#mental shift

usually when I am mentally shifted, I can still mold myself back into a human mindset, generally ignoring the change in instincts, behavior, and mental framework. sometimes it's hard to control, but overall im good.

I pretty much completely shifted today. I'm away from my fuckass area of my country and deep in my hearthome doing a lot of hiking... and the way I have been feeling has been crazy. I have had moments that I would describe as containing mental, sensory, phantom, and small physical shifts that I cannot control and force back into normal human behavior. My mother who im on this trip with is big on exercise and is aware of my "animal flow" hobby (a different but slightly more welcomed movement group to cover up the word "quadrobics"), so I've been able to do some light quads, but I couldn't have stopped myself today if I tried.

I also got to howl for the first time and I don't think I'll ever be the same. I visited a Wolfdog sanctuary, and at the end we all got to do a group howl with the residents, and my instincts were so strong that it felt like the howl was just crawling out of me. It built up in my chest until I finally let it out, and for never howling before, I sounded just like a coyote. Hearing my own more high-pitched, scratchy howl was a euphoria I'll probably never be able to replicate.

Anyways, im not "out of control" during these shifts, but more so that my shifts were uncontrollable. I'm still me of course, and I control my actions, but during these shifts you could not make me act human more than you could make a dog act human.

Just laying there, pressed against the earth, the flowery scent of spring filling the air, and the cold droplets of rain falling against my skin

It made me really shifty? I think I felt like a hare, or a rabbit, but I'm not sure, and it doesn't really matter either.

It just felt so right

We live right near the lake so I'm able to go fishing whenever I want, decided to go today since it was nice out and usually fish start biting at that time, went out there with my cheese balls, blankets, a Arizona tea, and my fishing gear,

I caught myself a bluegill, a little small for what I usually like but sometimes I settle for less, got real shifty and next thing I know, I killed the fish (with my mouth) and started eating it (yeah I'm not joking), normally my mental shifts aren't this bad and I can usually control myself, but at that moment I was super hungry and I was really craving meat, so one thing went to another and I just started peeling and scraping raw meat into my mouth, biting and crunching, luckily no one was there to see me do this and I doubt that I'm going to have a parasite from this, after I was done eating the fish, I just sat there for a moment looking at the water and feeling the air brushing against my face, it was euphoric yet I had a small sense of panic thinking that I might get sick from this (stupid domesticated brain),

It started with just my arms but has recently become my whole body. I feel like I have the anatomy of a sea otter, like my arms feel like they are small and furry, and I have paws. My legs feel short and like there are flippers

I feel like a sea otter standing on its hind legs. But I know I don’t look any different than before. I know nothings changed but I half expect people to react.