#mattnotryan

I think about that all the time. Because I don’t think I miss anyone in the middle of the day. I certainly miss everyone in the middle of the night though. It’s actually 2 AM right now and I miss Joe. I don’t even feel like I have the right to miss Joe. But why do I need someone’s permission to miss someone? I also really want to talk to MattnotRyan. But I don’t know what about. I want to talk to him in the middle of the day too, though. I think I just want Matt to be my pal because I think he is way rad. He has such a great smile and I just want to be a cause for it. I want to make him smile.

That’s always been a goal of mine. If you look at Jenn’s twitter, there’s a post from a million years ago that is a quote from me - “I want to make people funny. wait no. I want to make people laugh at my funny.” which is so true. I’ve always thought of myself as a somewhat humorous person, and I just want to make people happy and smile, because seeing people smile is the only thing that matters. Happy people are just the best. As I said once - bearded fellows are so my weakness, but so are happy people. I think I would do a lot of things just to make people happy. Like get out of their lives.

Rant about people mostly..

For marching band, we just run on to the field. In the Queen show, we were in a scatter, so no one was behind me. In this show, I’m the line leader. AaronBassoon plays clarinet in marching band, and stands right behind me. He kept telling me to run faster because he was going to get me! I got so anxious even though I know he wouldn’t run me over.

I was telling Rachel about how last week I was very certain that MattnotRyan and I were friends. But this week I was not sure at all. Last week he would instantly say hello when he saw me. This week he definitely seemed a little not so friendly. Earlier today he did say hi at the same time I said hi to him, so that’s good. But yesterday he definitely ignored me a little. He has the best smile and is so handsome when he’s happy. As are most people.

Joe is the best. He is one of my favorite people. Rachel said that last year he didn’t talk at all, but this year he actually talks and stuff. I think it’s because of James ( they went to highschool together and were friends then, as well.), but also because of me. 

I was sitting in the ILC earlier, and some people came by (that I knew) and asked if the would sit with me, and my answer was “I  guess” and I didn’t realize how much I need that empty alone time. I’m not lonely, just alone. I enjoy it. Ben was gone from class on Monday, and wow class was horrible. It was weird and quiet and lonely. I felt less happy about math and wow how can I be so dependent on people.

I tend to get really weird in the late afternoon around 2-4. I forget how to be cool around people and I’m sure Matt thinks I’m super weird. I’m sorry, Matt.

I was talking to Jennifer about Matt and I just went “so Ben,” and It was really awkward. I immediately stopped talking and just was weirded out.

Ben has this great gray shirt, and I really like it. I told him it was a really good color. “It’s gray.” “It’s a good gray though.” Greg has a gray shirt that I really like, too. I just like gray shirts, I guess.

There are these hats at the mall that I like. But I don’t know if I can pull them off well, or if I just look like a dork. I found this one leather jacket that Jennifer says I can pull off well.

I straight up told Greg I miss him. He just goes “yeah....” “is that you saying you miss me too?” “YES RHIANNON” He’s so great. and Ana doesn’t understand why I miss him. It’s like, because I’m friends with him? I can like people without your permission. I think he is nice and he likes me well enough so I can miss him if I want. I miss him as a person and as a bassist. Our vocal jazz bassist is fine, but he’s no Greg. I kinda want Greg to come to BSU so I can hang out with him, but I kinda want him to go to college in France and become a pastry chef and stuff. :)