some nice friends you got there, davis

He's proven right when walks into his room the most handsome man Robby has ever seen. A little shorter than he expected but more muscular and with beautiful blonde curls. The nicest shade of blue in his eyes and a sharp nose. He looks level-headed and anchored for someone whose husband landed himself in the hospital. He's probably a colleague, which makes sense considering his track record. More importantly, he looks younger than he imagined, too young, in his early 30s. Oh no, what did Robby do? He sees the man relax slightly after taking a good look at him.

Once Robby is released from the hospital, Dennis plans to live at Trinity's place until at least some of his memory comes back to not make him uncomfortable. But Robby asks him to stay, telling him it doesn't feel right to kick him out when it's his house too. Also, having a doctor around when he's suffering from amnesia would be good. The truth is, Robby still can't believe he is married and needs to know more about their relationship and Dennis. They talked at the ER and he seems kind, calm, confident, and skilled. So, he needs to know why Dennis is with him instead of anyone else.

So, now Robby gets to enjoy martial life for the first but technically second time in his life. They don't do anything physical for obvious reasons, but their dynamic is romantic. He knows he's not the same man Dennis married but fuck he's failing in love with him all over again. They are also incidents where an exhausted, overworked and sleep-deprived Dennis will momentarily forget that his husband of several years has amnesia.

He'll go in for a welcome home kiss before he freezes and apologises profusely. He'll walk out of the bathroom naked while drying his hair to get changed in the bedroom, jump when their eyes meet and quickly tie his hair towel around his waist, barely covering himself. Dennis feels so bad each time afterwards and promises him he's not trying to force anything between them. Robby feels so fucking guilty because he's enjoying every single mishap way too much and he doesn't even have his memory back. The thrill and love he feels every time is addictive and he wishes Dennis wouldn't stop himself. He craves physical intimacy with him so bad it's driving him up the walls. He starts feeling jealous of the version of himself in their wedding pictures who got to experience Dennis' love in its entirety.

One night, Dennis comes home completely drunk after going drinking with Santos and Robby takes care of him. He helps him walk to the bedroom and lay him down on the bed. He's crouched at his feet and takes off his shoes for him when he starts hearing Dennis sniffle. When he looks up, Dennis is crying. His heart stops. Nothing should ever hurt him like this.

"Dennis, sweetheart, what's wrong?" he asks, the pet name slips out but he doesn't care right now.

He doesn't move from his spot at his husband's feet, scared he might make things worse somehow. But he rests his hands on his knees in a way he hopes is soothing.

"I just–I miss you so much," he finally says, eyes fixed on the ceiling.

He starts crying harder, as if saying it out loud makes it more painful. The sight straight up guts him. The sweetest, calmest and earnest man he's ever met is in tears because of him. He doesn't deserve to go through any of this.

"And it's so fucking stupid because you're here, with me, every day. But I miss you. I miss you. I miss the you who remembers how we met. Who remembers our wedding. I should be fucking glad that you're alive and holy shit, I am with every fibre of my being! I am so relieved that you're here and not six feet under but at the same time, you're not really here. And it hurt so fucking bad. I don't know what to do," he says, defeated.

His body shakes as he chokes a little on a loud sob. Robby can't even look at him. His forehead pressed on one of his knees. Shame burns his skin. Dennis deserves the man he loves, his husband, in his entirety. Not this incomplete version of him. Not this torture. If only he had never met him. Dennis wouldn't have to go through any of this. Tears sting his eyes and he's disgusted with himself. Dennis is the one suffering the most of the two. He can't even really comprehend the pain he's going through. Robby doesn't get to cry about this. He hates how weak and selfish he is.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. You deserve so much better than this. I'm sorry–" Robby cries and rambles apologies, like a child. As if this would change anything.

"Please don't cry. It kills me to see you cry. Don't fucking apologise either. You didn't do it on purpose. You're alive. You kept your promise," he whispers, sobs.

This promise sounds so meaningful but Robby doesn't know what he's talking about. It makes him sick. Even like this, grief-stricken, Dennis is taking care of him. He doesn't deserve him.

"I'm just so scared," he breathes out with a shaky voice. "What if you never remember? I don't know–I don't know what I'll do. I can't lose you. I can't. I'll die," he cries.

It shocks Robby out of his spiral. He doesn't have time to cry. Dennis needs him right now. He needs reassurance. Robby needs to put his feelings aside. He can do it. It's something Robby has been doing for decades. He dries his tears with the back of his hands and swallows back down a sob. His hand finds Dennis' and he holds it tight. This makes him finally look at Robby, who looks back at him with all the resolve he can muster.

"I'll remember. I know I will," he declares, while looking deep into Dennis' eyes.

"You don't know that."

"Dennis, you have to believe me. I can feel it. My body knows you. You feel right. I hate being touched but I've never avoided your touch. All those memories, they are still in there somewhere, I can feel it. They'll come back. I'm yours, I know it," he declares.

"Michael–"

"Won't you trust your husband?" he asks with wet eyes and a smile.

"Don't say that, that's cheating."

"Denny, please," he leans down to kiss the back of his hand. The nickname feels right. Dennis' breath stutters.

"You haven't called me that in so long."

"I told you, it's in there somewhere."

"I love you so much, Michael," he says with a wet laugh.