May 22, 2017
UGH
I hate thinking like this. I hate when the anger bubbles up for no reason. It’s fine… I hate thinking back to that, it’s pointless and I know it. But why does it still make me so extremely pissed off…? Fucking end me…
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UGH
I hate thinking like this. I hate when the anger bubbles up for no reason. It’s fine… I hate thinking back to that, it’s pointless and I know it. But why does it still make me so extremely pissed off…? Fucking end me…
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It's funny. I didn't think I would ever need a vent blog until all of this started/happened... I don't know what led me to make this but I needed some kind of outlet. I felt so fucking lost and I physically hurt without doing anything but thinking. I felt like I was drowning and had so many emotions. I was afraid you'd kick me out. That you wouldn't want me to live with you anymore... I was scared that after finally feeling safe for once, I would be pushed right back to the place I was abused in for so long. I should be....no, I AM thankful to you. I don't know where this all came from. I'm just thinking again like a dumbass. There were just a lot of emotions at the time...still are...that I just don't know how to handle anymore. And if I ever did know how to handle them, where the fuck did that control go...? I SHOULD FEEL FINE WHERE I AM WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME Things are okay for now. Everything is fine. I'm happy where I am. Yeah there are some obstacles that come up and get in the way, but we always find a way around them. God damn it. I'm here for you. Please don't forget that... I'm fine, really I am. I may not seem like it, but there's nothing important bothering me anymore. I have nothing left to do besides stand with you and be here for you whenever you need me. My thoughts are just stupid and I'm trying to shut them up, but that's all there is to my battles right now. Besides also trying to recover for good. Please don't hesitate to come to me for anything you need. I'm serious. I'll stand with you until the ends of the earth. I'll do anything for you...
The snow needs to fall already. I'd find more calm in the snow while I'm by myself. My urges are so bad... Gods I'm so pathetic. How does anyone deal with me? How do you guys deal with my shit...? I don't even have a reason to want to cut... I just don't feel alive. I feel so out of place. But the thing is...I shouldn't. I'm starting to feel okay but then when I'm alone I feel so empty. That's usually when my urges hit me. What the fuck is wrong with me... I'm fucking pathetic...
I'm trying to be better. I don't know what else you want from me. Please, feel free to tell me what's on your mind. Go for it. I'm ready.
...
I'm the biggest fucking hypocrite... I tell everyone not to hurt themselves or put themselves down but I'm sitting here wanting to hurt myself so badly and panicking about silly things...
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I wonder if I make you as happy as you make me...
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I want at least 2 tattoos!
But I'm terrified of the pain it'll bring... But I want "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good" in the Mauradors Map theme and “Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, when one only remembers to turn on the light. Help will always be given at Hogwarts." In the Harry potter letter theme.