#memory5

…

it’s not the same.

it was bad, it was terrible, it got better

now i’m not sure.

This causes you to lose any stationary resources.(mine arenot).

check a skill. (can only use one)

a mortal flees with you. what new name do you adopt as you live among strangers?

___

We slaughter the Romans, wave by wave, and my magic feels stronger than ever. I feel myself floating, looking down on myself- a young woman, dust and fire and bodies in the night, the wet tear of flesh. Flaming arrows rain down from our watch towers. My magic is stronger than ever, ripping through bodies with thunder.

And yet I am frantically scanning for him, his bite still bleeding out through my neck and collarbone. He vanished so suddenly. He had pale eyes, the palest eyes- i couldn't see anything else-

I hear a flutter in my mind, another airborne view but faster. I'm so tired. The noise seems fainter, but my knees are weak, perhaps it is I who is fainting. The crow speaks.

"I had hoped to buy you some time." he says.

I concentrate and a last torrential burst of energy whips out, cutting the throats of three soldiers converging on me.

"You did, my friend. thank you."

I see what he sees, as he flies, circling higher to get a view. the bodies are tiny now, but lying still in clumps. movement outside the village gate has ceased. His view grows larger and closer as he dives, and i see myself in his eye as i have so often. but something is very wrong. my eyes have turned pale, absent, and i press my hand to my throat distractedly. I am wounded more tha ni thought.

"I didn't buy you enough," the crow says and lands on my shoulder.

But the horns have sounded now, exultant, and through the dust I see my people. I cannot help but grin. The Romans are the clumsiest warriors we have ever seen, slow, encumbered by heavy armor lying everywhere on the field as we curiously pick through it. Even the notorious phalanx had failed.

The warriors bow. "You grow ever stronger," Cal says, taking my hand. "Remind me not to cross you." But he drops his hand, suddenly, and I see the horror on his face. "You're bleeding badly!" He thinks he has explained his horror plausibly, and no doubt he is concerned, but I know why he has recoiled. He knows something has happened- he hasn't even seen my face yet - but something he has not seen before, something bad. He is unaware that he has a second sight.

I turn away. "Worse than it looks. I'll take a look. " I can feel his eyes boring into my back as I hurry away.

"You are dying," says the crow at last. "No. not dying. but you are dead." He cocks his head to the side,confused. I look at my hands. they are a bone white, and the wound at my neck feels so heavy. "I was bitten by something. someone. a soldier, but- " I remember what i saw through the crow's eyes. "-his eyes were pale." I flinch, the bite was deep and there are savage marks, like a wolf's maw.

The crow flaps his wings urgently. "Look here. I have seen this before. I think. On my travels. An old man, meeting my gaze and stopping my flight-- i almost fell. There was a woman like this, pale eyes, cold, dead but moving. " He hesitated. "She was being burned. and your king knows is something is wrong. If he should encounter you again-"

"Don't be silly," I snap. "Battle does strange things, it takes some time to become ourselves again." I am hungry. No, I am hunger. i need to eat. I don't know what. i pick up some bread but retch at the smell. The thing in the room with blood is pulsing and pulsing and I know my salvation lies there. and i turn slowly. It is the crow.

I feel a sharp razor like tug at the insides of my brain and yelp.

"You must seek help. You are not well. " He hovers mid-air, cautious of me now. "it pains me to say, but if you threaten me again, you know i will kill you." I don't respond. It is part of the pact we made decades ago.

___

It is dark now and I slip out, unseen as my people celebrate by the fire. My crow's dark shape flits overhead. I often leave for a few days at a time, to be in the forest, to gather herbs, to pursue my studies of the stars. They will think nothing of it. I hope.

I pick up speed and bump directly into someone, stifling a scream. The crow pauses mid-flight, a small blot against the stars.

"Easy!" laughs Cal. "Where are you going after all the-" he trails off and must see me panting, wild eyed, but I can see almost nothing, he is waves and waves of the richest most roiling blood. I push him away and keep going. I must get away from these people.

He follows me. "What ails you? Aine?" I turn and don't have the energy to produce- anything. A misdirection spell. Nothing. I am so tired. And i remember now that Cal, with his Sight, may be more aware than I know.

"Something has happened. I was bitten by-by a soldier. But there was something wrong with him." The pulsing grows louder and louder. "I need to eat. I think I need blood. All i can taste and smell is blood. The-" I back away as he comes closer. "I may hurt you." The man was frighteningly strong, pinioning me. My wound throbs again. "You didn't see me."

"Wait," Cal says quietly. "I know something's wrong. I can-" he struggles for a word, unaware of what he is wielding- "i just know. you need help. Please, let me help. You have saved me countless times."

I stare, trying to calm myself. "He may be the only help we have," murmurs the crow.

"I can bring horses."

It hadn't occurred to me that I would need to leave extremely quickly. "You cannot come near me. I may harm you. I may do to you as the soldier did. I need to eat." I keep repeating it dully. I can barely see. the world is a roar of blood.

"I will follow behind," he insists. He takes a small step forward, his hands upraised. "Please. I am not afraid of you."

"You cannot be called Aine any more," adds the crow. "Let alone be leaving with the High King." He flutters irritably. "I am a fool, he shouldn't be helping us."

"We will need to travel discreetly," I say at last. "You cannot be seen as the High King." I gesture. Will they not notice you are gone? What do you plan to do?"

"Nothing," he says simply, and grins. "They already believe I have left for a week's travel to confer with the other settlements. "

"What of your retinue?" "I cannot be seen with a retinue. Especially now."

I ponder, and ponder, and ponder. He breaks the silence with the rasp of steel and his hiss of pain. i watch the blood well, and it is the only truth I have ever seen. "This?" he asks uncertainly.

I am filled, I am reborn, I am all things. the drops of blood hit my tongue. i want to devour him. but drops are easing my pain already, and leaving in its place- the stars are so bright. i raise my head again and Cal glows, a beacon.

I look down and see a dagger at my throat. "Just in case," he chuckles. "I thought before I came after you--I'm not as much of an idiot as you think I am, you know."

The crow murmurs, i'm certainly surprised.

"We must leave," I say. "Now. And you must answer to another name."

"So must you," adds the crow in my ear.

"So must you," says Cal. His eyes twinkle, and despite myself, I feel a bit lighter.

"Call me Mael," I answer. It comes to me. "I may have to find blood but I needn't kill. I wasn't outright killed after all."