

I just had hoped i felt the impact of all my little blessings more but for once i dont think i had been able to digest the previous gig well enough to understand how big a blessing it is to get these moments (eye contact, flag, a happy and content and well playing joker out) fully in my system so less dopamin was released and expected and that i hope will change when I have gotten some distance from the gig and not risking getting a system overload of all the (positive) stimuli and sensory information from just 48 h alone.

I didnt notice käärijä or crew at the gig. I misunderstood jan telling us he'd be out and saying hi to him being "outside" after the show (shouldve known better having been to the europe dates last november but in my defence i only slept two hours so my litteral/black and white part of my autistic brain took over probably) so I didnt get to give anybody else stickers nor try to get bojan or nace to sign my flag. Was too far away to see k or crew or joker out leave except generous jan staying behind to give us the message about them being late (gave my three last stickers to him to give to kris, bojan and nace so i chose to believe they got them).

All of these little things wouldnt normally bother me (i hope) but again with no sleep and no good connection to my dopamin centers in my brain i started spiralling and became quite a party pooper especially for myself but I fear also for folks around me so if you managed to find the "dark and bitter" micah after the show i am sorry about that.

I tried to go into these two shows with the least amount of expectations as possible and kind of succeeded in both cases. One was so insane i am still buzzing, the other was amazing yet hard to connect to fully atm because of little things that are all my fault (overstimulating myself with eurodisko the day before, misunderstandings, spiralling)

So in the end both were way better that i could have hoped for. Didnt get enough bojere nor even tuu mun luo so that may also have made the tavastia show a tiny bit - not dissapointing for me but maybe feeling odd being the first tavastia since 2023 and being the one with the most subtle bojere content of the three (and from what we saw with me in ruissi i am not good at noticing that so I have to learn secondhand what happened)

Now before I stop yapping: thank you so much to all the fans at both gigs for making my weekend special. For all the amazing gifts to the great conversations, dances, laughs and smiles. I am once again honored to be part of this fandom(s) <333

I will now actually shut up and get ready to go get myself a long awaited tattoo :3