#mendyourself

Sabina Yesmin

You know it’s slightly messed up when you’re sitting with a group of ten people but you still feel empty, hollow. You try to ignore it but it is messed up when you watch your emotions fly away with the smoke you produce after taking the last drag of your tenth cigarette of the day. You know it’s weird because you cannot exactly put a finger on what’s making you feel this way. You have friends who have your back. Regardless of how many times you screw up. You sit there, looking at the sky, second guessing the choices you’ve made. You feel like you’re slowly letting go of everything, everyone. With every sip of that piping hot tea you take, and every time it stings your tongue, you wonder, you analyse, and realise that this is not how you’re supposed to feel. You know you’re trying. You know you’re fighting. But sometimes, a one man army can’t fight everything coming at him. It’s difficult to keep it all in and smile through the downhills. It’s even harder to comfort others when you know you’re hitting rock bottom. But then you realise, this is how it’s always been. This is when you realise that you’re all you have. You sit all alone, and wish for someone to come and wrap their arms around you while you weep over this emotional hurricane pulling you down. Even when they know you can’t exactly produce what you’re feeling, verbally. But you still sit alone, sinking into your own arms, with a cigarette, the only thing pressed against your lips, and your hoodie the only thing wrapped around you, giving you reassurance. You know it’s fucked up when you try to fill the void but it just doesn’t happen. You feel like you don’t belong here. You want to go home, but you don’t even know where home is. Or what home is. Or who home is. Your reply to everyone who asks you whether you’re okay, is ‘I don’t know’ not because you don’t want to tell them, it’s because you really don’t know. And then you feel like an anchor, pulling everyone down. You ask yourself, “Why am I like this?” “Why do I push people away?” But you don’t have an answer. Because that is who you are. You’re trying to mend yourself but it feels like bringing a dead man back to life. Impossible.🖤

With all the hustle and bustle of holiday shopping and preparation don’t forget about YOU. Self-care is key to a balanced life and to releasing all that does not serve you. Today Oliver will be leading “Emotional Trauma & Relationships” at 2pm followed by “Releasing Shame and Guilt, Honoring Libido” at 3:30pm. Space is limited to 4 spots per class. Call 213-413-8300 to RSVP. See you then! #classesathoi #hoiheals #selfcare #selflove #mendyourself #libido #honoryou #release @oliver_bio_detective

i love u too so much 

NO BUT ALL THREE OF YOU GUYS ARE. 

(in case I'm being ambiguous: I totally didn't hate it, don't worry)

MAYBE.

You guys have cute stories.