A little bit of writing - takes place right at the very beginning of Trespasser - they've all just arrived at the Winter Palace.
A bit of both past Blackwall x Inquisitor and Cullen x Inquisitor
"Oh," Ashala Lavellan pulled up short so as not to crash into the man in front of her. She blinked rapidly, desperate to dispel the mirage before her. He wasn't here, it couldn't be him, just someone who bore a striking resemblance.
"Inquisitor," his voice was a low rumble that took her mind instantly back to dimly lit intimate moments, but she dug her nails into her palm, a sharp bite of pain to pull her back into the present.
"Blackwall," she said his name, keeping her tone sharp. He wasn't supposed to be here, she'd never expected him to come, and had believed without a single doubt in her heart, that she'd never see him again.
He cleared his throat, reached up and rubbed his hand along his jaw, and down his beard. "It's, uh, Thom, now."
"Oh," Ash said again, the name another shock to her system. He was going by his name once more, rather than the name stolen from a dead man.
"Ash," a voice called, and Ashala turned, saw Cullen standing at the foot of the stairs, one hand on the railing, another reaching out toward her, though half the courtyard lay between them.
"If you'll excuse me," Ash said, refusing to meet Blackwall's - No, Thom's gaze, before she jogged across the polished stones and grabbed the hand that Cullen still held out to her. She took three steps then dropped his hand and continued her quick clip up the stairs, and Cullen had to quicken his pace to catch back up with her.
"What is it?" Cullen asked and Ash shook her head quickly.
"Nothing," she bit out the word, trying to push the ghost from her mind.
"Did Rainier say something?"
Ash whirled around and stared at Cullen, her mouth agape. "Rainier?"
Cullen's brow's pinched together. "Yes, I spoke with him when he first arrived, he informed me that he was using the name again-"
Ash let out a disbelieving breath and turned back, all but running now, to the room that they had been given as an office of sorts at the Winter Palace. Shoving through the door, she found Leliana and Josephine standing close, murmuring to each other and Ash felt a slight twinge of guilt for interrupting the two, but her heart was racing along with her mind because, "why is he here?"
"Who?" Leliana was the first to speak.
"Rainier," Cullen answered coming through the door just behind Ashala.
Josephine frowned, confusion clear on her face. "You asked that I contact everyone."
"Not him!" Ash barely contained the shout that wanted to burst free. "Never him!"
"I will ask him to leave," Josephine quickly began to write something down but Leliana reached out, covering Josephine's hand with her own.
"No, we need him," Leliana said plainly and Ash began to pace shaking her head.
"I need him gone." He couldn't be here, she couldn't handle him being there.
"He stays," Cullen said and Ash turned on him, ready to wail and cry. Cullen knew exactly what had happened between Ashala and Blackwall, Thom, what ever the fuck his name was. "We need him here."
Ash deflated, overruled. So rarely did the three ever all side against her. The Winter Palace was massive, it wasn't as if she'd be forced to see him, to interact with him. Besides, she imagined he'd want to steer as clear from her was was possible, she couldn't imagine he'd ever forgive her for the cruel words she'd thrown at him at the celebration after defeating Corypheus. Even Cullen, with his own wary feelings regarding Blackwall, had been shocked and disappointed in her.
Ashala felt scolded, as if she'd overreacted to his presence, but they didn't know, they didn't understand. Sure, they all knew about the very public breakup after discovering who exactly their Warden Blackwall was, nearly everyone at Skyhold had bore witness to that scene. And in the few remaining months they had been cordial with each other. Blackwall had never hesitated to step up and fight beside her, and on the battlefield, she treated him the same as any of her companions. But beyond that, Ash could barely stand to look at him, rage and guilt and fury overtook her anytime she did.
"You alright, Boss?" The Iron Bull leaned toward her and she blinked him into focus. Two tankards deep, she'd always been a lightweight, but Ashala had no plans of stopping until she forgot about him.
"'m fine," she blinked slowly at him. Movement down the bar caught her attention and she looked, saw Blackwall, no, Thom. Rainier. speaking with the man behind the counter. Forcing herself to look away, she saw her companions, her friends scattered around the crowded tavern. Some who she hadn't seen in over six months. Gaze shifting again, Rainier, he'd stepped away from the bar, stood with Sera, a grin on his face.
Looking back into her tankard, Ash swallowed the guilt that burned like bile in her throat and downed the rest of her drink. "Gimme 'nother," she flagged down the bartender.
"Boss," Bull frowned and she flicked her fingers at him, shooing him.
"Go away."
Cullen pinched the bridge of his nose and drew in a deep breath at the sight of Ashala, asleep with her head on the bar, her hand curled around her half empty mug of ale. The tavern was mostly empty, only a few lingered, like Bull who sat beside her, leaning back on the bar as he surveyed the tavern, and Rainier, likely the reason for Ash's drinking. Maybe he should have agreed that sending the man away was for the best, but Cullen believed that it was for the best to have Rainier, a man once condemned for horrible crimes, now owning up to his past, and taking a stand to do what was right, along side them.
"Come on, sweetheart," Cullen carefully pried her fingers from the mug, and drew her arm around his shoulders then stooped down to slip one arm beneath her knees, while the other curled at her back. Ash let out a quiet moan of protest, and her lead lolled on his shoulder.
"Need a hand?" Bull asked and Cullen shook his head before making his way from the tavern and down the long brick path to the back staircase. He imagined everyone seeing Inquisitor passed out drunk would not make the best impression. He took the stairs, walked down the hall and when he arrived at her room, he lowered her legs to the ground.
"Where's your key, Ash?" She let out another little groan, wrapped her other arm around his shoulders and buried her face in his throat.
"Maker preserve me," Cullen sighed, then began fishing in her pockets until he found the key, unlocked it and backed her into the room. Scooping her up once more, he crossed the dark room to the bed and laid her down on it. Running a hand through his hair he looked down at her and breathed out another sigh before he tugged at the laces of her boots and dropped first one, then the second to the floor.
He hesitated, she wore breeches and a loose tunic, the corseted vest she'd worn earlier discarded Maker knew where. Then he leaned over, tugged the blankets down and drew them over her. "Why couldn't I love you?" Cullen looked up and found her looking at him, eyes overflowing with tears. "Why did it have to be him?"
"We can't help who we love," Cullen said softly as he finished tugging the blankets around her. Then he smoothed her hair back from her face and pressed a tender kiss to her forehead. "I'll bring a glass of water for you for the morning." Then he straightened up, left the room and procured a pitcher of water and a glass, along with a tonic for the headache he knew Ashala would wake up with. Returning, he found her snoring loudly, clutching a pillow to her chest. No, he thought sadly, we truly can't help who we love.
