#mentaldecay

i tried to silence my mind, but it started breathing on its own.

every inhale was a memory, every exhale, a version of me i didn’t recognize.

now i’m not sure who’s thinking anymore.

1. I'm actually a cosmonaut and am writing this from Mir (I know y'all thought that it was no longer functioning but it is and I am part of a top secret government project for the Russian government). 

2. I'm not very good at keeping secrets! Sorry Vladimir!

3. I might be writing this from Moscow's Sheremetyevo Airport. 

4. I support Sarah Palin and think that she is the best hope this country has for recovery economically and to regain our position as a world superpower.

5. I have become a member of The Jesus Christ Church of Latter-Day Saints ever since they knocked on my door and made a few good points that made me question the teachings of L. Ron Hubbard and whether or not Xenu really exists.

6. I still really love barley water and think all psychiatric drugs are evil!

7. I invented vodka when I was seven but didn't drink any alcohol until I was 21.

8. My favorite type of exercise is curling and I hope to be a member of the 2014 Olympic Jamaican curling team.

9. I was born in Jamaica and adopted by my family when I was six months old. They picked me out because I was so quiet and docile.

10. I'm a member of the Swiss mafia. 

11. After Jamaica, my favorite country is Canada.

12. As a matter of fact I love Canada so much I am thinking about becoming a Canadian citizen.

13. I quit my job to start my own fragrance line modeled after Gwen Stefani's Harajuku Lovers called "Somewhat Racist."

14. I hate brushing my hair. I don't even own a hairbrush.

15. But I love laying out by the pool, tanning and the beach.

16. I have four chihuahuas named Sprinkles, Cupcake, Brownie, and Abraham Lincoln. 

17. I also have two teacup poodles named Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr but they don't really get along for some reason. 

18. After I retire from being a cosmonaut I want to become a factory worker in Bangladesh! 

19. I envy the president of Egypt's job stability.