#mcwolff

You know how when a cartoon character is pretending to pay attention their voice actor will overact to let the audience know they're not? "Mhmm, Yeah, Uh Huh, Very Interesting, You Don't Say, Really." Well, my friend would do that unironically because he thought it would really fool people into thinking he was listening. If he didn't want to talk to you he'd literally say something along the lines of "would you look at the time, I need to go iron my dog," and then just up and walk away.

These were just his quirks, pretty weird but mostly harmless. Until the summer of 2010, that is. For his 14th birthday, his mom took us to Rapids Water Park, and everything was fine until he saw a girl in a bikini. He stood up, pointed directly at her so everyone around us could see, and then he started wolf whistling and howling and panting and stamping his feet and hitting himself in the head like out of a Tex Avery cartoon!

THIS Tex Avery cartoon to be exact:

He started yelling "AWOOGA AWOOGA BOI-OI-OI-OING WOAH MAMA!"

I wanted to kill myself right then and there, then come back as a ghost and kill him. The girl didn't think it was funny. She didn't think it was cute, either. She thought it was creepy and weird because IT WAS CREEPY AND WEIRD! You DO NOT cat call a random girl you don't know, that's a douchey thing to do right off the bat, and you especially DO NOT cat call a girl by imitating horny cartoon characters in a PUBLIC PLACE.

This was before the word "cringe" became common parlance, but in retrospect it was the cringiest cringe to ever cringe in all of cringedom.

He didn't understand why what he did was wrong. He thought she would like it because, and I quote, "it's my way of telling her she's SSSSMOKIN!"

How could his favorite movie of all time possibly steer him wrong?

Now, the idea with The Mask is that it brings your innermost desires to life. "If deep down you're a little repressed, and a hopeless romantic, you become some kind of love-crazy wild man." That's not a good thing. The moral of the story is be yourself, and not hide behind a mask, but that completely flew over my friend's head and all he learned was "HAHA GREEN MAN FUNNY!"