#mazerimmer

The entire building was small, kind of run down, sorta cozy, sorta awkward. It wasn't the nicest looking place, but it was affordable and reasonable. The apartment he’d gotten was the smallest in the building, tiny and cramped and he lived there alone, not that there was really any room for anyone else to live in it anyways, it was a small place, everyone knew each other and had no problem gossiping about the latest arrival. That would be Thomas. 

 At this point, he'd met only a few people that lived in the building, some more briefly than others. The only one who he would even consider to be a friend would be Minho, who lived on the floor above him. He seemed nice enough, they went out for a drink once, and Minho left with some girl, but they said hi to one another when they crossed paths. Many times he'd caught him coming back from the gym or from a run, usually with this guy who lived on the same floor as Minho, who Thomas had recently identified as Ben.

There was also Brenda. Thomas had only spoken to her a few times, but he’d come to learn that she liked loud, angry music and wasn’t used to people living in the rooms that surrounded hers. And from their few encounters, he’d also learned that she was very forward, really open about her feelings. She liked Thomas and it wasn’t hard to tell, and Thomas was flattered and all, Brenda was funny and smart and pretty enough to probably get anyone she wanted, but he couldn’t decide how he felt about her just yet.

“Knock knock neighbor.” Brenda let herself in, a box half the size of herself in her hands. She was this tiny girl with short brown hair and a liking for ink and piercings. Her apartment was directly to the right of his, and the way she acted made Thomas feel like she saw the entire building as her own and everyone in there were automatically her friends. It made moving in a lot easier, if anything.

“What’s in the box?” Thomas asked. It was still morning, but just barely. Brenda dropped the box on the crooked area rug Thomas had only covered the stained floorboards with the night before. She gave him a crooked grin to match.

“That’s the million dollar question isn’t it?” she mused, opening each drawer in the kitchen until her gaze found something sharp. She haphazardly sliced the box open as Thomas peered at the opening-to-be. Once they’d managed to get it open, they were immediately greeted with a piece of lined paper taped to the top of a layer of mostly-popped bubble wrap. Scrawled on the paper in a think black marker was ‘things you forgot. –Chuck’

“Who’s Chuck?” Brenda asked distractedly, holding the paper directly in front of her eyes, as if inspecting it.

“Chuck’s my little brother,” Thomas explained, “a few years younger than me, still in high school.” Brenda snorted a laugh before muttering something that sounded like sucker under her breath.

The two of them began rummaging through the parcels in the package. Amongst all of them, the only one Brenda was interested in was the Costa Rican coffee beans that Chuck had carefully wrapped in the mustache patterned t-shirt that Thomas had actually left at home for a reason.  

“How the fuck do you work your coffee machine, greenie?” Brenda demanded, angrily flipping switches and pressing buttons. Greenie was the nickname he’d been given before he’d even set foot in the building. His apartment was the only one with the door painted green, as opposed to the muted beige colour of all the rest of them. When he’d asked one of the building managers, Alby, about it, he was told that it was painted green by mistake and no one had ever bothered to change it.

“Open the thing on top before you start the- yeah that. Now just. Yeah.”

Once satisfied, Brenda perched herself on the counter beside the machine while it buzzed away. Thomas pulled one of the chairs from the tiny round table in the center of the room towards the counter before climbing onto it. Brenda was examining her hands when she looked up suddenly and asked him, “Do you wanna get matching tattoos?”

Thomas blinked. “Uh, I don’t know. I’ve never actually gotten a tattoo before.” It wasn’t an abnormal thing, there were many people who didn’t have any tattoos, but sitting in front of Brenda whose entire left arm was covered in ink that branched out across her body, he felt embarrassingly young and inexperienced. Brenda only smiled.

“You don’t have to say yes you goof, I was just asking.” Brenda was a curious creature that Thomas didn’t think he would ever be able to figure out, and he wouldn’t be surprised if every single person she’d met felt the same way.

The coffee machine whirred and shook before slowly dwindling down to a silent still. “Does that mean it’s done?” Brenda asked with an obvious disliking towards the machine present in her voice. After receiving a nod from Thomas, she quickly pounced.

“Holy shit.” Was all she said once her lips made contact with the mug. Thomas had a feeling she’d be back for those coffee beans, assuming she didn’t just take them all with her.

Thomas’ phone buzzed on the counter, Brenda was closer to it than Thomas was and of course she went for it.

“Greenbean residence, how may I help you?” She asked in a singsong voice. Thomas felt his lips quirk up into a smile, he heard a voice on the other end of the line but couldn’t make out any words and had only Brenda’s responses to guide him through the conversation.

“Who am I? Sweet stuff, you called me…. Depends who’s asking….. I don’t know any Teresas, you’ll have to be more specific…… Sister huh? How quaint…… Saturday? I’ll let him know….. Nah, he’s still getting his clothes back on.”

“Brenda!” Thomas lunged for the phone in her hand, but she was stronger than she looked. After a few seconds of flailing arms and a few curt words into the phone speaker, Brenda had ended the call looking smugger than ever.

“Tom you never told me you had a sister! Or a brother for that matter, until now at least. Does he call you Tom too? I might have to start calling you Tom,” she paused looking him up and down. “Actually no, doesn’t suit you.”

“What did she say?” the boy demanded.

Brenda sighed, seeing that her fun was over. “Teresa said that she’d be coming down for a visit, make sure you’re settled and all. Saturday, sounded real proper too, like she should’ve had a British accent and a few corgis.”

Thomas breathed through a smile. Teresa was Thomas’ twin sister. She’d gone to university to study English and this was the longest they’d ever been apart. He hadn’t realized just how much he would miss her, hearing she was visiting was probably the best news he’d gotten all week.

Brenda sighed again, this time with more dread. “I gotta get going, but I’ll be back with your mug, probably to get a refill but none the less, you haven’t seen the last of Brenda Despain, Tom.” She opened the door theatrically, “Adios papi, oh and you might wanna fix your door lock.” And with that, she was gone.

                                                             ---

Though Brenda would never admit it, Thomas was 98% sure the only reason she was making him dinner was because, caught at a moment of weakness, she felt bad for taking his coffee beans every morning and decided that this was the way she’d repay him. Maybe it was also because she felt bad for Thomas because the one time he hadn’t ordered takeout, he’d burned the frozen pizza by, as Ben later explained, frozen pizzas are not meant to be broiled, which was evidently the option he’d picked. Which was not in any way his fault.

“What kind of a person doesn’t have pepper?” Brenda scolded, re-entering the apartment with pepper from her own. Thomas shrugged and pointed at himself with the spoon he’d been manning. She made a face at him and pulled the spoon away from him, dusting the dish with pepper.

“So, what exactly is this concoction again?” Thomas asked warily. Brenda shook her head with a smile.

“Another good question, Edison. You sure are full of those.” She added almost condescendingly. Thomas wrinkled his nose.

“Edison? What is tha- ohhh. Like Thomas Edison. I get it.”

The look Brenda gave him now held more pity than anything else. She was about to say something else when a knock came from the door, almost to faint to be referred to anything more than a tapping. Nonetheless, Thomas sauntered over to greet whoever was on the opposite side, more than surprised when his eyes fell upon those of his twin sister, who wasn’t due to show up until the next morning.

“Teresa!” His entire face lit up as he practically jumped to wrap his arms around her. Her laugh rang like a tinkling bell as she returned the embrace.

“Surprise shuckface!” Teresa giggled using one of their childhood nicknames. When they were maybe nine years old, the two began discussing swear words and a way to use them without their parents not only hearing, but knowing too. They decided to combine shit and fuck and came up with shuck and used their new words proudly everywhere they went, oblivious to how silly they sounded.

“There wasn’t enough room for Newt and I to be on the same train, so I went on the earlier one. I hope I’m not,” she scanned the inside of Thomas’ home until her eyes met with Brenda’s, and her lips formed into a hard line as she looked the girl up and down. Though Brenda raised an eyebrow, she kept her mouth shut, which Thomas was grateful for. But the pause between Teresa’s words was too long to not be noticed. “Interrupting anything.”

Brenda smiled crookedly. Crooked was a good way to describe her general attitude at the moment. Her smile was pleasant but just off enough to be unfriendly, her body was relaxed in a way that was almost mocking, her eyes weren’t cold as much as they were amused and challenging. Always something underlying. “I’ll get out another plate.”

Teresa sucked her teeth and looked away from the girl. Thomas suddenly found his socks very interesting. He couldn’t look at either of the girls. This wasn’t the first time Teresa had done this, she didn’t mean for it to be rude. She knew how it came off to other people, but she was very protective of her family, and they’d grown up fairly sheltered, so seeing someone covered in tattoos and black clothes and dark makeup and piercings alone put her off. Though she was open minded, she had probably also put together that this was the girl from the phone too, which only made it worse.

Dinner was almost unbearable. Thomas spoke once at the beginning, but the comment sparked an intense debate between the two girls. They had such similar traits and opinions in Thomas’ mind but Teresa seemed set on hating the girl. So of course they couldn’t agree, they both had to win the argument, though they were fighting for literally the same thing, they both needed to be right. Which they were, but nobody was wrong, and they needed someone to be wrong.

“What makes working in retail so horrible if it’s what he wants to do?”

“There is no way he’d be able to provide for himself without working himself to death and-”

“So working hard for what you want is a bad thing?”

“He shouldn’t have to work hard to be happy-”

“Doing what he wants would probably make him happier.”

“Why don’t you mind your goddamn business?”

“Maybe I like getting you all hot and bothered.”

Teresa sucked in a sharp breath with eyes wide and nostrils flared. Her jaw hung open and Thomas could tell she was trying desperately to think of a way to respond to that without showing how flustered it made her, but the colour in her cheeks betrayed her. Brenda’s previously tense sitting position immediately slipped away as she relaxed into the chair, a smug grin settling on her face. Teresa fumed.

“WELL thank you so much for dinner Brenda,” Thomas stood up quickly, frantically picking up plates before they could go at it again. “It’s getting pretty late though and we should set up the uh sleeping spot for Teresa so, I’ll see you on the flip side.” He guided her out of the apartment, but she had yet to shed her pride as she turned to curtsy to Teresa and wish her a goodbye in a mock British accent and placed a long kiss on Thomas’ cheek, though she was still looking at Teresa as she did it.

Once the door had shut behind her, Thomas turned to face his sister slowly, contemplating how he’d begin to justify? Explain? Apologize? Whatever he planned to do, the minute he opened his mouth Teresa just held up and hand and walked into the bedroom. She spent the rest of the night growling about Brenda under her breath and glowering until Thomas fell asleep.

                                                           ---

Brenda must’ve really wanted to get as deep under Teresa’s skin as she could because she seemed to have tipped off Minho, her partner in crime, about how Teresa was because the next morning, Teresa woke him looking incredulous and exhausted. She clearly didn’t get much sleep and the laughter in his kitchen told Thomas he had more guests.

Minho was actually washing the dishes from the night before, and he’d taken the liberty to not just roll up his sleeves, but take off the shirt entirely. There was also a tall, tanned boy with dark hair that Thomas hadn’t seen before and Ben, who lived down the hall from Minho.

“Morning greenie, sorry, if I’d known you’d brought a girl home I would’ve knocked.” Minho gave him a full blown grin, teeth and scrunched eyes and everything.

“Sister.” Teresa growled, for undoubtedly not the first time.

“What like a nun? Damn, that’s some kinky shit.”

“Says the sick fuck who showed up wearing a harness for a shirt.”

“It’s for running, mother Teresa. Helps keep your breathing in check. Tell her Ben.”

Ben winced and offered an apologetic expression to Teresa, “Sorry dude, it’s true.” In the back of his mind, Thomas was fairly certain that Brenda sent all of them over to piss Teresa off and Minho was the only one who was willing to be rude to a stranger. Teresa was quick though.

“Well you’re not running now, are you?”

The tanned boy snorted, “Still running his mouth.”

The tension in Teresa’s face lessened slightly. It’s easier to enjoy a joke when you weren’t the punchline.

“Aris, you are in no position to talk to me about talking too much.” Minho snapped before glancing at Thomas, “Besides, at least I can make my own meals.”

“Oh please,” Ben laughed, “The only reason we’re still alive is because of Frypan, dude. Thomas hasn’t even met him yet, give him a break.”

“Oh man, you gotta come over for supper some time.” The boy, Aris, exclaimed excitedly, “Fry taught me how to make this peanut sauce and good god the stuff’s amazing. It’s got like peanut butter, soy sauce, vinegar and lime juice I think and I know it sounds nasty as hell but honestly it makes fucking cauliflower taste good.” The boy had a sparkle in his eye that reminded Thomas of a puppy. He was the kind of person Thomas could see himself becoming good friends with.

“Don’t trust him Thomas,” Minho warned with a smile, slinging his arm around the boy’s shoulders. “The poor kid couldn’t make mac n cheese ‘til he was 22.”

At some point Brenda had crept in and had started up the coffee machine, but this Aris kid was funny and had the ability to captivate a room in a modest sense that seemed to come naturally to him.

“And they say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks,” Aris stated proudly, “You know what I say? I say fuck you, I’m not a dog.”

Thomas laughed and Minho smiled almost approvingly. Aris and Minho shared a sense of smugness and pride that could’ve been completely different traits with the same name. Minho’s smugness was nothing like Aris’ smugness; Minho’s was loud and obvious, composed smugness even. It was automatic and it radiated off his skin every time he smiled. The smugness that Aris had was innocent, underlying and smaller. It was as if he didn’t know any other way it could be, as if it was the only way it was for him and he saw no reason to change it. Thomas saw similar scenarios between himself and Teresa, even Chuck a little bit. It was something you get from spending a long time being around someone, around their traits and quirks. Spending so much time with someone you look up to, it was like having a number of objects, all different in shape and size, floating around you constantly and you only pick out the ones that feel good to hold. After that it sticks and it twists and molds itself into the shape of you and suddenly it’s a different trait entirely. It’s the influence you get from a brother or sister.

“Morning Brenda,” Minho smirked lazily, turning his attention towards the tired girl, “looking marvelous as ever.”

Brenda sent a sharp look in his direction, her lips pressed together in a straight line. Minho’s teasing grin only broadened. The bags under her eyes were darker than usual and even her shoulders were slumped forward as she dug through Thomas’ cabinets. Her hair stuck up awkwardly and her pants hung so loosely on her hips Thomas was worried they’d slip right off if she moved too quickly. He wondered if he was supposed to be hoping for that instead of worrying about it, more so he wondered why he didn’t actually want to see Brenda naked. Shouldn’t he?

Brenda’s morning appearance had also apparently caught his sister’s attention. After throwing him a look that was full of disbelief, her eyes had yet to leave the girl. Brenda noticed it too. When she was pulling a coffee mug out of the cupboard she glanced up at Teresa and pulled her most innocent face while, in a mock British accent, she offered “cuppa tea love?” after earning herself a stony glare from Teresa, she settled with a smug smile.

But Teresa stepped forward and gently lifted Brenda’s arm up closer to her with curiosity, Thomas didn’t even have to look over to know that she was inspecting the girl’s numerous tattoos, and probably disapproving of each and every one of them. His only surprise was that Brenda didn’t immediately recoil or push her away.

Teresa’s eyebrows furrowed as she stared at one particular patch of skin, “I know that line, where do I know that line from?”

Brenda didn’t even look up from mixing her coffee creamer into the mug. “It’s Poe, not one of his more popular pieces but definitely one of my favorites.”  

Aris clued in suddenly, as if something has sparked his memory. “Poe? Like Edgar Allen Poe? I know him, king of horror right?”

“Nah, that’s Stephen King isn’t it?” Minho interjected while passing a plate to Ben, who had taken upon himself to dry the dishes.

Brenda, who had gone back to digging through the cupboard, hummed before saying, “well that’s more a matter of opinion, whoever you want to deem the king of horror is up to you and depends on your preferences of writing styles and whatnot. Stephen King is definitely well-known for his horror stories, with good reason, but Edgar Allen Poe is a legend man, the writing god of the gothic era. Everyone knows him to at least to some extent. Pass the sugar?”

Teresa didn’t seem to acknowledge the request, though her gaze was fixed on Brenda, eyes wide with surprise. Several seconds had passed before Brenda looked between Teresa and the sugar to her side, and that finally jolted Teresa out of her haze and she slid the sugar across the countertop. Brenda raised an eyebrow at her, but said nothing else. From across the counter, Minho swooned sarcastically, “wow, pretty and smart.”

Brenda jumped up to sit in her regular spot on the counter and sipped her coffee, “though that’s true, everything you just heard is practically common knowledge Minho, you just have below average intelligence.”

Aris chuckled from the chair, “remember when he zapped himself with the toaster?”

Brenda giggled and Minho wacked her with the wet spatula in his hand, “I got fucking electrocuted, it’s not funny.”

“It’s kinda funny.”

“Not funny.”

Thomas smiled genuinely, not only because it seemed like something Minho would do, but also because this place was starting to feel more like a home than he thought it would. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t feel slightly out of place, realizing that the four of them had been friends a lot longer than he’d been there, but they treated him as if they’d known him their whole lives. It was more of a relief than it probably should’ve been.

There was a knock at the door, though it was already opened. A skinny boy with messy blonde hair stepped through the door hesitantly. “Sorry I’m late, got a bit lost on the way over here.” He mumbled, his voice was laced with a British accent and his massive doe eyes gleamed in the early morning sun beaming through the windows. Teresa spoke up.

“Thomas, this is Newt, Newt,” Teresa put a hand on Thomas’ shoulder and nudged him forward, “this is my little brother Thomas.”

Thomas was about to object to being called ‘little brother’ since Teresa had been born only two minutes before him, but Newt looked him up and down and the initial friendly smile on his face twisted into a different kind of smile, something more than friendly. He offered him a hand and Thomas was quick to shake it, even though he was worried afterwards that it would’ve come off more eager than he really intended. After locking a gaze with the boy for several seconds, Thomas pulled his hand away gently.

Teresa came up behind Thomas holding his coat in one hand, her own scarf in the other. “We should get going if you plan to make it back before lunch.”

“Cheerio!” Brenda called after them in the same mocking tone as before.

                                                           ---

“Okay, so she’s decently educated trash, big deal,” Teresa snapped, “she’s still trash.”

“Oh come on Teresa,” Newt clucked, “she doesn’t seem that bad.”

Teresa rolled her eyes, “are you serious? She dresses like a homeless person usually, she does her makeup like a raccoon and has one meaningful tattoo and the rest are stupid things like birds and flowers and symbols and stupid things like that and she walks like she’s on a fuckin runway and always acts like she owns every square inch of ground she walks on, and looks at people like-”

“Teresa you’ve seen her what? Twice? Ever? You noticed all that?” Thomas cried incredulously, Teresa looked offended. Thomas just shook his head, “I’m just saying, you pay a lot of attention to her for someone who can’t stand her guts.”

On the other side of Teresa, Newt giggled and added, “You know, it’s pretty common for people to mask their arousal with hatred.” earning himself a nice smack on the back of the head from Teresa.

“Honestly I don’t know why I put up with either of you.” She didn’t mean it, but she was clearly flustered by the statement. Newt sighed, though a smile still tugged at his lips.

“Okay, so she’s confident, so what?”

“She’s obnoxious.”

Thomas raised his eyebrows but didn’t say anything. He knew better. He let the two of them carry on with their witty banter, but he recognized the scenario. He’d seen it numerous times when he and Teresa were in high school, he knew that she didn’t actually have anything against Brenda other than what Teresa associated her with.

“This place,” Thomas butted into their conversation, if it could even be called that, and pointed at the small shop crammed between a salon and a travel agency.

“Steam.” Teresa read the sign out loud, and didn’t put much effort into hiding her amused smile. Thomas felt almost personally offended.

“It’s really cool okay come on.” He hurried them inside and was, once again, not surprised at how he never got tired of walking into the cozy little shop. As soon as you stepped in you breathed in the smell of the machines, of the motor oil and metal. The clinking and grinding of gears from the displays added to the atmosphere, just as the blueprint posters that lined the walls did. There were mechanical wings and air ships that hung from the ceiling and even the floors had, purposely, spilled motor oil and other decorative stains spread out over the ground surface. Thomas couldn’t help but smile.

“Good morning, how are you today?” the greeting came from the first employee that spotted them. He was a little shorter than Thomas and wore formal Victorian clothes, topped off with a pocket watch dangling from his waistcoat and a top hat that made him look taller than he really was. “My name is Finn, if you need help finding anything, don’t hesitate to ask.” And with a smile he walked off.

Newt walked up beside Thomas, “steampunk you called it?” he dragged out every syllable of ‘steampunk’ when he said it, as if trying to taste it. Thomas nodded, grinning and newt gave a few curt nods of approval. “Nice.”

The three of them dispersed, wandering throughout the store. Though it was small, the owners had packed in seemingly as much as they could into the tiny amount of space they were given. Thomas visited frequently and was familiar with all the displays and merchandise, so he spent more times waiting for reactions from the two than actually looking at things. Though he couldn’t resist brushing his fingers along the surface of the beautifully engraved watches and rings and the small animatronics.

After they had all walked through the store once, Newt had picked up a few things and seemed excited about them, but Teresa appeared more distracted and distant than usual. He was surprised that she wasn’t as interested in the machines as he was, but more worried that he’d said or done something he wasn’t supposed to. Out of habit, he mentally retraced the conversations they’d had recently and nothing stuck out particularly, so when Newt was waiting to pay for his things, Thomas took the time to see if he could get what was bothering the girl out of her.

“Everything alright?” he asked quietly. She turned to him and judging by the expression she wore, there was definitely something wrong.

“Yeah, it’s just,” she sighed, “it’s stupid, never mind.”

“Teresa.”

“What? It’s nothing.”

“You’re not seriously still upset about Brenda are you?”

Teresa scoffed, “No,” her expression softened in a way that actually made her look more troubled. “It’s just, okay remember what Newt said before? About masking attraction with hatred?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s bugging me. What if he’s right? I mean, I never actually considered being interested in girls before and I never even stopped to think about, you know, why I was feeling so, and I still like guys though but looking back at when I’ve looked at girls and felt things I always assumed I was feeling like jealous? Like I wanted to be them, but what if those feeling were really wanting to be with them? I mean it’s not like it’s completely unheard of I just don’t want to have to-”

“Teresa.”

“What?”

Thomas put a hand on her shoulder and looked her in the eye, “No one said you had to be certain immediately, okay? You don’t have an epiphany and then suddenly boom, everything makes sense, alright? It’s actually okay to take things slow and experiment a little. Give yourself a break.” There was a visible weight lifted from her shoulders as her eyes brightened once again. She let out a sigh of relief and offered her brother a relaxed smile before tossing her arm around his shoulders.

“What would I do without you?” she asked in a tone soaked with humor. With a grin, Thomas shrugged sarcastically and sighed, “Crash and burn probably.”

Teresa snorted and rolled her eyes, “please.”

                                                           ---

It was a bad idea. A so very, horribly bad idea. It had been Minho’s apparently. He thought it’d be fun to go to a club at 4pm. Much to Thomas’ dismay, there were actually other people there too who seemed to have the same opinion. One of which was his other neighbor Jeff, who Thomas had rarely seen other than coming back to the apartment building in the early hours of the morning. Thomas assumed he worked the night shift somewhere, which somewhat explained the groups questionable partying times. Thomas also noticed the ring on his finger and was quickly introduced to his husband, Winston, who looked at Jeff like it was his first time seeing the sun.

Hours later, Thomas could feel the drum beat in his chest and it made his knees feel wobbly. He sat at the bar and ordered a vodka lemonade because if he was going to make it through this evening? Afternoon? Whatever it was, he was going to have to get a lot more wasted.

He scanned the room and spotted Newt laughing with a group of people Thomas didn’t recognize, and while he sipped his drink, Minho straddled the stool directly to Thomas’ right and followed his gaze before Thomas had even noticed him there.

“He’s cute,” Minho commented, yelling above the music. Thomas nodded in agreement, glancing at the boy beside him.

“Yeah, he’s nice and all, I’m just not feeling it y’know?” he offered Minho, “So he’s all yours if you wanna go for it.”

Minho smirked at the boy before taking the drink from his hands and sipping it himself, “thanks for the permission, wouldn’t have needed it either way, but it’s appreciated.” His eyes wandered back to the lanky boy on the dance floor, “he’s not my type anyway. Too pretty.”

Thomas quirked an eyebrow, from what he’d gathered about ‘Minho’s type’, he seemed to be interested in big guys and small girls. “Seemed to be your type when you two were dancing together earlier. If dancing is even the right word for it.”

Minho swerved his chair around to face Thomas, “you watchin’ me greenie?” he said, carefully working around the actual statement. Thomas shrugged sarcastically and plucked his drink back from Minho’s hand. Minho eyed him in a way that Thomas was not nearly drunk enough for yet and gave him a smirk to match.

“Doesn’t matter really, I’ve got my mind set on someone else.”

Wait. What. Thomas almost panicked. He knew Minho, he acted interested in Thomas sometimes but he didn’t think he’d ever actually initiate something. Why was he panicking? Minho was hot as hell itself, this should be a glorious moment for Thomas. Why was he worried?

“Yeah?” Thomas tried his very best to play it off and not meet Minho’s eye, “who’s that?” Thomas had never actually given himself enough credit for always being able to say the opposite of what he meant to imply. Because he was so very good at that.

Minho leaned towards the boy, so close that Thomas could feel his breath against his skin as he said, “I think you know.”

As soon as the words left his mouth he was pressing his lips onto Thomas’. Thomas could taste the alcohol on his tongue as it pried its way past Thomas’s teeth as the boy hastily deepened the kiss. Thomas was quite sure it wasn’t supposed to feel like this, he felt almost attacked and threatened as opposed to aroused or hell he wasn’t even enjoying it. But Minho’s hands were already wandering Thomas’ chest and neck as he pushed him off the stool and onto his feet, everything outside seemed like a blur and everything inside of Thomas squirmed.

It was a good thing Minho seemed to know exactly where he was going because Thomas was more lost than ever. They ended up in the bathroom, and their lips hadn’t been disconnected for more than a few seconds the whole way there. Thomas’ heart was hammering inside his chest and there was a churning in his stomach that he was 90% sure was not supposed to be there.

It was obvious why Minho had brought him away from the crowd, Thomas knew what he had in mind. Did Minho know Thomas had no idea how he was supposed to act? Had he mistaken him for someone more experienced? Would he get pissed when Thomas didn’t exceed his expectations? Would he look at him weird every time he saw him after this night if he did something wrong?

Minho worked Thomas’ belt off and with shaky hands, Thomas tried to steady himself on the counter. His head felt lighter than a balloon though his temples throbbed rhythmically and painfully. Everything in his mind was screaming at him to get out now. Adrenaline pumped through him and felt as though it was being pumped into his organs, making everything swell up until they were all too big for any air to fill his lungs until his whole body was trembling.

“Minho, s-stop stop it,” Thomas heaved. Why was he heaving? People breathe heavily when they kiss, that was normal he thought. But this wasn’t heavy breathing, this was fucking hyperventilating. Something was seriously wrong, someone had probably drugged his drink or something, this wasn’t normal. Small noises had involuntarily started escaping his throat when he exhaled rapidly and the whole room spun as he sunk to his knees, clutching his stomach.

“Thomas! What the fuck are you okay? Oh my god, hey look at me look at me! Thomas!” he heard Minho’s panicked voice but it sounded distant and Thomas squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head as he felt strong hands steadying his shoulders.

“I don’t- I don’t know wha-at’s happenin-g I ju- I” tears where brimming in his eyes and he must’ve looked like the most pathetic thing to ever exist, but Minho looked at him with only concern in his eyes. Minho helped Thomas back to his feet and dragged him across the crowd and out the door and into the car and everything felt like it was in flashes and nothing was processing correctly. It was door, lights, sweat, cold, and then car. He was still shaking and crying and he still had no fucking clue what the hell was going on or how to stop it, but Minho was holding his hand and rubbing his back and there was something in his face that Thomas had never seen before and it wasn’t pity or fear or anything like that but Thomas could barely focus on anything long enough to make sense of something.

Teresa was at the window with a terrified expression and Minho practically jumped out of the car to let her into his spot. Thomas heard Minho say something about a panic attack and Thomas had heard the term before but never thought it was anything that concerned him. A concerned Newt also peered through the doorway before Teresa shut it behind her and wrapped her arms around her brother. She rubbed his back soothingly and whispered encouraging and reassuring things into his ear. You’re okay Tom, you’re safe, everything is gonna be fine, she kept telling him.

After a few minutes, his heart had slowed and his breathing was almost back to normal, though his stomach stilled twisted around like a snake was inside his body and there was a pounding in his skull so painful every noise was amplified.

“What the hell was that?” Thomas asked his sister, his face still buried in her shoulder. Her hair smelled like vanilla and felt soft and wet against his cheeks.

“Minho said you had a panic attack,” she responded quietly, “he didn’t say it but I think he thinks it’s his fault. You’ve never gotten a panic attack before, have you?”

“Not that I can remember, and I’m pretty sure if that had happened before, I would’ve remembered it.”

“If you don’t wanna talk about what happened right now, that’s fine, I totally get it, but did he… you know, try to do anything you didn’t want him to do? To you?”

Thomas shook his head, pulling away from her. “Nah, not really. I mean, looking back, I really didn’t want to do that, but I didn’t actually make any indication that I didn’t, so I can’t really say it’s his fault or anything.”

Teresa looked at him with a puzzled look etched on her face, “why didn’t you say anything?” Thomas shook his head again and rubbed his eyes. Teresa patted his shoulder and gave him a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry about it for now, let’s just get you home, we’ll talk about it later.”

After a few brief, hushed words with Newt through the open window, Teresa started the car and backed out of the parking lot. They didn’t speak a word the ride back, but it wasn’t an uncomfortable silence. It was an understanding, exhausted lack of noise and Thomas was grateful for it. Once she’d pulled into the apartment parking lot, she asked him if he wanted her to stay over or if he just needed sleep, to which he responded with sleep. He needed sleep. She nodded knowingly and waited until he had gotten through the building doors before she began to drive away. He passed Minho’s room on the way to his own and heard muffled voices from behind the door but he didn’t even slow his pace as he walked past it. Once he got into his room he crashed onto his bed but didn’t fall asleep for half an hour.

                                                           ---

When he woke up the next morning, he was greeted with the smell of bacon and eggs and the sound of quiet voices from the opposite end of his apartment. He really ought to fix that lock.

He managed to roll out of bed in one piece, standing up with a headache still angrily beating away at his skull. He sauntered out of the room to find Brenda and Teresa sitting at his tiny kitchen table, and what was even more surprising was that Teresa was laughing and Brenda was smiling while explaining something or maybe she was telling a story but regardless of what they were talking about, they were both enjoying themselves quite a bit. And they didn’t even notice when Thomas first walked into the room.

“Morning sleeping beauty,” Brenda flashed him a full blown smile, teeth and all. He looked between the two girls sitting face to face at the round table, their knees where even touching.

“How you feeling?” Teresa asked him with an easy smile, her eyes seemed brighter than usual and her cheeks were slightly pinker today than they’d been yesterday.

“Better than I was yesterday,” he answered honestly, “head still hurts a bit but other than that, I think I’ve recovered.”

“Minho is really sorry about that,” Brenda said earnestly, “when we brought him back he was so pissed at himself, calling himself a rapist and all sorts of things. I’ve never seen him like that. If you’re feeling up to it, you might wanna tell him that you don’t hate him with every fibre of your being before he rips himself to shreds.” She sipped her coffee and passed him a plate, “but first, breakfast. There’s some scrambled eggs and bacon in the oven.”

Thomas accepted the plate but gave her a quizzical glance, “You made bacon and eggs in the oven?”

Both girls rolled their eyes and Thomas had never felt so vulnerable. “We kept put them in the oven so that they’d stay warm until you woke up, greenie.” Brenda chided.

“Kept us waiting too,” Teresa added. There was a sparkle in her eye that Thomas hadn’t seen in quite some time, “it’s nearly noon.”

Brenda suddenly looked alarmed, “Is it actually? Shit I gotta get to work, I’ll see ya when I see ya Thomas,” she stood up from the chair and pulled her coat over her shoulders as she hurried towards the door. Stopping in the frame, she spun on her heels and looked at Teresa, “We’re still on for tonight, yeah?”

Teresa nodded with a smile and bright eyes. Brenda returned it with a grin and a wave and shut the door behind her. Teresa was still smiling after Brenda had left and Thomas couldn’t wipe the smug grin off of his face if he tried.

“Not so trashy now, huh?”

Teresa attempted a glare in his direction but her cheeks were too colorful to hide her excitement. “I know what you’re thinking, and no, it’s not a date. We’re just going to get coffee and maybe grab a bite to eat at this place she recommended.”

“But you exchanged numbers, I assume?”

“Well, yeah.”

“And you let her wear your scarf?”

“It’s cold outside.”

“Aaaaand you made dinner plans?”

“Yeah?”

“Teresa, it’s a date.”

“NO I’m taking things slow remember? I had a conversation with her this morning and tried looking at it from a new perspective, and now I can officially say that I like her as a person. Whether or not I’m interested in her is to be determined.”

“Over dinner?”

“Precisely.”

Thomas smothered his eggs in ketchup and Teresa shook her head at it in disapproval. Thomas made a face at her as he scooped them up with his fork and shoveled it down his throat. The bathroom door opened and a familiar mess of blonde hair with a less familiar pair of thin legs strutted out.

“Newt?”

Newt spun around to reveal a floral dress that fit loosely and made his neck look a mile long, accompanied by a denim vest, dark leggings and chunky high heeled lace up boots. His eyelids were also dusted with brown eye shadow and his lashes were long and dark and a thin black line framed his round eyes. His cheeks were slightly pink and his lips were shining.

“What?”

Thomas gaped, looking between Newt and Teresa in confusion, then quickly stuttered out, “uh, nice shoes.”

The Teresa and Newt burst out laughing, and Thomas thought it was safe to assume that he was the punchline of the joke. Newt smiled sincerely at Thomas, “Tommy, do you know what ‘genderfluid’ means?”

“No, sorry.”

“Well, it’s just like it sounds to be honest. Some days I feel like a boy, others like a girl. So I dress accordingly to how I feel, you get me?”

“You can do that?” Thomas asked, sounding in awe, “I mean like, that’s an actual thing you can do?”

Newt nodded with an amused smile, “throws people off too, which is always fun.” Teresa giggled a bit and complimented Newt’s shoes. Thomas was still processing everything.

“So, are you still called Newt on your girl days?”

“Yep, the only thing that’s different is I prefer they or them as opposed to him or she, make sense?”

“Yeah,” Thomas looked Newt up and down once more, trying to absorb the fact that it was the same person that he’d seen the day before. “What else is there that you can do? Like what other…” he struggled to find the right word, “things are out there?”

Newt’s smile widened and Thomas had to admit, Newt was just as pretty a girl as they were a boy. Thinking the sentence over in his head made it sound weird using the new pronouns, but he’d get used to it.

The three of them spent a while talking over all these different things that people could identify as and Thomas was almost certain that that conversation cleared up more things than his entire first semester of tenth grade. Particularly when they got into asexuality. Thomas almost cried he was so relieved, Teresa was also amazed at how much that made sense. Now he finally understood why he’d never wanted to see Brenda naked or let Minho do god knows what he had in mind. Thomas was asexual. And that was okay. Once Minho popped into his mind, Thomas remembered what Brenda had said before.

“Shit, we gotta tell Minho!” Thomas jumped up and ran out the door in his bare feet, leaving two very confused individuals in his apartment. They quickly caught on and started after him down the hall, but Thomas was actually a lot faster than he looked.  He didn’t even bother knocking on the door before he let himself in and called out Minho’s name. He still wasn’t over how much bigger Minho’s apartment was in comparison to his own.

Minho burst into the main room, his chest was bare and spider-man pajama pants hung loosely around his hips. “Thomas! I’m glad you’re here, I-”

“Okay before you say anything, just know that it was not your fault what happened last night, also I just found out that I’m asexual which means I’m not actually sexually attracted to any gender, so don’t worry about that either like you’re still hot and everything like it was nothing you did. If I’d known that it was a normal thing to not be attracted to anyone, I would’ve first of all, stopped trying to convince myself that I should want to screw people, second of all I wouldn’t have lead you on like I did. It wasn’t fair for any of us and I’m sorry Minho.” Thomas gushed, everything at first had been blurted out so quickly Thomas was surprised Minho got a single word of it. But as he got closer to the end of his little speech, his confidence and his voice faltered and he ended up feeling rather small.

Minho blinked. “Oh.” Was all that came out of his mouth at first but as he processed everything, a smile slowly crept onto his lips. “Well that clears up a bit.” He laughed, relief washing over his features and the carefree Minho had returned, though he still looked confused.

Newt snorted from the hall, “that ‘spit every thought out really quickly before I forget’ mentality of conversation must run in your family.” He commented. The door still hung open and once the attention was back on the two outside the room, Teresa erupted in giggles. Thomas couldn’t figure out why at first, until he realized she was looking at Minho.

Minho’s eyebrows were practically in his hairline. A mixture of intrigue and amazement painted his features as he looked Newt up and down repeatedly. “Well shit.” He breathed, taking a step towards the boy. The grin that was plastered on Newt’s face illustrated just how smug and satisfied he was with the reaction he had gotten.

Minho walked circles around Newt several times, eyes wide in awe. Thomas didn’t know when he started smiling but his cheeks were starting to hurt as he and Teresa exchanged amused glances.

“You look a little different, Newt,” Minho cooed with an all too familiar smirk. “I had no idea you had legs.”

Newt took a step towards Minho, looked him in the eye, and leaned in towards Minho’s more than smug face. Minho already had his hands poised and ready at Newt’s hips when Newt stopped with his lips only centimetres from Minho’s and said in a voice so soft and innocent, “It’s too bad I’m not your type, huh?” And walked the opposite way down the hall. Thomas couldn’t bite back the laughter as Minho made a face that said this was a game that had only just started before trailing after Newt down the hallway.

“Looks like you’re doing alright here, little brother.” Teresa swung an arm around Thomas’ neck, with a playful grin. Thomas only groaned. “Two fucking minutes.”