#mattmurdockdad

but this may be triggering so you don't have to! x

omg! hiii queen!!! love this request. It definitely was tricky to write because I swear, i wrote it like twenty-eight times before figuring it out lol. This ones not my favorite (writing wise) but lmk;)

Warnings!: Miscarriage, infertility, pain.

Currently, taking requests: slide em over babes.

Stormy weather fit Hells kitchen the same way the sun belonged in Miami. 

You hated it sometimes, especially when Matt was out at night. droplets fell on the roof of Matt apartment which sometimes kept you up.— truly it was a pain. The walls nearly shook as the thunder crashed down on new york.

Though, when the storm was over, it was sunny. not really sunny, just— it was warm. Warm enough to feel cozy. Like a campfire, or if a chimney was lit. The Warm days reminded of you when you found out you were pregnant. You felt warm, cozy, and exhilarated just likelike a fire being lit. 

Though, your body treated you like a match that had trouble lighting. Often you would get that hope, that 'spark', but then it would blow away and go out. You hated it. You cursed yourself and your body when that test would come out negative.

Matt wanted a child, and so did you. He agreed only to have a child if you truly wanted one, and you did. Growing up you werent really the one to dreammmmm about having kids. But then you met matt and everything changed.

Suddenly you wanted kids. You really did. 

He brought it up, while you thought about it. He heard you heartbeat race when you two would pass by baby stores, and you would see the excitement come around his face when someone would ask you if you two were expecting. Then the day came when you actually could respond yes. 

you were pregnant. 

How? well of course you knew how much physically, you didn't know how it happened. You stuggled with this. Like really struggled.

Nights after nights, ivf treatments, freaking prayers from all the nuns at St.Agnes’s-- hell, you two tried everything but your body wouldn’t. you cried, christ did you cry. 

Nights after nights of feeling awful, gently feeling like a sack of puss covered by skin—  then after trying so hard, paying so much money to then see “negative” on the stick. Nothing worked, 

 Until something did. 

a kid. 

You hyperfixated on everything, down to names you decided Matilda Murdock, that would be her name is she was a girl. if it was a boy you wanted Mark, or Matthew. Something biblical always seemed like a good fit when it came to boy names.

You had a plan. You and Matt would save up and buy a town home in Hells kitchen. When you would have to school, the baby would stay with Maggie at the church, or Marci & Karen. if they couldn't take care of the baby, you’d maybe just maybe let foggy take care of it. but that was the last choice. Foggy was probably you and matts number one fan when it came to having a child. it sort of, also triggered the thought once. 

Of course the re was the whole thing about matt mentioning it, but foggy was the one who brought it up when matt came to the office complaining about hoe sore he’d felt. Foggy joked that the city needed a baby devil 

you laughed it off, so did Matt but that got the thought swarming in your head. 

but now, you’re pregnant. 

you're pregnant, you have the perfect boyfriend, you live the life of your dreams. You’ve got a job, you've got the whole law school thing going for you too. The job even payed well-- you can buy matt a new tie once and a while and manage to get your hair retouched wihtout not eating dinner. Y

our life is surrounded by calls from your family members but the baby, your life is surrounded by baby shower announcements and picking out different strollers. 

Now your pregnant and you wake up every couple hours to make sure the baby is kicking, well the baby isn’t old enough to kick but you get the picture. you just want to make sure everything is fine. 

As you slept through the rain, a weird ice came around you throat, though you thought noting of it. you coughed it off, and continued to place your head down not he pillows. then, it came again. 

phlegm escaped your mouth then blood leaked out of your lips. 

Immediately your brain went to inflammation! thats it. 

inflammation inflammation… what the heck do you do to cure inflammation? uh, green tea and fish oil. 

you tossed your legs over the bed and settled you feet not he cold wooden floor. 

You went over to the kitchen, and opened matts medicine cabinet and took out what you believed to be fish oil… or vitamin D. 

hell matt had everything in braille and in separate jars so telling what everything was, was mostly a hassle. 

as you took the vitamin out, a sharp pain was pinned on the lower part of your stomach. 

hell, this wasnt inflammation. 

coughing blood and shark pain? 

your knees came weak by the second, so did you head. 

the walls began to fog up as you slowly mad you way to the couch, but as you did you fell. 

matt heard the thump come down on the apartment floor, and he was near the apartment so he decided to check in to make sure everything was okay. 

as he opened the roof door, he cauh=ght the weight that weighed on the floorboard. he heard your heart race and sweat trickle down you temples. 

he ran down the stairs and dropped his knees by your side. urgently, ehr grabbed your shoulders, and listened again for your heartbeat. then he realized he only heard one. 

only one heartbeat. 

“No no no” said Matt with a choke as he grabbed your shoulders and pressed his body against yours, his voice shut as his tears fell down his cheeks. matt slowly took his bandanna off as yo began to wake up. 

you saw his eyes, they were red, bloodshot, “honey?” you asked as your frail hands went over is jaw, “is everything okay?” 

tears contiuned to stream down his face as yo hand went along his jaw. 

“Matt?” you asked. 

his tear fell down on your chest, then you realized why he had heard. 

“…no” you said as your hand went over your mouth, “matt no, please tell me no” 

he took his head.

he guided hs hands on your back, lifting you to his chest. 

“lord, please no” you yearned as your head c=pressed against his chest, “lord—“ you said as your heart beat raced. 

“its okay” said matt as his chin pressed against your head, “Sweetheart its,” his throat croaked as he said, “Sweetheart, its okay, everything going to be okay” 

tears soaked his shirt as you yearned in not only physical pain but mental pain. 

“Sweetheart” said Matt as you wailed, “Sweetheart, please” 

“they’re gone!!” you said as you tightened your grip along his torso, “my baby’s gone.”