#mcdream

        it hits her HARD. harder than she expected, harder than it was supposed to. it pierces her fragile heart and twists deeper. in one moment, she is fine, happy to be back with her brother, with her family. on the next, she gasps for air, unaware she was holding her breath in fear of letting him know how much it hurts.    i don’t want you to know that pain exists.  he had said once before, in hopes that she’d find happiness and leave the dark times behind. she cannot — darkness is part of her, half of her soul. she can be the sun and she can be the black hole. she is a hurricane, always running, always hurting, always causing pain when her own is too much to bear. 

           his voice was so soft, so quiet, she needs to make sure he said it. looking up to his eyes, the same shade of blue as her own, there is the proof she is searching. it is REAL. and she knows it is, it’s no lie, not even a little bit.       sometimes it’s painful to be around herself too.  she doesn’t say it but it is painted in her mind.    for years, she tried to hide behind a happy and wild mask. she is loud, fearless and that deceives everyone around her. it deludes herself too, making her believe she is normal and she can overcome anything. until a new storm hits her and all the feelings she buried deep down come to surface and their intensity becomes too overwhelming. instead of dealing with them, she turns to the easiest way out, to NUMB the pain A G A I N.   he is not wrong, she knows. yet, it doesn’t hurt less to hear the words that slipped from his mouth.

                 ❛ i — you’re not so easy yourself. ❜    she wants to apologize for all she has put their family through. she wants to apologize for betraying his trust, for being a disappointment, for dying in his arms for 3 minutes. she wants to apologize for everything and yet, she says nothing of the kind.    it’s too painful to say those words.  p e r h a p s another time.

hi ummmmm Who Said You Could Do This

this is deadass the funniest post i’ve ever read in my fuckgin li fe