#mia wolf

I gave him my best smile, all the while ignoring the heat rising in my cheeks. Oh well, at least I’m not that cold anymore. “Yeah, snow. It’s kind of like rain, but not as…wet. It’s too cold for rain to fall, so it comes down in fat fluffy flakes instead. And when they pile up onto each other on the ground, you can even play in it and kick it up.”

I must’ve sounded so stupid, blabbering on about snow of all things, like I was five years old again. But he was still looking at me with that scrunched-up face, so I continued to talk. It was starting to warm me up, anyway.

“It’s a little like frozen rain, now that I think about it. It’s so cold sometimes when it rains that the raindrops freeze before they touch the ground. But it doesn’t hurt when they fall. They’re actually really soft and gentle! But sometimes it snows too much, and it’s hard to go outside for a few days because it piles up against the doors and windows. But don’t worry, that only happens every few years or so down here! Snow can be actually pretty tame down here, especially in Shiganshina. We never really got any snowstorms back then, actually. Most of them happen in the northern districts, just past the capital. Like Orvud District and Utopia District? They get pretty bad winters up there. Especially in Fuerth, too. From what I’ve heard, the snow doesn’t start melting until the beginning of April over there!”

He could’ve told me to shut up at any point, to wave me off and sneer that he didn’t want to hear my voice anymore. And I would’ve let him, knowing how wary he still was, even though it had been months since he’d joined the Scouts. But he did nothing of the sort. Instead he just stared at me, leaning against the old wooden fence, his mouth quirked up in interest. He actually seemed genuinely curious about what I had to say.

But then his eyebrows began to knit together. “Melting?”

“Oh, yeah. When the weather gets warmer, it starts to melt. It turns back into water and disappears into the ground. It makes the ground all muddy, but I think it’s worth it when the weather’s so warm!”

He hummed softly, before shifting himself against the fence. With both elbows propped up on the wood, he stretched out his legs and gave me a sideways glance.

“And what does this snow actually look like?”

Something above his shoulder suddenly caught my eye. It landed on the sleeve of his jacket, just above the Survey Corps emblem. Another one lander right on his head, a stark white against his smooth black tresses.

I smiled and pointed upward. “Like that.”

He glanced up at the sky—and looking back on it now, I should’ve called Moblit out in the middle of the night to sketch the look on his face for me. It was a sight I never wanted to forget.

Soft white flakes began fluttering down from the thick clouds above. An endless storm of white, with too many flakes to count. Levi’s eyes flickered back and forth, from side to side, as if he was trying to commit every single one of them to memory.

His jaw was slack, his lips parted in the wintry air. His nose was still scrunched up, his breath coming out in short, gentle puffs. Then he stretched a hand out to catch a flake in his hand—and simply stared at the skin of his palm when it disappeared in his grasp.

He only glanced up at me when I cleared my throat, and when he did, his lips were set in a tight line. As though he was angry at me for interrupting his little moment.

“It’s pretty, isn’t it?”

He stared back down at his palm, just in time to see another snowflake melt away. But then he shook out his hand and stuffed it back into his pocket, his gray eyes darting to the frozen ground below.

“…Too cold.”

I held back my laugh and only nodded. “You’re right. We should head back inside. Don’t want the horses to freeze, right?”

Neither of us said anything else, as we led our horses back to the stables and tucked them in for the night. I passed a spare horse blanket over to Levi, so he could use it to keep his black mare warm. It took some time, considering the two of us were a little on the shorter side, but we managed to wrap it around her and fasten it in place. She gave a soft huff as a thank you as Levi latched up her stall for the night. I did the same with Edel, but not before pressing a kiss to the little white star on his forehead.

It was still snowing when we started our walk back to the castle. Already a thin layer of white was sprinkled on the frozen grass, the blades crunching beneath our boots with every step. Levi’s mouth was no longer open, but his eyes held that same mesmerized look.

“If we’re lucky,” I said, holding the castle door open for him, “it’ll snow through the night. The whole ground might be covered by morning!”

He only grunted and shook his head—but as he passed me through the threshold, I could’ve sworn I saw the ghost of a smile splayed across his lips. But it was gone before I could blink, leaving me wondering if I’d really seen anything at all.

Of course, I only smiled and closed the castle door behind me, the heavy thud of the latch echoing through the empty halls.

The second winter we spent together was bitter.

Nothing had gone right, even from the beginning of the season. From the rampant famine and disease, and to the pitiful operation to reclaim Wall Maria, everything seemed helpless and unforgiving. Not even the news of Anna’s pregnancy could lift the dead weight I was feeling in my chest. While I was happy for my friend, the news wasn’t enough to lessen the pain.

At the very end of the season, I had taken a trip to Trost. I came back to base not even a week later, exhausted and depressed—and a motherless soldier.

An orphan.

The word swirled around in my mind as I sat in Edel’s stall, with my back against the bars of the gate. The silver gelding could always sense when I wasn’t feeling my best; every few minutes he would bump his huge nose against my shoulder, as if he was checking to make sure I was okay. I savored the warmth of his head against my skin. Although we only had a few more weeks before spring, this winter felt as though it would last forever.

Edel suddenly jerked his head upwards. The sound of footsteps echoed through the empty barn. The only ones in here with me were the other horses—the rest of the Scouts had gone to sleep hours ago. I had even left Hanji snoring loudly in her bed, making sure she was definitely asleep, before I slipped out of the girls’ barracks for the night.

So then… Who’s still up at this time of night?

My chest tightened at the sight of Levi, leaning against the side of the stall, with a hand wrapped around the bars of the gate. Out of habit, I straightened myself up and dusted myself off. I knew exactly how much he hated messes, having been on the receiving end of his annoyance for far too long.

But he only shook his head, before glancing down at the latch of the gate. “You alone out here?”

“…Yeah.”

He hummed softly. “It’s too cold to be out here. Get back inside, or you’ll freeze your ass off. And I don’t want to tuck you into bed again.”

The memory of him carrying me in from Edel’s stall and dropping me off with Hanji at the girls’ barracks was almost enough to make me blush. Almost.

I shrugged and gave Edel another kiss on his forehead, before stepping out of the stall and closing the gate behind me. All the while, I could feel Levi’s eyes on me, practically burning holes into my back.

Wordlessly, the two of us stepped out of the barn and into the freezing night. I wrapped my arms around my chest, cursing myself for not bringing at least a decent coat with me when I left the barracks.

Then again, I hadn’t been paying much attention to the weather these past few days. The frostbitten grass, the looming gray skies, the heavy clouds that lingered every hour of the day—none of it seemed to register with me. Not even the cold, sharp tang of the wind around me.

I just felt…numb.

“Wait.”

I froze in my tracks at Levi’s voice, and before I knew it, his hand was curled around my wrist, as he began to drag me away from the girls’ barracks. I didn’t protest when I saw he was leading me toward the castle instead. I simply stayed silent and allowed him to whisk me away.

Through the heavy doors, up the stairs, and into the highest floor of the castle. He pushed open another door, and suddenly we were on the rooftop, overlooking the entire base from the peak of the castle.

“Look.”

I quirked my eyebrow at him. What did he want to bring me here for, anyway? What was I supposed to look at? Nothing up here was new to me; I had seen this view of the base countless times already.

But then he rolled his eyes and jerked his chin upwards. “Just look, brat.”

I followed his gaze, just in time to feel something wet splatter onto my nose.

A snowflake, I realized, and my throat began to close up.

Tiny white flakes were drifting from the clouds, scattering over the base below. They were different than the snowflakes that had fallen earlier in the winter. Those had brought blizzards with them—icy winds that kept us shivering in the barracks, and heaps of snow that nearly locked the castle doors for weeks.

But these flakes were gentle. Softer, as though each flake pressing a kiss to my skin. At that moment I knew, that this would be the final snowfall of the season.

I stared up at the clouds above—and against the black skies, filled with snow clouds, I could make out a single star, glimmering like the moon itself.

My cheeks froze with tears at the sight, and I didn’t wipe them away until Levi led me back to the girls’ barracks, with his hand firmly on my shoulder.

The third winter we spent together was bittersweet.

I stared up at the ceiling of my assigned room, hands twisted into the sheets below. Every few minutes, I found myself tossing and turning, before flopping my head back down on the pillow. Hanji’s bear snores filled my ears, but they weren’t the cause of my restless state.

Instead, all I could think about was Levi, all alone in that shitty hospital room.

Four days had passed since the two of us were stranded on our most recent expedition beyond the Walls. Two days had passed since I was split up from Levi, forced to return to Utopia District without him. And not twenty-four hours had passed since he mysteriously arrived at Wall Rose through the gates of the district. Bloodied and bruised, the Garrison soldiers had rushed him to the general hospital, where he thankfully awoke a few hours later. I had stayed at his side for as long as I could—until visiting hours were over, and I was forced to retreat to the Garrison’s headquarters building, stationed in the heart of the district.

I couldn’t stop thinking about him. A thousand questions lingered on my lips, swirled around in my head. How had he survived out there on his own in that freezing weather? How did he manage to kill the Titans chasing after him with a gash in his side? Did he eat anything while he was out there by himself? He didn’t look too bad, apart from the injury on his side. But still, I worried for him.

Finally, I pushed myself out of bed and tiptoed around the room, sliding my feet into the pair of boots beside the door. I grabbed an extra jacket and my scarf, as well, before stepping outside and closing the door behind me. Luckily, Hanji didn’t even make a sound.

The halls of the Garrison headquarters were thankfully empty, save for a few soldiers standing on guard for the night. But most of them didn’t bat an eye as I moved past them. Just hours earlier, Gate Lieutenant Brigitte Morris had placed me under Garrison watch in fear I would lash out and leave the district to look for Levi on my own. But now that he had returned safe and sound, none of them seemed to be concerned with me. It was as though they knew I wouldn’t try anything funny, now that he was within the boundaries of the district.

The cold air nipped at my fingers the moment I stepped outside. I pulled my scarf closer to my neck before stuffing my hands in my pockets. The streets were quiet, with only a casual couple or two holding hands, heading in from a night at the tavern. I didn’t pay them any mind, though. It was a quick walk to the hospital, anyway.

The main door was thankfully unlocked, but I knew I couldn’t just barge into Levi’s room unannounced. The girl at the front desk rubbed at her temples the moment she saw me. I nearly snickered at that; she must’ve recognized me as the annoying girl from the Scouts—the one who wouldn’t shut up about her fellow soldier, lost in the snow.

“I assume you’re here for the captain, right?” I nodded, my nails digging into my palms within my pockets. The girl sighed before picking up a stack of papers from the desk. “I’m really not supposed to let you in past visiting hours… But I guess it’s alright, just this one time.”

I could tell she wanted to say more. Something along the lines of, “You know, he did just get back today.” Or maybe, “You guys act like a couple, are you dating or are you married?” By the way Levi and I acted around each other, I couldn’t exactly blame anyone for having those suspicions.

The thing is, I had no idea what we were right now. I liked him, he liked me. The two of us had nearly kissed on multiple occasions. We had held each other in the dead of night just two days ago, miles away from the rest of civilization, shrouded in the memories of our pasts and promises to keep each other close. And yet, we still couldn’t find it in ourselves to openly commit to a relationship.

How fucking pathetic.

Nevertheless, I gave the girl a grateful nod and practically raced down the hall, straight to Levi’s assigned room. It only took three light knocks on the door, before a raspy “Come in” filled my ears.

I stepped inside and locked the door behind me. Levi was still lying in bed, with a hand pressed against his bandaged side. His hair was frayed with sleep, his eyes dull and lidded. A small candle rested beside him on the nightstand, its flame flickering softly in the darkness.

A weak smirk stretched across his face. “Can’t sleep?”

“…Not really. What about you?”

He made that little tch sound with his lips, before rolling his shoulders further into the pillows propped up behind him. “What do you think?”

My chest deflated a little at his words. Of course he didn’t. Right now, he was the same as me—unable to close his eyes without seeing the memories of the past few days. And as sad as it was, neither of us could be apart from each other. At least, not right now. Not just yet.

I kicked off the boots, mindful not to get mud anywhere on the floor near his bed, and slid my jacket off my shoulders. As I stepped towards the bed, he opened his arm (the one that wasn’t pressed against his side) and beckoned me closer. I sank down on the bed beside him, tucking my head beneath his chin and stretching my hand along his chest.

Memories began to pool beneath my eyelids: of the two of us in this exact same position, in that abandoned cabin beyond Utopia District, as the blizzard raged on just beyond those four wooden walls. Of Levi allowing me to stitch up his side, even though he griped the entire time, because he knew all I wanted was for him to be safe. Of him spilling a handful of secrets to me about his past, over two bottles of wine that burned my throat, before pressing his face to my chest and holding me close to his body. Of myself brushing his bangs away from his forehead, humming a tune my mother had taught me, before waking up to find myself wrapped up in his arms, with our coats draped over us as makeshift blankets.

Levi’s chest heaved with a sigh as he spoke: “Sometimes I think you’re more trouble than you’re worth, brat.”

I couldn’t help but snicker, as I tickled the skin below his collarbone. “Really? Well, sometimes I think the same thing about you.”

He didn’t have an answer for that, but the agreement was mutual: the two of us were stuck with each other, whether we liked it or not.

My eyes flickered over to the window beside the bed, to the panes tinted with frost and the sight of the sky looming over us from above. But something else caught my eye—a soft storm of snowflakes, raining down from the clouds.

Another snowfall. You would think that, after seeing so much snow these past few days, the sight alone would make me sick. And in some ways, I did feel a little sick.

But at that moment, I couldn’t care less. I simply tightened my arm around him, with his strong heart beating against my palm, as the two of us watched the snowfall from the darkened window, lost in each other’s warmth.

The fourth winter we spent together was magical.

This year marked the first I knew about Levi’s birthday on Christmas, and I was determined to make the most of the day with the man I loved.

A day spent in Ahorne, the little town just a few miles away from the Survey Corps base, losing ourselves in spontaneous shopping and sightseeing, a tasteful dinner at a friendly tavern, and childish snowball fights in the square, as the neighboring children laughed and pointed their fingers at us.

At night we headed back to the base, and after Hanji had practically dragged us into the mess hall for a little celebration, the two of us retreated to Levi’s office, our arms full of presents from our fellow soldiers.

Words were exchanged. Tears were shed. And finally, with my birthday present to him laying across his desk, and his Christmas gift to me resting right beside it, the two of us fell into a rhythm we knew so well—splayed out on his bed with the door locked behind us.

His hands were firm against my hips, dragging the hem of my shirt up and over my head, and tossing it in some unknown corner of the room. I followed suit, tugging his own shirt off of his shoulders, before turning to the button of his pants. He raised an eyebrow as I wriggled myself out of his grasp, before settling myself at the foot of his bed, pulling his legs to hang over the edge on either side of me.

“Levi,” my cheeks filled with heat at the tone of my voice, as I slid his pants down to his ankles, “do you want me?”

He gave me a quizzical look, cheeks dusted with a light pink shade. Sweat was already starting to gather at his brow, his dark bangs sticking to his forehead.

He was usually the one who asked that question. Always checking in on me, to make sure this was what I wanted. But tonight wasn’t about me. It was about this man, Levi, right in front of me. Tonight was his special night; he wasn’t a captain of the Survey Corps, or a former thug from the Underground City, or even Humanity’s Strongest Soldier. He was just Levi, the man I fell in love with—and the man I would devote my heart to, a thousand times over.

“Of course I do,” his answer was breathless as he swiped his fingers through my hair.

I pulled his boxers off and dropped them to the floor, before taking his half-hard cock in my hands. I gave him a smile, as my tongue dipped out to taste the tip, which was already flushed and beading with precum.

“That’s good.” He moaned as I swirled my tongue around him, giving his shaft a few slow strokes. “Because I want you, too. And I want to take care of you—so let me, please.”

My nails brushed against the meat of his thighs as I bobbed my head against him. His moans were simply beautiful—soft whines and little gasps that left his shoulders trembling. His thighs began to quake as I wrapped my lips around the head and began to suck. And when I glanced back up at his face, his fist was held tight against his mouth, his cheeks a deep crimson hue.

“Love you,” I mumbled, as a string of saliva slid from my mouth. “I love you so fucking much.”

I couldn’t help but feel a little bit proud of myself. Usually he was the talkative one during sex, snickering at the sounds I made and savoring the sight of my body writhing beneath his own. But he had given me the reins for a change, and I was determined to make the most of it. Especially for the end of his special day.

His other hand came to wrap itself around the back of my head, encouraging me to take him deeper down my throat. I moaned around his dick, jerking him off with one hand, while the other traveled down between my thighs. I slid my fingers through the hem of my pants and beneath my panties—and already I could feel myself getting wet. I took him even deeper into my mouth, while simultaneously slipping a finger into myself.

“Mia,” his voice was soft and husky, as he tilted my head so he could stare into my eyes, “fuck, Mia…”

I pulled away momentarily, gasping as I slid another finger inside. “I’m here.” I bucked against the heel of my hand, desperate for a bit of friction against my burning clit. “Let me make you cum, Levi.”

In the end, I think it was the sound of his name that did him in. he practically yanked me back down on his cock, growling as I bobbed my head around his length. With what I couldn’t fit in my mouth, I ran my hand up and down in quick, fluid motions. All the while, I circled my clit with my thumb, pumping two fingers and stretching myself out.

He groaned against his fist, thighs shaking around my head, as he finished inside my mouth. His cum was hot and salty, trickling down my throat and staining my tongue. But it wasn’t anything I wasn’t used to. In fact, after all this time, I kind of liked it. And when I straightened myself up, with two fingers still pressed inside of me, I made a show of licking my lips and cleaning up every last drop.

Levi grabbed me then, pulling myself onto his body and yanking at the belt around my waist. He was still hard, almost desperate to sink himself inside of me. As I shimmied out of my panties, he took my hand in his own—and immediately wrapped his lips around the two fingers that had been inside of me. He moaned softly at the taste, before pulling me in for a messy kiss.

But then he cupped my dripping sex in his hand, before hiking my thighs up towards his chest. The command was simple, and one I had heard many times before: Sit on my face like a good girl. But I shook my head at him, taking his wrists in my hands and pressing a kiss to his temple.

“Not now. Maybe later, but not now. Tonight, I’m going to be the one to take care of you. Is that okay with you?”

His silver eyes twinkled in the flickering candlelight. He gave me another kiss, hot and sloppy and desperate, before pressing me down onto his cock. The two of us hissed at the stretch, and on instinct, I found his hand on the mattress and laced our fingers together.

I set a steady pace for the two of us, rocking my hips back and forth, and raking my nails down his rigid chest. His free hand kneaded at my ass, tugging me closer to him, while his other hand squeezed mine even tighter. He stiffened when I scooped my hips, his head falling back against the mattress, his lips parted and his eyes glazed.

I couldn’t help but smile, before I leaned down to kiss him again.

You’re mine. The words were silent between us. And I’m yours. Until my dying day, and even after that.

My breath hitched in my throat as my clit rubbed against his stomach. At his firm nod, I loosened my grip and placed both hands on his chest, my thrusts much more aggressive than before.

A soft whine filled my ears as he grabbed at my hips, helping me move against his cock at a faster pace. “Good girl, Mia. That’s what I like to see.”

I stared into his eyes, face flushed and chest heaving, as I bounced myself up and down on his cock. For a moment, I thought back to the first night he had taken me, when I had gazed down at him from this exact position, feeling as though I had the world in the palms of my hands.

And in a way, I did. He was my whole world, and at least for tonight, I had him all to myself.

Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes. My clit throbbed beneath his thumb, as he circled it and whispered soft praises into the darkness. It was hard to keep quiet, to be considerate of the other soldiers sleeping within the castle walls at this time of night. I knew for certain that if Hanji or Mike heard either of us now, neither of them would be able to let it go.

But everything just felt so fucking right—his body beneath mine, the heat of his hands on my hips, the pleasant stretch of his cock—I was intoxicated with him, scent and sight and sound and everything else in between.

My thighs were beginning to burn from exhaustion, as my chest continued to heave. But before I could even slow my pace to catch my breath, he scooped me up in his arms and threw me against the mattress, planting a fierce kiss on my lips as he hooked my leg around his hips. He slid himself into me again, his damp bangs tickling my face with every thrust.

I stretched my fingers out, scraping the backs of his muscular shoulders with my nails. The shift in angle sent me over the edge in no time, whimpering his name against his hot lips, the taste of salt flooding my tongue. He reached his own peak a few moments later, moaning the word Mia into the crook of my neck as he spilled himself inside of me. I hooked one arm around his neck, pressing open-mouthed kisses to his cheek, his temple, wherever I could reach as I rode out my high.

His skin was hot and sticky as he pulled away from me, before propping himself on his elbow and brushing my hair from my face. With my chest still heaving, I stuck out my bottom lip at him, fingertips tracing the edge of his jaw.

“…What?”

“You’re no fair. I said tonight would be my night to take care of you. You never listen, do you?”

He only scoffed and rolled his eyes, before leaning down to cradle me in his arms. “I listen just as much as you listen to me. Besides, weren’t you insisting today is my special day? If that’s the case, I’ll fuck you in any way I see fit.”

I laughed and shook my head, raking my fingers through his sweaty black locks. “Oh, will you, now?”

“Yes.” With that, he took both my wrists in his hands and held them above my head, all the while pressing his thigh in between my legs. I squirmed beneath him when I felt his cock start to twitch, resting heavily between our stomachs. “And I’ll do it again. Just watch me.”

He leaned down to kiss my neck, sliding himself in between my thighs once more. My head lolled to the side, my back arching into his chest—but then my eyes snapped open, and I started to smile.

He raised an eyebrow at me as he took his cock in his hand. “What is it?”

“Look—it’s snowing again.”

The two of us had been too caught up in our lovemaking to notice the light snowfall that had started just outside the window of his bedroom. Fat flakes drifted down from above, staining the window and painting the glass with frost.

But then his hand came around my chin, bringing my eyes back to his with a firm but gentle tug.

“Eyes on me, sweetheart.” My face flushed at the pet name—even more so when he pressed the tip of his cock to my sex, still dripping with his cum. “I want you to look at me when I fuck you tonight.”

So I did. All night long, my eyes never left his. Only when we were finished and dozing off in his bed did I look out the window again—and I smiled when I saw that the snow was still falling.

The fifth winter was soft. The sixth winter was unforgiving. And the seventh winter…well, it was different. Even now, I can’t help but shake my head and smile when I think of it.

Seven winters. I had been blessed with seven winters with the man at my side. It was almost too much to fathom—too much to be thankful for.

And yet, I wanted even more. As selfish as it was, I wanted another seven winters with this man—and perhaps even more, if life was kind to me.

The windows of the little house were tinted with frost. It was snowing outside—the first snowfall of the season. Light and feathery, falling to the ground in gentle puffs. The grass below was starting to crunch beneath our boots—it would be nice stepping on snow for a change, instead of dried grass and dead leaves.

The door swung open, and a gust of cold wind flooded inside. I curled my hands around my teacup, hiding my face behind the brim as Levi stepped into the house, knocking his boots on the side of the doorframe. He grimaced at the snowflakes that dribbled off, before shutting the door and abandoning his boots at the doorway altogether. Then he shrugged off his jacket, rubbed his hands together, and made his way to the table, where I nudged a second cup of tea in his direction.

“Still watching the shitty snow?”

“It’s not shitty.” I rolled my eyes as I sipped my tea, shivering as he plopped down on the bench beside me. “I think it’s beautiful. How are the horses out there?”

He took a drink before answering, with a light shrug of his shoulders. “Fine. I put their blankets on before I left. They should be fine out there, though. Made sure to give them fresh hay so they don’t bitch and moan later.”

I giggled, leaning into his outstretched arm and nuzzling into his neck. “You’re so sweet, Levi.”

“Fuck off.”

The two of us fell into a comfortable silence, watching the snow fall just outside the frosty window. The sun had gone down hours ago, so it was just the two of us in this little cabin in the middle of nowhere. Well, the two of us, and Edel and Mischa, of course. Couldn’t forget about them.

“So, how long do you think it’ll take Hanji to notice we’re gone?”

“Oh, I’d say she already knows. It’s not like she’ll be the one to complain about it.” Levi scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Fucking bastards. They can survive for a week or so without us.”

I snickered and sipped my tea again. Of course, the higher-ups could last a couple weeks without two measly Scouts. Hanji was always begging us to get away from the base for a little bit and spend some “quality time” together, but it was always a little difficult to do that during the warmer weather, thanks to our expeditions and constant trips to Mitras. Now with the nights growing colder and the snowstorms starting, the two of us had decided to leave in the middle of the night, for a little winter getaway somewhere in the wilderness. At least we wouldn’t be missing too much while we were gone—and I knew Hanji would understand. She always did when it came to our relationship.

Levi had chosen this place—it was the same cabin we had lived in earlier in the summer, when we were on the run from the Military Police. I never asked him why he had chosen this place—but now, with two cups of tea in me already, and halfway through my third, I decided to ask him about it:

“What made you pick this place, anyway?”

He was silent for a while, and for a moment I thought maybe I’d said the wrong thing. But then he squeezed my hand in his own, pressing his lips to my temple.

“You remember what I told you here, back then?”

I remembered, all right. I remembered standing at the sink in the kitchen, just a few feet away from this table, washing the dishes from dinner as the kids hurried off to bed. I remembered Levi lingering behind me, silently judging me for my cleaning skills, knowing that he was the one who had taught me how to properly clean a plate (or so he thought). I remembered the way he stood beside me, reaching into the sink and grabbing my soapy hand, not minding the mess one bit.

“When this is all over, I’ll get you a proper ring. And…if you still want kids…”

My hand fluttered down to my stomach. The mere thought of carrying Levi’s child, of becoming Mia Rose Ackerman someday down the line… It almost brought me to tears right then and there.

But then he was holding me, arms wrapped around my waist and pulling my back into his chest. I leaned in and tilted my head, lips brushing against his own. The two cups of tea rested on the table, still steaming but nearly forgotten.

“I remember.” I smiled against his mouth, brushing his cheek with the backs of my fingers. “Will we have a nice little ceremony that day?”

“We’ll have whatever you want, brat.”

I didn’t want much—just our families and a few close friends to witness our marriage vows. “Do you want a boy or a girl first?”

“First?” I laughed out loud at the look he gave me. “How many fucking kids are you planning on having?”

“Oh, come on. Don’t you remember that night a couple years ago, when I told you I wanted seven kids?”

“Seven?! You’re still on about that? Tch, you’re a real fucking pain in my ass, you know…”

“Hey, you didn’t answer me yet!”

But he silenced me with a kiss, sweet and passionate against my lips. He pressed the palm of my hand against the side of his face, snuggling into my touch as his eyes fluttered shut.

“I’ll be happy with whatever we have, sweetheart.”

My eyes began to burn with unshed tears. Levi noticed at once, and his thumb came to rest at my cheekbone, ready to dry them away when they fell. And when they did, I pushed his hand away, shifting in my seat completely to face him head-on.

“Thank you, Levi.” Before he could answer, I took his face in my hands and pulled him in for a kiss, soft and slow. “I love you.”

He huffed before wrapping his arms around me, pulling me into his chest. “Love you too, brat. Now come on, it’s getting late.”

Despite the growing blizzard outside, the cabin was surprisingly warm. Even as the two of us cuddled into bed, with my head tucked beneath his chin and his arms around my waist, neither of us felt the slightest chill. I buried my face into his neck, but not before stealing one last glance at the snow outside.

“Goodnight, Levi.”

His chest rumbled as he lifted my hand up to his face, thumbing the silver ring that rested on the fourth finger. “Goodnight…Mrs. Ackerman.”

I giggled against the crook of his neck. “I like it. It has a nice ring to it.”

“Yeah, it does…”

The rest of the night passed by in silence, with the two of us holding each other beneath the blankets. Once in a while he would shift in my arms, just to snuggle further into the mattress, before settling once again. I stretched my fingers along his chest, and I smiled when I felt his heart beat against my fingertips.

He’s here. We’re both here.

And right now, that was all I needed.

The two of us were shoving each other back and forth, all the while giggling uncontrollably. Almost as though we were cadets again, twelve years old and full of stupid ideas, as Ben and Leyna watched us fool around from the sidelines.

The thought of my siblings made me smile. I’d sent a letter to Leyna in the past few days, making sure that it would arrive in Mitras before today. It was her birthday too, after all, as well as Ben’s. The three of us used to send letters back and forth before meeting up at home back in Shiganshina, where Ma would be waiting for us with a homemade cake, and maybe even a few muffins and cookies to take back with us if we were lucky. She always made sure to send us on our way with stuffed bellies and some extra food, as though we were children going to a friend’s house for a sleepover again.

And in the years Dad had still been alive, even though he wasn’t always in the best state of health, he always made an effort to prepare a gift for us, whether it was little trinkets from the market or handmade gifts he’d carved out of wood. He’d taken up a light hobby of woodcarving after retiring from the Scouts, just to keep his hands busy as he stayed within the house. One particular year he had made all three of us little carvings of wolves, with each of our initials engraved on the bottom.

I miss you. On instinct, I slid my hand around the little wolf charm that dangled from the cord around my neck. All of you.

The base was practically empty by the time Hanji and I left the castle. The soldiers were either still in bed or holed up in the mess hall, still blinking the sleep from their eyes. I was the same, more or less (the night owl to Hanji’s early bird)—which is why I nearly shrieked out loud when something slammed into me from behind.

“Oh, I’m sorry, captain!” Gretel’s hair was unusually messy, her eyes wild and her cheeks flushed red. “I didn’t see you there! But actually, I’ve been meaning to ask you something, now that you’re here…”

I could already feel my eyebrow inching up. Why is she so hyper today? It’s not even fully sunrise, so why is she so damn excited?

“What is it, Mayer?”

“Evan and I were talking a couple days ago, and Reggie and Emily are okay with it if you are—but we want to have a little celebration for Murphy’s birthday tonight!”

My jaw dropped; my eyes went as wide as they could go. Hanji was snickering beside me, although I couldn’t tell if it was because of me or what Gretel had said.

It’s Murphy’s birthday today? So soon?

And sure enough, I recalled glancing at his form in just the last couple weeks, stating that his birthday was coming up soon. At the time I’d smiled and thought nothing of it (none of the kids on my squad did anything special to celebrate their birthdays anyway)… But now I was starting to feel particularly stupid.

“What a small world!” Hanji’s arm was back around my shoulders, as she clapped Gretel on the back so hard the poor girl almost stumbled over. “It’s Mia’s birthday, too!”

“Wait, it is?! I didn’t know, captain! How—I mean, happy birthday!”

“Thanks,” I mumbled, sending a glare in Hanji’s direction. “I don’t really like to advertise it, but this one makes a point of letting everyone and their mother know about it.”

“Of course.” Hanji made no effort in concealing her smirk, as she mussed up my hair with a rough hand. “Actually, now that you mention it… Mayer, can I have a quick word for you?”

“Um… Okay, Section Commander. But why…?” She glanced from Hanji to me, and then back to Hanji—and suddenly she was nodding eagerly, her lips laced into a smile. “Oh, of course! When would you like to talk?”

“Right now, actually. The sooner the better, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, I couldn’t agree more!”

It was hard to ignore the churning feeling in the pit of my stomach, as I watched my best friend and my cadet huddle close together, their expressions already saying much more than words ever could. And as Hanji started to lead her away, she glanced at me from over her shoulder and smirked, “Don’t wait up for me, this might take a while!”

Of course it will. But all I could do was hope that Hanji wouldn’t go overboard with whatever she and Gretel had planned.

|~|

Breakfast had gone by rather smoothly. None of the other Squad Leaders made a fuss over my birthday—at least, not like Hanji had. Mike and Nanaba had kept it simple, wishing me a nice day as they stood up to refill their plates. Erwin had smiled and encouraged me to make some time for myself at the end of the day, to which Levi scoffed at from over the rim of his teacup. The two of us snickered to each other, avoiding eye contact as we sipped our tea, as Erwin quirked his eyebrow at us. Poor oblivious Commander…

Levi was already well aware of my plans for today, and once we were alone the two of us headed out to the stables. A comfortable silence settled over us as we saddled up our horses, with Mischa giving my hand a friendly nuzzle as I passed her stall.

As I took Edel’s reins and began to lead him out of the barn, a familiar tuft of reddish-brown hair caught my eye. Huddled in Misty’s stall was Murphy, whispering sweet nothings into her ear as he brushed her down. I smiled when I saw how her coat shone in the early morning sunlight; obviously Murphy took great pride in taking care of his steed.

“Good morning, Enns.” The boy smiled at me before turning back to his horse. “Oh, and happy birthday!”

Poor Murphy—the tips of his ears burned scarlet as he stumbled over his words, nearly dropping the brush and startling Misty in the process. He gave a nervous laugh, threading his fingers through his hair as he struggled to look me in the eyes.

“Ah, t-thank you, captain—but how did you…?”

“Mayer let it slip this morning.” I was careful not to mention the celebration she was planning with the rest of the squad. It was their secret to share, not mine. “I take it you’re like me and don’t make a big deal out of it, huh?”

“I…I guess so.” He kept his eyes on Misty, as she lowered her head to nibble on a bit of hay. “It’s just…easier that way.”

Yeah, it is. I knew the feeling all too well.

“I get it. Still, you have to make the best of it, alright? It only comes once a year, so enjoy it while you can!”

“…Yeah, you’re probably right. I’ll try to enjoy it, captain.” He reached over to brush Misty’s forelock out of her eyes. “Maybe we’ll practice some jumping today. What do you say, girl?”

And he was lost in his horse again, just the way I’d found him. With a gentle tug on his reins, I started to lead Edel towards the exit once more. The clopping sound of his hooves bounced off the walls of the barn, followed by the sound of Mischa’s hooves right behind us.

“Oh, and happy birthday to you too, captain! I hope you enjoy your day, too!”

Edel’s ears pricked forward at my gasp; I nearly tripped over my own two feet while getting him out the door of the barn. I could hear Levi snickering from behind me, and even Mischa was grunting and bobbing her head as though she were laughing.

Damn it! I guess word travels fast among the kids, huh?

“Thanks, Enns…”

I could hear him laughing from the barn as I swung myself up into Edel’s saddle. And as I gripped the reins, I gave Levi the fiercest glare I could muster—I was not enjoying the smug look on his face.

“Not one fucking word, captain.”

He remained silent, even as the two of us began to ride away from the base, but the smirk on his face said much more than any words could.

|~|

The road to Trost was long but familiar. The trodden paths through the forests, the little streams that dotted the outskirts of the town, and even the occasional rabbit that leapt out from the bushes, seemingly unaware of the two large horses in their line of sight. Neither of us said anything on the way there—not even when we headed towards the old hill at the edge of the district, far away from the rest of civilization.

Edel’s hooves were heavy against the grass. The reins were slick in my hands, my fingers cramped and sweating. I could feel my heart in my throat as I halted Edel just for a moment, only to swipe a small bunch of white flowers from the little grassy patch beside the trail.

They’re not edelweiss flowers, but they’ll do the job. I think he’ll like them all the same.

The cemetery was just over the hill, in the northwest direction of Trost District. There were countless cemeteries within the Walls, plenty of resting sites for both fallen soldiers and civilians alike. They were usually buried in separate sections, depending on the districts that watched over them, but after Wall Maria had been lost to the Titans about four years ago, they were now buried alongside each other: civilians, Scouts, and Garrison soldiers. Such was the case with this particular cemetery, with the soldiers’ headstones bearing the emblem of their branch.

Levi and I left Edel and Mischa at the edge of the cemetery, where they could graze in the meadow nearby. I held the bunch of flowers to my chest, twirling my fingers around the stems. Now that I could see them up close, I realized they were myosotis flowers, with the faintest splash of blue on the petals.

Forget-me-nots.

Something warm brushed against my hand. Levi kept his eyes forward as he pressed his palm to mine, sliding his fingers through my own.

“You alright?”

I swallowed hard. “I’ll be okay.”

Together, the two of us began to walk through the cemetery, careful not to disturb any headstones or gifts that had been laid out. We had visited cemeteries before, especially after the winter expedition of 847, to pay our respects for the soldiers we’d lost. But neither of us had been to this one in years—and especially not together like this.

The eastern side of the hill was dedicated to the Garrison soldiers lost throughout the years. Some who had lost their lives in the fall of Wall Maria, and some who had passed away countless years before that. But they were all the same in the end, just like us Scouts. They had all worn those twin roses on their backs with pride, just as we did with the Wings of Freedom sewn into our cloaks.

A familiar silver headstone came into view. On instinct I tightened my hand around Levi’s, and he gave my fingers a gentle squeeze.

I’m here. It’s okay.

It was the last one in the twelfth row on the hill. Faded and sprinkled with moss, with the roses of the Garrison carved into the surface. I knelt down to the headstone, well aware of Levi’s eyes on me, as I grazed my hand along the words written against the stone.

Benjamin Wolf, Sergeant of 18th Squad, Shiganshina District

June 15th, 821 – June 22nd, 845

The little white flowers looked so out of place next to the headstone, an odd splash of color against the mossy ground. I could feel my throat closing up as I pressed my palm to the surface of the stone, and the memories of my brother’s face flooded before my eyes.

The way the wind would tousle his messy brown hair. The way the sun would turn it a faint shade of red. The mischievous sparkle he would get in his eyes, the one he’d always had since he was a little boy. The warm bear hugs he would crush me with, the rough palm mussing up my hair as he laughed. The way he said my name, either in happiness, disappointment, or sheer disbelief. Despite our close bond as kids, even he couldn’t always defend me and every little thing I did. There would be times where I would come home practically dripping in mud, to my mother’s horror and my father’s disappointment (and my sister’s smug delight), and even Ben couldn’t find it in himself to speak in my defense. He would just shake his head and tell me later on, once we were all cleaned up and tucked into bed, “I thought you knew better than this.” And as usual, I would only roll my eyes and shrug him off. “Next time it won’t happen, I swear.”

I miss you. Even after all these years, I still miss you so much.

“Mia.” A gentle hand on my shoulder, bringing me back to the world around me. I gazed up at Levi, whose mouth was set in a hard, tight line. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I gave him a smile, albeit a bit forced, and squeezed his fingers softly. “I just want to stay here for a bit.” Besides, if I didn’t want him to accompany me today, I wouldn’t have asked him in the first place.

He nodded once before taking a few steps back, allowing me a bit of privacy as he turned his gaze to the horses at the end of the hill. I cleared my throat and turned back to the headstone, touching my brother’s name once more.

“…I just wanted to say happy birthday, Ben.” The tips of my ears burned as I spoke; you would think after all my years of being a soldier, I would get used to talking to headstones in the cemetery. “I know I couldn’t visit you last year, and I’m sorry about that. I had some stuff going on in the capital—you know what that’s like, huh?”

It was just another thing the two of us could bond over: our personal distaste for the air of Mitras, and the interior of the Walls in general. Neither of us could see why or how Leyna loved it so much; to us, it was just a dingy, crowded place filled with nobles who would kiss up to you one minute and talk about you behind your back another.

“Anyway, I won’t stay for too long. The kids are supposedly planning something for Murphy’s birthday later tonight, so I have to be there for them. You’d like them all, I think. Evan has your brain, and Murphy looks just like you did when you were his age. And Reggie and Gretel are growing up to be such fine soldiers. And Emily—I haven’t told you about her yet, have I? She’s the newest member, I picked her out once she graduated earlier this year. She could be a fantastic medic with the right training, but I don’t know if she wants to be one. I’ll have to ask her about it later on…”

A soft breeze fluttered past the hill, knocking my hair off my shoulders. With a tight swallow, I kissed the tips of my fingers and pressed them to the surface of the stone, right above Ben’s engraved name.

“Happy birthday, Ben. I’ll come visit you soon, alright? I promise.”

I pushed myself off the ground, leaving the little white flowers beside the headstone. Levi was at my side at once, wrapping his hand around my own as he kissed my temple softly. He was silent as he began to lead me back down the hill, keeping his fingers laced through my own.

As we reached Edel and Mischa and began the trek home, a gust of wind flew by—and suddenly I heard it. Light and soft, but it was there. A familiar voice, carried by the wind, a promise of love and family. A gentle goodbye, a soft kiss on the cheek.

See you soon, Mia.

My brother’s voice echoed in my head the whole way home, filling me with a warmth I hadn’t known in years.

|~|

It was just past sunset when Gretel came knocking on my door. As per her meeting with Hanji earlier, she had refused to let me in on what she and the others were planning for Murphy’s birthday. So I was in the dark as much as he was, unfortunately.

“Meet us at the edge of the woods. And you’re not allowed to ask any questions! Section Commander Hanji’s orders, of course. Oh, and you don’t have to worry about bringing your horse. We’re not going too far, anyway.”

I could feel my eyebrows knitting together with every word she spoke. Hanji’s in on it now? That’s not a good sign… What in the world could those two be planning?

So I left my office as fast as I could, still in my uniform (minus the jacket) and the straps of my gear, with my cloak thrown over my shoulders. It was unusually breezy tonight, as the remnants of spring blew through the base. Tomorrow summer would officially begin, and the days would grow longer and hotter and borderline unbearable.

Might as well enjoy the cool air while it lasts, right?

Murphy was waiting at the edge of the forest, along with an impatient Evan and Gretel. The two of them smirked at each other before leading us towards the trees, with a tiny lantern swinging from Evan’s grasp.

“This way!”

The two of us followed them through the trees, dead twigs crunching beneath our boots. The path was one I knew all too well—the same one Edel and I rode whenever we wanted to get some extra practice in. Indeed, just ahead on the road was the fallen tree he had jumped over perfectly just a few weeks ago.

Gretel suddenly quickened her pace, with Evan right at her heels. Suddenly I knew why, and already I felt the urge to swaddle myself up into my cloak and disappear into the dirt below.

A small campfire had been built in the tiny clearing of the forest, the flames licking the bottom of a silver pot. Two brown horses were lingering beside a small wagon a few yards away, with a couple of crates resting in the back. (They must’ve wheeled it out here before someone let them loose to graze.) Hanji waved at me from her spot beside the fire, with Nanaba and Erwin sitting on either side of her. But they weren’t the only ones seated around the fire.

Oh no—there were so many more.

Reggie and Emily were talking to Nifa and Petra, as Oluo tried to listen in on their conversation in a not-so-subtle way from Petra’s side. Eld and Gunther turned and smiled over at Gretel and Evan, who practically raced to their spots between Reggie and Nanaba, with Evan dragging poor Murphy along by his wrist. Moblit gave me a somewhat apologetic smile, as Mike threw a smirk at me from over his shoulder. Even Levi was seated among them, in between Eld and Oluo as he sipped his tea. My face burned as he smirked at me from over the rim of his teacup.

“So glad you guys could make it!” Hanji was kneeling over the pot at the fire, swirling a spoon against the silver. “Why don’t you take a seat? The stew’s almost ready. I hope you’re hungry, because there’s a lot of it!”

As much as I wanted to sit by Levi, I knew it would only lead to more teasing from Hanji and Mike (and maybe even a few uncomfortable looks from our squads). So instead I slipped in between Nanaba and Murphy, who had not stopped blushing since we arrived at the little site.

“…What’s all this, anyway?”

“A little celebration,” Gretel was quick to answer, clearly sharing Hanji’s enthusiasm. “For both you and Murphy. Hanji decided we combine our little parties and celebrate them at the same time!”

“It’s nothing too fancy,” Nanaba said with a smile, “but at least it’ll give us some time to unwind. And you two deserve a break every now and then, right?”

Well, when you put it that way…

So that’s what Hanji and Gretel had been so excited about earlier. They were secretly plotting against our backs, fixing up this little get-together just to celebrate our birthdays. While neither of us cared for the extra attention, it was hard to stay mad at them for making such a sweet gesture.

Murphy was starting to loosen up as the night carried on, too involved in telling Evan and Reggie about what he’d accomplished in his extra training with Misty today. Gretel was huddling herself in her jacket in a desperate attempt to keep warm, as she listened to Nifa and Emily halfheartedly arguing about which one of them was going to ascend the ranks quicker. Petra was tugging on Oluo’s ear, chastising him for putting on a show just to try to impress the captain, as Gunther laughed and told her to ease up. Mike was starting to pass around a jug of water for everyone to fill their cups, while also subtly nudging a bottle of wine into Moblit’s side.

“Not with the kids around,” I growled, and Erwin chuckled behind his cup. I’ll be damned if any of them try to drink when the kids are here. No one needs to see Mike or Moblit when they’re drunk.

“Ever the responsible one,” Hanji sighed, as she began spooning the stew into the little bowls at her side. “You’re no fun, you know! You’ve always been like that, ever since we were kids.”

“And I’ll continue to be like that until we’re both old women.”

It wasn’t until I started passing the bowls down the line that I saw Evan’s eyes on me, a frown etched on his face.

“If you don’t mind me asking, captain… What was growing up as kids like Section Commander Hanji like?”

My fingers quivered around the next bowl. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop myself from smiling, from smirking as Hanji’s jaw clenched ever so slightly. This is my chance—payback’s a bitch, Zoë!

“You think she’s hyper now? Well, she was much worse back when we were kids! Couldn’t sit still for five minutes, even for a lecture. Remember how Duvalier was always yelling at us because we kept talking during training?”

“So what if I do? You never stopped me, you know!”

“Because every time I tried you would always drag me back into your silly antics!” By now Nanaba was trying so hard (and failing) to hide her laugh behind her palm as she sat between the two of us. “Should I tell them about the time you got your hair twisted in the ODM gear on the second day of training?”

“Don’t you dare!”

“Wait—Section Commander, you had long hair at one point?”

I nearly laughed out loud at the baffled expressions of Eld and Reggie, as they stared at Hanji with their jaws to the ground. Hanji was pouting with her cheeks puffed out, angrily swirling the spoon in the pot of stew in front of her.

“Yeah, she did. Ended up falling flat on her face with her hair caught in the wires!”

“You keep talking about that, and this stew’s gonna end up on your head!” Hanji threatened, waving the spoon back and forth in her fist. “Fine, then. Kids, wanna hear what your captain used to do when she was younger?”

My fingers clenched around the little bowl Nanaba had handed me. Oh, I can only imagine what she’s going to bring up!

“She used to sneak outside to sit on the roof of the barracks, so much so that Duvalier had to wait outside for you with a lantern, just to make sure you wouldn’t leave! And you think I was the only one to act up once in a while.”

“Once in a while? Do you wanna be the one wearing this stew, Hanji?”

“Alright, alright, not in front of the kids, you two.”

Nanaba was quick to hold out her arm in between us, although everyone around the campfire knew neither one of us would ever raise a hand to each other in malice. I couldn’t imagine ever going after my best friend like that, even if she annoyed me to no end sometimes.

Soon enough, and with Hanji sticking her tongue out at me in a final gesture of defiance, everyone began to fall silent as we dug into our dinner. The stew was surprisingly tasty, made of potatoes with some extra seasoning sprinkled in. Hanji didn’t really cook all that often, but the few meals she knew how to cook were always satisfying to both the eye and the stomach. Before I knew it, I was already halfway done with my bowl, and I could see Murphy and Gunther eyeing the pot for possible seconds. Even Levi seemed to be enjoying it, his shoulders sagging just a bit as he paused for yet another sip of his tea.

“There’s plenty more to go around, so have as much as you want!” To Hanji’s delight, both Gunther and Murphy (as well as Petra and Nifa) held out their bowls to her. When they were finished, I held out my own bowl to her, and she refilled it with a little prideful smirk.

“Thanks for putting this together, Han.” And for making such delicious stew. “You guys really didn’t have to do this, but thank you.”

“Yeah, thank you!” Murphy added, and his face went scarlet as he wiped his mouth of any leftover stew with his sleeve.

“Ah, it’s no big deal!” Hanji waved us off with a smile and a twinkle in her eye. “You guys deserve to be spoiled a little bit. It’s not every day we get to celebrate two birthdays on the same day, you know! Besides, it’s not much out here, but at least it’s better than being inside a stuffy restaurant in Mitras, huh?”

She winced as soon as the words left her mouth. My spoon clanked against the side of the bowl, the only sound in the air besides the crackling fire. Someone cleared their throat softly; by the sound of it, it was either Oluo or Evan.

She didn’t mean it. No, of course she didn’t. She would never try to hurt me intentionally, that just wasn’t like her. It was an honest mistake, something that didn’t even have to be forgiven.

Still, no one had openly mentioned my current ban from the capital city in almost a year. And while I wasn’t angry at Hanji for accidentally bringing it up, I was angry at myself for even letting it happen—for letting it get that far in the first place.

“…Honestly, good riddance.” That was Reggie’s voice, as he leaned back in his seat with a sigh. “It’s not really that fun over there, anyway.”

“Yeah, it kinda sucks,” Gretel added with a shudder. “Bunch of old people with too much money on their hands. I’d be glad to be banned from that place—that means I wouldn’t have to go to those stupid meetings and gatherings every few months.”

Evan and Emily were nodding in agreement, with Murphy shrugging his shoulders in approval. And sure enough, the other kids were following their lead, looking much more relaxed than they had been before.

“Mitras is…a bit boring, I’ll admit,” Petra said with a laugh. “For something that’s so admired by everyone, I was expecting it to be at least a bit beautiful… Honestly it was far from beautiful when I went for the first time!”

“And it probably won’t change all that much in the next few years,” Eld replied, “so it’s not worth worrying over.”

“You’re right,” Nifa chimed in, taking another bite of her stew. “Why bother worrying about stuff we can’t change? We might as well make the best of it, right?”

My fingers trembled around the hilt of the spoon. I could feel my eyes growing warm, my vision suddenly getting blurry—but one quick swipe of my sleeve across my face, and I was smiling into my bowl of stew like an idiot.

Thank you, you guys.

Suddenly it was much easier to breathe, to look my fellow soldiers in the eye as they conversed all around me. As the hours crawled by, and the pot was licked clean of any stew left, we ended up laughing and talking just as always, with the crackling fire in between us.

And for a moment, I didn’t see them as my fellow soldiers. I didn’t see Reggie and Emily and the others as my kids. I didn’t see Hanji and Nanaba as my best friends, Mike as my fellow Squad Leader or Erwin as my Commander, or even Levi as my lover. Right now, under the moon’s glowing rays, and the summer air blowing through our hair…we were just people. Human beings with dreams, passions, goals, fears, and everything in between. We didn’t have titles or power over each other. We were simply seventeen people who were swept into the same lifestyle as our comrades, who were enjoying a well-earned night of peace after so many months of turmoil. And for the first time in months, maybe even years, I saw them all, both young and old, cadets and veterans, enjoying themselves with beautiful smiles on their faces.

Somehow we got on the topic of sharing childhood stories with each other, ranging from our lives back in our home districts to our first expeditions beyond the Walls. And before I knew it, most of us were doubled over laughing as Eld spilled the beans on his friends: that both Oluo and Petra had soiled themselves the first time they went beyond the Walls.

“You swore you’d never speak of it again!” It was hard to not laugh at the shrill tone of Petra’s voice, her amber eyes flaring with fury as her fingers twitched at her sides. If it weren’t for Oluo and Levi sitting between them, I would’ve put money down that she was going to strangle poor Eld.

“It’s alright, it happens to all of us at some point.” As always, Moblit was the supportive one, as he offered her a sweet smile from across the fire. “Nothing to be ashamed of, really!”

“You’re one to talk,” Mike chuckled, and immediately Moblit’s face began burning a bright red color. “Didn’t you have a similar accident when you were sixteen? I remember, you were in my squad when it happened!”

“Aw, cut it out, Mike!” Hanji was quick to defend her friend, despite her uncontrollable laughter. “Like you never had that happen to you…”

“As a matter of fact,” Erwin’s voice was cool and calm as he smirked at Mike, “I seem to recall you hurrying off to the barracks after our first expedition together. It really does happen to everyone, doesn’t it, Mike?”

The look on his face was absolutely priceless, the final nail in the coffin for everyone around the campfire. We were gasping for breath, some of us wiping tears from our eyes, clutching our sides as we struggled to breathe once more. In all the years I’d known them, I didn’t think I’d ever seen Murphy and Gunther, and even Nanaba and Hanji, laugh as hard as they did that night. And the rest were no exception—hell, even Levi of all people managed to crack a smile at that.

It was pure, unbridled bliss. Surely a night to remember.

But the moon was starting to wane, its rays growing weaker against the shadows of the trees. It was getting late, far too late for a handful of kids whom I knew had training the next day. But before I could even say anything on the matter, a firm but warm hand came to rest on the top of my head. I glanced up at Levi as he mussed up my hair, as well as Murphy’s from his place beside me.

“Might as well start heading back.” He was speaking more to mine and his squads, rather than our little group as a whole. “I don’t want any of you whining about not getting enough sleep tomorrow.”

Upon seeing the deflated faces of Evan, Emily, Eld, and the rest of the kids, I half-expected them to put up a fight, just as I would’ve done when I was their age. But none of them did. Instead, Reggie was the first to stand up, followed by Nifa and Emily, and then Gunther and Oluo.

“You’re right, captain. Do you want any help cleaning this up?” Reggie motioned to the pot in the center of the group, as well as the collection of dirty dishes stacked on top of it.

“We’ll take care of it. Just get yourselves to sleep, don’t wait up for us.”

One by one, the cadets began to disburse. Emily and Nifa were side by side, hands brushing one another’s as they trailed behind Eld and Gunther. Reggie took up the rear with Oluo and Petra, as Evan and Gretel went on ahead yawning loudly. Murphy was the last to leave, but before he turned away, he gave our group a thankful smile, his cheeks a beautiful rosy shade.

“Thank you for this. It was a lot of fun. …Oh, and Section Commander, you’re a really good cook!”

Hanji puffed out her chest and gave the kid a smirk. “Why, thank you! I’d be happy to make you some more home-cooked meals once in a while, if you’d like!”

Murphy nodded eagerly, his amber eyes shining beneath the moon’s rays—and then he was off, scurrying after his friends and squadmates.

A few moments of silence passed. Eventually their footsteps faded into the forest, leaving the rest of us completely alone. And wordlessly, the seven of us moved closer to the campfire, with Levi settling himself beside me in the grass.

“…Now can we start drinking?”

I rolled my eyes and held out my cup to Mike. “Fine, but pour me some while you’re at it!” No way am I letting you and Moblit keep it all to yourselves.

Mike slid the wine bottle from earlier out from under his jacket (he had made sure to keep it out of the kids’ line of sight after I’d scolded him for it) and began filling our cups one by one. I only wanted a little bit—alcohol still wasn’t my favorite, but this was a special occasion—and Levi refused it altogether, opting to stick with his tea instead.

“They’re good kids,” Mike suddenly said, catching me off guard. His face was unusually soft, his brown eyes warm behind his shaggy blond bangs. “You’re lucky to have ’em, you know.”

I thought of Emily’s calm and collected nature; of Reggie’s natural talent as a leader; of Evan’s incredible mind in the field; of Gretel’s snippy nature, as sharp as her blades; and finally of Murphy’s love for his comrades, and the beautiful glimmer of his eyes in the sunlight.

Would Rosalie and Emmett approve of them? No doubt about it, they would probably get along the moment they saw each other. Gretel would be too busy challenging Emmett to arm-wrestling matches and silly training games in the forest, just to see which one of them was stronger. Rosalie would be poring over books and battle strategies with Evan, but I could also see her training Emily with her horse, just as Murphy usually did. And Reggie would be the balance between them, keeping a watchful eye on all of them just to make sure there weren’t any accidents (or injuries), but being proud of his little family all the same.

No, our little family.

“…Thanks,” my voice was no more than a mumble as I sipped my drink, the taste of wine burning my throat. “I guess I am.”

The seven of us settled back in our seats, sipping our wine and gazing up at the moon between the clouds. Levi’s hand draped across my own on the grass, his warmth sending shivers down my spine. It was tempting to lean over and kiss him right on the mouth, or maybe even his cheek, but I was not going to deal with endless teasing from Hanji and Mike.

“So,” Moblit sighed and lowered his cup, “another year down. You feel any different?”

“Not yet. What am I, twenty-eight already? It’s kinda hard to keep track nowadays…”

Huh, twenty-eight years? Am I really that old right now?

It was nowhere near the age of some of the citizens within the Walls, especially those in the interior and Mitras. But it was an impressive feat for a member of the Survey Corps; most soldiers didn’t live to reach twenty-five. The numbers had been a little better in the last couple of years, but it was still a far cry from the rest of the population within the Walls.

That means Leyna’s twenty-eight, too. I wonder if she feels the same way? …Probably not. It’s so different over there in Wall Sina. She’s probably already planning the next ten years of her life over there.

“Ah, never mind all that stuff!” Hanji had that mischievous twinkle in her eye again, that smug smile that made my stomach flip over on itself. “Time for your presents!”

Wait, presents?! “Hanji, I don’t—”

“Hey, no arguing!” She was already rummaging around in the wagon with Moblit at her side, before giving the two horses nearby a quick pat on their necks. And I was horrified to see Mike and Nanaba, and even Erwin doing the same beside her. “It’s tradition, so you have to grin and bear it! So suck it up and deal with it, alright?”

I knew better than to argue with her on this. Hanji always came out on top in these spats, insisting on the importance of gift giving on one’s special day. I had no problem giving gifts to my fellow soldiers, but it was something entirely different when it came to myself. Especially when it happened to be my birthday.

At least Levi stayed nestled against my side, lacing his fingers through my own against the grass. At least he’s not working against me here. He merely shrugged his shoulders and took another sip of his tea, but not before clanking his cup against my own in a silent toast.

Nanaba was the first to hand me a gift, as she and Mike settled in the grass beside Levi. It was small enough, wrapped up in brown parchment and tied with a thin white string around the top. “From both of us,” she said with a smile, motioning to the smirking man at her side. “Hopefully you’ll be able to get some use out of it.”

I tore at the paper, eager to see what was inside. And when I finally did, I couldn’t help but smile at the two of them. Inside were a pair of gloves, made of rich leather that felt smooth to the touch. And when I slipped them on, I was surprised to see they were a perfect fit; most of the gloves they sold within the inner districts only came in sizes suitable for taller and bulkier soldiers like Mike and Erwin, not for petite ones like myself.

“You could wear them during training, so your hands don’t bleed from the blades.” I glanced up at Mike as he spoke, as he took another swig of his drink. “I have a pair myself and they seem to be working quite well so far.”

“Well, I’ll definitely try them out tomorrow during training. Thank you!”

It was sweet of them to not only get me a gift, but get me something I was sure to use in my everyday routine. Besides, after the lengthy breaks from training I’d taken, what with my injury and the whole mess at Mitras, my hands were no longer used to rigorous training with the ODM gear and the blades. I could use all the help I could get in order to get myself back to where I had been.

Moblit was the next to give me a gift, the tips of his ears burning a bit in the light of the fire. The paper crumpled at my feet as I ripped it apart, and I could feel my chest tighten as I held up the gift. It was a box set of three books from an author I knew all too well. A trilogy that I often caught my mother reading at the kitchen table, back in our little home in Shiganshina; she always told me I would be able to read them when she passed the books down to me and Leyna, and I was convinced they were lost back in the rubble of Wall Maria until we could find a way to reclaim it. But now I was holding it in my hands, all three books (in perfect condition), tracing my fingers across the title: Where Mom Lives.

“Thanks, Moblit. I’ll have to make time to read these later this week; they were some of my mother’s favorite books!” I hugged them to my chest, smiling as I watched his cheeks flush a dark pink color.

“No problem, Mia.”

I didn’t have much time before Erwin passed me his own gift: a brand new leather bridle with silver stitching embroidered in the reins, proudly spelling Edelweiss. My mouth fell open at the gentle leather, the gorgeous stitching, the sight of my horse’s name printed into the surface…

“And there’s a matching saddle in the barn, as well. I hope it’s the right size for him—not too tight or anything.”

“It’s perfect, Commander. Thank you so much!”

Erwin and I were always giving each other little horse-related gifts, for both our birthdays and Christmastime. While his own white horse was the largest one within the Survey Corps, Edel was a close second, which led to us both passing tack and equipment back and forth with each other. From curry brushes to blankets to even special shampoo to wash their manes and tails with—if it had to do with our horses, Erwin and I would be the first in line to know about it.

And I know Edel will absolutely love it. The bridle he’s wearing is already so worn out. Besides, he likes looking handsome whenever he goes out for a run!

Hanji was nearly bursting at the seams as she shoved her own gift into my arms, her eyes glimmering in the firelight. “Come on, open it already! Don’t keep me waiting!”

So I did. And just like with her gift for Levi’s birthday a couple years ago, she managed to catch me off guard, but in the best possible way.

She had gotten me a dress—not a heavy one, like the women in Mitras and Wall Sina wore on a daily basis, but not quite as long as the ones the girls in Trost and Shiganshina used to wear, either. It was small and light, reaching down to my knees with little ruffles around the edges. The collar crossed at a V-shape, with one flab of fabric folded over the other, and the sleeves cut off just above the elbow. And to top it off, the dress was a gorgeous light green color, with little bits of lace sewn into the sleeves.

I didn’t make a habit of wearing dresses all that often, especially as of late with all the training I had to make up, but looking at this little outfit made me want to save it for one of my rare days off, to let my hair down and feel the summer breeze blowing through the little ruffled skirt.

“It’s so pretty, Hanji! How did you know green was my favorite color?” I added with a little smirk.

She reached over to flick the collar of my shirt, just above the straps of my ODM gear. “Just a lucky guess. I’m glad you like it! Now you’re gonna have to wear it one of these days, I’m sure you’d look so cute in it!”

I hope so. And by the looks of it, Levi was thinking the same thing, as he unhooked the chest strap of his ODM gear.

Speaking of Levi…

“Alright Shorty, it’s your turn! Where’s your gift to your girlfriend, huh? What’re you planning on giving her?”

He scoffed and sipped his tea once more. “None of your business. That’s between me and her.”

Wait, don’t tell me he got something for me too!

“Aw, come on! Not even a little kiss? For the birthday girl?”

“Hanji, I swear to—”

Something light and warm twisted into my hair, bringing my head to the side. Before I knew it Levi’s lips were pressed against mine, his fingers keeping my head in place, the unbuckled ends of his chest strap brushing against my shoulder.

My cheeks were flushed, the light of the flames bouncing off my eyelids. I could feel everyone’s eyes on me, on Levi, watching us kiss, oh my God Hanji will never let me live this down—

Levi’s fingers were firm against my hair. A silent message: Don’t worry about them. It’s just you and me right now.

I raised my hand, fingers trembling against his cheek, as I eased myself against his body, savoring every bit of his sweet kiss.

He pulled away far too soon, his cheeks glowing in the firelight, his fingers still swirling in my hair. While he looked a bit bashful under the watchful eyes of our friends, he didn’t seem ashamed of what he’d done. Instead he inched closer to me in the grass, draping his arm across my shoulders as I snuggled into his side.

“Fuck off,” he snapped, before Hanji could even open her mouth. But she only leaned back and crossed her arms over her chest, a shit-eating grin plastered on her face.

Great, she’s going to hold this over my head forever…

The rest of the night carried on, with the seven of us making small talk and sipping our drinks. The air was getting cooler as the moon rose to its peak in the sky. I curled my cloak around myself, mindful of Levi’s arm stretched along my shoulders. With the others too busy talking amongst themselves, the two of us snuggled closer to each other and clanked our cups together, before Levi’s lips came to rest on the top of my head.

But the alcohol was starting to wear off, and we were starting to get a little sleepy. Nanaba barely managed to cover her yawn with her palm before she leaned into Mike’s side with a smile. Moblit’s eyelids were beginning to droop as he took another swig, and even Erwin was looking a little tired around the eyes. And before I could even say anything, I was yawning into the crook of Levi’s neck.

Time to go to bed.

Despite our offer to help, Hanji waved us off and assured us that she and the others could take care of the dirty dishes back at the base, as well as the horses that Moblit was starting to hitch up to the wagon.

“We’ll be fine, you guys go get some rest.” But one quick wink from my friend told me that she suspected the two of us were going to do anything but resting once we got back to our room.

But we weren’t about to argue with her. So I tucked the three books Moblit had given me under my arm and slung Edel’s new bridle across my shoulder, and began the short trek back to the castle. Levi followed close behind as he carried the summer dress and leather gloves as well, holding them at bay as I snuck into the barn to hang the bridle on the edge of Edel’s stall. I’ll have to have him try it out tomorrow.

A soft light from the window of the mess hall caught my eye; when I peeked inside, I couldn’t help the warm glow that pooled in the pit of my chest. The kids hadn’t gone to bed at all—instead they were sprawled out across the floor and benches of the mess hall, fast asleep, still in their training uniforms. Reggie and Petra were the only ones sleeping semi-normally, with their heads in their arms as they sat at one of the tables. Eld was leaning against one of the benches with his head slung back, with Evan’s head resting in his lap, and Gretel’s arm stretched across his chest. Murphy was curled up in the center of the floor, his leg sprawled out across Emily’s waist, as she slept peacefully with her arm brushing against Nifa’s. And Gunther and Oluo were lying flat against the floor, with a thin line of drool slipping from Oluo’s open mouth.

I pointed to them, and Levi scoffed. “Dumb brats.”

Silly kids.

On the way to Levi’s room, I made a quick detour into my office, to drop off the gifts in my arms. I placed the trilogy of books from Moblit in the empty space on the top row of the bookshelf, and the leather gloves from Mike and Nanaba next to my father’s journal on the desk. I took one more longing look at the dress Hanji had given me, at the gorgeous floral pattern and soft colors, before dipping it into the laundry basket in the corner of the room. I’d have to wash it later, before I wore it—

Wait, what’s that?

There was another small box resting on the chair of my desk, wrapped up in brown parchment with a note stuck to the top. Two names were written below, and I grimaced as I took off the top to peek inside.

Just a little something for your special night. Hope you like it!

Love, Hanji and Nanaba

I made sure to hide it from Levi’s sight, keeping the box close to my chest. Inside was a lacy set of lingerie—of fucking course Hanji and Nanaba would get me something like that. A pair of panties and a matching bra, both a beautiful shade of light red with bits of lace sewn into the sides. I shivered at the thought of wearing them—it must be so fucking cold…

Oh well, might as well get some use out of it, right?

Levi was already at the door, his hand twisted around the knob. “Ready?”

With a smile, I hid the red set into my cloak and pulled it against my chest. “Whenever you are, captain.”

His fingers were warm against my own, as he led me down the shadowy hall towards his office. The moonlight was soft in the windows, spilling against the floor and bouncing off his midnight hair. The urge to kiss him was bubbling in my throat, flooding from the top of my head all the way down to the tips of my toes. My stomach flipped, my hand squeezed around his own.

Fuck, why does he always have to look so handsome?!

The two of us stepped inside, with Levi locking the door shut behind us. As I slid my cloak off my shoulders (with the red lingerie set wrapped up inside), I began to head for his bedroom—but he was standing there in front of me, his arms outstretched, a leather folder placed delicately in his hands.

“For you,” his voice was no more than a mumble, and I could already see the flush of pink across his cheeks. “For your special day, birthday girl.”

I snickered and took the folder from him, but not before pressing a kiss to his heated cheek. “Thank you, Levi. You didn’t have to do this…but I’m glad you did.” He only shrugged, hands clenching together at his sides, his eyes dropping to the floor below.

I thought back to the last present he’d given me for a special date like this: the sketch of myself and Edel in the snowy lands beyond Utopia District. He’d given it to me as a Christmas present, and from the looks of the folder, I could only assume this was a similar drawing. Maybe that’s why he looks so nervous.

I opened the folder—and all of a sudden, the world froze around me.

Instead of looking at a sketch of myself and my horse, or even myself and Levi…I was looking at my family. All five of them (including myself): my father, my mother, my sister, and my brother.

Dad was sitting in his special chair, the one with the wheels on the bottom, with a brown blanket thrown over his lap. He was looking up with a smile, his hands resting across my mother’s hands over his shoulders. Ma was standing behind him, a sweet smile on her face, with her hair pulled up in her usual messy ponytail. Both of them looked just as how I remembered them: Dad’s little freckles across his face, the little scrunch in Ma’s nose, the wear of my father’s hands, and the softness in my mother’s eyes. For a moment, I thought I was actually looking at them in real life, as though Levi had somehow taken a memory of mine and plastered it on paper.

And my siblings were no different. Leyna was standing beside my parents, her arms crossed over her chest, her long blond braid falling over her left shoulder. She was glancing off to the side, smirking at me and my brother, who was mussing up my hair with a smile. I was startled at how much the drawing looked like Ben; everything about him was on point, from his reddish-brown hair, the quirk of his lips, to the stray piece of hair that always stuck up on the left side of his head. For someone who always liked to tease me about my messy hair, he sure wasn’t that big on keeping up on his own.

But the thing that struck me, besides the beautiful illustrations and vibrant colors, was the fact that Leyna, Ben and I were all the same age. We weren’t kids, we weren’t teenagers. We were adults, happy and smiling with our parents. Our parents, our father, who had never seen us fully grown up like this. Our mother, who had probably never smiled like that since Dad passed away in our little home in Shiganshina. And our brother, my Ben, who had barely scraped twenty-four years of age when he died. Here we were, all happy and content with our lives, and finally together again.

Something small and warm splashed onto the corner of the page. I shrieked and held it away from me, just in time to avoid more droplets from getting onto the parchment.

“Levi,” I was sobbing right now, struggling to smile through the veil of tears in my eyes, “Levi—fuck, how in the… I mean, how did you…?”

I could feel him slip the parchment through my fingers, placing it gently on the desk before taking me into his arms. His lips were gentle against my forehead; even through the sobs, I could feel him smirking against my skin.

“Why do you always burst into tears whenever I give you a drawing?” But there was no malice in his voice, only softness. “It’s starting to mess with my confidence, brat.”

“B-but—” I was blubbering like a child, staining the collar of his shirt with my tears. “…How? I mean—it’s gorgeous!”

How could he create something so beautiful? I knew of his talents as an artist, of the beautiful things he could bring to life with a stroke of his pen. He proved it time and time again with his drawings of myself and Hanji, and even Furlan and Isabel, if he was in the right mindset to draw them. But how could he draw my family so accurately—when he had never met any of them other than my sister?

I peeked over his shoulder at the drawing on the desk. His fingers were tangled in my hair, his lips still lingering on my forehead.

“Your sister helped me out. Told me what they looked like, and all that shit. Kept sending sketches back and forth to make sure they looked how she remembered them. So did Hanji and Erwin; Moblit helped me out with it, too.”

Oh, of course.

Erwin had been a cadet when my father was still active in the Survey Corps, so he knew what his face looked like. Hanji had visited my parents countless times over the years, snickering behind Leyna’s back when she scrutinized us for being a little strange during our time together, and laughing along with Ben as they both teased me about my height and messy hair. And of course Moblit, being the best artist within the Survey Corps, would chip in to help Levi. No doubt he wanted this gift to be absolutely perfect, so he probably wanted all the help he could get.

And to think, he did it all for you, Wolf.

Another tear slid down my cheek. “Did Leyna get to see…did she get to see that before you gave it to me?”

“Not this one—I sent her another one a couple weeks ago, when I finally finished it.”

Knowing my sister, she would be absolutely enamored by the drawing, even if it did come from Levi. While she wasn’t as vocal about it, it was clear she had a deep love for me and the rest of our family. At least she had a similar drawing back in Mitras to look back on whenever she wanted. And Levi was sweet enough to make one for her… Just thinking about it made me want to cry again.

“So,” he cleared his throat, pulling away and tilting my chin up with his fingers, “you like it?”

“I… I absolutely love it.” I leaned up to kiss him, smiling through the salt of my tears on his lips. “Thank you so much, Levi. I’m going to keep it right here—right in that drawer, with Dad’s journal. I just…I can’t thank you enough for making it—”

“Don’t worry about it,” he mumbled against my mouth. “I can spoil you a bit for your special day, sweetheart. I’m just glad you like it.”

The way he said it, with a slight sigh and tired smile, had me wondering if he had been truly scared I wouldn’t love whatever he’d drawn me. As though I would have a problem with him and his artwork, or any of the beautiful sketches he’d created just for me.

“Of course I do. And I’ll always love whatever you draw, no matter what.”

I kissed him again, pressing my palms to his flushed cheeks, sighing as he wrapped his arms around me. His body was warm and firm, so familiar and comforting and suddenly I knew—I knew I was completely safe. I always would be, as long as I had him at my side.

I wiped my sleeves across my face, catching the tears that fell before leaning in for another kiss. This time his hands lingered at my forehead, brushing stray pieces of hair from my face, curling them together at the nape of my neck. A burst of heat exploded in my chest; suddenly I could feel my stomach churning, the tips of my fingers flooding with energy, the rush of adrenaline in my veins.

I wanted him. And I wanted him now.

So I shoved myself into his chest, nearly knocking him into the door of his bedroom. But he caught himself quickly and opened the door, before slamming it behind him with his foot.

There was nothing outside these four walls. No Titans, no humans, not even a world beyond the Walls. It was just me and Levi, lost in our own little world. Our home, the one we had made together, safe and sound from everybody else. Nothing could ever hurt us again, as long as we were in each other’s arms.

“Mia,” my name was a lullaby on his tongue, as he took a seat on the edge of the bed, still pawing at my hips as I propped a knee on the mattress beside him, “are you sure you want this?”

“Of course I do.” I leaned up to kiss his cheek, before pressing my mouth to his ear. “Do you want this?”

He groaned, tugging me into his lap—and already I could feel the outline of his cock pressing against my thigh.

“Shit, sweetheart—fuck, you know I want this.” Another kiss to my lips, his fingers carding through my hair. “Wanna take the lead tonight?”

“For a little bit. Let’s see how it goes first, okay?”

“Fine by me.”

The two of us were relentless, moaning and kissing and ripping at each other’s clothes. I thought back to the lacy red lingerie waiting for me on the chair back in his office, and how much better I would look with it instead of my plain white bra and panties. But I was too desperate to stop and go change. I finally had him in the palm of my hand, a surge of confidence flooding my body, and I wasn’t going to let this opportunity slip through my fingers.

The straps of the harness were always the toughest to get off; my fingers trembled around the buckles, leather slipping through metal with a groan, before the heavy backplate finally clattered against the floor. As Levi kicked off his boots and shoved his harness to the floor, I slid my hand around the back of his head and pulled him in for one more kiss. My face was burning, my thighs quivering as I took a seat on his lap, slowly moving my hips back and forth. He cursed under his breath, panting against my mouth as I felt his cock harden against my thigh.

“Fuck, sweetheart, come here—” Suddenly I was on top of him, cradling his head in my arms as he flopped against the mattress. “I want you to sit on my face. Let me taste that pretty pussy. Think you can do that for me?”

The two of us moaned as I brought my hips down on his again; already I could feel my panties starting to stick to my skin. With one hand propped on the mattress to hold myself up, I slid my other down my pants and into my panties—and I gasped when I felt the slick dribbling from my folds, my clit burning with need.

Fuck, I haven’t been this wet in months.

It was a good sign, at least. I wasn’t shying away from him or inching away from every touch. Instead I relished in the warmth of his body, his skin and sweat and beautiful burning eyes. That had to count for something, right?

“I want you to.” I was panting hard as I slid my hand from my panties, my fingertips coated with slick. And when Levi opened his mouth to taste them, I could feel my head start to spin. “I want to ride your face, captain. I want to cum on your tongue—please, make me cum on your tongue…”

He palmed at my ass through my pants, dragging my hips against his, sweat dotting along his brow. Fingertips ghosted over the hem of my shirt, and without missing a beat I straightened myself up and pulled my shirt up and over my head. His hands were everywhere at once—my stomach, my breasts, and finally the back of my neck, as he pulled me down to nibble on the shell of my ear. I whimpered against the crook of his neck, head spinning and face burning and chest heaving and—fuck, I was loving this.

“Get rid of these pants, sweetheart,” he murmured, tugging the waistband of my pants down ever so slightly, “and you can ride my face as long as you want. As hard as you want.”

So I did. Within moments my pants and panties were strewn across the floor, and Levi was bringing me down to sit on his face. My fingers quivered against the wooden bars of the headboard; my clit was practically throbbing, begging to be touched and toyed with. But Levi was a tease—he only brushed his nose over it, before sliding his tongue through my soaked folds.

A mewl danced off my tongue at the first lick. Soft and light, I thought I’d imagined it at first. I rocked my hips back and forth on his face, searching for any bit of friction I could find, just to ease the burning ache in my clit.

But then he was pushing me back down, keeping my thighs locked around his head, lapping at my sex like a starved man.

I was gasping for breath, leaning over the headboard, clawing at the wood with all my might. Eyes squeezed shut, heart pounding hard, I moaned out his name into the darkness, completely helpless to the way he was rocking me on his face.

“Levi!” My fingers fisted into his hair, and he groaned against my clit. When he wrapped his lips around it I could’ve sworn I saw stars. “Levi! Please, I can’t—ah!”

That familiar coil I knew all too well was starting to spiral in my stomach. With every lick, every suck, every light nibble on my clit, he was driving me closer and closer to my peak. And all I could do was sit there and take it.

Suddenly he was lifting me off his face, his lips stained with my juices, his eyes as dark as the night sky above. I fought to catch my breath as I smoothed out his hair on the pillow below.

“Tastes so good, sweetheart.” He pressed a kiss to my clit and smirked when I let out a whine. “Fucking beautiful. You like that, huh? You like when I play with your pussy?”

He reached up, dipping the pads of his fingers into the slick, moaning at the way I clenched above his face.

“What would you say if I did this?”

Suddenly his middle finger was inside of me—I could feel myself clenching around it, throbbing lightly at the stretch. At first I winced—I forgot how long and thick his fingers actually are—but it only took me a few seconds to ease up. And once I did, I was rocking myself back and forth on his finger, whimpering and whining and begging for more.

“Again,” my voice was borderline raspy as I clutched at his hair, “again. Another one, please—”

“Tch, so fucking greedy, aren’t you?”

But he obliged, sliding a second finger inside me, followed closely by a third. My hips were frantic at this point, nails digging into his scalp as he sucked at my clit, letting me ride his fingers and face until I was screaming his name so loud I was sure everyone in the Walls could hear me.

“Fuck! Captain, I wanna—please, I wanna cum! Make me cum!” Tears were leaking out of my eyes as the coil wound itself tighter and tighter. “Levi! I want you to make me cum!”

He flicked his wrist hard and fast, curling his fingers into me as he kept his lips around my clit. Once or twice he would pull away, tongue darting out to lick at my clit.

“Good girl, cum for me.” His other hand grasped my ass, keeping me balanced while also bringing me down hard on his fingers and face. “Such a good girl. Ride me all you want, sweetheart—I’m all yours.”

I tore at his hair, clenched my eyes shut, and suddenly I was screaming his name into the darkness, gushing all around his fingers and down his face. He was quick to lap up the remains, his tongue catching every last drop I could offer. It was only when I whimpered from his nose against my oversensitive clit that he began to lift me off his face, settling me down against the mattress below.

I’m all yours. All yours.

The words kept spiraling around in my head as I laid there on the bed, with Levi panting beside me. It was a simple phrase, commonly uttered in the heat of the moment. Plenty of women had heard it from men in their lives, especially those they had dedicated their hearts and souls to.

But this was Levi, who wouldn’t say anything unless he was absolutely sure he meant it, even during sex.

He’s mine. And I’m his, forever and ever.

“Until the day we die.”

“What?” He cocked his head in my direction, the back of his hand splayed out along his forehead. “What’re you talking about, kid?”

I glanced up at him—and suddenly, I knew. Even with the scent of sex in the air between us, the messy bedsheets beneath us and the crumpled clothes strewn along the floor, it all became so clear to me.

He was the one I wanted to die with. He was the one I wanted to grow old with, to settle down with and have children with. He was the one I wanted to slide a pretty ring on my finger when this war was over. He was the one I pledged my heart to, my body and soul, my entire life to. And in return, I knew he would do the same to me.

Not anyone else. Not Mike or Moblit, or Erwin or Blaise, or any of the other men I knew in my life. The only one I wanted was him, and for better or worse, the two of us were stuck together for the rest of our lives.

His eyes went wide as I climbed back over him, straddling his lap and fiddling with the buckle of his belt. My thighs were already aching, but I didn’t care. My attention was focused on Levi, who was still fully dressed, save for the cravat that was currently resting on the nightstand beside the bed. I can fix that in no time.

“Mia.”

His voice held a warning in it, although he didn’t stop me as I dragged his pants and boxers down to his ankles. Not even when I wrapped my fingers around his aching cock, thumbing over the flushed tip.

“Are you sure you want this?”

It was like I was a virgin all over again.

I smiled and gave him a kiss on his forehead. “Absolutely. What about you?”

His hands came to rest on either side of my face, nose brushing against mine, lips dancing over my own.

“Absolutely.”

He made quick work of his shirt, practically tearing the buttons apart before throwing it off to the side of the room. Now the two of us were completely bare, holding each other in our arms. I dragged my fingers along the planes of his chest, just as he began to massage the skin of my hips.

His hands were there, ready to catch me if I fell too far, to keep me safe and bring me back to him. I reached over to kiss his lips again, taking his cock in my hand. Little droplets of precum were already sliding down the tip; he groaned when I smeared it along the head and gave it a few slow strokes.

Fuck, I’ve missed his cock. I’ve missed holding it in my hands like this.

Another kiss, a silent nod, and his fingers were laced through mine, as I sank myself down on his cock.

I shuddered at the stretch, at the burn between my thighs as I clenched around his cock, struggling to adjust to his size. But before I could reach down to play with my clit, Levi was already reaching for it, stroking his thumb across the little bundle of nerves. I gave him a lazy smile, already too far gone for words.

He didn’t make a sound as I stayed there, his cock buried to the hilt inside of me, as I tried to ease up around him. No teasing, no begs to go faster—he was just staring up at me, his silver eyes tinted with lust. Lust and love.

I love you. Fuck, I love you so much, captain… You’re mine, as much as I’m yours. And I’ll love you until I take my last breath in this hellish world.

I took his hands in mine, pressing them to the mattress beside his head, as I lifted myself off his cock. As steadily as I could, I began to ride him, savoring every inch he had to offer—every bit of warmth his body gave me. My mouth fell open, my fingers tightened around his, and suddenly that coil returned to the pit of my stomach, begging me to go faster, to ride him and make him feel good, to make up for lost time.

“I missed having you inside of me.” My voice was no more than a whine, strained and desperate in my throat. I could see his jaw clenching, his chest heaving as I began to pick up the pace. “Levi—captain, oh fuck… I missed this so fucking much…”

How many nights had I gone to bed unsatisfied, too afraid to take that next step with him? How many nights had I belittled myself for acting like such a whiny little virgin, even though I told myself to just get over it already? How many nights had I laid beside Levi as he slept, fisting my shirt into my mouth, driving my fingers into myself, hoping that the scent of his clothes and shampoo would somehow be enough to get me off? How many nights had he offered to guide me through a round of sex, only for me to brush him off with a nervous laugh?

The last few months had been torturous, for both myself and for Levi. Too many tears, too many nights screaming ourselves awake at memories that grew foggier with every passing day. Too many scars that held terrifying stories, both on our bodies and in our minds.

But we’d picked up the pieces and carried on. We took care of each other, just as we always had. We held each other and kissed each other, let one another cry on our shoulders or into our chests, nestled into each other’s sides as we tried to sleep the nights away. We were slowly getting better. Slowly, but surely.

And now I could hold myself over him like this, fully aware that I was with someone I loved with all my heart. I could trust him with my body and my heart and never regret giving them to him in the first place. I could trust him to keep me safe, even in the darkest of times—and in return, he could trust me to keep him safe, as well.

I gasped when his cock brushed against that special spot deep inside of me—the one that made my vision blacken with stars and my fingertips tingle with pleasure. My jaw dropped, my head fell back as I scooped my hips into his again, and I moaned a little louder when I felt him hit that spot again.

“Mia,” Levi’s voice was husky, his fingers dancing along the underside of my breast, “I want you to ride me. Give me everything you’ve got.”

My eyes shot open. “E-everything?”

“Yes. Now ride me.”

I didn’t waste a single moment. My captain had given me an order, and I did my damned hardest to follow it.

I was gasping for breath, moaning his name over and over as I slid myself up and down on his cock. Every thrust of my hips sent another bolt of bliss coursing through my veins. Every moan from his lips, every hiss between his teeth gave me another reason to pick up the pace. And suddenly I was bouncing myself on his cock as hard as I could, moaning and whining and drunk on him—his scent, his touch, his kiss, and everything in between.

Levi, my precious captain, the one who holds my heart—

“C-captain!” My nails sank into the planes of his chest, keeping me grounded as I rocked myself back and forth on his cock as hard as I could. “Levi! Levi, Levi—”

You are my one and only, the one I want to live with. The one I want to marry. The one I want to have kids with. The one I want to die with.

“Mine!” The word was out of my mouth before I could stop it—but I was too lightheaded and drunk on pleasure to correct myself. “You’re mine! My Levi, mine…”

My hips stuttered against his; I was getting tired, still worn out from coming on his face earlier, from riding his tongue and fingers as though my life depended on it. But just as I started to slow down, Levi’s hands were grasping at my hips, lifting me up and down on his cock at his own pace, and suddenly I was screaming out his name again.

“Yours, huh? Fucking right,” he growled deep in his throat, and a shiver trickled down my spine. “I’m yours—and you’re mine. My Mia. You’re my good girl, aren’t you?”

I called out his name as he punctuated each of his words with a thrust, hard and deep inside of me.

“Yeah, you are. My good—fucking—girl.”

I couldn’t get enough air, my chest felt as though it were about to burst. I leaned down to Levi, brushing his sweaty bangs out of his eyes, smiling lazily at him as he pounded into me with everything he had.

“Tired…take over, please?”

He flipped us over on the mattress in the blink of an eye, sliding his hand against my thigh, wrapping my leg around his waist. I could only lean back and watch as he began to thrust into me, and the coil in my stomach only wound tighter and tighter.

I arched my back off the mattress, fists curling into the sheets below, as Levi peppered my breasts with sloppy kisses. He was relentless with his thrusts, set on making me scream his name over and over until everyone in the castle knew that Captain Levi was the one fucking me, the only one who could ever hope to make me feel this fucking good.

His name danced along my tongue, between moans and breathless whines, against the salt of his skin and the warmth of his tongue. He moaned into my mouth, whispering the word “Mia” over and over again, his cock brushing against that special spot deep inside of me.

My hands curled around his shoulders, nails digging into the muscles of his back. At the same time he stretched his arms toward the headboard, nipping at my bottom lip as he gave a particularly harsh thrust.

I gasped his name—“Levi!”—and suddenly my whole body was on fire.

Snap!

My nails dug into Levi’s shoulders, raking down the soft planes of skin below, just as the headboard fell apart in his hands. Some of the wood fell onto the pillow beside me, but Levi was quick to sweep it off with a wave of his hand. A part of me wanted to stop and check his palms for any splinters, but his weight kept me pinned to the mattress, his hips slamming into mine at a ruthless pace.

I was babbling at this point, kissing every inch of his face I could reach, pulling him closer as he drove me to my peak. And from the looks of his face—his sweaty brow, slack jaw and glazed eyes—his own release was close behind.

“Levi—oh fuck, Levi! Levi!”

I screamed his name into his mouth as I tumbled over the edge, clenching my thighs around his hips, locking my ankles around his lower back. Fuck finishing on my stomach—I want him inside of me.

Levi groaned, gritting his teeth, throwing his head back as he continued to thrust into me. Soft moans were slipping through his lips; he was breathing hard through his nose, cursing under his breath with every thrust. He was getting sloppy with his pace, desperate and needy as he leaned over me and cradled my head in his arms.

“Mia—I want you—fuck, so bad—” Another moan, and I could feel his cock twitching inside of me. My nails scraped against his shoulders once more, and suddenly his hips still against my own. “S-shit, oh fuck—Mia!”

He growled into the crook of my neck as he spilled himself inside of me. I held his trembling body against mine, carding my fingers through his sweaty hair, tasting every bit of salt on his skin. I winced as he started thrusting into me again, at a much slower pace this time, and he was quick to give me a soft kiss on my mouth.

“Mia,” he moaned against my lips, as his cum trickled out of me, “I fucking missed this.”

I smiled at him, wrapping my hands around the back of his neck. “I missed this, too.”

The two of us held each other, skin slick with sweat and grime, as he lazily thrusted into me. I kept my ankles around his lower back, keeping him in place as he moved against my body. And although I knew I was up to date with all my pills—Lina had made sure I had been kept on my regular schedule over the past year or so—a part of me wished I wasn’t.

A part of me wished for a different life, where the two of us could be safe and happy and blissfully in love, as my stomach grew swollen with our child.

“Levi, I want—” The words were already pouring out of my mouth. “I want a baby…”

I winced as soon as I realized what I’d said. What a way to ruin the mood. And while he’s still fucking you, no less. Nice going, Wolf—you fucking idiot.

But he only smirked at me, chest rumbling with a soft chuckle, as he brushed my hair away from my face. Perhaps it was the post-sex hormones, or the lingering bliss of being together, but he didn’t seem worried about what I’d said in the slightest.

“Not now, but someday.” He pressed a kiss to my forehead just as he scooped his hips, and suddenly I was clawing at his back again. “Fuck—I’ll get you pregnant someday, I promise. Would you like that, sweetheart?”

The thought of carrying his child within me, our child, and feeling his arms around my swollen stomach as he leaned down to kiss it and whisper sweet nothings to our unborn baby—it was enough to drive me wild. I was nodding frantically, panting his name over and over again as he brought me to the edge one more time.

“Yes! I want your baby, Levi—I want our baby—”

And suddenly I was whining again, throwing my head against the pillow as I reached my peak once more. My clit was throbbing at this point, painful but oh so pleasurable all the same.

Levi kissed me again, and one, two, three more thrusts and he was filling me up again. His hands were warm beneath my thighs, his cum hot and sticky as it dribbled onto the sheets below.

The heavy weight of exhaustion was starting to settle in my bones; even as Levi began to untangle us from each other, I found myself fighting to keep my eyes open. Something warm and pleasant pressed against my forehead, and the soft scent of mint brushed along my nose.

“Shower first,” he reminded me in a raspy voice. “Then sleep.”

So I forced my eyes open and sat up on the bed. I glanced over my shoulder at the ruined headboard and—holy fucking shit. He had fucking obliterated that poor headboard, tearing a chunk of wood right from the bars. A few splinters were gathered at the top of the pillow, and even more were starting to spill onto the floorboards.

“W-what did you do?” I glanced at his palms, searching for any open wounds in the skin. Luckily I found none—just a few bruises from the wood.

“You should talk, brat. My back hurts like a fucking bitch.”

He turned his body halfway, and my mouth fell open at the sight of bright red marks embedded in his skin. Thin trails of blood were starting to well, stretching from his shoulders all the way down to his back. Immediately I grabbed a corner of the sheets and began dabbing at the scratches as gently as I could.

“I’ll wash them off when we get in the shower. Fuck, Levi, I’m so sorry—I didn’t realize—”

“It’s fine,” he mumbled, a smug smile on his face. “It’s just that strange power you told me about back then, right?”

Suddenly I remembered: the warm spring night before the first expedition I’d ever attended with my brand new squad. Levi and I had spent the night training with our ODM gear, as he instructed me on how to effectively use my speed and newfound strength to my advantage to bring down a slew of wooden Titans in the forest.

I’d mentioned my weird adrenaline rush to him after some prompting, when he pointed out the similarities between our fighting styles in the fields. The raw and choppy movements, the wild look in our eyes, the sudden understanding of everything around us, and knowing exactly what had to be done and how to do it. The two of us had experienced similar rushes, despite coming from completely different parts of the Walls.

That had been the last time we’d mentioned it out loud. I can’t believe he still remembers that…

“Then that means yours must’ve kicked in, too.” I nodded over to the ruined headboard with a laugh. “So I guess I’m not the only one with a strange power, huh?”

“…No, I guess not.”

Whatever it was, it was beyond our comprehension. At least, for now. But we could worry about that all in the morning; right now, the two of us were in dire need of a shower, a fresh set of sheets, and some well-earned sleep.

With shaky legs, I followed Levi to the bathroom and settled into the tub with him. I slid myself behind him and began to wash out the cuts on his back. I couldn’t help but wince at the angry red marks on his skin, a clear sign of the rough, almost primal sex the two of us had just experienced.

“Quit staring at them, sweetheart.” He gave me a tiny smile from over his shoulder as I rinsed them out with water. “If I didn’t like it, I wouldn’t have let you do it in the first place.”

Yeah, maybe you’re right…

Once the wounds had been cleaned out, the two of us began to wash each other. His fingers were light and soft against my hair, down my breasts and finally between my thighs. In return I smoothed some soap over the marks on his neck, against the planes of his chest, before leaning in to kiss him on the lips.

It wasn’t until we were out of the tub, all rinsed off and drying ourselves with a pair of towels, that I finally found the courage to speak again:

“…Did you mean it, out there? About…having a baby with me?”

Perhaps it was just something spewed out in the moment. Perhaps it was what men promised their lovers in the spur of sex, hot and blissful and almost mind-numbing. Perhaps Levi was regretting it now, as he glanced down at the floor rather than my eyes.

The two of us had never discussed the subject of children with each other, especially concerning this little relationship of ours. The topic had always been forbidden, what with our lives as soldiers and the promise of death lingering over our heads. This was no place to raise a child, not with the Titans currently scratching at the stone of Wall Rose. Not with the weight of our soldiers’ lives on our shoulders, both past and present.

For the last few years, I’d told myself that bearing children of my own wasn’t an option. At least, not until the Titans could be eradicated from this world altogether. But they were always hiding in the deepest, darkest corners of my mind, waiting for me to think about them once again. My own children, a son or a daughter, looking like myself or maybe Ben and Leyna, or even my future husband.

I still wanted them so fucking badly—and I wanted them to look like myself and Levi.

He cleared his throat, swiping the towel through his messy wet hair. Finally his eyes were on my own, as he wrapped the towel around his shoulders and began to make his way towards me.

“Someday. If you want a baby, we’ll have a baby. But…not right now.”

His hands came to rest against my cheeks, his lips ghosting over my forehead as he spoke. I quivered beneath his touch, swallowing hard before wrapping my arms around his waist in a tight hug.

“Someday,” I agreed, burying my face in his chest. “It doesn’t have to be now. But someday.”

“Right, brat. Someday.”

That was enough to tie me over for the time being. Besides, the two of us weren’t ready for such a heavy conversation like that. Not with everything else going on in our lives.

I could wait until he was ready. Until we were both ready to talk about it.

As I brushed out my hair, I watched Levi change the sheets on the bed, and I giggled as he grimaced at the broken headboard above. The wood splinters had been scooped up and tossed away, with the huge chunk of wood thrown on top of the pile in the wastebasket. But just to be safe, Levi propped an extra pillow against the headboard, to prevent any stray splinters from falling on us in the middle of the night.

“I’ll mention a replacement to Erwin in the morning.”

“You think he’ll be wondering how you managed to break it in the first place?”

He glared at me, and I only shrugged my shoulders with a smile. “As if I give a fuck. Bed was fucking old, anyway.”

Uh-huh, sure it was. “Maybe we should invest in a metal headboard, just to make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

He huffed in agreement as the two of us climbed beneath the covers. I tucked my head under his chin at once, sighing in relief as I felt his arms coil around my waist.

“Although I have to admit…it was kinda hot seeing you break it like that.”

He scoffed as I snuggled deeper into his chest, drumming my fingers along his shoulders. “Don’t get used to it; it was a one-time thing. I’ll get us a new one as soon as I can. Now go to sleep.”

“…Next time, we should try breaking the whole bed.”

“Tch, be careful what you wish for, brat.”

He leaned down and pressed a kiss to my lips, soft and sweet and warm. And finally, with my limbs heavy from exhaustion and my face pressed against Levi’s chest, I closed my eyes and allowed myself to relax against his body.

But before I dozed off, I could hear his voice against the shell of my ear: “Sleep well, birthday girl.”

But there were other scars I wasn’t as proud of. The bruises healed in time. Eventually they would be nothing more than light marks on my neck, on my thighs where no one could see them. Sometimes I found myself tracing the marks with my fingertips, still feeling the ghost of his grip on my skin.

Scars that stayed in my mind, even when I closed my eyes. Scars that sent shivers down my spine, even with a thousand blankets wrapped around me. Scars that had me crying in the stupidest moments, whether I was getting out of bed in the morning, making myself a snack, or simply trying to enjoy a ride with Edel. No matter what I would find myself shedding a few tears—and no matter how hard I tried, I wouldn’t be able to stop.

My kids were supportive. Reggie took the lead when I couldn’t, directing them through their training and keeping them in top form for the upcoming expeditions. He was strict but considerate when it came to their needs; he was becoming a better leader with every passing day. Murphy would linger at the stables with me, as I brushed Edel’s coat and kept him clean. Gretel would bring me tea and snacks when I was cooped up in the mess hall, working on my paperwork. Evan would accompany me to Ahorne, as both my personal guardian and my fellow shopper (neither of us could be trusted in a marketplace—we would both return with empty pockets, our arms full of useless trinkets that made us smile).

Sometimes people would stare at me, with scrunched-up faces and scrutinizing looks. They knew me as Mia Wolf, the girl who had killed a member of the royal assembly—and was allowed to keep her life despite that. Some of them expressed pity, which made me feel even worse some days. Sometimes I’d preferred if they hated me altogether; it just made it easier to deal with.

Hanji helped me get used to the ODM gear again. We took it slow, gliding through the forest to stretch out our muscles. It was almost like riding a horse—once you learned how to use the gear, no matter how much time had passed, you never forgot how to use it. When I was all warmed up, Moblit set up some of the wooden Titan dummies for us, and Hanji and I quickly set to work.

It was…nice. I enjoyed training like this, I always had. I enjoyed feeling the wind in my hair, the sweat on my palms, and the weight of the blades in my grip. I enjoyed riding Edel until the sun began to sink in the distance. I enjoyed walking through the towns and districts, feeling the cobblestone and dirt scuff beneath my boots.

For a few brief moments, one day at a time, everything started to feel normal.

|~|

Leyna had written to me again. She had stayed true to her word these past few months, keeping in touch through both letters and visits to the base. She never stayed long when she visited the base (she claimed it was too dirty for her liking, which made Levi scoff under his breath at her), but she always made sure to check up on me whenever she did.

So when the messenger brought me an envelope on his next visit to the base, sealed with the mark of the King’s Guard, I tore it open and held it to my face. Leyna’s elegant script stared back at me, like ribbons dancing along the page.

 Mia,

How are you doing? Is your leg giving you any trouble? I know it’s been a while since I last wrote to you. I hope you’re feeling alright, and that Levi isn’t giving you any trouble over there.

I’m sorry, but I won’t be able to make it to the base any time soon. Something’s come up in the capital, and the King’s Guard has been instructed to remain close for a little bit. Nothing bad has happened, I promise. But it’ll be a while until I’ll be able to leave again. I won’t be able to come by until possibly next spring. Duty calls, right?

Sara and Emil were wondering about you, too. They hope you’re feeling alright. And so do Elise and Vivienne. They’re all worried about you, and they hope this stupid exile from the city won’t last for too long. Especially Vivienne—I can tell she wants to talk to you soon.

I promise I’ll write again soon. Let me know how you’re doing. And don’t push yourself too hard! (I’ll know if you do, so don’t test me.)

With love, Leyna

 I read through the letter over and over again, my sister’s voice echoing in my ears. I took a seat at the edge of the meadow where Edel was currently grazing, with my back against the wooden fence, still holding the letter against my chest.

Things between us finally seemed fine. Pleasant, even, which was already more than enough I could ever hope for when it came to my relationship with my sister. We were constantly butting heads, acting as two opposite ends of a spectrum: the fast-talking politician of the Military Police, and the reckless girl from the Scouts who seemed just a little too eager to die.

I had caved in and told her about Jax, and what happened with him at the night of our graduation ceremony. Through our letters, of course. It was just easier that way. After everything that had happened, I didn’t think I could look her in the eyes and tell her all of that to her face. Besides, it made me feel better writing it out. Lina had said it would act as a coping mechanism, to write out all the things I could never say out loud.

So I did. And still, Leyna remained my ally, despite the distance between us.

“Everything alright with her?”

I glanced up at Levi, who was leaning against the rickety wooden fence beside me. Mischa was now in the meadow, bumping her nose against Edel’s and swishing her tail happily. He must’ve come out to join me… I smiled at the thought.

“She’s okay.” Thankfully, things had been more civil between the two whenever Leyna came down to visit. “She won’t be able to come back for a while, but she’s alright.”

He hummed under his breath before rubbing his hands together. It was only late September, but it was already starting to get colder in the mornings, before the sun was fully up. “Anything new with the exile?”

I swallowed hard and shook my head. “Not really. I don’t think they’re going to overturn it any time soon, either.”

Which was fine, in my book. I was currently banned from ever stepping foot into the capital of Mitras? It wasn’t the worst thing in the world. At least I didn’t have to suffer through any more lavish parties or boring meetings with the royal assembly. The only downside was, I only had a few chances to see my sister and her friends.

Edel whinnied before prancing off across the meadow, with Mischa hot on his tail. She kicked up her legs in a playful manner, spraying dirt and mud everywhere she went. Edel grumbled, shaking his head as a fleck of dirt brushed against his face. He stomped on the ground, throwing his head back and calling for her to follow.

I snickered at the two, fooling around like silly little foals. But Levi only rolled his eyes, before sinking down and sitting beside me in the dying grass. I huddled close to him, still holding Leyna’s letter between my fingers, not even caring if the other Scouts saw us.

“You were out with Hanji, I take it?”

“Yeah, she and Moblit helped me with some training. Tomorrow I might take Reggie and the kids out for a little practice in the forest. I don’t want to leave Reggie to do all the heavy-lifting nowadays.”

“Not pushing yourself, I hope?”

“Levi, I’m fine, I promise.” I leaned up and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek; he stiffened, but he didn’t pull away at all. “My leg’s all healed up, for the most part. As long as I don’t overdo it with training, Lina said it should be fine.”

Fine. That was the only word I could use to describe the last few months. Not bad, not good; not blissful but not exactly painful. It was just…fine.

Levi stared at me, as though he didn’t believe me, before rolling his eyes and pressing a hand to my head. I grumbled as he mussed up my hair, but I didn’t have the heart to shoo his hand away. I knew I never really would.

“…Oh, Levi?”

“What is it?”

“I was thinking…maybe later today, would you mind helping me…clean out my office?”

His hand froze against the top of my head. I held my breath, my fingers growing numb and sweaty around the letter. The only sounds I could hear were Edel and Mischa playing around in the field, and the rest of the Scouts heading out for another bought of late morning training.

Finally, he cleared his throat and pulled his hand away. “…Are you sure?” He still wouldn’t look me in the eye, which irritated me to no end.

“I think so. It’s almost October. I think it’s time to go back.”

I hadn’t stepped foot in that office ever since that night, before I left for my trial at the capital. Hanji and Levi were constantly in and out of it, grabbing papers and books and supplies for me whenever I needed them. But I could never bring myself to go back there, even after all this time. I was too nervous about what would happen if I did.

But it was my office. It had been my father’s office, back when he had been a member of the Scouts. That part of this castle belonged to me, and I knew I couldn’t hide away from it forever. It was mine, and I couldn’t let one horrible experience scare me away from it for the rest of my life.

“Fine,” Levi sighed, and his hand came to rest on my shoulder as he spoke. “When do you want to do it?”

“The sooner the better.” Might as well rip the bandage off now, right?

He hummed in agreement, before whistling to the pair of horses prancing in the meadow. Mischa’s ears perked up first, and at the call of her rider, she began trotting back towards us, with Edel close behind her. I gave her a scratch against her neck, before pulling Edel close for a kiss on his snout.

Once the horses were brushed off and tucked away in their stalls, the two of us headed for the main castle on the base. I knew I didn’t have to worry about my squad; they had been given the day off today, to focus on resting up for the coming week. And from the looks of it, Levi had done the same with his own. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Murphy and Eld talking to each other as they headed into the mess hall, as well as Petra and Gretel laughing as they lingered outside the girls’ barracks.

I folded Leyna’s letter and slipped it in my left breast pocket, right next to the old journal my father had kept in his office. They were just words, scrawled on aging sheets of paper, but they made me feel safe. As though they were both keeping an eye out for me, no matter how far away they were.

Levi led the way, keeping a protective hand around my wrist. He was careful of the bruises, which were almost completely healed, thanks to Lina’s steady treatment. Both my wrists and my neck no longer hurt as much as they used to. Still, he kept his grip light and soft, as though he were scared of hurting me again.

He suddenly stopped on the second floor, and I sucked in a sharp breath. The tall dark door of my father’s office stared back at us, silently beckoning me to step inside. There was a clink to the side—Levi placed the small brass key in my palm, with his fingers still closed over my wrist.

“You’ll be okay?”

“I think I’ll be alright. You’ll stay with me, right?”

He scoffed, “As if you needed to ask.”

I gave him a smile, although it was a bit forced. Then, with another shaky breath, I slipped the key into the hole and pushed the door open.

Half of me expected the office to be littered with dust, with cobwebs and spiders dangling from the ceilings. But none of that had been true; of course it hadn’t, with Levi coming here every other week to keep it clean. Whenever he would grab me something from my office, he would always make a point to sweep the floors or clean the windows. At least, that’s what Hanji had told me.

The floor had been washed not too long ago. I kept my eyes peeled for any red spots sprinkled along the wood, and I sighed when I failed to spot any, especially around my desk. The desk itself hadn’t changed in the slightest. Piles and piles of paperwork were still stacked on top of one another, with pens and pencils littering the surface. I groaned upon seeing that; no matter how much paperwork I’d done over the past few months, I was still constantly behind.

I stepped in through the threshold, with Levi close behind. Everything seemed normal, from what I could tell. The desk, the windows, the paperwork, the bookcase—everything was in its rightful place. Absolutely zero signs of a struggle.

But I knew better now than to think it was all a bad dream. I wasn’t fifteen anymore, praying for everything to go away on its own. The scars on my thighs and neck attested to that.

“How are you holding up?”

I smiled at him from over my shoulder. “I’m okay, for now.”

He nodded and followed me throughout the room, before coming to a stop at the edge of my desk. I traced my fingers along the wood, feeling every ridge and crook in the surface, before stopping at the very edge.

This is good. I managed to smile, before pressing both hands to the desk. This is normal. I’m okay right now.

The events of that night played in a loop in my head, over and over and over again. I still remembered everything so clearly, as though the months had never passed in the first place. I still remembered the scent of alcohol in the air, the tang of fresh blood in my nose. The surface of the desk, pressing into my chest, splintering against my fingers as I fought to break free.

It’s alright. I took a deep breath, and Levi’s fingers closed over my wrist once more. I’m safe now. I’m okay. It’s just a memory.

I glanced over to the corner of the room, and even though he was standing right beside me, I could still see Levi’s shadowy form, hunched over beside the bookcase, with blood trailing down from the wound on his head. But then something warm and pleasant came to rest on the side of my face—Levi held me close, his lips against the little white scar on my cheek.

“You’re alright,” he murmured, pulling me into his chest. “He’s gone. You know that, right?”

My hands only trembled a little as I reached up to hold him close.

“…Yeah, I know.”

|~|

Every day, I spent a little more time in my office. I started out small, only doing paperwork at the coffee table beside the couch, or maybe in my bedroom, through the door on the far end of the office. When I was sure I could focus without the memories becoming too powerful, I moved closer and closer, until I could sit at my desk and breathe normally again. Levi would always be with me, keeping a watchful eye on me—as though he was waiting for me to snap and cry again.

But thankfully, that day never came. At least, not yet.

I still slept in Levi’s room, snuggled against his side as he draped his arm across my waist. The nightmares were starting to get better; instead of screaming myself awake every other night, it only happened about once or twice a week. Sometimes I would jolt awake in the dead of night, too stunned to scream. But Levi would always be there, pulling me to his chest and smoothing down my messy hair. Somehow, he always knew when I needed him.

I felt bad, eating up so much of his time. When he wasn’t with Erwin or training with his squad, he was shadowing me like a loyal puppy, waiting on me at every step. I tried to bring it up to him at one point, but he only scoffed and brushed it off, claiming that it didn’t really bother him in the first place.

“Someone’s got to make sure you don’t get yourself into any more trouble,” he mumbled, and I knew that was the end of that conversation. He could be incredibly stubborn when he wanted to be.

I couldn’t fall asleep the first time we slept in my own bedroom. I kept staring up at the ceiling, flinching at every creak and crack in the castle hallways, only to roll my eyes and order myself to go the fuck to sleep. Throughout the entire night, I only got about an hour of sleep, and with the way Levi kept watching me throughout the night, I was sure he didn’t get much more than I did.

But we tried. The first week, I was able to sleep one or two hours. The next two weeks, I slept about three or four. It was a process, and a slow and steady one at that. But it was something I had to keep working on.

On the rare days I didn’t have any training or paperwork to tend to, I would either curl up with a book on the couch of Levi’s office (or his bed, if he was out for the day), or spend my time with Edel down at the stables. Once in a while I found myself lingering in the mess hall, helping the cooks wash up after dinner, or simply killing time before lunch, fiddling with the ingredients in the cupboards. The urge to make something was always there in the back of my mind, but I could never pluck up the courage to grab a pan and actually set to work.

Sometimes I would wander into the library on my days off—only to find Petra already there, seated on one of the couches with her legs thrown over the arm, and a book placed firmly in her lap. She no longer looked at me with fear in her eyes; now she only smiled at me, as though nothing had happened between us that night. Sometimes I wanted to ask her about it, whether or not she saw me any differently now that she knew what I’d done, but I never had the guts to do it. I didn’t want to risk ruining whatever friendship we had salvaged for ourselves with a stupid question like that.

And it worked, for the most part. By the first week of October, I was starting to feel normal again.

Well, in most areas of life, anyway.

|~|

My chest was tight. I couldn’t breathe, no matter how much I tried. Something pressed lightly against my thigh. Something warm and familiar, something I knew from somewhere, but it still felt wrong.

With a shudder, I pushed myself away—only for Levi to grunt as he fell back against the pillows, his chest still heaving.

“What’s wrong?”

I pressed a palm to my forehead, still panting from his kiss. “N-no, I think I’m fine. Just…a little too much, you know?”

He sat up instantly, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me close. “Do you want to stop for tonight?”

“No, no, I promise I’m alright! I just…I need a moment…”

I couldn’t look him in the eye as I regained my breathing, trying to calm my frantic heartbeat. He simply sat there on the bed, with one arm around my bare waist and the other wrapped around my shoulders. As he stroked my hair and kissed my forehead, I could already feel my eyes burn with tears.

It was the same thing. Every. Single. Fucking. Night. And I was just so fucking tired of it.

November was closing in on us. With the icy winds and the falling leaves, I’d figured enough time had passed for me to try initiating some sort of physical intimacy with him. For the last few weeks, I had led him into my bedroom (or his, depending on where we were staying for the night) and pulled him in for a heated kiss. And for a few moments, everything seemed to be…well, normal.

But now it appeared I was back to square one again. Too nervous to go any further than holding and kissing him. Every time he let his hands wander anywhere other than my face and chest, I froze up and tried to push him away. It was fucking infuriating—here I was, inviting him closer, and then pushing him away when I got too scared to continue.

Just how I did before all of this.

“You don’t have to push yourself,” Levi’s voice was warm against my ear. “If you don’t feel comfortable, we can stop. Don’t stress yourself out over this kind of stuff, brat.”

“I said I’m fine.” It was hard not to get annoyed at him at this point. How many times did I have to say it? I was fucking fine—I just had to get over myself.

But I knew I couldn’t blame him. He was only trying to help.

I swallowed again before tilting my head up, pulling his lips to mine with my fingertips. His hands remained at my waist, even as I straightened myself out and wrapped my arms around his neck. Even as I lowered him down against the pillows, his hands stayed put, right where he’d left them.

I didn’t have any problem with kissing him. It felt nice, even the more intimate ones. There was something comforting about the way he kissed me—soft and warm and tasting of home, almost as though he was promising to keep me safe.

A shaky breath slipped through my mouth. I can do this. I’ve got this.

Slowly, I reached down and took his hand in my own. My thighs trembled as I led him down the length of my leg, fingertips barely grazing my skin. I was left in only my sleep shorts and underwear (my shirt was on the floor, right on top of his own).

I can do this. It’s okay. You know him. It’ll be alright.

Levi suddenly stiffened when I spread my legs just a bit, pressing the palm of his hand against my clothed sex. My nails dug into his shoulder, and in some strange way, the heat of his skin kept me grounded. Somehow, I knew I was going to be okay.

The weight of his hand was all too familiar. How many times had he pressed me into this very mattress, whispering words of passion in my ear, before moving down to grind the heel of his palm into my clit? How many heated moments had the two of us shared, grasping and clawing at each other like animals, moaning each other’s names in the darkness? How many nights had I gone to sleep feeling completely satisfied, knowing full well that I was loved by the man at my side?

Back then, I had felt safe. Secure. And easy enough to please.

Would I ever be able to feel like that again?

“You alright?”

I managed to smile at him, as the heat of his palm seeped through my shorts. “Y-yeah, I’m okay. What about you? Is this…okay with you?”

But he only shook his head, his free hand coming to rest on the back of my neck. “You do what feels right for you. Don’t worry about me, alright?”

Only when he nodded at me did I make any more moves. As slowly as I could, I rolled my hips forward, wincing just a bit as his palm grazed my clit. I wasn’t aroused in the slightest, unfortunately; apart from a dull throbbing in my clit, I was nowhere near as wet as I usually was. I knew I couldn’t force it—I had to let it happen naturally. But that was probably the most frustrating part.

I rolled my hips again, slowly getting used to the heat of his hand between my thighs. I knew it wouldn’t really prepare me for his cock, whenever we did start having sex again, but at least I felt a bit calmer now. Still, I knew I had a long way to go before that happened…

Finally, I loosened my grip on his hand and gave him another kiss on his lips. He took my face in his hands, pulling me even closer as he sank into the pillows below. When he finally pulled away, he brushed a finger over my bangs, sweeping them to one side so he could look me in the eyes.

“Are you okay?”

“I…” I swallowed hard and smiled. “Yeah, I am.”

“Good.” He kissed my temple again, before pulling me into his chest as gently as he could. “You’re doing so well already, Mia. I’m proud of you.”

It took every bit of strength I had not to burst into tears right then and there. And it wasn’t until we were both showered and tucked beneath the covers that I finally let a few of them slip, as I buried my face into the crook of his neck.

|~|

Some nights were better than others. Some nights, I could sleep peacefully, curled up with the man at my side, dreaming about everything and nothing at the same time.

Other nights, I woke up gasping for air, nails tearing at my chest, screaming at no one to get away, don’t touch me, don’t fucking touch—

“Mia!”

My eyes snapped open. Levi was hovering over me, his hands against my cheeks. Something wet rolled down my skin and splashed onto the pillow beside me.

My chest heaved, my heart pounded. Another nightmare.

Whenever they seemed to be getting better, there was always one night every once in a while that left me shaking like a leaf, crying and screaming and sobbing as Levi was left to pick up the pieces.

And judging by the way I gripped his shoulders as he pulled me in for a hug, this was one of those nights.

His arms were warm and firm around me, a makeshift cage that kept me safe. The thought made me want to laugh, in an ironic way. I had always hated cages, for both keeping me locked in and locked away from certain things—and yet here I was, not caring if I ever escaped Levi’s grip.

“W-what happened…?”

His hand brushed against the top of my head, smoothing out my messy hair. “Another nightmare, I guess. You wouldn’t stop crying. You want to talk about it or anything?”

Sometimes that helped. But sometimes, the dreams were too vivid for me to even speak properly. Right now, I could still smell the burning stench of alcohol, taste the sharp tang of blood on the roof of my mouth. Still feel his hands everywhere at once—everywhere they shouldn’t be.

I shook my head. Levi only hummed and continued to stroke my hair.

As I stayed there, huddled against his chest, I began to lose track of time. Minutes blended into hours; even as I felt my eyelids droop, I still couldn’t find it in myself to sleep.

Suddenly, Levi pulled away from me. I squinted my eyes through the darkness, watching him as he slipped off the bed and grabbed a spare jacket resting on the chair beside the nightstand.

“Come on,” he mumbled, tossing it to me, “let’s go.”

I didn’t ask where he was taking me. I simply put on my boots, threw the jacket over my shoulders, and placed my hand in his own. He led me through the darkened halls of the castle, holding a single candle to keep the shadows at bay. Not once did he loosen his grip; he kept his fingers laced with mine, a silent promise to keep me safe.

It was cold out tonight, the wind icy against my skin. I pulled the jacket closer to me, still keeping my hand in Levi’s. The cold didn’t seem to bother him, though. He simply pressed on, guiding me through the shadowy fields.

He pushed the doors of the mess hall open, and the two of us stepped inside. After lighting the lantern at the edge of the door, he finally loosened his grip on my hand. I rubbed them together, still freezing from our little walk. Neither of us spoke as he headed into the back of the empty hall, as I followed close behind.

Wordlessly, he set the lantern on the counter and started going through the pots and pans stacked in the cupboards above. I could feel my eyebrows knit together as he worked—feeding spare logs to the fire for the stove, running his hands under warm water to wash them, and gathering some of the fresh vegetables stocked in the pantry.

I opened my mouth, eager to know just what he was doing, but I decided against it in the end. So I wrapped my arms around myself and took a seat on one of the counters (the one furthest away from where he was working), watching him in silence.

Minutes ticked by. He mumbled softly under his breath as he worked, adding bits of carrots and potatoes to the pot. From the way he moved and the ingredients he was using, I could only assume he was making some kind of soup.

My eyes grew warm at the realization. Was he really making me soup from his own hand? Just to try to make me feel better about tonight?

I had no idea he could make soup. Actually, I had no idea he could even cook at all. Despite all the years we’d known each other, there were still some things I didn’t know about Captain Levi.

Finally, he grabbed a spare bowl and spoon from the cupboard, before gently pouring some of the soup into the bowl. But he didn’t hand it to me right away; instead, he motioned for me to follow him into the main hall, before directing me to an empty table. He set the bowl in front of me, keeping a towel wrapped around the bottom to protect his hands.

“Don’t burn yourself,” he mumbled, taking a seat across from me.

My stomach growled at the promise of fresh food. Homemade food—the best kind out there. And it looked simply stunning. A creamy white color with tiny chunks of celery, carrot, and onion sprinkled throughout. And when I scooped up the first spoonful, I could even taste the potatoes, rich and soft and absolutely delicious.

I couldn’t say much other than a mumbled thank you as I dug into the soup. I hadn’t been hungry when I’d gone to bed earlier in the night, but right now I was eating as though I’d been starving for weeks. It wasn’t until the bowl was half-empty that I could slow down enough to speak properly.

“Levi, this is delicious!” Another spoonful, and I almost burned the roof of my mouth with it. “Seriously, I love it! I had no idea you could cook!” Just like I had no idea he could draw, until he presented me with that beautiful sketch of myself and Edel last Christmas. “I wish you’d told me, maybe we can cook together sometime! That is, if you want to… Anyway, is it your recipe? I didn’t—”

“Slow down,” he hissed, “before you burn your tongue. Or bite down on it.”

I snapped my mouth shut—but not before slurping up another spoonful, my eyes fluttering at the taste. Levi scoffed, but I could see the ghost of a smile on his lips.

“One at a time, brat. We have all night, you know.”

Suddenly, I felt like I was twenty-four again, seated at this very table with Levi as he told me all kinds of stories about Isabel and Furlan. Getting him to talk then had been much harder than it was now. That was when the pain of losing those two, the pain of losing my brother Ben, had been almost too much to handle.

And now look where we are.

“I don’t do this that often,” he started, motioning to the bowl (which was nearly empty at this point). “It’s only something I do once in a while. Furlan did most of the cooking, anyway. He was better at it than I was.”

He was? I couldn’t believe it. This soup right here was probably the best I’d ever tasted—well, almost. Ma’s homemade vegetable soup still came out on top, as always.

“Oh, I get it. So…this is his recipe?”

His eyes dropped to the table, and even in the faint lamplight, I could see the dusting of pink on his soft cheeks.

“No, it was my mom’s.”

I froze, the spoon hovering in the air halfway to my lips. Suddenly, my chest felt warmer than it already did.

“…It was?”

He nodded, stretching his hand across the table, lacing his fingers with my own. “She used to make it for me sometimes, especially when I was sick. We didn’t always have fresh ingredients in the Underground, but she made do with what she had. Once in a while she got her hands on a little extra money, though. She always spent it on food for us.”

“Oh…” I swallowed the last bit of soup, tightening my fingers around his own. “They didn’t…feed you at the brothel? I thought they did…” My knowledge on brothels was limited, considering their absence above the surface, but I had been under the impression they secured their workers with both food and a place to sleep at night.

But by the way Levi was looking at me, I assumed that hadn’t been the case. “As if,” he spat, rolling his eyes. “She had to pay for that kind of shit. Everything down there cost money—just like it does up here. Only…” The forlorn look in his eyes made my chest hurt.

Only it’s not as bad up here as it is down there.

The two of us sat there in silence, still gripping each other’s hands. Finally, he sighed and leaned back in his seat, motioning to the empty bowl in front of me.

“You want any more? There’s still some left in the pot.”

“Yes, please!” But before he left with the bowl, I tugged him back by the sleeve, smiling up at his face. “Also, your mom was a really good cook to come up with that recipe.”

He rolled his eyes and mussed up my already messy hair. “Of course she was, brat. The best one out there…”

From the way Levi talked about her—the look on his face whenever he mentioned her—it made me realize just how much he truly loved her. And it only made me sad when I realized I would never be able to meet her for myself.

The night passed on comfortably, as the icy wind shook the walls of the mess hall. Levi returned swiftly, watching in silence as I ate the rest of my soup, while sipping a cup of tea he’d made himself earlier. Once in a while, I could get him to talk just a bit, either about his mother or his life in the Underground City.

“So, am I the only one who’s tasted your cooking so far?”

“Tch, you wish. It was the only thing that could get Isabel to shut up when she was sick. Damn brat could never stop whining when she wasn’t feeling well.”

The mere thought of a whiny Isabel moaning and groaning until Levi decided to cave in and shut her up with some soup…it made me burst out laughing. I clutched at my sides, already feeling the tears bubble up in my eyes. And when I opened them and saw him glaring at me, I only started laughing harder.

“Sorry,” I choked out, wiping my eyes, “it’s just… I can totally see her doing something like that.” Of course, she would try to push his buttons like that. Anything to get what she wanted; she was just that kind of girl.

“Of course you would. You’d do the exact same thing if you got the chance.”

“Who, me? I would never.” He glared at me over the rim of his teacup, and I bit back another giggle. “But seriously, it tastes awesome. You’re a really good cook, Levi.” Just like your mom probably was, I wanted to add, but I didn’t want to make him upset.

It wasn’t long before he started cleaning up after me. But this time, I helped him out; as he washed the dishes, I dried them off and put them away in their usual spots. Before long, the kitchen looked absolutely spotless, as though we were never here in the first place.

Levi kept his hand around mine the entire time, walking through the fields and back up to the second floor of the castle, and finally into his office. I felt a little better, as he led me back to bed. My stomach was full, my hands were warm, and Levi was right there beside me, throwing the blankets over the two of us. For a moment, I felt untouchable.

I’m safe. Levi’s with me. He’ll protect me, just like he promised.

“Go back to sleep,” he mumbled, brushing his lips against my temple. “You need your rest.”

I curled up against his chest, too exhausted to even think about what kind of nightmares were waiting for me.

|~|

“Levi.” His fingers gripped mine softly—a sign he had heard my voice. I leaned further back, my head resting on the arm of the couch, as Levi groaned softly from his spot on my chest. “Can I ask you something?”

“You just did,” he mumbled, and I rolled my eyes, “but what is it?”

His breath warmed my collarbone as my fingers dug into his hair. Soft and silky, with my nails brushing against the scruff of his undercut. I stared up at the ceiling, counting the spots and the stains, as I struggled to find my voice again.

“…You never call me sweetheart anymore.”

He froze up against my chest, and immediately his fingers slipped from mine. I kept my eyes on the ceiling, too scared to look into his eyes just yet.

A silent demand hung over our heads: Why?

It was a silly thing to bring up; something that shouldn’t have bothered me as much as it did. But I couldn’t help noticing it. Ever since that incident back in the spring, Levi had refused to call me by anything other than my name. To be honest, it wasn’t anything different than what he used to address me on a normal day—it was always either Wolf or Mia with him, or sometimes brat if I was being particularly annoying.

But in our most intimate moments, it had always been sweetheart. Now, he refused to call me anything.

The answer came to me with a shudder. A memory of sticky fingers and pounding hearts, of the stench of booze and the taste of sweat.

Who’s going to believe you, sweetheart? The assembly?

“It’s nothing,” he grumbled, pressing his face into my chest. “I don’t have to call you that if you don’t want to hear it.”

Of course, he would think that. Just because Jax had used that word, he would assume it was dirty. Soiled, tainted—every pleasant memory that word brought was suddenly no good. Better to get away from it altogether than to keep bringing it up.

My fingers wove into his hair on their own. “But I want to hear it.”

This time he glanced up at me, raising himself up with both hands pressed against the arm of the couch. I traced my thumb along the side of his jaw, completely taken with those beautiful silver eyes of his.

“I like it, so stop thinking I don’t. I like when you call me that, Levi. So…please keep saying it. Please.”

Please, don’t let him ruin another thing for us.

For a moment, I thought I saw his lip quiver. But then he was pressing himself into me, his mouth tasting of tea with the faintest tinge of mint. I pulled him in as close as I could, keeping my nails against the scruff of his undercut.

“If you say so,” he whispered against my lips. “You’ll be alright if I say it?”

“Of course I will. It was your word first, Levi,” I reminded him with a smile. His only reply was another sweet kiss, with his palms pressed against my cheeks.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the sunset glimmering through the window. Dead leaves swirled through the chilly air, hinting at the close of yet another year. It wouldn’t be long before the snow began to settle on the ground.

But then Levi pulled me back in, his warm lips ghosting over my throat. “Mine,” his voice was husky, sending pleasant shivers up my spine. “You’re mine, sweetheart…”

A burst of heat bloomed in my chest at the name. My nails brushed his nape, his shoulders, and finally his back, digging through the gray fabric of his shirt. My cheeks were hot, my heart was racing. Levi’s eyes flickered up to meet mine, and his lips quirked up in a half-smile before he leaned down to kiss me once again.

Yes, I’m yours. I always have been. And you’re mine, no one else’s. Just mine.

Especially if Levi’s squad was going to be with them, backing them up at every turn. He had put them through their own special training, ensuring that they would be able to fight to the best of their abilities beyond the Wall. The two of us seemed to have the same idea in mind, preparing them as much as we could. No matter what, every single one of them had to come back alive.

Currently it was just after dawn, with the first Titans roaming about in the distance. The first slivers of sunlight spilled across the valley beyond, giving it a gorgeous red hue. Edel snorted and shook his head, and I realized that his mane was starting to tint with red. I smiled and ran my fingers along his neck, humming as he nickered at my touch.

“Make it as quick and painless as possible,” I yelled over my shoulder. Reggie was the closest to me, followed by Murphy and Gretel, and finally Emily and Evan. “We capture one, maybe two of them, and then we go home. Understand?”

“Yes, captain!”

I shifted my gaze to Hanji, who was already rambling on to Moblit towards the center of our little formation.

You better keep to your word, Han. I need all of those kids to come home alive today.

Erwin had instructed our little mission to not stray far beyond the boundaries of Wall Rose; instead, we were to keep to the Walls as close as possible, securing the Titans and blocking off an area specified for Hanji’s research. A handful of Garrison soldiers were already stationed at the top of the Wall, ready to guard said area from any other Titans. If everything went according to Hanji’s plan, they would help us lure the Titans towards the Wall before trapping them against the surface with a heavyset net, designed specifically for keeping them locked in place.

Of course, Hanji had thought of a few back-up plans, as well. If for some reason we weren’t able to lure them towards the Walls, we would take to singling out the stragglers and subduing them by cutting off their limbs, one by one, before trapping them in a net against the ground. It was considerably more dangerous, since we had no guaranteed way of escape if we trapped them anywhere else beside the Walls. Still, we had to at least try.

“Ooh, there! There! What about that one?”

A lone Titan, probably close to nine meters tall, was lumbering aimlessly around in the near distance, its heavy arms swinging from side to side. Its eyes were glazed, a mop of black hair on its head, and its jaw was slack, revealing two rows of blunt white teeth. Just the sight of it made me want to grimace.

Of course, Hanji wants that one.

“Yeah, it’s perfect!” Despite Moblit’s sputtering at her side, Hanji pointed in the Titan’s direction—and my stomach began to roll when its dead eyes finally landed on our little group. “Start leading it towards the Wall!”

That was our cue. With Levi’s squad lingering close behind us, I motioned for my kids to follow. Reggie inched his horse further away from Edel, and from over my shoulder I could see every member of my squad behind me, in a loose but focused V-shaped formation.

The Titan was even more frightening up close. Glassy eyes trailed from Scout to Scout, as though it was sizing each of us up. I could see Gretel glowering at it from afar, with Murphy trying his hardest to mirror her expression. (Although, his didn’t look nearly as natural as hers did.)

“Come on,” I hissed, my knuckles turning white against Edel’s reins, “take the bait already!”

Suddenly the Titan lurched forward, dead eyes blown wide and jaw snapping open, and its heavy arms stretched out in a terrified Evan’s direction.

I could feel my heart in my throat as I shouted at him, “Brose, keep your distance! Enns, back him up!”

Murphy was at his side in a flash, subtly shouldering him away from the Titan’s course. The ground trembled beneath its footsteps; I could no longer hear the comforting clop of Edel’s hooves against the grass. I motioned towards Gretel and Emily with a wave of my hand, and silently they spread out to cover Evan and Murphy, trailing the Titan from behind.

“It’s cornered now,” I yelled out to Reggie. “Take up the rear with the girls. Be ready to strike at the limbs when I tell you to!” If we couldn’t lure it close enough to the Wall, we would have to trap it out here in the open instead.

Edel’s whinny rang in my ears as I dug my heels into his sides. He knew this dance all too well: the heat of battle, the rush of adrenaline, the slick of sweat on our skin. How many times had I urged him on in a similar manner, before pushing myself out of the saddle to take down a Titan? Today would be no different, apart from aiming at the Titan’s limbs instead of its nape.

The Titan seemed to smile as Edel and I crossed its line of sight, coming up on Evan’s right. Another human to target, another possible meal at the end of the day. The thought sickened me; the urge to grab my blades and slice open its nape was bubbling at my fingertips.

Reading Ilse’s notes, and the last words she’d ever written in this world, had only fueled my hatred for these monsters. Hanji could capture and study them all she wanted, but I could never understand them. I would never want to understand them.

The silver surface of the Wall loomed over us in the near distance. I could already see the group of Scouts gathered at the top of the Wall, along with the neighboring Garrison soldiers, ready to drop the net to trap the Titan. Just a little bit further, and we would have our first Titan capture in literal years.

“Section Commander!” Moblit’s voice was laced with pure panic. “Up ahead—a three-meter and a six-meter!”

I couldn’t stop and look around for them, but the sound of thundering footsteps told me there were many more on their way. Evan shot me a nervous look, while Murphy looked as though he was ready to throw up right there on his poor horse’s back.

“Stay focused,” it was a struggle to keep my voice level, but I managed to do it. “You have a job to do, soldiers! Let Captain Levi’s squad take care of them. You just focus on the mission at hand!” And thankfully, they seemed to understand and stared ahead, keeping their horses at a moderate pace.

Still, it was hard to follow my own advice. I didn’t have to look in his direction to know that Levi would head for the approaching Titans at once, ready to defend our little capture mission with everything he had. Eld and Gunther would be close behind, with Petra and Oluo acting as backup.

They’ve got this, Wolf. My fingers grew stiff around the reins. He’s got this.

Yeah, you’re right. Stay focused. No more reckless acts.

The Wall was getting closer. The Garrison soldiers were taking aim, gripping the edges of the heavy net at the top of the Wall. Scouts were shouting at each other left and right, making last-minute preparations for the inevitable capture.

The Titan’s fist suddenly came down hard on the ground, right between Evan and Murphy. Edel jerked at the impact (he never liked it when the ground rumbled under Titan footsteps). Evan shouted something I couldn’t quite catch, before Murphy’s mare broke formation and raced towards the Wall alone—without Murphy on her back.

Shit!

My stomach was churning as I saw Murphy sprawled out on the grass below, both hands clutching his head. The Titan wasted no time in skidding to a halt and reaching out for him, seemingly uninterested in either myself or Evan.

A blur of green and gold swooped in front of the Titan at once—and before I even had time to blink, its pale arm came crashing down to the ground below, completely severed at the elbow. With a holler, Emily swung herself around the Titan’s knees before lowering herself back to the ground, letting Gretel and Reggie take the lead as she cradled Murphy against her chest.

Reggie kept himself low to the ground, slicing both of the Titan’s ankles in one fell swoop. The Titan groaned almost pathetically as it sank to its knees in the dirt, forcing me and Evan to scurry out of the way before it fell face first into the ground. With a screech of her own, Gretel brought her blades down on the Titan’s other arm, blood and steam spurting from the wound as she tore out a sizeable chunk of its elbow.

“It’s too far from the Wall!” Evan’s voice brought me out of my daze; between Emily and Murphy, and now Reggie and Gretel’s teamwork, I’d almost forgotten about the mission at hand. Some captain you are, Wolf. “We can’t use the net anymore!”

“That’s fine,” the words were out of my mouth faster than I could think, “then we just go to our backup plan. Hanji!” I waved both my arms out as hard as I could, upon spotting her and her squad just at the edge of the Wall. “We need the barrels now!”

And let’s hope your new invention is as great as you said, buddy.

Evan was off his horse at once, joining Gretel to stand on the injured Titan’s nape. Thankfully it was motionless, but its limbs would regenerate in a few minutes if we weren’t fast enough with Hanji’s new weapons. And it wasn’t until I saw Reggie’s nod from his spot beside the Titan’s legs that I finally took my eyes off the subdued Titan.

Relax, they’ve got this. They’ve trained so hard for this, you know. Now go check up on Murphy.

Edel snorted as I squeezed his sides once more, but he didn’t object as he broke into another gallop. And within moments I was kneeling down at Murphy’s side, with my medical bag clutched in my fist.

“Enns, can you hear me? Can you see me?”

Emily was holding him close, her hands gentle and steady as she cradled his bloody cheeks. The poor boy groaned, blinking the blood out of his eyes as he managed to stare up at me. There was a gash on his head from where he had fallen, but it didn’t look serious enough to need stitches.

“Captain…”

His voice was no more than a mumble, a soft sound that only made me want to work even faster. It was hard to keep my fingers from trembling as I grabbed a wad of bandages and a vial of water from the bag.

“You’re going to be fine, Enns.” With Emily’s help, I was able to rinse the wound out with a steady stream of water, cleaning any excess blood off the skin. “You did such a great job. We already brought down the Titan, you know.”

I could hear Hanji’s squad in the near distance. The roll of wheels against grass, the twang of arrows splitting skin apart—that must be her new invention. But I was far too busy to admire her work right now.

Murphy’s mouth was moving, but his words were a jumbled mess. I wanted to scold him for talking, insist that he save his energy until we got back to the base…but I wanted him to talk. At least that way I knew he was still alive.

“M-Misty,” his eyes were wide as he spoke the name of his mare out loud. “Where did she go?”

“She’s fine, I promise.” I could see her out of the corner of my eye, her reins wrapped around Evan’s hands, as I slathered a bit of ointment across the wound. “Evan has her. She’s alright.”

Still, I couldn’t help but smile at the kid’s priorities. Go figure, the first thing he worries about is whether or not his horse is alright. Not that I could blame him, of course.

Once his wound was dressed with ointment, I tore a strip from the bandages and began wrapping it around his head. I glanced up at Emily as I worked, noting how still she appeared to be throughout the entire ordeal. Most soldiers would become squeamish at the sight of blood, especially those as young as her. But instead she remained indifferent, her jaw clenched as she kept her eyes on Murphy’s wound. From the way she was acting, I could only assume she had at least a little bit of experience when it came to the messy field of medicine.

So calm and focused—such rare qualities in new cadets. I bit back a smile, wondering if I’d have to take on a medical apprentice in the near future.

“Alright, you should be fine for now.” Thankfully the wound wasn’t bleeding through the bandages; it could hold out at least until we got back to the main base. “But I don’t want you back on Misty when we head back. You’ll ride in one of the wagons, understood? I’ll take care of Misty for you,” I added when I saw the look of fear in his eyes. “I promise, I’ll keep an eye on her.”

Slow and steady, Emily and I helped Murphy to his feet, and once his arm was slung around my shoulders, I finally got a good look at the battlefield before me.

Reggie and Gretel were now standing close to Hanji, and the Titan they had taken down was now bolted to the ground with a series of arrows, wires and nets. The steel arrows were part of Hanji’s latest invention (and the focus of today’s mission, if the Wall nets didn’t go as planned). Stored in six barrels stacked up on top of each other in a wagon, the arrows were launched through a cannon firearm and latched onto their targets, with silver wires connecting each of them back to the main barrel. And just for good measure, a weighted net was thrown over the target to prevent even the slightest bit of movement.

Hanji had boasted about this invention for practically months, even before she had asked Erwin to approve a Titan capturing mission. And for the most part, it seemed to be doing the trick. The Titan was now lying motionless on the ground, completely trapped by the wires and nets. And to no one’s surprise, she was looking quite proud of herself.

“The arrows will only get deeper the more it regenerates,” she addressed the Scouts behind her, “so I think it’s safe to leave this one for now! Good job, you guys!” There was no missing the pure excitement in her voice, as though she were five years old again, a child trembling upon receiving a brand new gift for their birthday. “Now come on, let’s go see what Levi caught for us!”

Wait, Levi?

In all the commotion with Murphy and his injury, I’d almost completely forgotten about Levi and his squad—as well as the approaching hoard of Titans. But once I saw the collection of Titans trapped against the surface of the Wall, weighted down by a heavy net courtesy of the Garrison, I let out a soft sigh of relief.

Petra and Gunther were panting hard, their blades stained with blood and dirt. Oluo looked exhausted as well, but he puffed out his chest in a silly attempt to look unbothered (after all, Levi wasn’t looking the slightest bit tired). Eld was the only one who didn’t seem to be bothered by the intense workout, save for his disheveled hair and slight smile. But all of that vanished when his eyes landed on Murphy, who was still leaning on me and Emily.

“He’s alright,” I assured him, as one of the medics from Hanji’s squad reached for him. “He’s got a gash on his head but it’s stopped bleeding. I want to get him back to base in one piece, though.”

I glanced up at Levi, just as the last traces of blood lifted off his cloak. His blades were as polished as ever, not a hair out of place on his head. Sometimes I wondered how he managed to look so clean and focused, even in the messiest battles we’d endured together.

His eyes flickered to Murphy, and then back to me. I gave a slight shake of my head. We’ll talk about it later.

“So…you guys managed to snag four of them, huh?”

Indeed, there were four Titans trapped against the surface of the Wall. Well, three of them were currently steaming from their napes, with only one left completely unharmed. It was a four-meter Titan, a stark contrast to the nine-meter Reggie, Gretel, and Emily managed to take down. With short legs and a mess of blond hair, it waved its stubby arms against the thick ropes of the net, groaning to itself when it realized it couldn’t break free.

“Four small ones,” Levi corrected, motioning over to Hanji, “but she seems happy with it. We couldn’t keep them all, they were starting to tear at the net.”

Still, Hanji seemed elated at the brand new capture. A nine-meter Titan bolted to the ground, and a four-meter Titan secured against the Wall. The first Titan captures the Scouts had made in over twenty years.

I kept my voice low as I asked, “Did we lose anyone?”

But he shook his head, and I could’ve sworn I felt his hand brushing against mine at my side. “Not a single one.”

I smiled at him, and despite Hanji’s shrill screeching, the chatter of the Scouts around us, and the ugly sight of the dying Titans before us, he smiled back at me. A small one, but a smile nonetheless.

Two Titans captured and no lives lost. That’s not bad for a day in the Scouts.

|~|

To no one’s surprise, Hanji wanted to linger at the Wall to help the Garrison soldiers with the captured Titans—but everyone knew she really wanted to stay just to keep an eye on her new “babies,” as she had deemed them. Levi didn’t even attempt to hide his disgusted scoff at that.

So the rest of us headed back, with myself and Levi left to deliver the report on Hanji’s behalf, as Moblit had elected to stay behind in Trost with her to keep her out of any trouble. But before we headed for Erwin’s office, I helped Murphy out of the wagon and guided him towards the medical wing. I knew Lina was the best person I could trust to take care of him.

Thankfully his words were no longer slurred together, and he seemed much more alert and aware than he had been earlier. Still, I wanted Lina to keep an eye on him. No way was I going to let one of my best soldiers falter because of a head wound.

Surprisingly, once I’d left Murphy in Lina’s care at the medical wing, I’d practically tripped over Emily, who had been leaning against the front doors the entire time. Her cheeks were a pale pink color as she stumbled over her words, sifting through excuse after excuse as to why she had been lingering outside this whole time.

“I want him to be alright,” she finally sputtered, her shoulders going rigid as I stared at her. “That was a pretty bad wound—I just want to make sure he’s feeling alright…”

“I’m sure he’ll be fine, Fischer. I trust Dr. Stuber with my life. She’s a valuable medic in the Scouts; we’re incredibly lucky to have her.”

She nodded at once, although she made no move to leave. A laugh bubbled up in the back of my throat. She’s so obvious, even worse than I am.

“You can ask Dr. Stuber if you can see him, if you want. She may want him to rest, though.”

“Oh no, that’s alright,” she replied, although her bright cheeks told me otherwise, “I just want to make sure he’ll be okay.”

There’s something else at play here, besides her personal feelings. Is she worried about the injury because of how serious it looked? Could she have had one herself in the past, or maybe knew someone who did?

Either way, it wasn’t my place to ask. If she wanted to tell me all of that, she would have to do it herself. I wouldn’t force her to say anything she didn’t want to.

Instead, I leaned against the door and crossed my arms over my chest. “You were incredibly calm out there, you know.” As though you’ve seen this kind of stuff before.

Emily’s jaw clenched, her lips pulling into a thin, tight line. The air was silent, save for the light scuff of her boots in the dirt. But then she shrugged her shoulders, eyes dropping to the ground, hands clasping together at her back.

“My parents run an apothecary shop in the heart of Trost District.” Her voice was soft when she spoke, a far cry from her usual tone. “Lots of people always came in, always bleeding; after the Wall fell, we even had a couple of soldiers come by the shop. You get used to it after a while, I guess…”

So that explains it… I gave her a smile when she glanced back up at me, her blue eyes as wide as ever.

“Well, I’m grateful you were there with us today. And I know Murphy is, too. Without you, I don’t know how he would’ve stayed so calm.”

It hurt to see her so shaken up like this. While she didn’t show it in her shoulders or arms, I could see it in her eyes: seeing Murphy like that had scared her. Whether it was because of the injury itself, or her time in the apothecary shop—or both, perhaps. Either way, I hated seeing the fearful look in her eyes. It didn’t suit her at all.

She’s just a kid. Fifteen at least, right? No one should have to see all of that, especially a kid her age.

Such is the life of a soldier, I reminded myself with a sigh. That goes double for the Survey Corps, doesn’t it?

“Alright, Fischer, I’m off to give the Commander our report of the mission.” I gave her shoulder a squeeze, and my chest seemed to grow lighter when she smiled at me. “Try not to get into too much trouble, alright? And if you want, make sure to go see Enns later on. I’m sure he’d like to see you and thank you himself.”

She remained silent as we parted ways—but the bright blush on her face, as well as the shimmer of her pretty blue eyes, told me everything I needed to know.

|~|

The days following the mission crawled by painfully. Filled with paperwork, plans for upcoming expeditions, and nonstop yammering from Hanji about her two precious little babies over at Wall Rose.

“Chikachironi’s getting so rowdy under that silly net! He’s not like Albert at all; he’s a good boy. He just lays there all patiently, and he doesn’t even snap at us! I’m so proud of him!”

“That’s lovely, Han.” I swirled my spoon in the bowl of stew in front of me, placing my chin in the palm of my hand. Suddenly I don’t feel so hungry anymore. “Which one’s which, again?”

“Albert’s the one your squad caught, the nine-meter under the net. And Chikachironi is the little one against the Wall! Oh, they just get so much cuter with every day!” A couple of soldiers were staring at us now, drawn to her dramatic, high-pitched squealing. “But I’m really not looking forward to the pain experiments we have to do next week. I hope they’ll be able to forgive me for that…”

I glanced over at Nanaba, who seemed to be just as bored as I was from her spot across the table. Neither of us found the appeal in Hanji’s fascination with the captured Titans; hell, no one in the Survey Corps (or maybe even the entire Walls) shared her enthusiasm for them.

How can she refer to them as her babies, when they’ve probably killed so many of our comrades? And in cold blood, too?

It was almost enough to bring me to tears. I knew better than to assume Hanji had no compassion for the lost lives we mourned for every single day. The countless nights of her crying into my chest after a particularly tough expedition attested to that. Still, it didn’t sit well with me, hearing her address them so casually.

“I wouldn’t get so attached to them, Hanji,” Nanaba said, taking a sip of her drink. “Who knows how long we’ll be able to keep them tied up like that? It’s best not to get too involved with them.”

“Don’t be such a downer! As long as we’re careful with them, nothing bad will happen!”

Another baffled look between myself and Nanaba. Hanji, of all people, suddenly being worried about being careful with something? It was a miracle.

And I can think of at least ten things that could go wrong off the top of my head…

“Alright, whatever you say.” It was hard not to giggle as Nanaba smirked at me from over the rim of her cup. “I’d just hate for you to get your hopes up for nothing, Hanji.”

|~|

And sure enough, the two of us had been right. Go figure.

Moblit had practically dragged a pouting Hanji back to the base the following week, and I knew something was wrong the moment I saw her. Her hair was messier than usual, frayed ends sticking out of the loop of her ponytail (probably from her constantly threading her fingers through it). Her eyes were red and puffy, her chest heaving almost painfully as she leaned against Moblit’s shoulder. Eventually the poor man gave up and hoisted her onto his back, keeping his hands around her thighs as he carried her towards her office.

“The experiment didn’t go as planned,” he whispered to me, and that was all I could catch before Hanji started wailing again.

That’s not good. I’ll have to check up on her later.

Nifa had given me the run-down of the day’s experiment. She was one of the newest members of Hanji’s squad, in the same year as Emily, and the two of them often gravitated towards each other during meals and training. She was a kind girl with a band of freckles across her nose, and in the right amount of sunlight, her red hair almost reminded me of Isabel’s.

“We tried cutting their napes to see if it caused them any pain.” She kept her voice low, as though she was worried Hanji could hear from all the way across the castle. “We ended up cutting too deep and killing them both. She’s really distraught about it, though.”

But why?

It was a question that kept me awake until the late hours of the night, tossing and turning in my bed, and occasionally disturbing Levi beside me. Why was Hanji so attached to these two Titans? Why did she feel the need to treat them as though they were pets—no, as her own children? And why was she currently crying her eyes out in her office at their deaths? She had never cried over a Titan’s death before, so why was she starting now?

And when I brought this up to Levi over our nightly cups of tea in his office, he only scoffed and shook his head.

“She’s a fucking weirdo, that’s why. A Titan’s still a Titan at the end of the day. She just let herself get too attached to them.”

“Yeah, but…why?”

“Tch, I don’t fucking know. Go ask her yourself, if you’re that interested.”

But I could see it was bothering him too, by the way his fingers tightened around the rim of his teacup. He despised the Titans as much as I did, maybe even more. And to see such a close comrade acting so friendly with them… It was enough to piss anybody off.

But fuck, if I wasn’t so damn curious about it. So I finished my tea and stood up from my seat, giving Levi a kiss on his head before heading out of the office. “I’ll be right back,” I whispered, and he only grunted as I closed the door behind me.

The door to Hanji’s office was left unlocked, and when I stepped inside, an exhausted Moblit offered me a smile. His hair was messy, his shirt was rumpled, and his eyes were drooping further by the minute. The poor man looked as though he would crumble to the floor at any second.

“I can watch over her for a bit,” I told him, “at least until she falls asleep. Why don’t you get some rest?”

I could afford to stay with Hanji for a little bit; Levi wasn’t exactly an early sleeper, so I knew he would be up for at least a couple more hours. The least I could do was help Moblit out a bit and take Hanji off his hands for a while.

And if there was one thing the two of us knew from experience, it was that dealing with a sobbing, distraught Hanji was absolutely exhausting.

“You don’t have to—”

“It’s okay, I want to. Is she in her bedroom?”

Moblit pursed his lips together before nodding. “She’s been tossing and turning all night long. I tried giving her some tea but she just won’t settle down.”

Of course she wouldn’t. Hanji grew incredibly restless whenever she was upset. Twisting around in the sheets of her bed, disturbing the other girls in the barracks on the nights she couldn’t sleep. Mumbling incoherently to herself, until either Anna or Lily shushed her. On particularly hard nights, I would open the blankets of my bed and let her climb in beside me. The two of us hadn’t been able to do that for the longest time, what with our separate offices and my growing relationship with Levi (and I knew for a fact he wouldn’t be so keen on having company during our late night cuddle sessions).

“I’ll go check up on her. Get some rest, alright?”

I pushed open the door that led to Hanji’s bedroom, just as Moblit hit the couch with a soft flump. His snores were already filling the air as I stepped into the room, closing the door halfway behind me.

A trembling lump sat atop of Hanji’s bed, wrapped up in blankets and sheets and…are those extra shirts of hers? A steaming cup of tea had been left on her nightstand beside her glasses, untouched save for a few small sips. When I sat on the bed, she poked her head out of the blankets, eyes swollen and cheeks puffed out.

My chest tightened when I saw the pitiful look in her bright red eyes. While I had no idea why she was so upset with losing those two Titans, I wasn’t about to ignore her when she needed me.

So I took her into my arms, pressing my chin against the top of her head. Her breaths were shaky, shoulders quivering as she wrapped her arms around my waist. I could already feel the collar of my shirt growing damp with her tears, but I made no move to push her away. Instead I held her close, as she began to ramble against my chest.

“I didn’t mean to do it. But it all happened so fast! Chikachironi—he screamed when we struck him! Like he was in pain the entire time, and he probably was! He was probably so confused, none of us had tried to hurt him until today. But we didn’t mean to do it! One minute he was fine, and the next…”

I smoothed her hair down against her nape. She shuddered and sucked in a deep breath, before sobbing into my chest again. I didn’t know what else to do, so I just kept holding her.

“Albert, he was such a good boy too… He never made a sound! Not once! Not even when we cut him a little too deep! He was so well-behaved too, he never fought against us! He even let me pet his cheek once! And I wanted to sit on his shoulder after that, but Moblit wouldn’t let me…”

I bit back a smirk at that. Of course he wouldn’t.

“And now they’re gone because of me.” She took in another deep breath, before raising her head off my chest to look me in the eyes. “Because I gave the order to go for their napes. And I don’t think they’ll ever forgive me.”

The tears staining her cheeks, the flush of her eyes, the sense of utter failure written across her face… Why is she getting so worked up over this? Over a pair of Titans, no less?!

I had seen Hanji cry over fallen soldiers plenty of times before. We had both done it together, holding each other in our arms as tightly as we could, as though it would somehow lessen the gaping pain in our chests. But this was the first time I’d seen her cry over a Titan. And sure, they were Titans we’d specifically captured for her research, but they were just test subjects. Nothing more, nothing less, right?

“Hanji, I just want to know…” I swallowed hard, unsure of how to frame the question. “…Why do you love those Titans so much?”

She blinked twice, her lips parting as she stared at me. “W-what do you mean by that?”

What do you mean, ‘what do I mean by that’? “I mean, well…what made you grow to like them in the first place? Didn’t you want them so you could perform ex—I mean, conduct some research on them? So what made you like them so much?”

I kept my voice slow and calm; I didn’t want to upset her any more than she already was. But thankfully, she seemed to understand what I was getting at. And for the first time all night, she managed to smile—a weak one, but a smile nonetheless.

“Because they could give us some answers. They were volunteers, almost—well, not really, but you know what I mean. And if we kept them around for a little bit longer, we could’ve learned so many things about how the Titans work. How they live, what else they eat, whether or not they have any other weak spots…”

But then she was frowning again, silver tears slipping from her eyes. I grabbed the corner of one of the blankets and began dabbing her eyes with it (since my shirt had already suffered enough). As I wiped her face clean, she continued to speak, her voice soft and gentle.

“Maybe we could’ve found a way to communicate with them, like Ilse had.” My hand froze at the mention of the dead soldier, whose corpse was still rotting away in that old tree hollow in the forest. “Maybe we could’ve learned something else from them. But now we can’t, because I killed them. And who knows when we’ll be able to capture another pair of Titans like them…”

When her face was dry, I pulled her back into my chest and began to smooth her hair once more. She sighed against my collarbone, her soft eyelashes tickling my skin as her eyes fluttered shut.

“You didn’t see their eyes when they died, Mia. Almost as though…they were afraid. Like there was someone in there this entire time…”

Wait, what? But that’s silly, not to mention impossible.

I’d stared countless Titans in the face before killing them with my blades, and not one of them had shown any trace of fear or regret in their gaze before their deaths. They were always so cold, lifeless, soulless… But that’s what made them so easy to kill. I knew there wasn’t anyone in there, just a bloodthirsty monster hell-bent on destroying what was left of the entire human race. And that’s what pushed me to kill them, every single time.

But if Hanji had really believed they were sentient, in some way or another, then it was no wonder why she had been so upset upon returning to the base.

I glanced down at Hanji, a thousand questions lingering on my lips—but she was already snoring against my chest. I smiled to myself before laying her down against the mattress, wrapping the blankets around her in a little cocoon. She made no move to stop me as I stood up from the bed—she was finally out for the night.

I leaned down to press a soft kiss to her forehead, right beneath her messy brown bangs. Goodnight, Hanji.

I closed the door as softly as I could behind me, careful not to disturb either her or Moblit, who was currently sprawled across the couch, lost in his own deep slumber. Before I left the office, I draped a blanket across his chest, to keep him warm throughout the night.

I’ll have to thank him later for watching over Hanji for me. That was the thing I loved the most about Moblit: he was always there for Hanji, keeping a watchful eye on her whenever I couldn’t.

The door shut with a soft click, echoing throughout the empty hallway. With a heavy sigh, I pressed my palm to my forehead and began the trek back to Levi’s office, with Hanji’s last words spiraling over and over again in my mind.

Sentient Titans? I’d never heard of such a thing. They aren’t capable of showing human emotions. Even the Titan that spoke to Ilse didn’t seem to show remorse—it still killed her in the end. But maybe Hanji’s two Titans were different? Is it possible for some Titans to be emotional, while others simply aren’t?

I shook my head. I’d encountered too many Titans over the years to start second-guessing their intentions now. I’d lost too many friends and family to them over the years, ever since I was a little girl. Now was not the time to reevaluate my feelings about them.

Besides, there will be time to think about this all tomorrow. It’s too late right now to get involved with all of this.

…Yeah, you’re right. Worry about it tomorrow, when you have the time.

But even when I reached Levi’s office, even when we finished our tea and showered and tucked ourselves into bed, I couldn’t stop thinking about what Hanji had said. Even with Levi’s warm chest pressed against my back, I couldn’t take my mind off of what those Titans must have looked like to Hanji.

They’ve committed such horrible atrocities, every single one of them. And they have the nerve to look scared when humanity finally fights back a bit? That doesn’t make any sense. Why would they suddenly get all defensive once we have the upper hand?

No, stop it. Hanji’s just upset, maybe she just thought they looked scared. She has a strange relationship with Titans to begin with. That doesn’t mean every single Titan out there is sentient. They’re all mindless creatures with a taste for our blood, aren’t they?

“Stop it.” Levi’s breath was hot against my ear, sending shivers down my spine. “Whatever you’re thinking about, just stop.”

“…How do you know I’m thinking about something right now?”

“You keep shifting your legs and twisting your head, and it’s getting on my nerves. You only do that when you’re nervous.”

My cheeks grew warm at his words. Who knew he paid so much attention to my little habits? “I’m just…thinking about Hanji’s Titans. She’s really upset about them.”

“She’ll get over it.” His arms tightened around my waist, fingers brushing against the skin of my stomach. “I’m sure we’ll get her a new pair of them before the summer ends.”

Besides, it’s not as though they were humans to begin with.

“Yeah, maybe you’re right…”

“I am,” he replied curtly, and I stifled a laugh as he kissed my neck. “Now go to sleep. Or I’m kicking you out.”

“Aw, but you can’t!” Suddenly I was facing him on the bed, wrapping my arms around his neck and throwing my leg over his own. “Who’s going to keep your bed warm if you kick me out?”

“I have a few blankets in the closet.”

“Levi!”

The two of us were giggling now, smiling through the faint moonlight that spilled in through the window. He ruffled my hair with his fingers before curling his arm around the back of his head, keeping his other firmly pressed against my back.

“I’m serious, brat. Go to sleep. You need it.”

“Fine, captain.” I gave him a quick kiss on the mouth before snuggling into my usual spot against his collarbone, with my head tucked beneath his chest. “But only if you promise to fall asleep with me.”

“Tch, you’re unbelievable sometimes.”

“Maybe, but you’re stuck with me.”

I could feel his fingers dancing along the hem of my shirt, gently massaging the skin of my back as he pulled me in close.

“I guess I am.”

It took a little bit more convincing, with a few kisses thrown in here and there, but eventually I found myself dozing off against his chest, with his arms draped across my waist. The mention of any possible sentient Titans was now pushed in the furthest corners of my mind, with a silent promise on my tongue.

“It’s not even fucking sunrise.” With a huff, I twisted around in the bed and threw the blankets over my head, desperate to catch a few more minutes of peace and quiet.

The mattress creaked as he shifted his weight, his hand coming to rest beside my head. It was hard not to smile as he hovered over my body, lips ghosting over my cheek and jaw.

“Don’t be such a brat.” There was a soft rustle in my ear as he held the papers between us. “Besides, I got those patterns you wanted.”

That caught my attention. Suddenly I was sitting upright in bed, nearly clunking my forehead against his own, and reaching for the papers like a greedy child.

“Let me see, let me see!”

He rolled his eyes as he handed them off to me. My eyes were now wide open, frantically scanning over the sketches and notes on each piece of paper. I was so invested with my reading I almost didn’t notice he was already talking.

“Ran into town yesterday with Eld and Petra. They seemed to like the idea, too. Eld even offered to help, if you need him. Apparently his parents made him learn how to sew when he was younger, too.”

“Oh, that’ll be great! This time I won’t have Evan to rely on, you know.”

The idea had crossed my mind just last week, when I was rummaging through Levi’s drawers to look for a shirt of his to wear to bed. I had come across the cravat I’d made him, with my little love message sewn into the fabric. Thinking about the cravat made me think about Lisbeth, Evan’s mother, who’d given me the pattern in the first place.

And then, I started thinking about the other kids on my squad. So with a little prompting from Levi, I’d decided to make them all handsewn gifts for Christmas this year: new scarves with matching hats and mittens, all in their favorite colors, with their names and the title Wolf Squad stitched on the fabric. Reggie’s set would be dark green, Evan’s would be blue, Gretel’s would be white, Murphy’s would be yellow…and Emily’s would be pink.

Emily Fischer was the newest member of the Elite Reconnaissance Squad, who had graduated just earlier this month with the rest of the 103rd Training Corps, in the first days of spring in the year 849. Ranking second in her class, and commended for her quick thinking and athletic abilities in the field, she’d accepted my offer to join the Wolf Squad (as Reggie and Evan had affectionately dubbed our little family) almost as soon as I’d asked her. She wouldn’t be joining the expeditions until later in the summer, but she was training as hard as she could every single day. (Even if she did butt heads with Gretel every now and then.)

The patterns were simple, easy to read and follow along with. I leaned over to kiss Levi’s cheek, only for him to pull away and grumble something about morning breath.

“Thanks for getting these for me, captain. You think they’ll like them, when they’re all finished?”

His hand came to rest at the top of my head, mussing up my already messy hair. “If they’re from you, I’m sure they’ll love them.”

“Aww, really? Like how you love that cravat I made you?”

His face scrunched up into a frown, but at least he didn’t deny it. I let out a laugh before placing the papers on the nightstand beside the bed. I could start working on them later—right now, I still had to catch up on my sleep.

So I flopped back down on the bed, but not before wrapping my arms around his neck and tugging him down with me. He grunted as he fell against my chest, hands lashing out at the sheets to keep himself grounded. I only smiled as he glared down at me, with his hands resting on either side of my head.

“So, I have the kids all figured out. Hanji’s always easy to please, and I’m sure I can find something nice for Erwin in either Trost or Ehrmich. The same goes for Mike and Nanaba, and I think I can get a new sketchbook or some fancy pens in Stohess for Moblit. But what do you want for Christmas this year?”

“Doesn’t matter,” he replied shortly, and I puffed out my cheeks at him.

“Yes, it does! I wasn’t able to do anything special this year for your birthday. At least, not like last year…” With everything that had been going on these last few months, between the trial and the nightmares and the struggle to return to normal life at the base, Levi and I hadn’t been able to get away for Christmas this year. This year, I was determined to make it up to him. “So tell me what you want. I promise, I’ll get it for you!”

His expression remained unchanged as he stared down at me, his fingertips brushing against my jaw. “You don’t have to get anything for me. I don’t want anything, understand?”

“Oh, come on, everyone wants something nowadays!”

“Alright, fine—then what do you want?”

“…What?”

My smile fell as he leaned in close, his nose brushing against my temple. “I said,” he whispered, his breath hot against my ear, “what do you want?”

It was the first time he’d asked me something like that. He was always so secretive with his words, never choosing to be blunt with how he truly felt. With every conversation I had, I always had to look deeper into what he actually meant. I had to decode his words, try to look into his mind to see what he was trying to say.

Rarely did he ever lay it out for me like this, and leaving me speechless in the process. I stammered over my words for a few moments, before taking a deep breath and meeting his eyes once more.

“Well, I just want you.”

It was his turn to look shocked—his silver eyes widened and his jaw tensed up. As slowly as I could, I sat myself up and leaned against the headboard of the bed, taking his face in my hands.

“I don’t want anything else in this world, as long as I have you at my side. We could be penniless in the streets, starving for scraps, stranded in the cold, and I still wouldn’t care, because I have you. Levi, I could die tomorrow with a smile on my face, without a care in the world, because I know you love me. That is the greatest gift you’ve ever given me, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to repay you back.”

Maybe it was the lingering sleep that weighed my eyelids down. Or maybe it was the invisible weight on my chest, crushing against me ever since the trial in Mitras. Whatever it was, I knew I had to get this out now—because I didn’t know when (or if) there would be a next time.

“So, with that in mind,” I added with a cheeky smile, “can you please tell me what you want for Christmas? It’s your birthday, after all.”

He didn’t roll his eyes like I thought he would. He didn’t scoff or shake his head, or even glare at me like he normally would. Instead, he lowered his head and pressed his face against my chest. His hands were warm against my waist, securing my body against his, as his breath clouded across my skin.

“…I’ll let you know in the fall.”

I wanted to protest, but I snapped my mouth shut just in time. It would probably be the best I got out of him; might as well take it while I could, right?

“Fine,” I let out a heavy sigh, carding my fingers through his soft black hair, “have it your way, captain.”

He didn’t say anything; he just continued to hold himself against my chest, his soft breaths lulling me into a light but comforting slumber.

|~|

Murphy was in the meadow with his mare when I decided to let Edel out for a quick run. The silver gelding snorted and pawed at the ground as I checked his saddle and loosened his stirrups at the gates, too impatient to wait for me. He always had fun with the other horses, especially the ones belonging to the kids. Not as much fun as he had with Mischa, but still; he was always happy to have some company.

But just as I swung myself up in the saddle, a blur of blue and gray came barreling towards the entrance of the fence. Edel grunted and shook his head as Emily raced by, leaning forward in her seat, gripping the reins as tight as she could. Her blue roan mare snorted and leapt the fence with ease, and Emily let out a cheer as she began to slow her down.

Oh, they must be training again.

Ever since Emily joined the squad, she and Murphy were basically inseparable when it came to their horses. While she didn’t have the experience Murphy did, she was always practicing with her mare, and sometimes I could see them training together well into the night, until either me or Levi came down to remind them of curfew.

Murphy was nodding in approval as she slowed the mare to a stop, leaning down to pat her neck. “That was a lot better than last time! You felt a difference, right?”

“You mean it felt smoother, right? Then yeah, it did! Ivy, didn’t it feel better?” The blue mare nickered softly at her rider’s praise.

It was strange, seeing them both act like little kids again. Well, it made sense for Emily, since she hadn’t been out on a real expedition just yet. But it was nice to see Murphy smiling, even after all this time. And he seemed to be getting along well with Emily; I could see by the way he reached out to pat her mare on the neck.

“Oh, good morning, Captain Wolf!”

Murphy’s face broke out into a smile as he glanced up at me, fingers grazing his mare’s soft mane. Emily waved over to me as well, before squeezing her legs around Ivy’s sides. The blue roan snorted and began trotting again, eager to get rid of some excess energy.

Edel flicked his tail happily as I urged him past the gate, and he bumped his nose against Murphy’s mare’s snout when he reached her. I wracked my brain to try to remember the mare’s name—with all the names within the Survey Corps, it was a little hard to remember the names of their horses, as well.

“You two look busy this morning.” Murphy’s cheeks brightened, and he kept his eyes on his mare as he brushed his fingers through her mane. “Enjoying your day off?”

“Yes, ma’am,” he answered with a smile, but the tips of his ears remained red. “Ivy seems to really like it when Emily rides her around like that. And I think Misty does, too.”

Misty—so that’s her name… I’ll have to remember that. The brown mare nickered softly at her rider’s touch, craning her neck to meet the warmth of his palm.

Meanwhile, Emily was still running Ivy around the length of the meadow, leaning forward in the saddle with the reins bunched in her fists. Her twin pigtails blew in the breeze—and maybe it was a trick of the rising sun, but I could’ve sworn I saw a shade of red rather than her usual blond.

“Keep an eye on her,” I whispered over to Murphy, and his face reddened even more, “and make sure she doesn’t accidentally fall off or anything, if she gets too excited.”

“Y-yes, ma’am.”

I snickered to myself. Enough with teasing the poor boy; I had work to do, and a horse to exercise.

“I’ll be at the edge of the forest if you need me.” With that, I gathered the reins and pressed my heels into the gelding’s sides. “Don’t work yourselves too hard—you still have training tomorrow, so don’t forget!”

A chorus of groans and a mumbled “yes, captain” filled the air. I bit back a smile and urged Edel forward, and suddenly the two of us were off, galloping through the meadow and towards the nearby forest.

His hooves thundered against the flattened grass. The trees were tinted with a faint shade of red from the sunrise in the distance. The air was cool and crisp, a perfect late April morning. Winter was long gone, with spring only a couple weeks away. And Edel and I were more than ready for the warm weather.

The two of us followed along the edge of the forest, before dipping in between the trees and onto the familiar dirt trail along the ground. It was a trail the two of us could follow with our eyes closed—the same one my father had rode through before his retirement from the Scouts. Sometimes he would tell me about the early morning rides he took with his own steed, a large gray stallion with chocolate brown eyes, and how he always offered to take Ma out on a few of them, but she always shook her head and declined. She insisted it was only because she didn’t want to get dirty; Dad insisted it was because she was scared (always earning a light punch on his arm for that).

The constant drip, drip, drip of melting snow from the branches made me smile. Edel whinnied softly as he neared the old fallen log, right in the middle of the trail. I hunched over in my seat, grabbing a fistful of his mane and leaning low against his neck.

He soared over the jump perfectly, hooves kicking up clumps of dirt and leaves. I fell back into the saddle, palms sweaty and chest heaving, as he continued to race along the trail, his speed never faltering.

That’s my boy. I grazed my fingers along his neck before urging him along, and the two of us sped down the trail until our muscles screamed for us to stop.

These were the moments I lived for: running through the woods with my trusty steed, breathing in the chilled air and the scent of leaves and morning dew. Moments where I could let myself relax completely, and not even in the same way I could whenever I was with Levi or Hanji, or even my own squad. It was a different kind of relaxing, one I had known ever since I learned to trust the horse at my side.

I gave Edel another pat on the neck before leaning forward in the saddle again, as he leapt over yet another fallen log.

|~|

The rest of the day had been uneventful, for the most part. Once Edel had been brushed off and fed and watered after our morning ride, I had retreated back to Levi’s office, to finish some paperwork and sort out the patterns he’d gotten for me.

He was currently out with Erwin, probably discussing the plans for the first expedition of the year (which thankfully, I would be able to go on this time), so I had the office to myself. I made myself at home at his desk, sorting through the paperwork I’d brought with me, signing documents left and right until my hand hurt.

Suddenly, the little jar of ink he had on his desk started to look a little empty. I pulled open one of the side drawers, looking for a fresh bottle and groaning when I couldn’t find one. But instead, in the very bottom drawer of the desk, I found something else that piqued my interest.

A little black sketchbook, similar to the one he kept on his nightstand (after hours and hours of begging him to do so, just so I could flip through the drawings whenever I was bored). So I wasn’t surprised when I opened it to the first page and saw a sketch of myself on Edel, with the reins twisted around my hands. He had filled quite a few of the pages of his other sketchbook with drawings of me and my horse, but still, seeing even more of them made me smile like a schoolgirl.

I flipped the page—and I nearly dropped the book as though it had burned me.

It was another sketch of me, but I wasn’t with Edel or looking out the window, or even working on paperwork like he’d drawn me before. Instead, I was staring up on the page, lying on my stomach in bed, with nothing but the sheets draped over my waist. Through the ink smudges and pencil markings, I could still see the outlines of my breasts, pressed against the mattress as the sheet barely clung to my hips.

…Now I know why he kept this in the bottom drawer.

My jaw dropped as the next page gave me a similar drawing. This time I was lying on my back in bed, in nothing but my bra and panties, as my wrists were tied together with what appeared to be, from the shading of the sketch, Levi’s cravat.

…Oh.

It wasn’t as though I was ashamed of these drawings. They were beautiful; I was always amazed with what Levi could come up with whenever he decided to draw me. He never let me watch him do it (he always made sure I was looking away from him), but he would show me the finished product afterwards, scoffing at any praise I gave him as the tips of his ears turned red.

But seeing myself in this kind of light—knowing he had drawn me in such suggestive positions… A strange sense of pride began to well up in my chest.

Oh well, it’s not like it’s nothing he’s ever seen before, anyway. And besides, you’re not really bothered by it, are you? No, I wasn’t. But still, it was strange to see these kinds of drawings of myself.

At least he made sure to make me look pretty. I traced my finger over the outline of my face on the page, careful not to smudge any of the ink and ruin the sketch.

I leaned back in the seat and continued to flip through the sketchbook. Not all of the drawings were suggestive, but they all seemed to be centered on me. And from the dates written on the corners of the pages, they appeared to be drawn all within the last two years, during the spring of 847.

Right after we made it official. The memory brought a smile to my face.

There was one of me sitting on the couch of my office, nose scrunched up as I read a particularly interesting book in my lap. Another one of me cleaning the windows of Levi’s office, with the silly little white cloth wrapped around my head to keep the dust out of my hair. Another of me dozing off with a blanket thrown over my waist, my head resting in what appeared to be Levi’s lap. And sure enough, his hand was resting on my shoulder in the drawing, his knuckles just brushing the flesh of my cheek.

But then there were the drawings that made me blush. One of me sitting on the edge of Levi’s desk, fully clothed, but with my legs spread open on either side of the chair. Another of me laying down in bed, smirking up at the page from the side, with my hands tied together at my chest. One in particular had me choking on my own spit: Levi had drawn me from his perspective, it seemed, straddling him with my legs thrown over his hips, smiling down at him as I covered my breasts with my hands. My eyes were half-lidded, and there was the faintest blush splashed across my cheeks.

They were gorgeous, no doubt about it. But that wasn’t what made me love them even more. It was the fact that, no matter how suggestive they got, the most intimate parts of my body were always hidden, either by my clothes, my hands, or the sheets of the bed. Levi had never drawn those parts of me, even though he had seen them countless times already.

The two of us hadn’t even had sex since early last year, before the trial in Mitras and everything around it. I had gotten better with our moments of intimacy by now, and I was nowhere near as nervous as I had been last year. Still, Levi assured me that we could move at my pace, and that he would be ready when I was.

So looking at these beautiful drawings, knowing by the way he handled my body in them and how protective he seemed of me through his sketches of me… It made me proud, in a weird sort of way, and I was only falling deeper in love with that man the more I looked through the book.

I was so engrossed in my reading that I barely noticed the lock turning in the door. Only when I heard the scuff of boots hitting the floor did I jump in my seat, gripping the sketchbook with sweaty palms as I stared up at Levi’s face.

His mouth closed, his jaw tightened—and when he glanced down at the book in my arms, the tips of his ears burned a bright red shade.

“Fuck,” he hissed under his breath, swiping a hand through his hair, “shit, you weren’t supposed to see that one—”

I waved a hand at him, keeping the book secure against my chest. He was always so protective with his drawings, and I was terrified he would get so embarrassed by them that he would rip the book out of my hands and tear it to shreds right then and there.

“No, it’s fine! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to find it when I did—but I was looking for ink and then I found this book, and…” My mouth curled into a smile as I stared up at him, watching his cheeks turn a pretty pink color. “Levi, they’re beautiful.”

At least he didn’t seem mad at me for finding the book and looking through it. If anything, he seemed to be mad at himself for even drawing those sketches in the first place. But that only confused me to no end. He was a talented artist in his own right—so why couldn’t he enjoy drawing the things that made him happy in his spare time?

“Don’t flatter me,” he mumbled, keeping his eyes on the floor. “You shouldn’t have to see those…things.”

“What, you mean these?” I opened the book to a random page—the one that held a drawing of me lying on my back, hands barely covering the blush on my face. “I don’t mind them, you know. In fact, I love them.”

Was he seriously angry with himself for even drawing me in such a light? I didn’t find it creepy or obsessive—I was well aware about his little passion for art for a couple years now. It was only natural that he wanted to draw me once in a while. Besides, his sketches didn’t demean me as either a person or a lover. They were just there, a silent affirmation of his love for me.

“I love them,” I found myself repeating, as I flipped through the pages again. Suddenly, I found the one of myself laying on the bed, with his cravat tied around my wrists. “And this one… I didn’t know you were into that kind of stuff, Levi.”

“I’m not,” he hissed, and the tips of his ears were practically scarlet at this point.

“Then why would you draw it, huh? You obviously have at thing for it, and that’s okay.”

I could feel my stomach getting warmer by the second, burning with desire for the man in front of me. It had been so long since I felt his body against mine, felt him inside of me. With everything going on, between the aftermath of the trial, our busy schedules, training the new cadets, and our own personal boundaries, there was simply no time for us to lean back and relax like we used to.

Suddenly his hands were around my wrists, lowering them as gently as he could, mindful of the book I still held between them. His mouth was set in a tight line, his silver eyes darker than usual.

“Stop it,” he growled, and I shivered at the tone of his voice, “don’t feed into that kind of shit. You don’t have to pretend to like it, you know.”

…What is he talking about? “But Levi, I do like them!”

“It’s fucking unnatural,” he spat out, and I visibly jumped at the sound. “Drawing you like that, all helpless and shit… Is that really what you want me to do to you?”

What was he getting at, exactly? Was he talking about those drawings of me with my hands bound? There was nothing degrading about them—at least, not to me. I didn’t look helpless or in pain in any of them; in fact, I looked like I was enjoying myself. And sure, maybe tying your partner’s hands up during sex was a little unusual (as far as I knew, it wasn’t a common practice between couples within the Walls), but there was nothing wrong with it. As long as both partners consented to it, what was so wrong about it?

Levi’s face fell as he tore himself away from me, leaving my fingers stretched out in the air, seeking the warmth of his body. He sat himself down on the couch, head in his hands, as his midnight tresses poked out from between his fingers. I stared at him, still awkwardly clutching the book in my hands, with the drawing of myself and my hands tied in front of me still staring up at me.

“You just got used to having sex again,” he mumbled, so quietly I almost couldn’t hear him. “And not even all the way. And now you found those fucking…” He sighed heavily, raking his hands through his hair. “You shouldn’t have to look at those. Not when you’re still uneasy about having sex.”

I could feel my cheeks burning at his words. But he was right—just a few months ago (in time for his birthday, in fact), I’d cornered him in his bedroom at night and got down on my knees for him, sucking him off like I’d always done, before everything that happened in Mitras. And a few weeks after that, I’d finally let him lay me down in his bed and bury his head in between my thighs. But that was as far as we’d gotten—and for a while, it was fine for both of us.

I was still a little reluctant to go all the way with him (which seemed a little silly in my eyes, since we’d done it countless times before), but Levi was respectful and kept his distance, as he always had been. He never pushed me or went against my boundaries, always encouraging me to take the lead instead of him.

My chest heaved with a sigh as I placed the book on the corner of the desk, slowly making my way over to the couch. I kneeled down in front of him, fingers gently curling around his wrists. He didn’t look at me, but at least he didn’t pull away.

“Levi,” I kept my voice low as I spoke, “I know you won’t ever hurt me—I’ve known that for a few years now. And I don’t think those drawings are degrading. They’re beautiful, and I know you wouldn’t have drawn them if they made you uncomfortable.”

“That’s the problem,” he hissed under his palms, “I don’t feel bad for them, and I should.”

“What is there to feel bad about?” I couldn’t keep the edge out of my voice as I spoke, but I willed myself to remain calm. I wouldn’t make this situation any better by getting angry at him. “They’re drawings, Levi. What’s so bad about drawing a picture of me with my hands tied up like that?”

The look he gave me sent a shiver up my spine. Full of fury, denial, and unbridled lust. And shame. It hurt me to see him like this, feeling bad and blaming himself for something he couldn’t really control.

“…Do you really want to be treated like that, Mia? Tied up like that, unable to move unless I say it’s okay. Are you really willing to give up control of yourself like that? To be subjected to someone else’s mercy, to be completely vulnerable?”

I still wanted to say yes, like I always had. Those drawings had sparked something inside of me—maybe someday I would be able to have my wrists tied up like that, to allow Levi to do whatever he wanted to me. But the way he’d worded it, and the amount of control I realized I would have to give up to him… Suddenly goosebumps were prickling on my arms, the hairs on the back of my neck rising up.

Control and vulnerability were two words we’d grown incredibly acquainted with over the last year. Levi had always been careful with what we did in the bedroom, but even more so after the two of us had returned from Mitras last spring. He was incredibly protective of me, always fighting against his own urges to satisfy mine. Always making sure I was one hundred percent comfortable with what I was doing, either to myself or to him, always worried he would end up hurting me if he wasn’t careful enough.

The two of us had emphasized the need for control in our relationship more than ever in these last few months. And if this was going to tear it in one way or another…it wasn’t worth it. It wasn’t worth frightening me or hurting Levi.

For the first time we had sex, at least, I didn’t want to restrict myself that much. Maybe another time, once I grew more comfortable with the idea. But for now…I was better off staying in control of myself.

“I mean…maybe someday down the line, I’d like to try it out. Besides, how bad could it be, as long as it’s with you?” He rolled his eyes, but at least he managed to relax his shoulders a bit. “And if you’re not comfortable with it, we don’t have to try it out at all.”

“I’m perfectly comfortable with it,” he retorted, and his hand found the top of my head at once, mussing up my already messy hair. “It’s you who I’m worried about.”

“You’re too sweet. So, does that mean that you wouldn’t have a problem with being the one who’s tied up?”

His fingers suddenly froze against my hair, palm splayed flat against my head. I glanced up at him, my mouth falling open, just in time to see him turn away, with a light dusting of pink on his cheeks.

“Wait…really?!”

“Fuck off!”

He spat out the answer so quickly, so suddenly… All I could do was just stand there, still crouched down in front of the couch, with my jaw sinking further to the floor.

…Oh.

So that’s how it is, huh?

To be honest, I couldn’t really picture Levi in such a submissive light. He was always so controlling, so head-on in the bedroom that I couldn’t imagine him as anything else. He was definitely someone who preferred taking the reins, someone who didn’t like to be restrained or told what to do. It reflected on his behavior with the rest of the Scouts: unwilling to cooperate and play nice, to bend at anyone else’s will but his own. He didn’t really seem like the type to lay back and let someone else take the reins for a change, unless he was prepared to steal them right back whenever he felt like it.

So to see such a visceral reaction on his face, to what should’ve been a bought of light teasing on my part…it was honestly a little shocking.

But that didn’t mean I didn’t like it.

“You would like doing that, Levi?” I didn’t even try to make my voice sound alluring this time; it was simply a question, as I leaned in closer to his face. “You wouldn’t mind being…treated like that?”

His cheeks turned red as he responded in a low voice, diverting his eyes from mine. “It doesn’t have to be too involved, brat. Just…a little bondage wouldn’t hurt.”

Bondage, huh? The word felt strange along my tongue, and I could’ve sworn I saw Levi suck in a breath when I said it out loud. “So, if I wanted to try that out with you, but with you as the one being tied up instead of me…would you say yes?”

It felt strange, having such an intimate conversation out in the open like this. Sure, we were in the safety of his office, with no one able to barge in on us and ruin the moment. But still, it was a little weird. Usually we didn’t have these kinds of conversations until we got to the bedroom… But apparently for as something as serious as this, it had to be discussed beforehand.

It only made me realize just how much I still didn’t know about sex and what it involved—especially after the previous year, since I had a bit of catching up to do.

Whatever. We can do all of that at our own pace. There’s no need to rush any of it, right?

Levi cleared his throat once more, before raising his head to look me in the eye. His hands found mine against his lap, and his voice was no more than a growl as he gave me his answer.

“…Sure, brat. Whatever you say.”

|~|

It took another couple of conversations in his office over the next few days, to make sure we were both set and ready on what we’d agreed to do. Limits were set—for instance, Levi insisted on no roughhousing, like hard spanking, choking, or slapping. There would be plenty of chances to do all of that, once we were more comfortable with the idea. For now, it would just be a little experiment between us, to explore and figure out what we both wanted from each other in this new environment. Nothing too serious; just two lovers relieving some stress, and adding a little spice to their sex life.

Finally, at the end of the week, and once the two of us had finished up our respective paperwork (and some of Hanji’s, that had been mysteriously placed on my desk during the day), we settled into Levi’s bedroom with the door locked behind us. I hadn’t bothered to change into pajamas, opting to lose my jacket and boots instead. Levi had already taken his cravat off, unbuttoning the first couple buttons on his shirt before taking a seat on the edge of the bed.

“Communication is key,” he reminded me for the hundredth time today alone. “Let me know if you feel uncomfortable, and we’ll stop right away. If you feel nervous or scared, we can stop at any time, and—”

“Levi,” I grabbed his hands and held them close, thumbing his knuckles gently, “I promise, I’ll let you know if I get uncomfortable. But I don’t think I will,” I added, and he only rolled his eyes. “Besides, shouldn’t I be asking you the same thing? You’re the one who’s going to be tied up.”

But he only shrugged, before reclining down on the surface of the bed. “I think I can handle myself. It’s you I’m worried about. You’re not exactly experienced with being in control, you know.”

“Oh, and whose fault is that?” I leaned down beside him on the bed, brushing his bangs away from his forehead. “You never let me take the reins like this before, so how am I supposed to know what to do?”

He remained silent, but the way his thumb brushed along the scar on my cheek told me everything I needed to know. I leaned down to kiss him, cradling his head with my hands, before sitting up and throwing one leg over his lap.

“Are you sure you’re comfortable with this, Levi?”

His hands were warm against my hips, sliding up the hem of my shirt as he spoke, “I promise, brat, I’ll be fine. As long as you are.”

My chest swelled at his words, and for a moment I wanted to cry. Not yet, I reminded myself just in time. You can do that later. Right now, it’s all about the two of you.

“Where did you put the restraints?”

“In the drawer.”

At the small jerk of his head, I reached into the top drawer of his nightstand and pulled out the restraints: a pair of leather straps from a spare set of ODM gear, worn over the years but obviously cleaned well. They were softer than the usual leather straps we wore, which made me feel a bit better about using them. I didn’t want Levi to get hurt, or to be left with burn marks around his wrists.

I pulled him in for another kiss, as I made quick work of the buttons on his shirt. Within moments, he was shirtless and sprawled out against the mattress, midnight tresses splayed against the pillows. He placed one wrist against the headboard, silently motioning for me to tie him up.

“Don’t make it too tight,” he reminded me, as I slipped the leather through the loops. “But don’t make it too loose. You don’t want me breaking out of them, do you?”

The thought made me shiver. What could he possibly do to me, if he ripped through those restraints like it was nothing? Perhaps it depended on what I did to him before that happened. My cheeks flushed with heat as I thought of his arms flexing as the leather bands snapped with a sharp tug. He probably could break free from them, no matter how tight I tied them, if he really wanted to.

Once the leather was secured around one wrist, I looped the leather through the bars of the headboard and tied the rest around his other wrist. He gave me a nod as I slipped two fingers under each wrist, making sure his skin had enough room to breathe. I didn’t want to end up cutting his blood flow and bruising him, or anything like that.

“Do you remember the safe words?”

“Of course I do.”

“Repeat them back to me.”

I smiled, albeit a bit shyly, as I recited, “Red for stop, green for go, and yellow for slow down.” He nodded, obviously pleased with my memory. “Can you still move your hands around? They’re not too tight, are they?”

“No, it’s fine.” Maybe it was a trick of the candlelight, but I could’ve sworn I saw his cheeks turn pink. “…Well, what are you waiting for? Strip.”

I couldn’t hold back my laugh as I unbuttoned my shirt. So impatient, isn’t he? “What, you don’t want to be the only one who’s undressed over here?”

I slid my shirt down my shoulders and dropped it to the floor, right beside Levi’s. I pushed myself off his lap just for a moment, to wriggle out of my pants and push them to the side, as well. When I was finished and left in just my bra and panties, I threw my leg over his hips, slowly lowering myself into his lap.

He said nothing as I pressed my hips into his; already I could feel the outline of his cock, semi-hard against the fabric of his trousers. But the blush on his face was much more pronounced, assuring me that he was, in fact, liking this so far. I leaned down to his face, hands pressed against the planes of his chest, as I lowered my mouth to the shell of his ear.

“It’s a little sad, not having your hands on me. I bet you miss it too, don’t you, captain?”

He went rigid beneath me, growling low in his throat as I kissed his neck. The taste of his skin was so sweet against my tongue, his warmth sending shivers along my arms and legs. As gently as I could, I bucked my hips into his—and he groaned against my ear, hissing my name through his teeth.

“Mia.”

My eyes flew open. Oh, how I loved hearing that word fall from his lips.

“Levi,” I raised myself off of him, trailing a finger down his cheek and over his mouth, “can I put the cravat on now?”

His silver eyes glinted in the candlelight. “Sure.”

The white cravat, the one I’d made for him for his birthday a couple years ago, was resting on the nightstand beside his bed. Yet another thing we’d talked about, over the last few days. The thought of him not being able to touch me, not being able to see me—it was supposed to make him incredibly sensitive to everything around him.

He didn’t object as I slid the cravat around the back of his head, tying it off as gently as I could. But before I pulled the fabric over his eyes, I gave him another soft kiss on the lips. The message was clear between us: See you soon.

The fabric slid over his eyes—and suddenly he was completely at my mercy.

I grazed my fingers along his chest, savoring the sudden intake of breath and slight tremble that greeted me. I kissed his throat, pressing my nose to his neck and inhaling that sweet pine and peppermint scent of his. He groaned softly at the contact, hips jerking up ever so slightly.

Huh, I guess I was right about the sensitive part. He’s much more responsive than he usually is…

I slid my fingers down the length of his chest, over his abdomen and down to the waistband of his pants. As much as I wanted to take my time, I knew both of us were going to get needy if I didn’t move it along. So I slipped my fingers down to the zipper of his pants, brushing my fingers along the outline of his cock.

“Shit,” he hissed as I slid his pants down to his ankles. His cock was straining against his boxers, even more so when I reached down to palm him through the black fabric.

He twisted his hands, jerking them forward—and suddenly the headboard rattled, the wood creaking in protest as the leather straps bit against the bars.

“Fuck,” he whispered, so softly I thought I’d imagined it. “Sorry, sweetheart. Just… I didn’t expect that.”

I could already feel the heat spreading down from my face to my neck. “I-it’s okay, it happens…” It was sweet that he felt the need to apologize in the first place; I had to remember, this was new to both of us. While Levi might have been experienced with this bondage thing beforehand, he wasn’t used to being tied up and subdued like this.

A chill swept down the length of my spine. His little tug at the restraints, while it didn’t scare me as much as it caught me off guard, made quick work of reminding me just how strong he truly was. He was strong enough to slice out a Titan’s nape with one clean stroke of his blades; strong enough to lift me into his arms and pin me against the wall if he wanted to.

With how much time I’d spent with him, it always slipped my mind at how powerful he actually was. And to think, I had this powerful man at my mercy, below me on the bed, giving me everything he was and trusting me not to break him.

And I loved him—every single bit of him.

I loved the way he held his teacups when he sat across from me in the mess hall. I loved the way he tied a white cloth around his head whenever he cleaned to keep the dust out of his hair. I loved his silver eyes, with the faintest tinge of blue, so sharp and yet so beautiful. I loved the feeling of his hands on my skin, his tongue against the shell of my ear. I loved the way he spoke my name, the way he smiled at me when no one else was looking.

And he loved me, for everything I was, and everything I would be.

“Levi,” it was a struggle to keep my voice from quivering, “I’m going to take these off, okay?”

He nodded as I trailed my fingers along the waistband of his boxers. I pulled them down in one swift movement, and I could already feel my mouth watering at the sight of his cock, hard and flushed with a bright shade of red. He hissed when I wrapped my fingers around the shaft, before smearing my thumb against the bead of silvery fluid that gathered at the head.

He cursed under his breath as I slid my hand up and down, slowly jerking him off just the way he liked. Once or twice I could see his back arch off the mattress, as he leaned into my touch. But he kept himself calm, for the most part; his moans were controlled, save for the occasional whimper that made my legs tremble.

“Levi,” his whole body jolted slightly as I settled in between his thighs, “I want your cock in my mouth. Now.”

He made no move to stop me as I slid my mouth over him, taking him in as deep as I could. He gave a gentle tug on the leather straps, his heaving chest already slick with sweat.

My fingers thrummed with pleasure as I took him further down my throat, savoring the weight of his cock against my tongue. I blinked up at him, and I couldn’t help but smile when I saw his lips parted slightly, his head thrown back against the pillows. I pulled up just a bit, enough to wrap my lips around the tip of his cock and suck—and this time he whined my name, arching his back off the bed completely.

“Mia…” The leather straps rattled against the bars of the headboard; his muscular thighs clenched around my head. “Fuck—sweetheart, don’t tease—”

My lips strung up in a smirk. How can I argue when he’s begging like that?

I bobbed my head up and down, running my hands along whatever I couldn’t fit into my mouth. His stomach tightened, his thighs closed around my head. I could feel my eyes roll into the back of my skull when my nose brushed against that little patch of black hair, sitting directly above the base of his cock.

“Levi,” I moaned out his name as I pulled away just for a bit, my hand already slick with spit and precum, “please, cum for me. Cum for me, captain.”

His thighs trembled around my head. Breathless moans and whimpers send shivers down my spine. Once glance up at his face, eyes still covered by that cravat and wrists still secured above his head, and suddenly I wanted to destroy him.

I wanted to make him feel as good as he’d always made me feel. I wanted him to crush my head with his thighs, reminding me of the raw power that resided within his body. I wanted him to scream my name out into the night, so that everyone nearby would know just who had made him feel like this.

So I picked up the pace, letting the tip of his cock brush the back of my throat with every thrust, as his cries and whimpers fueled me on.

A low growl filled the air as he came, cock twitching against my tongue as he spilled his release down my throat. I pulled away just enough to breathe, before licking the remains of his cum from both my lips and the tip of his cock. He was panting hard below me, a thin line of drool leaking from the corner of his mouth.

I couldn’t help but snicker as I leaned over him again, tugging the cravat above his eyes once more. “Was that okay?”

His cheeks were flushed, his brow lined with sweat and his chest heaving against my own. He flexed his fingers, making sure he could still move them beneath the straps, before meeting my gaze with a half-smile.

“More than okay.” His voice was a bit raspy as he spoke, and he hummed softly when I pressed my palm to his cheek. “Not bad, for a first timer.”

I only rolled my eyes, thumbing the slip of fabric wrapped around his wrists. I wanted to keep going, to see if I could handle anything more tonight. A thousand possibilities ran through my head at once, each one of them sending a thrill right down to my core. One in particular that stuck in my mind was of myself seated in Levi’s lap, rocking back and forth as I rode him as hard as I could, all while his hands were still bound above his head.

But I knew it wasn’t a good idea to push myself, especially on our first night of doing something new like this. And besides, Levi needed me now. I had to take care of him, just as he’d always done for me.

The straps loosened beneath my fingers, and once they were off, I placed them on the edge of the nightstand beside the bed. Levi’s hands found my face at once, drawing me in for a soft and gentle kiss; he didn’t even seem to care that there were still traces of his cum lingering on my tongue.

“You’re probably soaked, aren’t you?”

I could feel my cheeks heating up at his words, so quiet I barely heard them through the darkness. So what if my panties were a little damp? So what if they were starting to cling to my skin? It always happened whenever I sucked him off; I couldn’t help it anymore.

“Tch, just as I thought,” he mumbled with a smile, his hands circling around to my thighs. “Come here. I want to try something.”

His silver eyes were pleading as he gazed up at me, fingertips digging into the meat of my thighs. He motioned upwards with his chin, before bringing his mouth to my ear.

“I want you to sit on my face, sweetheart.”

I didn’t have the strength to disobey him, even if I wanted to. The light throbbing in my clit spurred me on, desperate for the heat of his touch. My body moved on its own accord, climbing up the length of his body until I was hovering above his face, with my hands wrapped around the bars of the headboard, and my knees caging his head against the soft pillows.

My panties were hanging from one ankle, pressed into the bed as he pulled me close to his face. I shivered when I felt the first lick, his tongue ghosting over my most sensitive parts. My hands trembled against the headboard, his hands froze on my thighs at once.

“I’m okay,” I whispered, gazing down at him and fuck he looked sexy pinned between my thighs like that. “I’m alright, I promise.”

Slowly, he lowered me down onto his face, his nose brushing against my clit. He gave my skin another soft lick, before diving in fully and lapping at my sex.

A part of me was scared I would crush him, that I would suffocate him and hurt him if I stayed here for too long. But his hands were firm around my thighs, keeping me locked in place. Besides, he knew his own strength; if he needed to breathe, he would lift me off himself, before going right back in. And sure enough, I could feel his hands working beneath my thighs, slowly raising me up so he could gasp for breath.

“So good,” he moaned, his lips slick with my juices, “so fucking good…”

I moaned when he brought be back down on his face, licking and sucking and practically burying his face into my sex. My thighs clenched around his head; briefly I wondered if he enjoyed the feeling, just as I loved it whenever he had his thighs around my head.

My hips bucked against his face as he wrapped his lips around my clit, giving it a gentle suck. I gasped for breath, clutching the bars of the headboard so tight I thought my hands would burst. My hair fell over my shoulders, already damp with sweat. His name was the only word I knew, as he flicked his tongue against that sensitive bundle of nerves.

“Levi,” I moaned over and over again, grinding my hips into his face, “Levi, Levi—please, captain—make me cum…”

His nails pressed into the skin of my thighs; his tongue was hot and insistent against my clit, quickly working me towards my release. Tears gathered in my eyes, the headboard rattled as I clawed at it, silently begging for this man to take me in any way he saw fit, to make me cum on his face in the most primal way possible.

“Levi—Levi!”

My whole world shattered around me; pure pleasure seared through my veins as he sucked on my clit as hard as he could. I rocked my hips back and forth, tossing my head back as I rode his face, his name falling from my lips like a prayer.

“Levi,” I whispered, and he stared up at me with those beautiful silver eyes, with his lips still wrapped around my clit, “I love you.”

It was the truth, plain and simple. I loved this man with all my heart, for everything he was and for everything he did for me. No one knew me quite like he did; no one could make me as happy or excited as he did, no one could make me cum as hard as he could. No one else could read me like he could, know my strengths and weaknesses inside and out, or care about me in the same way he could.

I love him. I love him.

I love you, Levi.

And the look in his eyes told me everything at once—I love you, too.

The two of us slowly untangled ourselves from each other, limbs sweaty and strained, with every muscle in our bodies burning. When we were both seated on the bed, Levi pulled me in for another kiss, his hands twisted in my damp hair. Slowly, I brought one of his hands to my face to kiss his wrist, gently rubbing where the leather had been wrapped around it.

Aftercare was always important to us, but more so now than it usually was. He had allowed himself to be vulnerable in front of me, allowed me to tie him up and take away his sight, even if it was just for a little while. He had trusted me to take care of him—and that sort of trust didn’t go away once the sex was over. I was determined to keep it for as long as I could, to cherish him in all the ways he deserved.

Slowly but surely, the two of us made it into the bathroom, where the tub was waiting for us. Levi always preferred taking showers to baths, but for right now, neither of us were in the mood to stand. It didn’t take long for the tub to fill up with water, and once it did, the two of us climbed in together, sitting directly across from each other.

“That was…fun.”

He scoffed lightly, the hint of a smile on his face as I leaned down to kiss his wrists again. “You think so? Is it something you’d ever do again?”

“Absolutely.” I kissed my way up his arm, slowly inching closer to him in the bath. “Maybe next time you can be the one to tie me up.”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, brat,” he scolded me, but the twinkle in his eyes said different. “I don’t want you to push yourself.”

He’s right—move at your own pace. No need to rush anything, right?

The two of us soaked in the bath for what felt like forever: washing each other’s hair, kissing each other’s mouths and necks and foreheads, until I found myself sitting against his body, with his chest pressed against my back.

I trailed my finger down the length of his arm, before sliding my palm directly against his own.

“…Thank you, Levi,” the words felt unusually thick in my throat, “for everything.”

Those were the same words I’d said to him the first time we’d had sex, just a few years ago, in this very room. I’d been so overwhelmed with love and affection for this man that I’d completely blanked on what else to say. And it seemed I was going through something similar right now, as there weren’t enough words in the world to tell him just how grateful I was for him stepping into my life when he had.

He’d been with me through everything—losses, expeditions, personal triumphs—and not once had he ever left my side. He was here to stay, no matter what life threw at us next.

Silently, he slid his hand around my shoulders, cradling the back of my neck with his palm before turning my head to face him. His lips were warm against my skin, soft and gentle as he pressed a trail of kisses down the length of my throat, each one a promise of love in their own right—and a promise to stay with me until the very end.

Fifteen stab wounds.

Had I really stabbed him that many times? I remembered stopping only when my arm felt numb…but how could I stab him fifteen times? Was I really that affected by him that I thought one or two, or maybe even three weren’t enough?

“Thanks to our private investigation of the Survey Corps base,” Aurille continued smugly, “we were able to recover Mr. Meyer’s body, which was disposed of in a body bag in one of the morgues on site.” The morgues—the underground rooms of the castle where we kept the bodies of our dead soldiers, waiting for them to be buried. “Along with the stab wounds, Mr. Meyer also had a black eye and a split lip, as well as a broken nose and numerous welts to the facial areas; a clear sign of assault. Our coroner determined, what with the evidence clearly seen, that his death was a homicide. The murder weapon was this silver knife.”

He nodded to the corner of the room, and a Military Police officer stepped forward, holding a small black bag. Wearing rubber gloves, he plucked the knife out of the bag—and my stomach swirled when I still saw lines of red painted across the blade.

That was the knife Levi gave me. The knife Erwin and Mike took from my office. The one I used to kill him.

No—the one I used to protect myself.

I wanted to open my mouth, to defend myself against Aurille’s words, but I knew I couldn’t. I wouldn’t be able to speak until he was finished, and even if I could, what could I say to him? Everything he had said so far had been true. I had killed Jax that night, with that very knife, in what used to be my father’s office. He hadn’t fabricated a single event of that night.

At least, not yet.

“The assembly has come to the conclusion, with the blatant evidence provided by our investigative team, that Mia Wolf is guilty of Jackson Meyer’s murder. As per usual,” he added with a slight sneer, “the assembly is obliged to hear any and all arguments of the defendant’s side.”

Aurille took his seat once more, right between Gerald and Deltoff, just as Commander Erwin straightened himself up. He took a step forward, and immediately, I felt just a smidge safer. I always did whenever he was nearby. It wasn’t the same kind of safety that I felt with Levi or Leyna, but a different one altogether. The kind of safety that assured me that, even if I were to die today, it would not be in vain.

I trusted Levi and Leyna with my life, but in the worst times, I trusted Erwin to promise that my death would mean something, one way or another.

“As the superior of the accused, I speak on Captain Wolf’s behalf.” He nodded to the group of Scouts behind him, and Moblit stepped forward, clutching one of his black folders to his chest. “You mentioned Jackson Meyer was killed on the eve of April 29th, at the Survey Corps base—when in fact, he was here in this very castle just hours earlier. He had departed for the base early in the night, arriving just after midnight. What I’m asking you is this: why would he head back to the base alone, with no other Scout to accompany him?”

The assembly remained silent, but the citizens began to whisper. It was surely something to consider—why would a member of the royal assembly waste his time going back to the Survey Corps base without any of the soldiers stationed there? It made no sense for him to act out like that—that is, unless he had an ulterior motive.

“With all due respect, Jackson Meyer did not stop by Captain Wolf’s office for a late-night chat.” I shivered at the Commander’s voice—never before had I ever heard him sound so pissed. “He barged in there with the intent to harm her, and he succeeded in doing just that.”

His eyes burned with blue fire as Moblit opened the folder, revealing the sketches he had drawn of me that night, when we were sitting in Hanji’s office. Of the purple bruises splashed across my neck and throat—in the shape of Jax’s tight fingers, as they tried to squeeze the air from my lungs.

Some of the citizens gasped at the images; others simply shook their heads in pity. At Erwin’s subtle nod, Moblit began to sort through the sketches, passing them out so each member of the audience could see with their own eyes what that man had done to me.

And for the most part, it seemed to be working. Roderich winced as the images crossed his line of sight, and Gerald lowered his gaze to his lap. Only Deltoff and Aurille remained stone-faced at the sketches.

Leyna’s jaw clenched as she crossed her arms over her chest. Levi’s hands gripped the podium, his knuckles the color of snow.

“Captain Wolf was attacked by Jackson Meyer, as evident from the bruises on her wrists, neck, and throat. These sketches were recorded less than twenty-four hours after the incident. Meyer tried to suffocate Captain Wolf, prompting her to act in self-defense. However, she did not resort to violence straight away; in fact, one of our Squad Leaders had his suspicions of Meyer’s intentions of returning to the base. When he reached the captain’s office, he found Meyer attempting to suffocate Wolf to death.”

By now, Leyna’s eyes were nothing but icy blue shades. I hadn’t told her the details of my encounter with Jax that night, and for the most part she understood, not wanting to cause me any further pain. But now? I had a feeling that once this was over, she would pull me aside and demand to know why I didn’t tell her the full story straight away.

If there was anything Leyna was known for, it was her fierce loyalty to her family—and those who tried to harm her family would eventually suffer her wrath.

Levi didn’t look any better. His eyes were nothing but dark gray slits, his fists wrapped around the wooden stand of the podium. He didn’t even register Hanji’s gentle hand on his shoulder—not even she could break him out of his trance. And when Erwin beckoned him forward, the scowl on his face only grew more pronounced.

“What’s more, is that Captain Wolf was recovering from an injury she received in the field just a few weeks prior, on the 34th Expedition beyond the Walls. As a result, her right leg was rendered almost completely immobile, leaving her with limited range to protect herself from an attack.”

Behind the wall of Scouts, I could spot a familiar face: Lina was standing there, her jaw tight and her eyes dark. Of course, she could attest to my injuries; she had been the one who helped me once I returned to base. She was the one who knew my medicines, my exercise schedule, everything having to do with my injury. If anyone could defend Erwin’s take on this, it was her.

“Captain Levi was the one who found them in her office that day,” Erwin explained, as Moblit took his place beside Hanji. “He tried to diffuse the situation, but Meyer subdued them both, before attempting to suffocate Captain Wolf once more. Only when she saw no other option left, Captain Wolf decided to act in violence.”

Aurille openly scoffed at this, straightening up in his seat, his portly face brimming with anger. “That means nothing! She had no right to resort to murder, especially as a member of the military! Surely there were other ways to diffuse the situation—”

“Like what?” Levi spat out, before Erwin could even open his mouth. “Perhaps if you had actually been there, you would’ve seen that she did, in fact, try to diffuse the situation. How is she supposed to fight back when the bastard had her by the throat?”

“Don’t speak of him that way!”

All eyes turned to the side of the courtroom, where Christina Meyer leaned over the wooden stand, eyes bursting with fury. The citizens around her nodded in agreement, while the Scouts opposite from them only trembled in anger.

I swallowed hard when her eyes landed on me, full of hatred. She had every right to be angry with me—I had killed her brother, after all. I couldn’t fault her for wanting some sort of justice for him.

But Levi didn’t see it that way. Instead, his shoulders tensed as he shouted out, “Then how should I speak of him? How should I describe the man who tried to murder a fellow captain of the Survey Corps?”

My stomach flipped as the secret meaning behind his words hit me: How should I describe the man who tried to kill my lover?

I had never heard Levi sound so pissed before. It was honestly frightening, even though I wasn’t on the receiving end of it. I wanted to reach out to him, to break free from these shitty chains and hold him in my arms again, to tell him that everything would be okay. But I didn’t even know that myself…

“He wouldn’t have attacked her without a good reason,” Christina fired back, while Aurille reclined back in his seat up front. “Perhaps he felt threatened by her. Had she ever threatened his life before?”

“No,” Aurille answered smugly, as Levi glared up at him, “but she does pose a threat—not only to Mr. Meyer, but to everyone else around her.”

He held up a collection of papers, and immediately my heart sank to my stomach. It was the report of the 21st Expedition—the same expedition I had lost Rosalie and Emmett in. That creamy sheet of parchment listed my failures of that day, and now Aurille was prepared to bring it to the forefront once more, just as he did when I was assigned to the Elite Reconnaissance Squad just two years prior.

“In the year 843, Miss Wolf—then referred to as Squad Leader Wolf by her comrades, led the sixth squad of the Survey Corps regiment. That squad consisted of two cadets from the Ninety-Seventh Training Corps, Rosalie Richards and Emmett Johannsson. Unfortunately, they both perished during the twenty-first expedition beyond the Walls, in the spring of 844. As a result, Miss Wolf became very agitated, and she was deemed a danger to her comrades, thus resulting her in being placed in Flagon Turret’s squad shortly after.”

I grit my teeth so hard I thought they would shatter right there in my mouth. This was the second time he had tried to use Rosalie’s and Emmett’s deaths against me in this very castle, in this very city. How dare he use them as a cudgel for his own personal gain!

No, not personal—political. It’s all politics with these noblemen. It always has been. And the thought made me sick to my stomach.

“It’s no secret that the Scouts have kept a close eye on Miss Wolf since the incident a few years prior,” Aurille continued, settling back down in his seat. “Understandably, with her unpredictable nature and violent past, Mr. Meyer clearly saw Miss Wolf as a threat.”

“That still doesn’t make sense,” Levi lashed out before Erwin could stop him. “Even if he was scared of her, why would he go to her office in the middle of the night? Why would he put himself in that position if he was intimidated by her?”

“I second that.”

To everyone’s surprise, it wasn’t a Scout who spoke up—it was one of the citizens, on the opposite end of the courtroom. An older man, with gray lines in his hair and a moustache that drooped to his chin. He wrung his hands together and held his head high as he spoke, clearly used to addressing large audiences such as this one.

“The bruises on her neck, the injury on her leg—it just doesn’t add up. If Mr. Meyer was truly intimidated by Captain Wolf, I’m certain he would go to any lengths to avoid crossing her path. Why would he intentionally make himself known, if he suspected he was in danger?”

“Perhaps he thought he was on more of an equal standing with her,” Christina suddenly snapped, glaring fiercely at the man. “If she was injured, he probably thought he was safer around her, since she wouldn’t try to attack him if she wasn’t in top form.”

“That’s bullshit!”

“Levi,” Erwin hissed, but he was too late. Levi was already seething, looking like he was ready to pounce on Christina for even suggesting such a thing.

“She’s recovering from an injury—an injury that left her fucking comatose for four goddamn days, and you’re telling me that she had the upper hand in that fight? Are you out of your fucking mind?!”

“Don’t you dare speak to me that way!”

“Then how should I speak to you?” he spat, eyes blazing with silver fire. “Would you prefer if I called you one of those fancy fucking titles you always like to prance around with? Would that make you feel better, my lady?”

“Enough!”

Aurille’s fist slammed down on the oak table, silencing everyone in the room. The only sound that could be heard was the rattling of the chains around my wrists, scraping against the podium I stood behind. Aurille let out a shaky breath, before quickly collecting himself and glaring at Levi.

“Either way, it’s still your word against the facts.” You mean, your word against ours. “And unfortunately, the assembly needs much more than a single testimony to move forward with this case.”

“I agree,” Erwin replied, as cool as ever. Levi stiffened beside him, but didn’t open his mouth again. “In fact, we have another witness who was there that night—one who had been there from the start.”

He turned his head, and the group of Scouts began to break apart. Standing in the sea was a familiar girl—one with light eyes that reminded me of my own, and soft hair colored a fresh shade of ginger.

My throat closed up. Petra.

She was antsy—I could see it in the way she walked. Terrified, probably; this was most likely the first time she had ever been at the center of attention like this, in front of all these important people, no less. Still, she carried herself calmly, and she didn’t even flinch when Erwin motioned for her to speak.

“My name is Petra Ral, member and medic in training of the Special Operations Squad. I had been assisting Captain Wolf on the day of the attack; in fact, the two of us had eaten dinner together in her office just hours prior. I was helping her with errands and keeping her company while she was recovering from her leg injury.”

It all came back so clearly: sitting at my desk with Petra across from me, eating and laughing together, sharing stories of Hanji and Oluo with each other—simply enjoying each other’s presence. It all seemed so long ago, and for a moment I wondered if I would ever be able to have those kinds of nights with her again.

She swallowed hard, hanging her head before the assembly. My chest tightened; she looked so small right now, standing before them, in the center of it all. Every single person in the courtroom clung to her every word, waiting for her to continue. Waiting for her to give her side of the story.

She’s here for me. Even after seeing what I did, she still came to speak in my defense.

“Later that night,” she continued, “I was patrolling the grounds of the base before bed. When I was done, I headed back to Captain Wolf’s room, to see if she needed anything else from me. But when I got there, I started hearing…some strange noises. Almost as if…someone was crying on the other side of the door.”

An icy hand clawed at my chest. I remembered sobbing into the wood surface of my desk as Jax pinned me down, with one hand on my head and the other between my thighs.

“I thought maybe she had fallen, that she needed me to help her. There was a lot of rustling on the other side, a lot of movement. So I asked her what was wrong—” She cleared her throat, voice quivering slightly as she continued, “…And then I heard her scream. She…she screamed at me to run.”

Suddenly, everything came crashing down: the alcohol in the air, the wetness on my cheeks, the harsh hands around my throat. My knees nearly buckled, but I managed to catch myself just in time, leaning on the podium in front of me. The rusty chains squealed in protest; only Leyna and Levi turned to look at me, while the rest eagerly waited for Petra to finish.

“I tried to get in, but the door was locked. I kept asking her what was wrong, but she never answered. And then I started hearing other noises—almost like someone was fighting in there and making a mess. But I couldn’t hear Captain Wolf’s voice, I could only hear that man’s.”

She turned her head to look at me, her soft amber eyes filled with pity. This was taking its toll on her, I could see it in the way her shoulders sagged and quivered. But she kept her chin high, offering me a slight smile when I met her gaze. Something warm dribbled down the side of my face; I reached up to rub it away with my fist as fast as I could.

I didn’t see an ounce of fear in her eyes. Not like that night.

“Captain Levi found me after that. He ordered me to fetch Squad Leader Mike, before trying to break down the door himself. But by the time I got back to the office with Mike…the door was already open, and Captain Wolf…well, she was crying.”

Suddenly Aurille leaned forward in his seat, and my chest grew tight as he squinted his eyes in Petra’s direction. “And did you see Mr. Meyer’s body in the room with her, Ral?”

She wasted no time in responding, “Of course I did. It was in the corner of her office, right beside the desk. But she seemed almost scared to look at it.”

Aurille scoffed at that. “As guilty as ever, not wanting to see the consequences of her actions. I hate to say it, but your testimony proves nothing, Miss Ral.”

“I don’t agree with that.” The man from before, the one with the droopy moustache, shook his head at Aurille. “Were there signs of a struggle? What did her office look like?”

Petra seemed taken aback by his interest; in fact, she wasn’t the only one. It wasn’t often that a citizen from Wall Sina took an interest in the affairs of the Survey Corps and its soldiers. Then again, perhaps they were just intrigued with the mystery aspect of it, rather than my life or whether or not I was actually innocent. The citizens of Sina seemed to think that way, especially in Mitras, as my father used to say. It came from reading too many stories and hearing all kinds of rumors—sometimes, they forgot there was a line between fiction and real life.

Nevertheless, she answered him with a nod. “Yes, the office was a mess. It looked as though everything had been knocked off the desk in a rush. I remember seeing papers crushed against the floor, as though someone had stepped on them.”

“My point still stands,” Aurille snapped, “that proves nothing. We already know there was a struggle between the two. How could you tell that Miss Wolf was not the aggressor in this situation?”

“By the way she screamed at me through the door.”

Petra’s voice rang out through the courtroom, clear and fierce and simply furious. She was quickly losing her calm demeanor, which was quite common for anyone who attempted to talk to the royal assembly. All four of them were thick-headed men in their own special ways—but Aurille was arguably the worst of them all.

“If she was truly guilty, and she didn’t want anyone to find out what she was doing, she would’ve just told me to go away. But she didn’t. Instead she told me to run. She screamed it so loud and hard I’m surprised her voice didn’t give out. Why would she tell me to run if she didn’t think I wouldn’t be in danger?”

“Oh, so you thought you were in danger from this man, Miss Ral?”

It was the mocking tone he used to ask her that made my blood boil. How dare he try to invalidate her feelings in that situation? How dare he try to invalidate my own feelings in that situation!

“I’m not certain,” she admitted, “but by the way Captain Wolf screamed out at me that night… I truly believe she was trying to protect me from him.”

Her face became blurry, blending together in a sea of pale skin and ginger hair. I wiped at my eyes again, trying my best not to sniffle or sob. Crying would get me nowhere in this courtroom; I had to act as professional as I possibly could, no matter how much it hurt.

Aurille opened his mouth to speak once more, but a raised hand cut him off. It was Roderich, who looked less than pleased at the former’s handling of the situation. So instead he nodded respectfully at Petra, the golden chains around his neck clinking gently. The three goddesses of the Walls stared back at me from the chain: Maria, Rose, and Sina.

From the Order of the Walls, I reminded myself with a grimace. As the head of religious affairs within the assembly, and one of the most influential forces within the Wallist movement, he was a constant reminder of how much power the church held within these Walls. Still, I was inclined to hear what he had to say; it wasn’t often that he spoke at assembly meetings, often allowing his fellow assemblymen speak in his place.

“Thank you for your testimony,” he began, and Petra’s shoulders settled once more. “You’ve done an honorable deed, in defending your comrade and superior. I can tell you speak from a place of respect.”

I craned my neck, waiting for him to continue. It was rare that any of the nobles said something nice for too long. There had to be a catch to this.

“However—” Ah, there it is “—what happened on that night cannot be excused. There must be justice for the murder of Jackson Meyer.”

“And what about justice for Captain Wolf?” Levi spat out at him. “She was the one who was attacked in the first place. Petra made it clear she wasn’t the aggressor in this case. So where’s her justice?”

“Miss Wolf may or may not have been the aggressor,” Aurille fired back, “but the issue still remains: Jackson Meyer is dead, and Mia Wolf was the killer. What matters is that a good man is dead, and his murderer shows little remorse for her actions. This is an open-and-shut case!”

“Actually, it’s not.”

All eyes shifted to the corner of the room, where the five Blades of the King’s Guard were gathered. Aurille was practically seething as Leyna stepped forward, motioning to the silver band wrapped around her upper arm. Almost as though he was daring her to speak out now.

“Perhaps you four will suggest my views may be biased in favor of my sister,” she began, nodding in my direction, “so I will refrain from focusing on her right now. In fact, I’m much more interested in Jackson Meyer—and what he thought he was planning to accomplish that night he returned to the Survey Corps base.”

This was the Leyna I knew. Politics was her bread and butter, what made her well-known even before she became a member of the King’s Guard. She loved playing word games and dancing around issues, before confronting them head-on at full force. I had never understood the world surrounding politics, but it came so easily to her, as though it was second nature. It was no wonder she had been accepted so eagerly into the gates of Wall Sina, and later into the famed city of Mitras. She spoke the language of noblemen and politicians alike, as though she had been one of them all along.

My heart soared. Maybe I have a chance after all.

Aurille quirked an eyebrow as she made her way to the center of the room. “We’ve already discussed this at length, Officer Wolf.” It was almost laughable, how he referred to my sister by her proper title, but refused to do the same for me. “What led to the murder doesn’t matter in the slightest.”

But she shook her head fiercely. “It matters a great deal, my lord—and in the name of His Majesty, the King, I believe understanding Jackson Meyer’s mindset that night is vital to solving this case as a whole.”

He scoffed at that, shaking his head at once. “There is no case to solve! Miss Wolf murdered him, end of story!”

“Mia Wolf may be temperamental and hotheaded, but I’ve never known her to be a cold-blooded killer.” My knees trembled at my sister’s words, and when she glanced at me from over her shoulder, my nose began to burn. “She values the lives of the people around her. She mourns for people she doesn’t even know. In fact, I know for certain that she values your lives, despite the way you treat her and her comrades!” Her eyes flared with bright blue fire as she continued, addressing the whole courtroom now: “If there’s one thing I know about my sister, it’s that she would never kill someone unless she had a damn good reason to.”

All of a sudden, I felt like a child again—a lonely girl standing on the dirt paths of Shiganshina, hiding behind her brother as the neighborhood bullies taunted us. But the moment they saw Leyna, in her bouncy braided pigtails and her brightly colored dresses, they scurried off like the cowards they were. And while she would chide me and Ben for getting mixed up with such unpleasant kids to begin with, she was always there to defend us—always ready to stand by our side.

And even now, even when her little sister stood on trial for murder, she still felt obligated to defend her.

“Which brings me to Jackson Meyer’s intentions that night. In fact, something’s been gnawing at the back of my mind since this trial started—something you four have neglected to mention.”

An array of emotions passed over the noblemen’s faces. Roderich looked genuinely stunned, while Gerald appeared confused. Deltoff squirmed in his seat, as though he had something to hide. And Aurille grit his teeth, tightening his grip on the papers in his hands.

What is she getting at here? Where is she going with this?

“Jackson Meyer was killed on the eve of April 29th, correct?” But she continued without waiting for a response, “Of course he was. And by the next morning, you were already calling for Mia Wolf’s arrest and demanding for her to be put on trial. However, only a select few knew about what had happened that night; only those who were there at the base knew about Jackson’s murder. So how did the assembly manage to call for a trial not even twenty-four hours after the crime was committed?”

It was astounding to watch as all four of their faces fell in unison. At the same time, almost every single Scout and civilian inched forward, eager to hear what else Leyna had to offer.

And me? I was simply dumbfounded, finally managing to put the pieces together.

Leyna had mentioned earlier in the cell that the assembly had a messenger that night—the MP soldier that had accompanied Jax to the base for some “added protection,” or whatever she called it. But that was as much as we knew. The assembly hadn’t released his name or the details, or even had him come up to the stand to share his side of the story. They had kept quiet about the whole thing, seemingly ignoring the source of their information in the first place.

Of course, Leyna would be drawn to their hush-hush attitude about it. It was a common theme in politics, which made me despise it even more—if you didn’t mention it, it never happened. But if something was brought front and center for everyone to see…you had to address it sooner or later.

And by the way each member of the assembly was looking right now, I had to guess they would’ve preferred the latter.

Aurille was the first one to recover—and the first one to deny it, of course. “The source of our intel has been deemed as classified, in order to protect the identities of those involved.”

“To protect them from who? From her?” Leyna waved her hand in my direction with a scoff. “She’s hardly in a position to seek revenge for someone telling the truth. So what’s the harm in asking for the full story? Especially if you’re so confident in her guilt to begin with?”

“The full story has already been acknowledged.” Aurille’s portly face was getting redder by the second. “We’ve heard from every single person who had witnessed the horrible events of that night!”

“Not everyone. There’s two more you haven’t heard from.”

She motioned to the other Blades gathered at the corner of the room, and immediately, a shorter woman with black hair and pretty brown eyes stepped forward. A memory stirred in the back of my mind—of her smiling face greeting us at the gates of Mitras, just a couple years prior.

Monika Corrette, one of the members the Fourth Blade’s squad. And one of Leyna’s subordinates.

“Cadet Corrette had been present that night, when Mr. Meyer had left Mitras for the Survey Corps’ base. That part of Commander Erwin’s testimony is true—and Corrette here can attest to that.”

Monika nodded to Leyna, before stepping forward and clearing her throat. Despite her young age, she already seemed much more confident in addressing the assembly than I could ever hope to be.

She must take after my sister…

“I was out late at the stables, after finishing my patrol of the west side’s gate. I usually help the stable boy with putting away the horses, with Officer Wolf’s permission. Mr. Meyer had come down to the stables that night, asking for a horse.” She paused to clear her throat, her hands curling into fists at her side. “He said something about heading back to the Survey Corps base early, on special business. And that he needed a horse to get back, even though it was already late in the night. He also had one of the guards with him, from the west side gate of the castle.”

Everyone in the room fell silent at her admission. Up at the front, I could see Aurille shifting in his seat, his fist gripping the sides of the table ever so slightly. The other members of the assembly didn’t look much better, either. Roderich and Gerald squinted their eyes, while Deltoff cleared his throat as softly as he could.

They know, I realized with a jolt. They know what she’s saying is true. They know who the informant is. They know that the informant, whoever it may be, can tell everyone how Jax was truly acting that night.

And they were trying to avoid confronting the truth, all to suit their political agenda, and paint Jax as the innocent little victim they all believed he was.

“Max is the stable boy,” Monika continued, her cheeks turning a bit rosy at the name. “He can back up anything I say; he was there with me, that night. And the guard can, too. I’m sure of it. He was the one who left the castle with Mr. Meyer, after all. As his personal guard, to escort him back to the base.”

It was then that Aurille shot up from his seat, dark eyes blazing and throat raspy as he shouted, “And what of it, if he requested a personal guard to the base? What does this have to do with the fact that Mia Wolf is a cold-blooded killer?!”

“Actually,” Leyna replied coolly, “it has everything to do with it. This personal guard was with Mr. Meyer that night. He was the one who saw it happen. In fact, he was the one who sent the assembly a messenger in the first place, confirming the events that took place at the Survey Corps base. Without him, you would have no idea that a murder even took place that night.”

It baffled me, how she could act so calm and in control while confronting Aurille and the rest of the assembly. It had taken me years to muster up the self-control I had when speaking to them, and even now I found myself slipping up and letting my mouth run wild. But Leyna was different; she knew how to play the game, to mask her emotions and hide what she was really thinking and feeling. Sometimes I admired her for that. Other times, I envied her.

Now, I just hoped it would be enough to help me out of this mess I had gotten myself in.

Leyna suddenly jerked her head to the side, motioning to the group of MPs standing behind her. The soldiers shuffled out of the way, revealing a mousy-looking boy who seemed to be no more than seventeen years old. The same age as Reggie, and the thought made me wince.

The boy nervously stepped forward, his green eyes scanning the room for any friendly faces. He glanced at the citizens, the assembly, the Scouts—and finally he looked at me, and his shoulders stiffened at once before he quickly looked away. I swallowed hard and hung my head.

No wonder the kid was terrified, if what Leyna had told me was true. If he had really seen what had happened that night.

“Cadet Richter,” Leyna introduced the boy, “is a new recruit, having just graduated from the One Hundred and Second Training Corps. Richter, you were the one Mr. Meyer had approached that night, correct?”

The mousy boy said nothing. He simply nodded, his eyes never leaving the floor.

“Can you describe what he was like that night? When he asked you to accompany him back to the Survey Corps base?”

I watched the boy from my spot in the center, my hands gripping the rusty chains that dangled from my wrists. Everything was depending on this boy and his answers. If he spoke up, maybe I would have a better chance at survival. Maybe then the citizens would see how unstable Jax had been that night, and perhaps some of them would even empathize with my actions. But if he didn’t speak, I was damned. The assembly would brush him off and declare me guilty beyond reasonable doubt—before ordering my execution, most likely.

And right now, it seemed as though the boy had no interest in talking. Of course he didn’t. Why would he want to defend a murderer? Why would he speak up for someone, if he had seen them kill a member of nobility that night? And witnessed the other Scouts covering up the crime?

The kid was probably terrified beyond belief. And even now, I couldn’t find it in myself to blame him.

After all, I would probably be the same if I were in his shoes, at his age.

But Leyna prompted him again, her voice uncharacteristically gentle—the same kind of tone she used when I had told her about our brother’s death, all those years back in Trost.

“Anything from that night would help us. Can you remember anything? What he asked you, how he talked, how he moved… Was he calm? Was he irate or angry?”

Aurille scoffed and rolled his eyes. “This is pointless! The boy obviously has no desire to play your little games, Officer Wolf.”

But then the boy glanced up, staring at Aurille dead in the eye, before speaking in the softest voice I’d ever heard.

“No, he wasn’t angry. Not in the beginning, at least.” At Leyna’s subtle nod, the boy took a deep breath and continued to talk. “He found me at the west gate. He said he needed a guard to protect him on the way back to the base… He mentioned there was someone there who could hurt him.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I watched as Christina’s shoulders slumped in relief. Of course, she was inclined to see her brother as pure and innocent.

Meanwhile, I was starting to have second thoughts about this boy’s testimony. Would he end up helping us or doing more harm than good? I could only stand and watch, clinging onto every single word he spoke.

“So we left the castle together. At first he was quiet, but the closer we got to the Survey Corps base, he started…talking about someone. A Scout. He kept mumbling under his breath that he would teach her a lesson—that he would kill her before she got the chance to kill him. I asked him about it, but he brushed me off. He just told me it wasn’t my place to ask…and maybe he was right about that…”

Leyna’s eyes flickered to me, just in time to see me sink down against the podium before me. The chains scraped against the wood. My breaths were quick and sharp, my heart pounding violently against my chest.

Had Jax really planned on killing me that night? Had he returned to the base knowing full well that he was going to try to kill me?

“We got back to the base. He told me to stay outside with the horses, in case any Scouts tried to stop him. So I kept watch from outside, towards the back, where no one could see me.” Of course. Neither Levi nor Erwin had mentioned seeing an MP when they came back to the base. “But then… I could see him. Through one of the windows, on the second floor of the castle.”

My eyes widened. I had left the lantern beside the window that night, never blowing it out amidst the confusion. He’s talking about my room. My office.

“I only saw Mr. Meyer for a while,” the boy’s voice quivered slightly as the words spilled from his lips, “but it looked like he was leaning down… Like he was talking to someone below him. And then I saw someone else—Captain Wolf,” and for the briefest second he glanced at me, green eyes huge and bright, “and he grabbed at her. He was holding her neck from behind, and I could see her trying to push him off. I tried to see more but that’s when the other Scouts from the castle got back to the base. That’s when I hid in the forest with the horses. I didn’t want to risk getting caught—”

He glanced fearfully in Erwin’s direction, but the Commander’s eyes were nowhere near him. Instead, he glared directly at Aurille, who seemed to be trembling in fury at this news.

“That still doesn’t explain whether or not Miss Wolf was the instigator or the victim! In fact, it doesn’t even—”

“As a matter of fact,” Leyna’s voice cut in sharply, “it does. When Mr. Meyer is clearly making threats toward a particular Scout, and later when multiple people witness him being rough with her and hearing the sounds of a struggle… I think it’s perfectly clear who the instigator was in this situation.”

Aurille was practically shaking in his boots, his pudgy face a bright shade of red. He didn’t like being questioned, especially from a member of the Military Police—a member of the King’s Guard. The royal assembly’s power only went so far when it came to them, the personalized guards answering directly to the king himself.

Thankfully, he seemed to be the only one of the four who was truly enraged. Deltoff and Roderich just appeared to be embarrassed, hiding their hands in their laps and avoiding Leyna’s gaze altogether. And Gerald, for the most part, actually looked ashamed of himself. I wondered, for a moment, if they felt even the slightest bit of remorse for defending Jax as much as they did. If they, in fact, now considered the possibility that there could be another side to the story. And now that they had, it appeared that none of them wanted anything to do with it.

Nevertheless, Roderich raised his head and motioned to my sister with a hand, his lips tight as he spoke. “Officer Wolf, you have made your case incredibly clear. Perhaps Mr. Meyer wasn’t, in fact, in the right frame of mind that night.” In the corner of the room, I could see Christina practically seething, grinding her teeth together harshly. “However, I think it would be beneficial to hear one more testimony from that night.”

He looked at me then—and suddenly, every single pair of eyes in the room fell on me.

“Mia Wolf,” he began, “before the assembly and the citizens make any final verdicts, do you wish to say anything on your behalf?”

My hands trembled against the chains. I glanced at Roderich, at Aurille, at every single member of the assembly, before turning to Leyna. To Erwin, to Hanji and Petra. To Reggie and Mike and the rest of the Scouts. To Levi.

Everyone was here today because of me. Because they felt the need to defend me, even though they knew what I had done. I couldn’t let their selflessness and sacrifice go to waste. I had to make the best of it—just as I always tried to do.

“…I killed him. I won’t deny it, I never have.”

“And, if you don’t mind me asking,” Gerald continued, obviously taking off from Roderich’s lead, “why did you feel the need to kill him that night?”

This was my chance. To clear my name and get everything off my chest. To pay the Scouts back for their undying love and support for me. To stand up for myself, just as my parents and Leyna and Ben had taught me—and as Levi had always encouraged me to do.

I sucked in a breath, wiping the tears that gathered in my eyes, and stared up at the royal assembly.

“Because he tried to rape me.”

I couldn’t take it back now. It was out there, taunting me, waiting for me to crack and crumble. Waiting for me to sink to my knees and sob, just as I always had. But I knew I couldn’t stop now. And before I knew it, the words were pouring out of my mouth, hard and fast and desperate to be believed.

I could still hear his disgusting voice in my ear, murmuring the words from that night: Who’s going to believe you, sweetheart? The assembly?

I have more power over there than you do, Mia. You’re nothing to them, and you always will be.

I was sick and tired of his voice—his lies, his insults, everything that spewed from his mouth. And I wanted nothing more than to shut him up for good.

“He came to my office that night—he tried to force himself on me, but I wouldn’t let him. That’s when I heard Petra, when he had me against the desk. I tried to fight him off but I wasn’t fast enough. His hands—they were around my throat so fast. And then Captain Levi came in, and Jax threatened to kill him. There was just so much blood—and he grabbed at my throat again. I was terrified he was going to kill me for real this time. So I grabbed the closest thing I could find and used it against him.”

We’ll see how Humanity’s Strongest copes when his precious little fucktoy is taken away from him.

My whole body was shaking, so hard the rusty chains were rattling against the floor. I was too scared to look at anyone—at Levi or Erwin or Hanji, or even my own sister—so I kept staring at the assembly. Their faces blended together, but their expressions didn’t. A mix of shock and horror, and maybe even a little bit of pity.

Think of it this way, Mia, Jax’s voice echoed in my ears, all of this never would’ve happened if you just fucking obeyed me, like the good little girl you are.

But I refused to listen to him. He had gotten me into this mess in the first place, but I was determined to see myself out of it. Even if it cost me my life, I refused to be seen as the cold-blooded killer. I had taken that knife for a reason that night—and I wanted everyone in this room to know exactly what that reason was.

“I take full responsibility for what I’ve done…but I won’t regret it. He came after me that night. He tried to force himself on me, and when I fought back he tried to kill me. And if I had to…I would do it all over again.”

For the ones I loved. For Levi and Leyna, and Petra and Hanji and Erwin. I would do anything to keep them safe from that monster.

And for myself—for the fifteen-year-old girl who was still locked away inside, still scared of her own shadow, with her arms wrapped around her body. For her, I would do it all over again.

Aurille opened his mouth to speak—but it wasn’t his voice that filled the courtroom. Instead it was the older man on the side, the one with the droopy moustache and graying hair.

“It seems like a pretty clear case to me.” He hung his head as he spoke, careful not to look right at me. “The girl acted in self-defense. It all adds up: the bruises, the witnesses, everything.”

“I second that,” another citizen spoke up. He was quickly joined by a chorus of agreements, both men and women alike.

And for once, Christina Meyer was struck speechless. She simply stared at me, her face unreadable as she drummed her fingers against the edge of the stand.

I glanced over my shoulder at Levi, just in time to see his shoulders sag slightly. But we both knew it wasn’t over yet. The assembly had yet to reach a proper verdict, no matter what they had just heard.

“In any case,” Aurille growled, standing up from his seat, “the assembly will need to take a vote on this. Mia Wolf, if you are found guilty of murder, you will be charged and executed this evening at the gallows. Do you have anything left to say in your defense?”

I swallowed hard. Everything that needed to be said had already been said; I had nothing more to add. Still, I cleared my throat and raised my head. “I will take any punishment you plan to give me.”

I deserved that, at least. I didn’t regret killing Jackson Meyer, but I was willing to accept the consequences of my actions. Even if it meant certain death at the gallows.

Aurille nodded, and that smug smile quickly took shape on his pudgy face again. But it all but vanished the moment Roderich stepped up from his seat, placing his palms against the table.

“I vote for self-defense,” his voice boomed throughout the room, as Aurille stared at him with his mouth agape. “Mia Wolf did indeed kill him, but it was not unwarranted. I think with the testimonies and evidence provided, we can safely declare her actions justified.”

“Is that so?” There was a dangerous edge to Aurille’s voice. “And does the Lord condone those who murder freely, my friend?”

“No,” he responded instantly, “but the Lord does not condone men who try to take advantage of women, either. My vote remains intact—Captain Wolf acted in self-defense.”

“I have to agree,” Gerald added, clearing his throat. “It would be foolish of a Scout to kill any member of nobility, or to go after one in the first place. Captain Wolf was cornered. She had no other option but to kill him. So I have to vote for self-defense, as well.”

My eyes went wide. Two out of the four members actually agreed with my actions. Maybe I would be going home today after all.

“Well, I vote for murder.” Aurille flumped back in his seat, his arms crossed over his chest. “What’s done is done. Motivations carry little weight when compared to what’s really happened. Miss Wolf has killed a member of the royal assembly, end of story. That alone should be a crime punishable by death.”

“Perhaps it should,” Deltoff replied, and it was then that I realized he hadn’t spoken a single word throughout the entire trial. “And perhaps it shouldn’t.”

Out of all the members of the assembly, Deltoff was aligned with Aurille the closest. They had similar mindsets when it came to ruling within Wall Sina—after all, their specialized fields of politics and economics seemed to go hand in hand more often than not. Still, I was eager to hear what he had to say, even if it meant my demise later tonight.

“The act of murdering a nobleman is unforgiveable on its own. However, the same cannot be said when it is done out of defending one’s own life. I’m inclined to agree with my colleagues, Aurille. My vote remains for self-defense. And it appears the vote is three to one.”

Three to one. Three to one.

With a final huff, Aurille straightened himself out and stood back up again. He aimlessly played with the stack of papers in front of him, before addressing the courtroom as a whole.

“It appears the assembly has reached a verdict. With the evidence and testimonies provided by the defense,” he sneered in Leyna’s direction, “as well as the support from the citizens of the Walls, the assembly declares Mia Wolf had acted in self-defense. She will be allowed to remain in the custody of the Survey Corps, but she is refrained from participating in any Scout expeditions beyond the Walls until the following year. And she will never be welcomed through the gates of Mitras again, no matter what. If one of our officers or guards sees her, they will have the legal right to arrest her. And with that, this trial has concluded.”

It wasn’t until he slammed his fist on the table that I remembered how to breathe. I trembled as one of the guards stepped forward to release me from the shackles. Once the rusty chains clattered to the ground, I rubbed at my wrists, blinking back a flood of tears.

I did it. I can go home today.

The thought of seeing Edel again, of going home to see my squad and the rest of my comrades, to live to see my sister again—it all came crashing down on me at once.

I’m alive.

A pair of warm arms came around my upper body, quickly followed by another pair around my waist. Murphy’s reddish-brown hair tickled my nose, as Reggie’s chest shuddered against my side. Gretel and Evan rushed forward, nearly shoving their squadmates out of the way to grab at me. When I opened my eyes, I could see Leyna looking at me, the corner of her lips quirked up ever so slightly.

I held my arms out, trying to catch all of them at once, to hold them as close as I could without breaking down. I glanced up at Hanji, at Erwin and Mike. And then at Levi, who looked relieved beyond words.

Thank you. Thank you all so much. But I couldn’t open my mouth—Gretel’s arm was still blocking it.

I knew this wasn’t over. Not by a long shot. Still, it was enough for me for today. I would be able to go home with my fellow Scouts, with my squad and my Commander and my best friend, and the man I loved with all my heart. And I would be able to leave knowing my sister was still here, defending me with everything she had.

I choked out a sob as I held my kids close, ignoring the eyes of the assembly and Military Police and citizens alike, as I finally let the flood of tears fall.

|~|

“…Are you going to be okay?”

I forced myself to nod, clasping my hands behind my back. “I think so, Leyna. You don’t have to worry.”

But she only rolled her eyes. “I have to worry, you’re my sister. So don’t try to get into too much trouble on the way back, alright?”

I nodded again, before glancing back at the single Scout waiting for me. My squad had gone on ahead with Mike and Erwin, with Hanji and Petra following close behind. Now it was just me and Levi, with Mischa waiting patiently for us at his side.

I wished I could have a proper goodbye with Leyna. There was still so much I wanted to say to her—so much that I could’ve said earlier, but didn’t have the strength to. And now it was too late. The assembly’s new order decreed that I had to be out of the city gates by dark, or else they would arrest me for trespassing. And it was already sunset, with the sky painted a beautiful orange color.

“Come here.” Before I could protest, she had pulled me into her chest, her arms wound tightly around my shoulders. I hugged her back, breathing in her fresh rose scent, already feeling the tears surge forth. “Are you really going to be okay over there, Mimi?”

I knew what she was insinuating, but I had to be strong. Not just for her sake, but for my own as well. “I think I’ll be fine. I said I’d do it all again if I had to, right?”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean you should have to…”

I swallowed hard and squeezed her once more, before pulling away from her chest. She held me at arm’s length, dragging a finger along the scar on my cheek.

“Write to me, okay? If you ever need me, I’ll come down to visit. It shouldn’t be too hard for me to get away; I’m sure either Emil or Sara will cover for me while I’m gone.”

I stifled a laugh. I knew I couldn’t always drag Leyna away from Mitras just to bring her to the Survey Corps base. She had her own duties here, her own life to live. And as much as I hated to admit it, she belonged in this city. She belonged in this twisted world of politics and word games and people, both citizens and nobles alike.

I was suited to live as far away from that world as I could, and the assembly had finally seemed to notice that. Finally, something we can both agree on, I thought to myself bitterly.

Still, I knew I would miss my sister. And we would make it work, no matter what. We were family after all, right? Family always made it work.

“You should come visit sometime. I’m sure Levi will love that.”

Her face scrunched up at the mention of my captain, and she glanced up and over my shoulder at him before shaking her head.

“I don’t get what you see in him, Mia. Too grumpy, if you ask me. But…if he makes you happy, then I guess that’s fine.”

I couldn’t help but smile at that. It was the most I would ever get out of her about Levi, it seemed. I couldn’t really complain about it.

“Stay safe. I’ll come by soon, okay?” I nodded, and she gave me another quick hug—and a firm kiss on my cheek, right against my scar. “Love you, Mimi.”

“Love you too, Leyna.”

It was hard not to burst into tears as I walked back to Levi, as he helped me onto Mischa (being mindful of my leg) and urged her on. I had to be strong, even as I watched my sister wave to me as the golden gates closed shut behind us.

It wasn’t until we were outside the gates that Levi spoke, glancing at me from over his shoulder. “You okay?”

My palms trembled as I tightened my arms around his waist. “I think so.” He nodded at turned back to Mischa, but not before taking my hand and brushing his lips over my knuckles in a soft, tender kiss.