#merlinsfuckingbeard

he helps a few customers (an older woman who very nicely asks if they have anything by the beatles, an irish lad who takes his “can I help you find something?” as invitation to tell louis about how much he loves the eagles.  ‘changed me fucking life’) before he settles down behind the counter, preparing for a lazy afternoon attempting to beat his high score on temple run. 

he types in his passcode and the small one box in the corner reminds him about liam’s messge. he presses the icon at the bottom of his screen and prepares to roll his eyes at whatever mess is surely to fill his screen.  however what he finds instead is a short, quick text that says, “harry and I were in a car wreck. at thehospital. please hurry.” 

there’s no emoticons, no long drawn letters or glaring typos. just nine words that have his mind racing and his stomach somewhere around his knees.  he scrubs a hand through his fringe, sends a quick text to zayn about an emergency before grabbing his store keys to lock up the register.  he barely remembers to lock the store before he’s rushing out the front of it.

he probably breaks a few speed limits getting to the hospital, thinks he almost hit an elderly lady who was walking out the main entrance. he finds the closet parking spot that won’t get him a ticket (at least he thinks it won’t) and sprints inside.  it’s only  then that it occurs to him that he has no idea where liam and harry actually are; could be anywhere in this unnaturally clean, yet still so unclean, scarily massive building.  

he pulls out his phone and texts liam. “Im here where are you?” it’s a few minutes before he gets a reply back, words misspelled in typical liam fashion. he huffs out a breath to keep from tearing up over something so silly but it means liam’s okay . “forth flooor im in a chair”.   he rushes over to lift door and jams the button repeatedly in some futile attempt to get him to liam faster.  a few seconds later the doors open and he steps away and starts scanning the room for a (probably) pacing liam. 

what he finds instead is liam hunched over in uncomfortably small plastic chair (right his text had said that), head in his hands, knees jerking up and down spastically.  the sight sends a rush of overwhelming relief to his gut because liam’s alive; he’s breathing.  

liam’s shirt is torn and dirty and he very carefully does not focus on the rusty stain dotting the front. he walks quickly towards him and now that he’s up close, the cuts in liam’s knuckles and the dried blood under his fingernail stand starkly against his pale skin.  he kneels down in front of liam, surprised liam hasn’t already looked up upon hearing his footsteps, and places a gentle hand on liam’s shoulder. 

liam looks up at him and liam tries not to flinch at the dark bruise blooming under the bandage across liam’s temple, a mixture of purple and angry red peaking out from the stark white.   he’s got a few other cuts across his nose and lip that look irritatingly painful.  the look he’s got fixed on louis is a one of relief but also bewilderment; like he can’t believe louis is right in front of him. 

“you’re here,” he croaks and there’s a definite hint of tears welling up in his eyes, “I thought---“ and he moves forward to pull louis into him, fingers gripped tight in the back of shirt, face buried into the crook of his neck  he’s shaking louis realizes, like it’s taking all his strength to hold on, like he might fall over if louis lets go.

“of course I’m here.” he murmurs, rubbing up and down against liam’s spine soothingly, “I’m sorry it took me so long.” he holds liam there for awhile,  starts carding his fingers through his hair, waits until liam’s rough breathing evens out to something resembling normalcy before he questions him further. 

“are you okay?,” he asks even though he knows the answer, knows what liam’s  reply will be before he says it but he has to ask because he’s not been this scared in his life, not since he lost his mother wandering around a Sainsbury’s when he was 5,  terrified that he’d never find her again. his whole body flooding with that same uninhibited sense of terror that made him scream and cry until she found and scooped him into his arms.

he doesn’t focus too long on  the thought of losing liam and harry; doesn’t like to picture a world where he doesn’t come home to them at night or roll his eyes at dumb text messages that make him smile. 

“’m fine.  just a concussion, “ louis scoffs at just a concussion.  liam mouths twists upward briefly before settling back into a frown,  “harry’s in surgery. arm got crushed in the impact.  he’s okay too though.”

louis huffs out another breath,  let’s mind slow down from when it started racing at the word “surgery”.  everyone’s okay. his boys are okay.

“should open with that last bit next time.” his voice comes a little choked, lightly punching against liam’s shoulder as he says it.  liam doesn’t respond but instead  starts to lean heavier against him; his breathing starting to roughen up again, fingernails digging into louis’s back.

“hey hey,” he says when liam starts to pitch forward, “let’s sit back, yeah.”  he pushes liam into a sitting position, pushes his head gently between his knees.  liam’s ghost white and chest rising, short and shallow and tight. 

“’m okay, just a lit’le dizzy.” liam slurs quietly even though he’s starting to tip to the side. louis moves to sit beside, hand still on his knee to keep him somewhat steady.  he eases liam down until he’s got his head in his lap, strokes his temple lightly. 

“you let them give you anything for the pain or are you really that big of moron?”

liam’s hand moves to grasp louis’s knee. “had to---needed to be ‘wake. for haz,” his eyes are closed and now that he’s lying flat he’s got a bit of colour back in his cheeks,  though still frowning deeply.

he wants to yell at liam more for being such a dolt but liam looks so small in his lap and his guilt for not being there earlier sits like a lump of ice in his gut.  he should have been here to take care of liam, make sure he let himself be taken care.  that was his job. liam’s awful at it especially when he thinks louis or harry need him to be okay.  

liam’s quiet for awhile, breathing more even now and for a second louis thinks he’s fallen asleep but then his quiet voice speaks out,  “he was so scared, lou.  kept screaming for us and they wouldn’t---I couldn’t get to him.”  the hand on louis’s knee tightens, “I was so afraid we were gonna---“

he doesn’t want to hear those words in liam’s voice, doesn’t need that almost reality brought to light again. “shhh, shhh, it’s okay. he’s okay. you’re okay. we’re all gonna be okay, li,  I promise.” he says it for liam, but mostly for himself, needs the promise of safety to anchor him here instead of letting his mind drift into every what if and worst case scenario.

they sit in silence after that, louis’s other hand now tangled with liam’s and resting on liam’s hip.  he feels liam doze off after awhile, grip relaxed against his knee.  he trains his eyes on the clock, watches the minute hand tick slowly from one tic to the next.  it seems forever before he’s shaking liam’s shoulder because a doctor has come out. 

liam’s face pinches painfully as he sits up and he struggles to stand up even with louis’s help.  louis wants to push him back into a chair, doesn’t like the sweat beading across his grey face but he knows arguing with liam isn’t worth the energy, knows liam will pass out cold against the ground before he finds out if harry’s doing okay.

they hobble over to where the doctor’s standing, louis’s arm on liam’s waist, liam’s across louis’s shouders.  he can feel liam fighting to stay upright and awake, finally pushing liam’s head into his neck when he drops his chin to his chest, ignoring the strange look the doctor is giving them. 

he tells harry’s fine,  in recovery.  arm held together with screws and pins, that barring any complications he’ll be cleared to go home in a day or two.  liam sags against him in what he hopes is more a gesture of relief  rather than a fight with consciousness.

He tells them a nurse will come and get them when he’s settled in a room and louis shakes his hand, shifting liam’s weight against him to do and thanks him for the both of them. 

“li, you still with me?” and he breathes out when he feels a barely perceptible nod against his neck.  he then moves them back to the chairs and eases them down to wait.  liam doesn’t move his head from it’s tucked which is no problem for louis, like that he can feel liam’s warm breath tickle the fine hairs there as he exhales. 

he feels exhausted now, the adrenaline finally wearing off and he lies his head on top of liam’s and closes his eyes.  he doesn’t mean to doze off but the next time he opens his eyes a nurse with short brown hair,  a soft eyes he’s shaking them awake.   he blinks rapidly, trying to wake himself from the fog of sleep. liam’s still groggy but has lifted his head to louis’s shoulder.

“sorry to disturb you but harry’s asking for you.” her voice  is kind and she’s looking over at liam with a bit of concern, like she’s not sure doesn’t need to find him a hospital bed too. 

he stands up, pulling liam with him and together they follow the nurse as she leads them down the hall and around the corner to harry’s room. he can hear harry before he sees him. he’s singing something off tune, voice slurred.  liam winces beside him as the sound gets louder the closer they get.

“THERE YOU AREEEE.  LIAAAMMMMM. LOUWEEEEEEEEEEEEE” his hands are gesturing wildy and his pupils are pinpoints, the green around them hilariously bright. his arm is elevated on two pillows, lying loosely in a sling.  he’s got cuts along his face and he can see the bruise of where the seatbelt had rubbed his skin raw.

“settle down, haz.  nobody needs to hear that.”  harry just smiles goofily and he thinks once things settle down he’ll have some excellent future blackmail material on his hands but for now he’s happy to grab one of harry’s gesticulating arms and hold his hand tight while the nurse helps liam sit in a chair perched beside the bed.

“this is louweeee.” he says to no one in particular, “he’s my best frienddddd.”

“now harold you’re gonna make liam here feel left out.” liam huffs and that, making louis smile in a way that doesn’t feel forced.  he can do banter, can make this situation feel as normal as possible. he may have not been there to stop this from happening but he can make this okay again.

“where’s leeeeyum? come out come out wherever you areeee.” harry looks around, head lazily turning to this side and that as his face scans the room from liam’s buzzed top. 

“right here, harry.” liam says, squeezing harry’s thigh so harry knows where to look.  harry’s eyes light up again and louis definitely does not swallow against a lump in his throat.  

“you’re hereee.  couldn’t find you earlier,”  harry’s face drops into childish pout, “made me sad. right here” he finishes untangling his hand with louis’s so he point directly at his chest. 

“I’m right here. we’re not going anywhere.” his voice is tight, but strong, giveing harry’s thigh another reassuring squeezing, even though louis can see he’s shaking.   the words make louis feel warm all over, safe he realizes and even he shakes head because even when he’s not even trying liam’s taking care of him. 

he moves sit on the edge of the bed so he can place his hand on top of liam’s, lets their hands tangle together, likes the way liam smiles at him for that.