#mental update

I'm going to ask to go to the mental hospital, hoping it's not as bad as I'm thinking

I just scared since it's somewhere i don't know, away from family

I’m sorry... The MLP fandom is getting to be too much for me. My anxiety has been spiking really badly whenever I go into fandom spaces for years now. I’ve been really struggling to feel safe and comfortable around the MLP Fandom due to how... adult they can be. I can’t even look at fanart anymore without feeling uncomfortable because of how often fan artists tend to draw explicit adult content. I understand it pays the bills, and I don’t judge them for doing it, but it makes me feel super gross and uncomfortable to be around (I’ve tried to get used to the fandom being like this, but I don’t think I can control my anxiety and paranoia anymore unfortunately). So because of all that, I think I’m going to leave for a while. I’m still looking into getting therapy and I may have to experiment more with my anxiety meds, but continuing to be in fandom spaces is becoming too taxing for me to continue. The paranoia of looking at fanart and fandom users and figuring out if they’re safe or not is too much for me to handle. Maybe someday I’ll be back if I can get my mental state under control, but for now this is goodbye. I’m sorry again. Hopefully next time I see you all, I will be in a better state of mind. Izzy loves you, and don’t forget to drink water. <3

My birthday is this weekend and I don't even want to celebrate it, I have no energy to write, I hate it. I get so inspired but it dies out as soon as it's enflamed.

I apologize for the lack of content. I apologize for not speaking to my friends on here. I'm just sorry.

I'll be okay soon, hopefully.

Okay, he’ll metaphorically bite the bullet. It’s not like anyone can hear his thoughts anyways, but it still feels weird to admit this. Even to himself.

Deep down, Ezreal is a helpless romantic. His perception of romance is a bit warped, though. Is really a girl or boy who will love him back, validate him but not pressure him, spoil him with affection but not suffocate him, completely accept he’ll be gone for long periods of time and he hopes for things to be the same as when he left AND sweeps him off his feet and makes his whole world turn upside down too much to ask?

// Hey guys, I think it’s time I open up finally to you guys about what’s going on. I already did this on my Daenerys blog but, you guys are my friends and family. 

Last Friday some upsetting news occurred. I’m not going to out her because she is a rp partner of mine on here and she’s a good woman. She doesn’t deserve any sort of hate and I appreciate her honesty. Not only that but, the memories that we shared and the ways she’s changed me for the better, I could never let anyone hurt her. I still love her and I think I will always love her more than anything in the world and it may take me some time to get the emotions out but, my fiance ended our engagement and we are no longer together.

This is why I have been rather on and off recently. I’m trying to come back, I won’t leave you guys. I love the relationships I’ve made and built here with you all just know my heart is healing. Thank you to those who already know and were told about it as soon as it happened. You guys made this a lot easier to get through in all honesty. You’re my strength. From the bottom of my heart, thank you more than anything else in the world. I’ll never forget you guys for having my back and support.