#mhatrish

Hey love,

Thank you for sending in an ask love! I’m sorry to hear that you are struggling right now. I can imagine feeling like this is incredibly hard for you. I hope I can give you some advice.

First, I want you to know that how you are feeling is completely valid.  I am sure that you are not a horrible person by any means. Being socially unskilled doesn’t make you a bad person! You are not alone in that struggle. I have social anxiety and often don’t say anything because I also worry it’ll come out wrong. It’s a tough thing to deal with. There are definitely some ways you can tackle this!

Social settings can be difficult. I absolutely understand that feeling. You worry about saying or doing something wrong and that’s okay. Many people are scared of saying something wrong. Often, we want to say the right thing because we don’t want to make anyone feel upset or awkward. We worry about doing something wrong because we don’t want to embarrass ourselves or put ourselves in an awkward situation. Trust me, this is something I experience when I’m with a group of people.

What I have noticed is that there is no way to know if you’re doing something right or if you say the right thing. Everyone does things wrong! I promise you that no one is always doing things right! Try to remember that everyone is scared of failing.  Dong things wrong, saying something that might sound stupid in the moment, and making mistakes are simply a part of our lives. Sure, the worry makes it ten times harder, but it helps to know that other people deal with similar things.

Making friends is tough and being an adult makes it harder to do this. Love, I’m sure you have all the traits you mentioned.  It is possible to make friends though. You could try to reconnect with old friends. I have reconnected with friends from high school through social media. Could that be an option for you? Another thing you could do is try and open up to any friends or family members you may have. Try to let people know that you have this worry. Odds are that they will be supportive of you. Being open and vulnerable allows people to see how great you are.  Another thing that may work is finding a group of some sort that does something you enjoy. For example, if you enjoy reading, you can look into a book club. If you like baking, find a class and introduce yourself to one person there.  There are also online groups like these that you could look into. These are just some suggestions and I know it is easier said than done. They are worth a shot.

Please remember that if you feel like this is having a negative impact on your mental health, then it is totally okay for you to go and seek out professional help. They will be able to help you understand why you are worried and what might be causing your feelings. They will also be able to give you some strategies to help you socially. Here is our page about getting help!

I hope this helped, love. I know you can get through this!

“It is absolutely positively okay to ask for help. It simply means you’re human. Help is real and it is possible; people find it every day.”

Best wishes,