a culinary tragedy
ā preference | fluff, slice of life | fem!reader
ā ft. k.bakugo, s.todoroki, e.kirishima, i.tenya, t.amajiki
ā file brief : You try to cook. They try to survive. Love wins.
ā content log : post timeskip, pure fluff
ā authorās note : written for all of us who try to show love through food and end up committing mild culinary crimes. weāre doing our best.
ā§ļ½„ļ¾: *ā§ļ½„ļ¾:* ćć *:dļ¾ā§*:dļ¾ā§
ā Katsuki Bakugo
You tried, really. He knew you did.
And he also knew why you insisted so much on taking over the kitchen.
Since you moved in together, if he didnāt cook, you both survived on takeout. Everyone at U.A. had already known you couldnāt cook to save your lifeāheād seen the microwave incidents.
Burned cookies. Deflated cakes. Mysterious jelly that had once wiggled off the plate and haunted his dreams.
But this. This was a crime.
Youād spent three hours in the kitchen. Your left cheek was smeared with rice. There was something unidentifiable in your hair. Your hands were still sticky. Your face held a terrified, hopeful almost-smile.
Your boyfriend stared silently at the dish in front of him.
A single onigiri.
A very deformed, weird-textured, slightly off-color onigiri.
The nori was barely hanging on. It leaned like it wanted to escape.
He poked it with a chopstick. It jiggled.
Onigiri wasnāt supposed to jiggle.
āā¦The fuck is this?ā
āā¦An onigiri?ā
Why were you asking him? You made it.
He narrowed his eyes at it. Like it had personally offended him.
Then slowlyāreluctantlyāhe picked it up and took a bite.
He chewed. Once.
Twice.
Stopped.
āā¦Why is it spicy?ā
āI panicked! I remembered you love spicy food!ā
āā¦You put chili oil in rice?ā
āI was trying to be thoughtful!ā
He paused. Blinked. Stared into the void for a moment.
Then set the blob back down with the silent precision of a man who had faced warāand somehow found this worse.
āYou are never allowed in my kitchen again.ā
You gasped. āThatās not fair!ā
He walked toward you, cupped your rice-covered face in his hands, and sighed like a man far older than his years.
āNo, whatās not fair is what you just tried to feed me.ā
āBut I did it with loveā¦ā
āYou tried to assassinate me with love.ā
And yetādespite it allāhe took another bite.
āStill tastes like shit,ā he muttered.
But he kept chewing.
You smiled anyway.
The next day, just to spite you, he made criminally perfect onigiris.
You werenāt sure whether to be offended or grateful.
Probably both.
ā Shoto Todoroki
The first time you saw your Shotoās face light up while eating Zaru Soba, you knew you wanted to make it for him. Just the two of you, a quiet little date in the garden near your apartment.
The idea was perfect.
The execution⦠well, you tried.
āTheyāre just noodles, right? And a dipping sauce. How hard could it be?ā
You kept repeating that to yourself like a mantra, but calling your cooking skills lacking was being generous.
Your mother used to tell you that you needed to learn how to cookāthat no one would marry someone who didnāt even know how to keep themselves alive.
Well. You proved her wrong when, after the war, Shoto proposed to you.
Your beautiful, quiet, wonderful fiancĆ© didnāt mind that if it werenāt for him, youād be living off takeout and absurdly easy, child-friendly meals.
But now? It started to bother you.
So you got determined. You spent hours and hours in the kitchen.
Finally, he came back from patrol to find you nervous-smiling, a basket in your hand as you immediately dragged him outside and toward the park.
The walk was short, but your thoughts were anything but.
What if the noodles were too soggy?
What if the sauce was too salty?
What if he hated it?
What if this was the day he realized he deserved someone who could cook real food, not just semi-functional carbohydrate attempts?
āAre you okay?ā he asked softly, fingers brushing yours. āYouāre quiet.ā
You forced a smile. āJust hungry.ā
At the park, you sat beneath the same tree where heād first told you he loved you. You laid out the blanket, opened the basket, and presented the boxed meal like it was the finest bento in all of Japan.
He blinked.
Then blinked again.
āā¦Is that⦠Zaru Soba?ā
āYes!ā you chirped. āI made it myself. For you.ā
He looked at you. Then the noodles. Then back at you.
āIām honored,ā he said. And he meant it.
With his usual calm, he picked up the chopsticks and dipped the noodles into the tsuyu. You held your breath.
He chewed. Slowly.
Then looked up.
āā¦Did you⦠put sugar in the sauce?ā
Your eyes widened. āWas I not supposed to?! I saw a recipe online that said sweetness brings outāā
āNo, no,ā he interrupted gently, a soft smile on his lips. āItās⦠different. Unexpected.ā
āā¦Bad?ā
He studied you for a long moment. And then, sincerely:
āItās the best thing Iāve eaten today.ā
Your heart melted just a little.
āā¦Itās only three in the afternoon,ā you mumbled.
āExactly,ā he said, taking another bite. āPlenty of time for you to top it again.ā
You bit your lip to stop the grin forming as he kept eating without a single complaintāhis quiet way of loving you, even in your culinary catastrophes.
Later that night, while he ate the takeout youād guiltily ordered (despite his protests), he kissed your temple and whispered:
āNext time, letās cook together.ā
And maybeājust maybeāyou wouldnāt commit crimes against soba again.
ā Eijiro Kirishima
Kirishima wasnāt a picky eater. Heād eat anything.
You once caught him snacking on slightly burned popcorn and calling it, āKinda smoky, yāknow? Cool.ā
So when you told him you wanted to cook him dinnerāa real meal, no microwaves involvedāhe immediately said yes, gave you a high five, and started setting the table.
The problem was⦠you hadnāt exactly figured out how to cook that real meal yet.
Cut to three hours later: the apartment smells like something vaguely edible, your shirt has⦠oil stains? (one can only hope it was oil), and youāre standing in front of him holding two bowls of very, very, very questionable gyudon. (If you could even call it that.)
He looked at it with wide eyes and the biggest smile, bless his heart.
āWhoa! Did you make this all by yourself, my love?ā
āā¦I did,ā you said, with a nervous laugh. āI think I mightāve burned the onions. And the beef. And maybe the rice.ā
He grabbed his chopsticks like it was the most gourmet thing heād ever been served.
āBaby, this is amazing!ā he said, the big, loving smile still on his face.
You blinked. āThe rice is crunchy.ā
āChips are crunchy too! Itās fine!ā
He took a huge bite. Chewed. Chewed some more.
āā¦So?ā
He gave you a thumbs-up with both hands.
āAmazing! Iāve never had crunchy gyudon before.ā
āBecause itās not supposed to be crunchy, Kiri!ā
āAnd yet,ā he said dramatically, āI love it. And I love you. So it works out.ā
He meant every wordāand later that night, while you cuddled under a blanket watching your favorite movie for the hundredth time and eating actual ramen, he whispered:
āYouāre already perfect, but next time⦠letās cook together, yeah, baby?ā
He grinned, nudging your shoulder.
āAt least you didnāt burn the house down. Thatās a win in my book, love.ā
ā Tenya Iida
From the moment you told your fiancƩ that you wanted to prepare him a homemade meal, he assumed you must be planning something special.
Maybe a celebration. Maybe a grand romantic gesture.
What he didnāt assume was that youād end up personally battling the recipe⦠and losing.
You spent the entire day in the kitchen while he was out fighting actual villains.
You chopped vegetables with total, surgical concentrationāand absolutely zero technique.
You memorized every step like you were defending your thesis.
And despite your best efforts, by the time he got home, the kitchen looked like a post-battle disaster zone.
āW-what happened here?ā
āGourmet tragedy,ā you answered with an apologetic smile, guiding him toward the table youād beautifully set. Fresh flowers, a handwritten card, the shiniest utensils you ownedāall in place.
He glanced at the bowl in front of him. It sort of resembled ramen.
He pulled out a chair so you could sitābless his big, gentleman heartāand then took the seat across from you.
He straightened his glasses.
āDid you follow the instructions step by step?ā
āYeah. Well. More or less.ā
āMore or less?!ā
He made that face. The one he made when mediating conflict at the agency or trying to solve a national-level disaster.
Then, with reverence, he picked up his chopsticks and took a bite.
Pause.
Chew.
Silence.
You waited. Terrified.
āā¦A curious texture. Bold seasoning. I must commend your initiative.ā
āTenya⦠does it taste like ramen?ā
āā¦It tastes like effort. Which I greatly admire.ā
He kissed your hands gently, a soft and loving smile on his face. He kept eating. You nearly cried.
He was way too nice about this culinary failure.
Later, while the two of you cleaned the battlefield (the kitchen), Iida admitted he was deeply moved that youād done all of this for him.
He promised to teach you how to make his favorite dish.
Step by step. With diagrams. Color-coded notes. A three-part binder. Youāll love it.
He planned the whole day himself.
And that weekend was filled with kisses, laughter, and a perfectly decent beef stew.
Which, to be fair, was a huge wināfor both of you.
ā Tamaki Amajiki
Tamaki had a rough day.
The kind of day that left him even quieter than usual, hood drawn over his face, head low as he walked through the door.
So, as the ever-loving girlfriend you were, you wanted to cheer him up.
With food.
His favorite.
Takoyaki.
Now⦠was it a complicated dish?
Absolutely.
Should that have stopped you?
Probably.
Did it, though?
Of course not.
By the time he woke up from a nap and came out of the bath, your kitchen was a scene of chaos.
Steam clouded the air. Flour dusted the counters.
There was⦠something in your hair. You werenāt entirely sure what.
He froze mid-step.
āHi, sunshine!ā you chirped, trying not to panic.
āW-what happened here?ā
āI made you takoyaki! ā¦Sort of.ā
You presented him with a plate of misshapen, slightly charred takoyaki.
They looked⦠afraid.
You looked hopeful.
He looked traumatized.
Still, he sat down and picked one up like it was made of glass.
He took a bite.
Chewed.
Paused.
āDarling⦠is it that bad?ā
He shook his head.
āNo. Itās⦠chewy. And tasty, my love. A heroic effort.ā
You bit your lip. āYou donāt have to finish it if you hate it.ā
He looked at youāquiet, nervous, soft.
āYou made it. For me. Thatās⦠really nice. No oneās ever done that.ā
And that night, he ate every last deformed takoyaki. No complaints.
Later, while you cuddled in bed watching some sappy movie, you whispered:
āNext time, Iāll order sushi. That way our kitchen survives.ā
A sheepish smile tugged at your lipsā
Which he quickly erased with a kiss.
āNext time, weāll cook together, my love.ā
ā§ļ½„ļ¾: *ā§ļ½„ļ¾:* ćć *:dļ¾ā§*:dļ¾ā§
unmanly behavior detected. stealing is not plus ultra. - kirishima (probably)
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