#metadouche

Okay, so after watching Good Omens last week, I knew I was going to have to make a post about it because I have so many feelings. Still, when I woke up the next morning, my feelings had already morphed and I decided to take my mind off it before coming on here and ranting (hence, my somewhat impromptu Hannibal rewatch last weekend).

Well, I can't stop obsessing and after doing a rewatch today, I have so much to say.

Initially, when I first watched in that final scene in S2, I was screaming at Aziraphale, 'No! What are you doing? How do you not understand that the Metatron has an agenda.'

And, no, this is not about the 'coffee theory'. It all really ties to the key term that Gabriel's fall would be considered an 'institutional problem'. (So, Metatron refused to send Gabriel to Hell, despite him being all too eager to go, and instead made it clear that Gabriel would never be allowed to fall, and instead would have his memories wiped. If the whole point was to punish him but not cast him out to Hell, he shouldn't need to have his memories erased, a demotion denotes the notion that he has much to improve on; how could he 'learn' without his memories. Make no mistake, this action is as good as casting him out, but Hell is denied him; technically, Hell would be the best punishment for an angel that is treated as fallen). This has caused me to theorize that Metatron knew about Gabriel & Beelzebub.

Though I hoped Az would make the right choice, not the 'good' choice, I 100% believe his choice to be in character. Still, when I woke the next morning, I started to understand why Aziraphale agreed.

Aziraphale & Crowley wanted the same thing, but it truly got lost in translation.

(I'll get to the Metatron theory, but first the Ineffable Husbands' divorce.)

Nothing lasts forever. Aziraphale understands that, no matter what, eventually, the Earth will end. The bookshop isn't eternal, but they are. When the universe comes to it's inevitable end, no celestial being can just hide-out in some nebula. He said it himself in the first scene of S2. In 6000 years, the entire universe was meant to be destroyed, not simply Planet Earth (and like Azirphale said in S1, there's nowhere to go.) Armageddon is not the end of the universe, but it's the first step. Everything is meant to end.

Running away to Alpha Centauri won't keep them together. When The End comes, Aziraphale knows that he and Crowley are destined for 2 different eternitys'. He's completely stopped thinking about the wellbeing of Earth. This is his Holywater Insurance. All he cares about is keeping Crowley. He can't fall; he doesn't want to. He's certainly not evil, but then again, neither is Crowley.

So, if Crowley can become an angel again, then Aziraphale gets what he wants, the only thing he needs, to keep being an 'us' with Crowley.

Aziraphale knows the bookshop won't last forever, but they will. He wants them to be together, where they don't have to run, and if Gabriel & Beelzebub were both willing to go anywhere to stay together, he thought Crowley would want to make the same choice. Aziraphale really thought it would be as simple a choice for Crowley as it was for him.

Aziraphale's willing to give up Earth and his beloved bookshop to give Crowley a 'second chance' so that they can have forever. He believes he can still make a difference, especially with Crowley finally openly at his side and on his team.

Crowley knows better; the system is rigged. Metatron is hell-bent on seeing the end of the world come to pass; it's why Gabriel was cast out, for refusing to agree to Armageddon. To Crowley, going back would be returning to a state of criminal compliancy. He may not want to be fallen, but he doesn't regret his capability for independent thought.

Let's be honest, before Crowley's voice got choke up, he was going to say that he wanted to spend forever with Aziraphale.

All he trusts and believes in is Aziraphale. Crowley wants nothing to have to change. His Heaven is that little bookshop, wrapped in their history and his angel's joy.

Going back to Heaven would be Hell for Crowley because in taking up the Metatron's offer, Aziraphale abandons humanity. To Crowley, Aziraphale is giving up on them because they share one common trait with humanity. Neither one of them is purely good or evil. They're not at all proper examples of an angel and demon. They only go with their respective territories as far as their own internal moral compass will allow them. It's what has brought them together consistently over the whole of time. They're almost like each other's negative images.

Here is where I would like to reference a post I was reading the other day that kind of lends to a theory I have for the 'institutional problem' and the intention behind Metatron's offer, which I will do my utmost best to respectfully summarize. The post talks about the notion of soul mates in old mythology, and references Azirphale & Crowley's endless draw to one another, as well Gabriel and Beelzebub's connection; questioning the idea of these cosmic soulmates existing throughout angelic and demonic populations. The power such a pairing can be capable of is too immense, and just like humans, the celestial beings were split in half.

I see the possibility of this theory within this context. Metatron says they cannot let it be believed that an institutional problem exists of devout angels descenting and the first thing he does is offer the job to Aziraphale, not even seeming bothered about Gabriel's escape. Out of sight, out of mind. The actual threat is Aziraphale & Crowley. (Which is why they have to be split apart).

So, in 1941 Furfur employs the zombies to prove that Aziraphale & Crowley are working together. It was a monumental deal to get that picture because Hell had no proof.

But, as we see in Season 1, when Michael becomes suspicious of Aziraphale, they come across several 'Earth surveillance' pictures of them together for the past few hundred years.

Heaven knew. Crowley was threatened to be horribly punished by Hell for the discovery and was only saved by Aziraphale stealing the proof, but Heaven appears to have had proof of it for longer than either Aziraphale or Crowley had realized. Yet, nothing was ever to done until the day after Armageddon, in S1's finale.

Why? That's punishable treason. Yet, that vital information never reached the light of day until a stubborn archangel specifically went searching for it.

Aziraphale & Crowley want the same thing, but they can't support the other's methods and means.

As for the 'give me coffee or give me death' bit of dialogue Metatron shares with Nina, I don't think that's a nod to poison or tampering regarding the coffee; I think it's a segue for conversation, a possible means of subliminal manipulation. What would it mean if Aziraphale refused the promotion? Is an angel who refuses to return to heaven when summoned, not a fallen angel? If Metatron could give Azirphale the choice, what would he choose; death - the only inevitability of life in Earth - or coffee, the divine offer Metatron is so graciously extending? Aziraphale has spent millennium on Earth, and in some ways, is as similarly predictable as any human; offer him the thing he wants most, and it will become his motivation, even if he loses what he needed along the way.

Aziraphale stops arguing to Metatron about wanting to stay on Earth and his beloved bookshop when Crowley comes into play. The bookshop means nothing to Aziraphale in that moment, he's ready to leave Earth in the split of a second to become The Supreme Archangel, he agrees; because Crowley is Azirphale's forever, the bookshop is just a building. (Also after Crowley walks out and Aziraphale realizes he's not coming back this time, he suddenly becomes concerned with his bookshop again, getting everything tied up on earth. He was so ready to agree when he thought Crowley would be beside him.)

Metatron got exactly what he wanted. He's split up Aziraphale & Crowley, effectively ending their consistent thwarting and even more so, he's pushed Aziraphale into the position of executioner; now, after all his years of hardwork in guiding and trusting humans, Aziraphale has to forsake them and help oversee their destruction.

The more I think about it, the more levels I find in their motivations. I maintain that Aziraphale made the wrong choice, but one thing he knew was that it couldn't be the 'bad' choice, not if he's working side-by-side with Heaven.

I think it's been made abundantly clear that there is an institutional problem, but I don't think that's all Metatron is covering up.

Towards the end of S1, Aziraphale tries desperately to reach a higher authority, but the Metatron, after saying he's the sole voice to pass on messages to God, listens to Aziraphale begging to put a stop to the upcoming war, and he, outright refuses to take the message to God.

Here's my biggest question regarding the state of Heaven in S3: When was the last time anyone spoke to God? Is Metatron really working on her behalf? My money is on him pushing his own agenda. I think God has stepped out. Maybe she got bored after the Antichrist didn't destroy the world? Maybe it's nothing quite as serious as Metatron committing Deicide against God, but I have a theory that he either knows nothing about her ineffable plan, or he's actively trying to stop it. (All I know is, regardless of official 'sides', I don't trust him one bit.)

The offer was made by Metatron, not God. She works in her mysterious ways, and I think Aziraphale & Crowley are meant to play a large part in them.

Summary:

me : *sees Metatron's face covered in blood in the small preview images of the stream host*

Yo, I called it (I was a week off, but still)