#messyroommate

By now you should all know that Daroline has left us. All last weekend, as you saw from the pictures, I spent my time deep cleaning almost everything that was once touched by Daroline. Yay for cleanliness!

Fan and I have found a new housemate who will hopefully be a much better fit - he'll go by the name Lyle for future reference. Anyways, I do not want you all to think that this will just be the most boring, useless blog ever written from here on out. My friends, there are still SO MANY stories left to tell, pictures to show, and quotes to, well, quote. Daroline did so many ridiculous things on a daily basis that there was no way I was able to keep up with the blog each and every time something happened. I actually have a list of stories to write about so that I don't forget anything! So without further ado, I present to you my first inter-active blog post:

Remember when we were kids and you had that friend with the "I Spy" books? You would open the book to any page, and across the span of two pages would be a giant picture filled with clutter. Within all of that clutter, you had to spy a number of specific objects.

This post is going to be just like I Spy. Please feel free to comment on the items you find, or even download the pictures and circle each item if you wish.

I Spy:

6 bottles of red wine

2 pennies

1 high-heeled shoe

1 red wine stain

1 bra (2 cup sizes too small)

2 wine bottle openers with corks

1 vacuum tube attachment

1 crushed can of PBR

4-day-old food

1 empty bottle of "prescription" meds

1 can of Coca Cola

2 spoons

1 empty wine glass

1 box of cigarettes

1 (hopefully) empty container of yogurt

So before I go back in time a bit, I feel as if I should let you all know the straw that broke the camel's back - the incident that made me decide to create the ridiculousness that is this blog.

My work hours are a bit different from most during the week because I work at a corporate fitness center. Monday-Wednesday I have to be at work at 5 AM. I have about a 40 minute commute and need to give myself enough time to do the essentials before leaving the house. Wake up time for me is about 3:45 AM, and that way I can ensure that I am on the road around 4:15 AM.

Yes, I am aware that those are ungodly hours. But as long as I get enough sleep (in bed by 9 PM), it isn't too bad. If I don't get enough sleep, then it is pretty horrendous. That being said, I think you may know where this story is going.

As posted earlier, Daroline Cuggan (DC) is notorious for setting her alarm clocks at the most random of times, and not turning them off because she is too inebriated to be woken up and/or simply isn't in her room when the alarm sounds. DC knows that she is a terrible person for doing this when she isn't home, so she ever so graciously and selflessly leaves her bedroom door open for her roommates to go in and turn the alarms off for her.

Two nights ago by 8:45 PM, I was in a deep slumber. Those who know me well me well enough know that I am not a light sleeper by any means. At approximately 1:30 AM, DC's alarm clock was sounding so loudly that it woke me up. I'm in bed wondering what most people would ponder, that being WHY THE F*CK WOULD ANYONE HAVE AN ALARM SET AT 1:30 AM ON A TUESDAY NIGHT?! The alarm sounds continuously, getting louder as the time passes for about 2 minutes. As soon as I get out of bed to turn the alarm off for her, it is no longer sounding. Instead, I had the privilege of turning off the bathroom lights and fan for DC instead.

At this point I knew 1 of 3 things had happened:

The alarm went into automatic snooze mode after not being manually turned off for a couple of minutes

DC, in her inebriated state, finally turned the alarm off herself, not caring who else she woke up in our house in the middle of the night

DC, in her inebriated state, only hit SNOOZE on the alarm, not caring who else she woke up in our house in the middle of the night

I got back into bed and waited. I knew there was a 99.9% chance that the alarm would sound again in a matter of minutes. And sure enough, it did. Pissed off as I assume anyone else would be in my situation, I barged into DC's room and was prepared to rip the alarm clock out of the wall. Instead, I see a lot of wine and DC just laying in bed without a care in the world that her clock was sounding again at 1:35 AM.

"Daroline, WHY THE F*CK DO YOU HAVE AN ALARM SET RIGHT NOW?! It is 1:30 in the morning. That shit needs to go because I have to be awake in TWO HOURS to get ready for work!"

"Huh? Uhhhhh, okay. Okay."

I go back to bed. For the next 20+ minutes, Daroline keeps hitting the SNOOZE button instead of turning her alarm OFF. Every 5 minutes, I have to hear that loud, incessant beeping coming from DC's room for 20-70 seconds at a time. After having confronted her once already, I knew that me getting out of bed again was a bad idea - I'd probably go to jail for voluntary manslaughter. Okay, not really. I'm not that crazy. But I did want to punch her in the face and go Office Space on her alarm clocks. It took me probably another 20-30 minutes to fall back asleep once the alarms were over.

Instead of being violent, I've turned to being a real catty bitch and do what girls do best - talk about each other behind the other's back. So there you have it. This is why I've decided to blog about all of the stupid shit DC does that annoys me and the other roommates.