#mctwcsty

    DEREK CHRISTOPHER SHEPHERD WAS taught that in the face of pain, to keep moving. If you stop, it consumes you. Derek knew his mistake the second he stepped out of surgery and found Meredith was gone. She had told him to his face what he was doing, he hadn’t had the balls to say it. But he also hadn’t had the balls to leave his wife either. If he hadn’t been called into surgery he would have taken Meredith aside and asked to talk with her properly. He would have said everything he needed to and then realised that Addison wasn’t who he needed to be with. But surgery had called and you can’t change the past. 

    Although his relationship with Addison lasted a further month. Not even that. Every day they had to act as a couple, he felt sick. One night he signed the papers at the hotel whilst she slept in bed not far from the desk. He gathered his things silently and left. He didn’t speak to Addison unless he had to; in the presence of lawyers, other doctors, consults. She texted him frequently but every one was left unanswered. He had to get his head back on straight. He wanted to go find Meredith and had even attempted to do so, heading to Boston for a few days but coming up empty, Cristina had acted very oddly when he returned so he knew he had hit the nail on the head. But Boston had a population of over 686,000 people. The odds of finding one person were slim. 

   Derek held his coffee in one hand as he was paged to room 305. He placed it on the nurses desk as he picked up the notes, not registering the worried looks on everyone’s faces as he passed them. He skipped the name without realising and frowned when he saw Diverticulitis. It was then that he remembered he was the general surgeon on call at that moment. The other was out on maternity and he had offered to at least take consults and pass them onto Bailey if she was busy. He lifted the next page of the chart as he walked into the room. He glanced up and noticed O’Malley and nodded a little. “O’Malley, what we got?” Only George just stood staring at him, a nervous look on his face. Derek frowned and glanced to the chart as the patient became more agitated. Alzheimer’s, Diverticulitis. So that’s why he was called, but the name drew his attention more. Grey. Ellis Grey. As he looked up again he noticed someone else in the room who was now turning to face him. 

    Derek felt the entire world stutter to a stop as his eyes made contact with hers. He felt his mouth go dry and his legs felt weak. Despite his sudden panic, he did a mental check of her, checking she was okay. His eyes ran up and down her body and then back down again as they settled on a small bump. He took a soft breath and brought his eyes up again. “Meredith.”

For example when he tells her that she was like coming up for fresh air, she stood there and said ‘It’s not enough’. She knew her worth. She knew that she was worth more than to be lied to. 

When she went to the woods to try get him to come back and he got angry and hit the engagement ring into the woods. She literally just walked away from him.  When he came back from DC and she says ‘I thought I could live without you. But I can...I just don’t want to.’ She was telling him that he does not control her, he doesn’t turn her world so much that she can’t turn it herself. 

I love Derek, but he can be an ass and trust me, he knows it. He’s gorgeous and he is my baby, but he’s a right ass hat sometimes. But I think that’s why I love my threads with @mctwcsty​ so much. We can explore that side of him and she doesn’t write Meredith as a push over. She shows that Mer will stand up for herself and she knows that she’s worth more than being walked over for Derek’s benefit. But she also knows when he is being sincere. 

That’s why you rule Mctwcsty. 

    STANDING IN THAT SCRUB room with Meredith had been one of the hardest things he had had to do. He had to tell the love of his life that he was sticking with his wife because he felt it was the moral thing to do. How backwards was that? If he hadn’t been stuck in surgery he would have followed Meredith, chased her through the halls and told her he was wrong. That he would sign those divorce papers that night and they could start fresh. But he couldn’t have things his way. Ever. 

    By the time he was finished, Meredith was gone. He had searched high and low for her but he couldn’t find her. It was Cristina who had told him she had gone. So there started months of regret and eventually scouring the country for her. Sure, he had some looks when he had stuck to his guns and tried to make things work with Addison, but everyone knew he was unhappy. They were never seen holding hands, there was always a 2 foot distance between them. The intimacy was gone from his life. He couldn’t even think about being intimate with Addison. 

    This was his third trip to Boston. The first had been whilst he was looking at places to do his internship. Mass Gen had been a top contender before he settled for Bowdoin. Maybe if he had gone to Mass Gen he would have bumped into Meredith sooner. She had spent the majority of her life in Boston. If he had learnt anything over the past few months, he learnt not to hold onto the past. He could change his future. Not his past.

    His second visit to Boston had been a month after Meredith had left Seattle. It killed him that he hadn’t thought of Boston sooner. That he hadn’t ran straight to the airport to fly there. But again, you can’t change the past Derek. He had spent a few days in Boston searching the hospitals in case she had transferred, spending time outside supermarkets, trying to locate her old house based on information she had given him over time but he had come up empty.

    Sitting in the drivers seat of his rental car, Derek thought long and hard about places he may find her. Four months had passed now and the pain was still there. Closing his eyes, Derek took a deep breath and then opened them again and reversed out of the parking spot. It was only a thirteen minute drive from the airport to Mass Gen, but that would be his first stop again. Leaving the parking lot, Derek joined the highway. 

    Derek entered the hospital, trying to act confident. He had a plan. He was going to try act as confident as possible, ask for Dr Grey and just go find her himself. He knew she had to be here. Boston made sense. Mass Gen was the hospital her mom worked at when she was younger. This was the place. It had to be. He felt so close to her, closer than ever before. Yet, despite his fake confidence, he was shaking from head to toe. He took a breath and rushed inside, bumping into someone at the same time. He gently took the woman by the shoulders, his left hand catching his eye, it looked weird without his ring again. “I’m so sorry. I need to look where I’m going.” He told the woman with a small laugh. 

The walk from the car to the front door felt long. He felt like every step took him further away rather than closer. He glanced over his shoulder at the men who stood next to their cars, their hands clasped before them as they stood stoic, not moving. He turned back and headed closer to the door. 

He had just sent Winnie and her mom off in the ambulance, the other two had left long before them. He headed over to his car and was about to climb in when he was grabbed roughly from behind. There was no one around so there was no need to cover his mouth but the shouts soon came spilling out. He turned trying to get out of their grip as he was dragged backwards and shoved. Seconds later he felt a blow to the head. He fell to his knees, his vision blurred and a high pitched ringing in his ears. His body was let go and he slumped forwards onto his hands. He felt like he was going to be sick. He swallowed thickly and was about to push himself up until his hands were roughly pulled behind him and secured with a zip tie. He was lifted to his feet and shoved into the back of a car, another blow to the head and he was out cold. 

He woke in what looked to be a warehouse. It felt cold and it was dim lighting. His hands were now free but he was certain he had been out for a few days maybe. There was a bottle of water beside the mattress he laid on, small bubbles had collected against the walls of the bottle and condensation at the neck, indicating it had been there for a while. The food looked beyond appetising. He rolled onto his back and felt his hand along his forehead. A spot near his right temple was tender and slightly raised, dried blood on the back of his head told him exactly how long had passed. He pushed himself into a seated position and groaned. 

Seconds later the door opened and he came face to face with his captors. He went to push himself from the mattress on the floor and a heavy weight on his ankle told him exactly why only one guard had come to his ‘room’. A metal shackle was around his ankle and this was connected to a metal ring on the other side of the room, giving him freedom to move around but not the ability to try to escape. He rose to his feet and reached out for the wall, holding on to keep him stable. No words were spoke but his face expressed every feeling he felt in that moment. 

Derek stopped outside the door. From what he could see through the soft glass, mostly everything seemed the same. The staircase that lead up to the next floor. He smiled a little remembering small things; being caught with Meredith completely naked on them, carrying Zola upstairs for the first time, watching Meredith come down them most mornings as he waited for her by the door to go to work. 

He wondered why she hadn’t been at the candle house, the house he had built for them. But if it had been 7 years and she thought he had died, like his rescuers had told him, then he understood full well. But he was grateful she had simply let it out and not sold it completely. The family at the candle house seemed nice, they had explained to him that they had been letting from Dr Meredith Grey for 3 years now. It took them a few moments before they recognised him, shocked to even see him standing on their porch.

Derek ran his hands down the front of his slacks, took one more look at the men behind him and then reached his hand out to the doorbell. He heard a soft commotion inside and then a young girl came running forwards before stopping short and staring at him. He was thinner, bruised from the rescue, but she still knew who he was. And gosh did he know who she was. She was taller but it was still his Zozo. He couldn’t find the energy to smile at her, still completely shocked by his first sight of her. She kept her eyes on him as she turned her head slightly, calling over her shoulder. “Mommy! Can you come here?”

Within seconds she was joined by a young blonde male and female. Both looked at him with confusion. He looked from Zola, to Bailey, to the young girl. Had Meredith remarried? Had she had a third child with someone else? His son was so grown up. He was getting almost as tall as Zola. But the young girl...she looked like a mixture of Meredith and Ellis. She was the double of her grandmother and he felt weak at the knees. His wife had moved on. Had had more children. But all of their eyes were glued on him, the girl’s hand was wrapped tightly around Zola’s hand and her eyes glanced at her as if she was asking a silent question to which Zola nodded to. He frowned a little. 

A movement caught his eye and he lifted his gaze from the three children to see Meredith walking towards the door, a male behind her. He swallowed thickly and he reached out for something to hold himself up but came up empty. Her name slipped from his lips, his eyes not leaving hers. 

SO MUCH COULD BE seen from her vantage point. Not just the beauty of her surroundings, but from where she sat at the top of the boardwalk, she could see the beauty of her daughter. She had grown into this incredible woman, despite everything she had been through, everything she had endured. Of course Ellis knew that was mainly inflicted on Meredith by her, but she had had a lot of time to think over the past years. A lot of time to watch her daughter defy all odds and become something of herself despite being shot down so much during her childhood. 

From that goofy O’Malley kid, a death which had really pained Ellis to see, to the husband Meredith deserved, Ellis watched as each person reconnected with Meredith. Only she knew she had to get in to see her daughter before Derek moved closer to her. It would be too late after that. 

Slowly Ellis stood up, her thin cardigan falling loose around her. She slowly, silently walked down the boardwalk and lowered herself into one of the two white wooden chairs which had appeared at the end. She waited, letting the sound of the waves crash over her, watching as Meredith seemed to be taking it all in. Meredith had always liked the beach so it wasn’t a surprise to Ellis that this is where she envisioned herself. Much different from the halls of the hospital where they had last met each other. 

Ellis leant back in her chair, her hands threaded together and resting on her stomach. Her head tilted slightly to the side as Meredith acknowledged her, a soft smile on her face now as she addressed her daughter silently. Of course Ellis was aware that Meredith might not have expected to see her, to talk to her, but she was there now and she only appeared because of Meredith. Everyone who was on that beach was there because deep down, Meredith wanted to see them. 

F E R R Y   B O A T   S C R U B   C A P S   O N E   Y E A R   A N N I V E R S A R Y

This is being posted early simply as a present to @mctwcsty 

Following a tragic car accident, Derek Shepherd was taken to the Grey Sloan ER and treated for his injuries. After an 8 day coma, he woke with mental deficits, believing he was still married to Addison Montgomery but knowing he was having an affair with Meredith Grey. He had forgotten his life. He had forgotten the happiest moments of his life and they were replaced with pain and darkness.  But things were growing steadily better. He was allowed home but was brought straight back to the ER after his aneurysm clip slipped and he began to display erratic behaviour and having seizures. Another hospital stay made Derek realise his life would never be the same again. But with his wife next to him and the village they had built around them, they would get through it. 

Right?

There was nowhere else she could think of. Sure, it was a plane ride away, but in this situation a phone call wouldn’t cut it. She needed her person. 

“Cristina! I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have.” “No!” She snapped, her hand stilling on the desk. “You shouldn’t have.” She looked up at Burke, her hands trembling now. “You left me. You moved across the world and you headhunted me back. It was all manipulation. You really think I’m going to lie down and show you my belly just because you regret marrying your wife? You regret following her to Milan? You can’t give me an entire hospital and then swan back in when you feel like it!” She felt sick. Her head dropped before she found her voice again. “Get out!” “Cristina pl-” “Out!” She bellowed, pointing to the door. She was not going to let this man ruin her again. 

It’s all she could think about on the plane. She barely touched her inflight meals but did order some Tequilla which she nursed throughout the flight. She slept for an hour or so but was wide awake for the rest of the flight. She hadn’t called or texted, but she knew that she wouldn’t care. Derek was recovering still but Meredith had just had a baby. She would say she wanted to see the new baby, but she also knew Meredith would see right through her. 

Once she landed she went straight to the car rental office and a half hour later she was trying towards the city she had grown to love. It was just past 5 and it would take her at least an hour to get to Meredith’s. Just in time to see the kids before they went to bed. She almost let out a laugh as the rain began to hammer down against the car. It felt like home. It made her feel safe. Something she hadn’t felt back in that office in Switzerland. 

As soon as she pulled up to the house she dimmed the lights, sitting in the car for a few minutes and watching her friends through the windows. Derek was sat on the couch, the new baby on his chest; he looked good, she hated to think what he looked like when he was first recovering. Her breath caught when Meredith entered the lounge, Bailey running ahead of her. She watched as Derek stood up and pressed a kiss to her cheek, a slight limp still as he walked towards the kitchen, reemerging with a bottle. 

With a sigh, Cristina left the car, ducking under the rain and ran up the porch stairs. She rang the bell and stepped back, hugging herself to protect herself from the cold. As Meredith opened the door, all she could say was “Meredith...” Her face conveyed all her emotions. She stood there for some time just looking at Meredith that was until she heard an excited voice. “Aunt Cristina?” Within seconds Zola was barrelling into her. “Hey sweetie.” She commented softly, wrapping her arms around her tightly. “I’ve missed you.” She mumbled, her eyes making contact with Meredith’s.

Derek might not be able to preform long surgeries anymore, but he was still able to operate. In small bursts. But he spent most of his time in the lecture hall spreading his wisdom on Neurosurgery and impossible cases. He had previously taught about the tumour that was still drawn on his bedroom wall, a piece they had transferred from Meredith’s house to the Candle House. He had taught about Jen Harmon, a case that still broke his heart to this day. About Archer Montgomery and the parasites in his brain. Each impossible case drew more students in and as the weeks went on, his classes were filled to the brim with people sitting in chairs, on the stairs, even standing. It made him feel like he was doing something good still. Something worth doing. He even spoke about his own case. That was his topic today. 

“So, as you can see, these are my current brain scans. They were taken only a week ago and whilst they show vast improvement in the healing process, which I should hope so 6 years on, there is some deterioration in the hippocampus.” A sea of hands shot up. Derek chuckled to himself and leant against his desk, pointing to a student. He listened to their question and shook his head. “You’re correct. I don’t spend as much time in the OR.” He lifted his hand and clicked to the next scan of his brain. “Again, the cerebellum part of my brain, hidden behind the brain stem, was also affected. It took a lot of work to get my dexterity back. I worked with physiotherapists, my family and even Ortho. I had a few hairline fractures in my wrists and Dr Torres worked to help regain as much motion as possible so I could continue with my job.” 

The questions kept coming until Derek’s timer went off. A tool he used to indicate when the hour was up, incase he forgot to check his watch. “Okay, we will pick this up next week. Don’t forget the paper due.” He turned his back, loving the sound of the excited chatter that ran through the room. It shed a good light on his accident. If he could teach people about it then he was much happier. He had assumed that everyone had left the room until he heard a voice. He continued to stack his papers. “Yes?” He commented with a smile, glancing over his shoulder but not picking up a face. “Is there a question you wanted to ask in private?” He knew some of his students were shyer than others. Some hated to speak up during his lectures.