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Say all you like about emotional maturity and "going high when they go low"...but tonight I got salty at my whitebread boomer uncle, and a friend who I love, except for the 3% of the time that she tries to make me feel like I'm not having feelings in the Approved Manner.
And, children, it felt fucking FANTASTIC!
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Ugggh being the local cishet is so annoying. Like Wym my entire nervous system was just reset by a friendly text from a man who I recently watched fail to recite the alphabet. This is not how Tumblr raised me.
50/50 odds I lost to another chore list. But at least I didn't lose to 5 eating disorders in a tube top. Solvable problems ftw.
How did I get here where my most devoted and reliable shipper is a tiny 70-year-old man with absolutely no sex appeal of his own. The embodiment of what the kids call negative rizz. Fucking upside-down ass universe.
Cultivating a tiny but loyal gang of shippers one corn nut at a time.
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Since the magic seems to be up, Capy Diem will be leaving out bread and soup for the Etsy Witches tonight.
Today sucks because my heart was broken by a man who can't even confidently recite the whole alphabet.
"It's not monomaniacal if the available options are...gauche."
"The suggestion that I rummage through the reject bin does fuckin wonders for my self esteem."
"That's the realistic and attainable goal? Gotta say that very high bridge is looking more attractive by the second."
"Oh shit, did I forget to quote you my critter sitter fee?"
"Stare longer. Maybe I'll do a magic trick and make you disappear."
