love is supposed to be the one thing a person is sure of, warm, safe, and groundingâbut you discover itâs not that easy for you.
𦹠overview ~ bakugo x reader. angst. tatbilb inspired. i am lara jean, lara jean is me.
âââ ę° á§ŕˇá§ ęą âââ . Ýâ âš . Ý âĄ Ý . âš â Ý.
Loving Katsuki Bakugo wasnât supposed to happen.
Like many things, love grows in ways you donât expect it to. Warm, tingly, and undeniably confusing.
It wraps itself in the disguise of your emotion, waiting for you to acknowledge itâjust at the right moment to make it seem like it came out of nowhere.
But really? Itâs been flourishing all along, fed by memories, moments, and seemingly friendly conversations.
But friendly conversations turn into charged converstations.
Conversations where every prolonged glance, every word, and every moment where your shoulders are so close to brushingâyou can practically feel your electrons vibrating.
Every single timeâyour heart thumps wildly, heat soars through your body, and every time you try to supress it? It comes back even harder.
You snap back into reality when something lands in your lap. Raising a brow and glancing down, your fingers curl around a peanut butter protein bar.
âHere,â a familiar blonde grunts, taking a swig of his water bottle before launching himself onto the couch next to you. âThis is your damn favourite. Happy?â
You feel your heart clench in your chest. That is, before it gets replaced by the bitter taste of your repression.
You clear your throat.
âThanks, Bakugo.â
Thereâs silence. An unusual silence.
Not awkward, just.. tense.
He takes a deep breath.
You cross your legs.
Itâs impossible to think straight when his arm is stretched across the back of the sofaâinches away from your skin. When his body is so close to yours, you can smell rich caramel and lavender. A scent youâve been forcing yourself to hate.
âYou never call me that.â His gaze stays fixed on the air infront of him, but you catch his jaw clenching in your peripheral.
â..Your name?â
âYou never call me that name.â
You want to touch him. You want to do what youâve been wanting to do for two years.
You want to grab his beautiful face and kiss him until his lips are swollen and you physically canât anymore.
But your body shivers in fear, because you wouldnât. You couldnât. You shouldnât be loved.
Bakugoâs arm retreats back to his centre. You watch him rub his jaw with one hand, then click his tounge before inhaling sharply.
âAre you fuckinâ mad because I wanted to warm your hands up after training yesterday?â His gaze snaps to you as the dreaded words come out. âIt was nearly freezing. You were shaking. It was nothing.â
The truth was; youâd been thinking about it all night.
The chilly air had blew crisp in your face as the two of you stepped out of the training gym.
You were doing all you could to focus on the lingering smell of damp leaves and moss instead of him. His scent. His presence.
It was too strong.
You shivered, your cheeks already turning a rosy tint.
Your head was swarming with thoughts, of getting stronger, of new moves, but mostly.. of him.
Bakugo barked at you to stop walking. You did. He reached for your hands, which were freezing at your fingertips.
It was so unlike him. Your eyes widened, your shoulders tensed, and before you even realised what you were doingâyou snatched your hands out of his grip.
It wasnât fair. You hated how your mind made decisions against your heart, because in realityâyou wanted more than anything to allow this, to let him take care of you.
But that little voice inside you whispered that you didnât deserve care. You didnât deserve love, and you never would.
Now, his stare is harsh, like heâs waitingâwaiting for the explanation he deserves. An explanation you canât give.
âNo,â you whisper, heart hammering against your ribs. âNo! Iâm not mad, really! I justâit was sudden, and I wasnât expecting itâ!â
âYeah? And you run away like your damn life depends on it?â He leans foward, the weight of his eyes boring into you settling low in your stomach.
You look down. Half in shame, half so he doesnât see the pool of tears youâre trying to desperately blink away.
âIâm sorry,â you breathe out, picking your lip as if it can save you from the truth.
An uncomfortable heaviness settles in the air. Thicker now than ever before, like something was about to snap.
Bakugo rakes a hand through his hair aggressively, cursing, because what else was there to say?
â..Fuck.â He growls, voice raw, muffled against his wrist.
âY/N. I donât do this shit for anyone else. I.. FuckâI like you, and you know it! So what games are you playing?!â He snaps, eyes desperateâeven when you still refuse to look at him.
His voice cracks, broken; âThat look in you get in your eyes.? Thatâs not nothing, Iâm not fucking stupid!!â His knee is bouncing nowâup and down, up and down.
âOne second you look at me likeââ He cuts himself off, inhaling shakily, â..like youâre seeing me, not like how everyone else does. Like Iâm not just a dumbass who blows shit up. Then the next, like youâre afraid of me. I donât understand you!â
âIâm not afraid of you!!â You shriek, finally finding your voice. You dig the heels of your palms into your eyes, wipe your tears, then fist the fabric of your hoodie at your chest.
âIâm afraid of how much I love you.â
The room goes still. Bakugoâs knee stops bouncing. You stop breathing for a moment, and you wouldnât be surprised if your heart did too.
âAnd Iâm afraid of how much I shouldnât.â
For once, Bakugo doesnât speak. You search his face for a tell of emotion, but he just squints his eyes at you as if he looks closer, he might be able to find the answers to all of his unanswered questions.
âLoveââ You start, pausing for a second to find the right words, âlove is something I like to read in stories, I like to write about it, and make stuff up in my headâbut.. when itâs real..â
Bakugo furrows his brows, looking annoyed but almost as if heâs trying to understand. â..What?! Itâs scary?â
You nod, your throat tightening the more you look at his face. âYeah.â
âWhy? Why the fuck is that scary!?â
âBecause the more people you let into your life, the more that can just.. walk right out.â Your voice quivers, looking down at your lapâeyes landing on a familiar protein bar.
You stand up. Slowly, meaningfully, and brush yourself off.
Then, without fully thinkingâyou gently toss the bar toward the usually explosive and confident boy, who now looked defeated on the couch beneath you.
âI really am sorry, Katsuki.â
You walk away from him again. From the one person youâve ever loved. The one boy you lost to your greatest enemyâyour own mind.
