#matthewmurdock

“—but isn’t Stephen a sorcerer?”

“EXACTLY!” Bucky slaps Sam on the back of the head, taking his usual seat next to you. For the past few missions, you’ve switched partners with Sam, he’s now with Steve while you’ve worked with Bucky.

Sam groans, leaning forward for just a few seconds to put his head in his hands. When he sits back up, he simply looks at the two of you, shaking his head. “The big three— it’s a thing. It’s a thing.”

“No…”

“Is it though…”

“It is. But I’ll let you two be wrong, for now. We’re almost there children, so come on, let’s try to focus on the mission.”

You and Bucky glance at each other, before turning to Sam and rolling your eyes.

“You need to stop that, that right there was creepy. You’re like twins or something… and it needs to stop.”

Steve breaks up your little bickering, coming over to fill Sam in on a slight change. You and Bucky already have your parts covered, so you take the time to pull a little slip of paper out of one of your pockets. While you do, you make a mental note to thank Yelena, the vest has added a nice touch to your suit.

As you read today’s poem, you try, and fail miserably, to conceal your smile.

You flood my thoughts / and wide awake dreams / I adore you to depths / beyond the eye can see. / ~ perry

Before you and Matt started dating, you mentioned how much you loved poetry. And when you two officially got together, Matt took it upon himself to type out poems and fold them up, leaving them in random places for you to eventually find.

The first time he hid one in your uniform, you mentioned afterwards that you found it on the quinjet while you guys were heading home. It had been a particularly rough mission, and reading those few lines was what helped you calm down. 

After that, Matt made it a point to make sure there was always a poem in one of your pockets. In fact, he was afraid that one day he’d be so caught up with work that he wouldn’t have time to print one out, so in one of the corners of his closet, underneath a pile of clothes was a small box that contained ones that he’d already printed. 

Despite the chaos you know is coming soon, you lean back in your seat and find yourself remembering when Matt found out you really loved poetry.

You were woken up by movement to your left. When you slowly opened your eyes and sat up, you quickly realized that Matt was having some sort of bad dream. As gentle as you can, you put your hand on his shoulder and give him a little shake.

“Matty,” you whisper. “Hey, you gotta wake up okay?”

He jolted up, sounding like he was nearly out of breath. He reached to his right, and when his hand made contact with yours, you could see him visibly relax. Without a word, you pulled him close, sitting up so that he could lay his head on your lap.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” You ran your hands through his hair, trying to bring comfort in any way that you could.

“I— tomorrow. Right now I just… I can’t.” He was terrified to tell you that his nightmare was about losing you. After meeting you, his bad dreams consisted of him losing you in some way. And tonight was worse than any other one before. “Sorry, I haven’t had a nightmare in a while.”

You’d been together for a few months now, and had just recently started occasionally spending the night at his place. He’d had a nightmare with you there once before, but quickly brushed it off saying that he simply had trouble sleeping. But with how open he was right now, you knew tonight must have been especially bad.

“You have nothing to apologize for my love, just remember that I’m here whenever you want to talk, okay?”

He nodded, and hummed with content at the feeling of your hands playing with his hair. After nearly 10 minutes of this, and you both enjoying the silence in each other’s company, it becomes clear that Matt won’t be falling asleep anytime soon. Glancing to the small table on your side of the bed, you spot the book you were attempting to read earlier. The sound of Matt’s key turning in the lock pulled you from the pages, and all thoughts of the book were quickly forgotten.

“Want me to read to you?” You ask softly, wondering if he’ll think that’s weird.

“Hmm?” He moves so that his head is still on your lap, but he’s facing up towards you, and you can’t help but smile as you look at the man you know and quickly came to love.

“Remember after our first date, you took me to a used bookstore because I said those were my favorite places to roam, but I had yet to find a good one in Hell’s Kitchen?” When he nods, you continue, “I said I would be quick because I didn’t want you to get bored following me around, but you told me to take my time because—”

“I’d follow you anywhere for as long as you’ll have me,” Matt smiles.

You continue, “you also distracted me quite a bit Mr. Murdock, stealing kisses every time we walked down a new aisle. And you asked who my favorite author was. I couldn’t tell you because choosing that would be like asking me to pick just one thing that I loved about you. There were too many to choose from.”

Matt sits up, this time pulling you into his arms. As he plants a soft kiss on your forehead, he remembers that day. “Then I asked what your favorite type of book was, and you were a lot faster in saying poetry books.”

“I was worried you might think I was lame. But when I saw your smile, I had a feeling you liked poetry too.”

“When we were walking home and you said you’d love to read me some of your favorite poems someday, I didn’t say it back then because I thought I might scare you off, but I knew I’d love that because my favorite sound was already your voice.”

How did you get so lucky, that the man holding you loves you more than life itself? He’s everything you could’ve ever asked for, and then some.

“So,” Matt pulls you from your little daydream, “will you read to me?”

He leans down slightly so that your foreheads are touching, and you give him a kiss, nodding. You move away from him for a few seconds, just long enough to grab the book.

“Okay, pick a number between one and—” you quickly flip to the end to see how many pages there are, “seventy-five”.

“Hmm… seventy-four.”

You flip through the pages, and smile when you see which one it landed on. After clearing your throat, you begin reading the poem, holding the book with one hand and still playing with his hair with the other. Matt wishes he could live in this exact moment forever.

(((this is a real poem, by clementine von radics. it’s actually the one i’m basing my peter parker x reader off of hehehe)))

“I am not the first person you loved. You are not the first person I looked at with a mouthful of forevers. We have both known loss like the sharp edges of a knife. We have both lived with lips more scar tissue than skin. Our love came unannounced in the middle of the night. Our love came when we’d given up on asking love to come. I think that has to be part of its miracle. That is how we heal. I will kiss you like forgiveness. You will hold me like I’m hope. Our arms will bandage and we will press promises between us like flowers in a book. I will write sonnets to the salt of sweat on your skin. I will write novels to the scar of your nose. I will write a dictionary of all the words I have used trying to describe the way it felt to have finally, finally found you. And I will not be afraid of your scars. I know sometimes it’s hard to let me see you in all your cracked perfection, but please know; whether it’s the days you burn more brilliant than the sun or the nights you collapse into my lap, your body broken into a thousand questions, you are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I will love you when you are still a day. I will love you when you are a hurricane.”

Your trip down memory lane is abruptly stopped the moment the quinjet touches the ground. You stretch as you stand up, pushing aside all thoughts that don’t have to deal with the mission. Every one that you all go on is dangerous to some extent, but this, a little more than usual. 

A couple of hours later, you’re all back in your seats heading home. It was a success, but none of you escaped completely unharmed. You got the worst of it though, and are dealing with bruised ribs, cuts on your forehead and cheek, and a possible concussion.

The four of you had managed to take down all but three guys. And you were so close to walking away without a scratch. Your telekinesis allowed you to attack from a distance, so you were able to defend yourself and occasionally help the others.

You’d made yourself invisible and were sneaking up on one of the bad guys, when you stupidly tripped over a body, breaking your concentration and revealing yourself. The guy you were trying to sneak up on immediately locked eyes with you. An evil grin appeared on his face as he picked up a spear, preparing to throw it right at you. Thankfully, Steve had just taken someone down and he looked up at the right moment. Just as the spear had been thrown, Steve acted quickly and threw his shield past you. It flew into the wall, and the spear that was meant to kill you instead bounced off the shield, landing on the floor.

Steve, being the mother hen that he is, checks on you so often that eventually Bucky gives up his seat so that he doesn’t get up and pace back and forth every ten minutes.

“Steven, I’m fine,” you laugh, gently pushing his hand away as he inspects a cut on your cheek.

“Ooooh the government first naaaame…” Sam whispers, covering his mouth and pretending he’s shocked.

Truthfully, all 3 men on the quinjet are worried about you. Of course everyone on the team is extremely close (except for Loki, but you were constantly pestering to join them to watch movies and bake cookies for special holidays, and you knew you were wearing him down), but since it was often you 4 on missions, they’d grown especially protective of you.

“I think we could use a distraction!” You clap your hands, drawing the attention of everyone. “James,” you put a hand on his shoulder, “can you re-tell my favorite story?” There was a twinkle in your eye, and he burst out laughing, knowing exactly what you were talking about.

“Wow now you’re both in troubleeeee…”

“Samuel.”

Hearing his first name, Sam dramatically unbuckles his seatbelt and falls to the floor. Bucky rolls his eyes, but begins telling the story.

“Okay so it was July of 1936. And I was taking this punk out to celebrate his eighteenth birthday,” Bucky motions to the man sitting across from him, whose face was already growing red just from those 2 sentences.

“We really don’t have to hear this—”

“Yes we do!” You and Bucky both exclaim.

This causes Sam to groan again as he finally sits back down, complaining about “when did the Tweedledee and Tweedledum join the Avengers?”

When Bucky finishes telling the story, you’re all in much better spirits. As you all sit back in your seats, enjoying the last leg of the flight before you’re all back at the compound, you’re grateful for the 3 of them. And the rest of the team, too. Sure, everyone bickers here and there, but apart from Matt, they’re all you have.

Speak of the devil (hehe), everything seems to remind you of Matt. The fourth time Steve checks on you, which is when Bucky was really thankful that he switched seats, you remember the first time you came home from a mission after you started dating. You were pretty injured, and Matt freaked out.

It was the first time that you’d be going on a 2 person mission. Previously, there were always at least 4 of you. You were partnered up with Steve, and it was supposed to be a quick mission that wouldn’t take more than 24 hours. You were going after a new underground weapons dealer. He was clever, in that he stuck to selling within small random towns that nobody would think twice about. Intel showed that he didn’t have a partner, so you both figured this would be easy.

But you severely underestimated the man. Steve quickly stepped in front of you once you entered the abandoned apartment building that you’d been told housed all of his weapons. Bullets started flying as soon as you entered through, and Steve held his shield up to protect you both. You used your powers to make you both invisible, and this allowed you enough time to walk around and get behind him as he frantically searched for wherever the hell you 2 went.

For the second time, you realized just how much this man was underestimated. Sure, intel reported that he didn’t have a partner. But he didn’t need one because he was enhanced. As he raised his arms with a gun in each hand, 4 more floated up and took aim at both of you. You backed up far enough that you now stood outside, and acted quick, you flung your arms out and managed to send 3 of the 6 guns flying across the room.

Unfortunately, a bullet still managed to graze your arm. You were on the second floor, and the surprise of being hit was enough to knock you right over the balcony. Luckily, you healed quickly since you were enhanced. You ended up walking away with, besides the bullet wound, bruised ribs, a small gash on your cheek, and a few cuts on your leg.

Steve had it worse than you, but still worried about you. And of course he blamed himself for letting you get hurt, even though you told him multiple times during the ride home that it wasn’t his fault at all, and you were glad you took some of the hits instead of him.

You sent Matt a quick text letting him know you’d be landing back in New York in a few hours, and you just had to give a quick rundown of what happened before you’d be heading to his apartment. You failed to mention just how injured you were, not really thinking anything of it because as far as getting hurt went, this was actually pretty tame.

After getting the green light from Dr. Cho (only after you promised to take it easy for at least the next 48 hours, because “you’re enhanced, not immortal”), you rushed to Matt’s place.

He was actually working, and nowhere near done with the paperwork for the day. But it was the first mission you’d gone on since you started dating, so when he mentioned that you were heading to his apartment soon, Foggy insisted that he take care of Matt’s paperwork so that he could go home and see you.

When you walked through the door, Matt pulled you in for a hug, but immediately let go when you winced and he could smell the blood. He began to panic, asking if he needed to take you to the hospital or at least call Claire.

It took a good 10 minutes for you to fully calm Matt down. Once he was no longer pacing back and forth worried about your injures, you took a quick shower, and afterwards let him feel your face to ensure there wasn’t anything Dr. Cho missed.

He spent the rest of the evening worrying, constantly zoning in on the sound of your heartbeat so that he could detect any change. That night as Matt held you in his arms and you were fast asleep, he wished that he could protect you from every bad thing.

The memory once again vanished when the quinjet touched the ground and Tony stepped into view, there to greet you all when you landed. He quickly ushers you inside to see Dr. Cho, who he called when he was notified that you all had taken off and were heading back. 

She examines you and concludes that your self diagnoses was correct. The concussion is minor, and she says that you won’t have to stay and be monitored. She applies a little bit of medicine to the cuts on your face, giving you extra in a small container and telling you that they’ll heal a lot faster if you apply it twice a day. 

You jokingly point out your enhanced healing, but she insists anyway. As for your bruised ribs, those just need time to heal. Hearing this, Tony benches you for the next three days, saying that he doesn’t want to see you so much as step foot inside the compound. 

You start to argue, but decide against it. Tony knows just as well as anyone that you can’t stand not being able to do anything, so he fills you in on the next mission, taking place four days from now.

After a short conversation with Dr. Cho and Tony, you promise to do as little as possible for the next week. Happy offers to drive you home, and you gratefully accept but ask if he’ll drop you off somewhere else instead.

Sam enters the room just then, a smirk on his face. “She’s not going home, she’s gonna go see her lover boy.”

Bucky, who was walking by and overheard him, steps into the room and punches Sam, pretending to gag.

You roll your eyes at both of them. “…yeah, please don’t call him that ever again.” 

After a few minutes of the 3 of you arguing over who the most annoying one is (you and Bucky ganging up on Sam and immediately saying that it’s him), Sam all but pushes you out the door and tells you to “just go make out with your lawyer boyfriend or whatever you do when you’re not here.”

Memories seem to be flooding your mind that day. Right before you leave, Dr. Cho asks you to wait a few more minutes while she quickly documents everything, just incase she has any additional questions to ask you. When she goes over to the computer by her desk, you think about the conversation you just had with Sam and Bucky. You loved that you guys could joke about each other’s personal lives. As you lean back in the hospital bed that Tony insisted you lay down on, you’re reminded of the first time you met Matt, told the team that you had a boyfriend, and the first time they met him.

Being that you were one of the youngest, only older than Peter, it was understandable that the whole team was fiercely protective of you. Once, you let it slip that the date you’d gone on a few days before just didn’t end up working out. The guy was too pushy, kept asking for a second date when that one had barely begun, and when you pulled away when he tried to kiss you at the end of the night, he leaned in again as if maybe you’d made a mistake.

Bucky immediately asked what the guys name was. You refused to say it, of course, knowing damn well why he was asking.

On a rare day off, you ventured to Hell’s Kitchen. Growing up, you were a Queens girl through and through, but had spent quite a bit of time in the area, as a few childhood friends used to live here. It was getting to be late evening, so you sent a quick text to Tony letting him know you’d be making one more stop and that you’d be back in time for dinner.

You stumbled upon a place called Josie’s, and decided what the hell, you’d have a beer before you went home. Alcohol had the same effect on you as it did on Bucky and Steve. That is to say, it had no effect at all. But you still enjoyed beer and liquor every now and then.

When you walked in, you briefly looked around before deciding to just take a seat at the bar. Unbeknownst to you, a pair of eyes followed you from the door to the stool.

“Dude I know you can’t see it, but you have to trust me. The hottest woman I’ve ever seen just walked in,” Foggy whispered, elbowing Matt.

You had to hide your laughter, you were far away enough that a normal person wouldn’t have been able to hear them.

“I— I’ll take your word for it,” Matt chuckled. He was suddenly glad that this was another evening where he decided to stay sober.

You ordered whatever was on tap, and briefly scrolled through your phone while you waited. Well aware that people were often judged for doing anything in public by themselves, you tried to seem occupied. After you finished your beer, you paid and gathered your bag and phone before exiting Josie’s.

When you took a couple of steps outside, Matt heard something fall out of your bag. He guessed it was your wallet, judging by the weight. He immediately got up, telling Foggy he’d be right back. As he bent down, he realized he was right, it was your wallet. He stood absolutely still for a few seconds, before being able to determine that you turned left once you were outside. As he walked quickly to catch up with you, he tried to come up with an excuse. The average person wouldn’t have been able to hear a small wallet hitting the ground from behind a closed door.

Deciding he’d say he was on his way out when he heard it fall, he called out to you. “Excuse me, miss? I think you dropped this.” When he heard you turn around, he held it out.

“What the—” you looked in your bag, then back at the wallet in Matt’s hand. “Thank you so much, I wouldn’t have realized I was missing it until I got all the way home.” You accept it gratefully, then sneak another look at the man who handed it to you. Wow, he’s handsome, was your first thought.

“Are you from around here?” It was partly a trick question. Matt was almost positive that you weren’t, because he would’ve remembered your voice. But Josie’s was usually only filled with regulars, people who lived around the area.

“Not too far away, I just had a day off so I wandered over.” You almost blurted it out, unsure of why you were so quick to trust this stranger. You were an Avenger, yes, but you wore a mask, so you couldn’t exactly go telling Matt that you lived at the Avengers compound. “I like Josie’s though, the last couple of bars I’ve gone too, it’s been a while but they were so loud I couldn’t even hear myself think.”

Matt nodded in understanding, knowing exactly what you meant.

“Dude!” Foggy stepped out of the bar, grinning ear to ear when he saw that Matt was talking to you. “Bring your new girlfriend inside man, they’re playing my favorite song!”

Turning red with embarrassment, Matt sheepishly turned back to you. “Sorry, that’s Foggy. He, umm—”

“Wants you to get back inside to hear his favorite song?” You smiled, stealing another glance at him.

“I think that includes you too though, you know being my new girlfriend and all.”

You laughed, and Matt found himself already falling in love with that sound. “Well in that case we should get back inside. I was just going to walk around a little bit more before heading home anyway. Can I buy you a beer, to thank you for returning my wallet to me?”

Matt held his arm out and you linked yours through. Now that you were closer to him, you mentally noted that you liked the smell of whatever cologne he was wearing. It wasn’t overpowering, it was mild, but it smelled nice.

As you walked back inside, Matt hoped that this wouldn’t be the last time he’d be seeing you. You ended up sending another text to Tony a little while after, letting him know you wouldn’t be back in time for dinner.

Foggy and Matt ended up being joined by a woman named Karen, who at one point whispered to Foggy that she had never seen Matt act this… happy, around someone he just met. She liked you for him already. When you got back to the compound, it was almost 9pm. As you took the elevator up to the 3rd floor, AKA your floor, you were surprised when you were greeted by the sight of Bucky, Sam, and Loki lounging on the couch in the living room.

“Nope. Not happening,” you ignored all 3 and headed straight for your room.

“Who is he?”

“What’s his first and last name?”

“Does he know we’ll kill him if he hurts you?”

You turned around, throwing your hands up before putting them on your hips. “Are we really doing this right now?”

“I want to meet him!”

“How did you meet him?”

“Yeah, bring him to the compound!”

That last statement caused you to burst out laughing. “I think the fuck not. You just asked me at LEAST ten questions in about fifteen seconds. No chance in hell I’m bringing him here anytime soon. Goodniiiiight,” with that, you quickly walked to your room, ignoring their protests (and more questions).

Of course they eventually all met Matt. After that first evening at Josie’s, before you left Matt worked up the courage to get your number. For the next week, you text pretty much all day and talked on the phone at least once a day, usually at night before bed. He ended the call on night 7 asking if he could take you out on a date. That was the start of the best thing that ever happened to you.

Once you’d been dating (but not officially labeling yourselves as a couple) for a month, you finally told him about you. Who you were when you put that black and red suit. You were surprised at how well he took it (though of course later you’d understand why). He was curious, but not in the way most people were where they asked questions like how many people you’ve killed or could they get Steve’s number from you. He heard on the news, and from Foggy, the kinds of missions the Avengers went on. You were touched at how much he genuinely cared.

After he officially asked you to be his girlfriend, when you came home from your 3rd date (as boyfriend and girlfriend), you were cornered in the living room on your floor.

“The September Foundation is having a gala next week,” Tony started out, “invite Matthew.”

You nearly choked on the glass of water that you’d just started to drink. “How the fu— does the whole team know his name??”

Tony shook his head, taking a seat at one of the tall chairs at the kitchen counter, motioning for you to sit next to him. “No, kiddo. You know I love you, and you’re like a daughter to me. In fact, I’d say you are my daughter. If you would like to be formally adopted and have Stark as your last name, just let me know. But when it was obvious you were spending so much time with someone who wasn’t one of us, I just wanted to make sure you were safe. Don’t worry I didn’t deep dive into his life, just wanted to make sure he didn’t have a long criminal record or anything like that.”

After a pretty lengthy conversation, you hugged Tony goodnight before heading off to take a shower. You couldn’t be mad at him, and you thought of him as a dad so you got where he was coming from.

The next day, you nervously asked Matt if he’d like to come with you to the gala. You mentioned that the whole team would be there, and you were secretly terrified that knowing that would scare him off and he’d make up some excuse about why he couldn’t go. But he surprised you by pulling you in for a kiss, and asking you what he should wear.

You knew how he got with large crowds sometimes, and you asked if he was sure he’d come with you. His response was one that made you swoon, if you wanted him to go, he’d be there. He shrugged, like it was the most simple answer in the world.

That night ended up being one of the best nights of your life. Everyone loved Matt, like you knew they would. You caught Bucky glaring at him a few times, but after you told him to fix his staring problem or you’d steal his metal arm because Okoye taught you how to remove it, he quickly stopped. Rocket walked by, and having overheard you, he said to name your price for teaching him how to steal that arm.

Bucky was mostly just keeping an eye on you though, only staring to try and work out if Matt could be trusted with you. By the end of the night, it was clear that he could be.

The next day, Bucky and Sam even admit to you that they’re really happy for you, and that Matt is a great guy.

“But please don’t kiss him in front of me again, not in front of my salad,” Sam shakes his head, pretending to shield his lunch from you.

As you’re walking towards the door to Matt’s apartment, you pull the spare key out of your bag. You slowly open the door, knowing that it’s pretty late and that Matt may be out as Daredevil, but he might also be asleep. Hearing a loud sigh of relief and being pulled into his arms the moment you shut the door behind you, you quickly realize that he’s waited up for you. 

“Thank God,” he whispers.

For a few minutes, you two simply stand there in each other’s embrace. You had called him before leaving the compound, but he hadn’t answered his phone so you just left a message.

“I’m okay, I promise,” you finally break the silence.

“But your ribs and your concussion, and your forehead is still bleeding—”

You step forward, putting your hands on either side of Matt’s face. “I’ll be back to normal within a few days, you don’t have to worry about me.”

When you run your hands through his hair, Matt sighs, having missed your touch even though you were only gone overnight. The night before a mission, you always slept at the compound since everyone usually liked to leave before the sun was up.

“Sweetheart, I’ll always worry about you,” Matt puts a hand under your chin, forcing you to look up at him. He leans in for a kiss, and you’re more than happy to oblige. “It’s pretty much part of my job as your boyfriend. Can I help you?” He gently caresses your cheek, careful not to touch the side with the small cuts.

When you nod, he gently grabs your hand and leads you to his bedroom. As you sit on the bed and remove your vest, he quickly goes to the bathroom and grabs his first-aid kit. You put a hand up to your forehead and when you look down at your fingers, there’s a little bit of blood. You hadn’t even felt it, but remembered that Matt could smell it which was how he knew you were bleeding.

Matt sits beside you, letting you guide his hand to where the cuts are. He’s extremely gentle as he’s wiping the blood off, and you’re once again reminded of how lucky you are.

“Thank you,” you say once he’s finished.

“You don’t have to thank me,” he kisses your uninjured cheek and goes to put the kit back under the bathroom sink.

You hear him turn the water on in the shower, and a minute later he comes back, saying he left a towel and clothes for you to change into. 

Fifteen minutes later, you exit the bathroom, already feeling a lot better. Your body still aches, but the hot water did wonders. Matt carefully applies the medicine to your face, and a few minutes later you’re both laying in bed, your head resting on Matt’s chest.

“Night Matt, I love you,” you say, and Matt smiles, loving how you sound when you’re half asleep.

“Night sweetheart, I love you more,” he leans down and kisses the top of your head. You’re so sleepy, that you mentally decide that he can win tonight.

When you wake up the next morning, you hear Matt in the kitchen cooking. Glancing at the clock, you’re surprised to see that it’s almost 11am. You genuinely can’t remember the last time you slept that late. You slowly raise your arms above your head to stretch, and are pleased that the ache in your ribs is almost completely gone. 

You head to the bathroom, smiling again when you look at your face in the mirror and see that the cuts are nearly gone too. You’re about to change into your outfit for the day, when you look at yourself in the mirror and decide you’d rather continue lounging around in Matt’s shirt.

As Matt stands in front of the stove, moving the freshly scrambled eggs from the hot pan to a plate just off to the side, you walk up behind him and wrap your arms around him, resting your head on his back. He puts the pan and spatula down and turns around, pulling you in to his embrace.

Once you’ve eaten, he works up the courage to ask you how the mission went. You give him the long-story-short version of events, skipping the parts where you received your injuries. Matt knew you got them, but you knew he’d only get angry if he learned how. You mentioned that at one point you were almost hit from behind, but Steve was quick to throw his shield, and as it flew by you it took the hit of the massive spear that had been headed your way.

Hearing how well you all work as a team, seeming to just know when someone else needs help even though they haven’t said anything, he’s glad you have them. In the beginning he had been a little wary, especially when missions mostly consisted of you, Bucky, Sam, and Steve. But you managed to drag him to the compound one evening when Tony was throwing yet another party, and he was quickly put at ease. Everyone was so nice to him, and you weren’t at all surprised when he and Yelena hit it off, they both had a pretty similar sense of humor.

Unbeknownst to you, Matt’s thinking of what you’ve just told him. While you’re filled with happiness and warmth, he’s filled with happiness and… a bit of anxiety? It comes as a surprise to him.

“Matt?” You pull him from his thoughts, noticing his facial expression.

“Yes? Sorry, just daydreaming I guess.”

You get up and clear the table, quickly washing the dishes. When you’re finished, Matt’s still sitting at the table, seemingly deep in thought. You quickly grow worried, not able to remember the last time you’ve seen him like this.

“Hey, talk to me,” you say softly. Holding one of his hands, you lead him over to the couch. When he sits down, he immediately pulls you close, as if needing to reassure himself that you’re there, that you’re alive and you made it home to him.

He’s almost afraid to ask, but he has to know. “When do you have to go in?”

“Well Tony benched me for three days, so the next mission isn’t until four days from now. I was going to wait to tell you later today. It’s an undercover assignment but a lot of that time is surveillance and then the team is joining us for the actual takedown, so it shouldn’t take more than a week.”

Hearing this, Matt is instantly filled with dread. “D-do you think that’s the best idea?”

“What?”

“Going on a big assignment the day after you’re cleared?”

He usually doesn’t question things like this and normally always tells you that he trusts your judgement, so you have no idea where this is coming from.

“I mean… it’s not that big of an assignment—”

“Where?”

You think for a moment, trying to remember the location that Tony mentioned. “Marseille, France.”

“Who’s the target?”

“A pretty big weapons dealer. I’m just posing as a new neighbor, my only job is to stay home and keep an eye on things, reporting on when anyone comes or goes from the house next door. That’s why it’ll take a week, I need a little time to establish if there’s a pattern or a schedule.”

“Can’t someone else go?”

Now you’re really confused. “While it’s just surveillance Bucky will be there too, Nat and Sam are both gonna drop by at different times, posing as friends coming to see our new place. Steve’s posing as a neighbor at the end of the street. I won’t be alone if that’s what you’re worried about. And once the week is up, Tony and Bruce are joining us to—”

“That’s— that’s not what I’m worried about,” Matt sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “I…”

“What, I can’t help you if you won’t tell me what’s really going on. You’ve never questioned me before a mission.”

He stands up and begins pacing back and forth.

“Matt—”

“You almost died today!” He finally stops and faces you.

You stand up and approach him, feeling hurt when he pulls his hand out of your grasp and takes a step back.

“This isn’t the first time. You know what I do, and what about when you go out at night—”

Matt shakes his head. “This isn’t about me. You talk about how you guys are a team, and look out for each other. There were three other people there with you. And only one caught the fact that you were about to get hit. What if Steve hadn’t been there? You wouldn’t be standing here right now.”

“Woah. Back up. Are you blaming Bucky and Sam right now?”

“No. I’m not. I just,” he sighs, trying to contain his feelings. “From what you’ve told me about this mission, and the ones before it, you’ve never come this close to death. You’ve been able to defend yourself, and you always see it coming. What if Steve had thrown his shield just half a second later? Or what if he’d been using it to fight of someone and no one was able to get to you in time?”

“I don’t understand what you want me to do right now,” you stand up, throwing your hands up. “You don’t think I know that I almost died? That I didn’t think about it most of the ride home? And how do you get to stand there and lecture me and talk about me putting myself in danger when you do the same thing every fucking night?”

Matt hears it in your voice, you’re on the verge of tears. He wants nothing more than to pull you into his arms, comfort you, and tell you it’ll be okay. But he can’t shake the thought that you almost didn’t come home to him today, that your life was only spared because Steve happened to notice and throw his shield at the exact right moment.

“Let me ask you this,” you continue. “And please do not bullshit me. If the Avengers hadn’t gotten word of the guys we just took down, if they were located in Hell’s Kitchen instead of somewhere on the West coast, would you have tried to take them down by yourself?”

“I—”

Now you’re getting heated. “Would you have told me, would you have asked for help and let me bring the team in for assistance? Or would you have waited until I fell asleep one night and then you’d sneak off to deal with them yourself?”

Just from the change in your tone, Matt knows he’s in deep shit. And he hadn’t even considered how you felt when he went out at night.

Not bothering to wait for a response, you walk over to the kitchen counter and grab your wallet, phone and keys. “I don’t know where you expect this conversation to end up, but I’m gonna go.”

Before you pull the door open, Matt reaches out, grabbing your wrist. “And where do you think you’re going?”

You resist the urge to roll your eyes. He’s acting like this, and has the nerve to seem surprised that you’re leaving?

“To the compound. I was looking forward to a nice night at home with you, but maybe it’s better if I just go. I’ll come back tomorrow if you’ll actually sit down and talk with me.” You take your phone out of your pocket, preparing to call an Uber and text Tony to let him know you’ll be coming by. You know he wasn’t serious about you staying away from the compound anyway.

You were one of the only ones that didn’t live there despite having your own floor, and frequently stopped by during time off. Tony even paid the rent for your apartment, at his insistence because you’d gotten a 2 bedroom place and every once in a while you’d have a guest if someone needed a little space from the craziness.

Suddenly, Matt’s scared. He needs you to understand why he’s acting like this, and he’s terrified to let you walk out that door not knowing. “Wait, please. I— I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have reacted like that.”

Matt senses your hesitation, your internal debate of do you ignore him and leave or stay and hear him out. And you’re also remembering the promise you made to each other. So he grabs your hand, gently coaxing you to turn around. When you do, he pulls you close, and you’re surprised to see tears in his eyes. During the years you’ve known Matt, you can count the amount of times you’ve seen him cry on one hand.

The first time was when he told you he was Daredevil. The fact that you almost immediately pulled him in to your embrace and said you loved him made him break down. He was so sure you’d get up and leave.

“You’ve known that I’m an Avenger for months now, and apparently you only just now decided I could be trusted,” you sunk down onto the floor, trying to process your boyfriends confession.

“No no sweetheart that’s not it I swear. Of course I trust you, I trust you with my life.”

“You distrust me enough to hide such a big part of your life,” you mumbled.

He tries to hide the nerves when he speaks again. “I was scared. I thought you’d hate me. You’re a hero, everyone loves you. I… I do things my own way, not always operating within the law.”

“And you thought I’d leave you over this?”

When he doesn’t respond, you looked up, realizing that Matt had taken a seat on the floor across from you, and that he’d removed his glasses and was trying not to cry.

“Oh Matty,” you go over to him, putting your hands on either side of his face, “you’re it for me. I don’t want anyone else. I’m upset that you kept this from me for so long, but that doesn’t mean I’m going anywhere. You’re stuck with me. I love you.”

The second time was when he came home one night, not quite on the brink of death but still severely injured. You guys had a minor argument earlier that morning and he ended up storming out of his apartment. You had waited as long as you could but eventually you had to leave or you would’ve been late for the mission. It was a quick one and you were back before midnight. You had debated going back to your apartment, but something was telling you to still go to his place. When you did, you nearly burst into tears at the sight of him getting up from the couch. He had changed back into normal clothes, but there was still blood on his face. As soon as he heard you unlock the door, he was up and nearly crushing you in a hug.

It was such a stupid argument, you genuinely didn’t even remember what it was about by the time you got back to Matt’s apartment. You almost thought about asking Nat to cover for you on the mission, but knew that would be pointless. She’d do it in a heartbeat, but then you’d just end up sitting alone in the apartment all day, waiting for your boyfriend to come home.

The mission was a relatively easy success. You, Yelena, and Peter had been sent to take out some low level weapons dealers, these guys thankfully not being enhanced like the one you encountered with Steve. You and Yelena were older than Peter, but because you looked so young, it was the perfect cover. You posed as some rich kids wanting to get their hands on some guns.

The disguises worked just well enough to get you through the door, but then one of the guys thought he recognized Yelena, so he pulled her hat and sunglasses off. You and Peter’s stood far enough behind her in the shadows that nobody even got a glimpse of you. Within seconds, you both slipped your masks on and joined Yelena in taking down the 6 men. Tony had been completely against sending you all, what with you being his honorary children and whatnot, but Fury overrode his decision, saying he needed to have a little more faith in you.

This time, you walked away with only a small cut just above your right eyebrow. Your ribs hurt a little, but the kick you received was so weak (thanks to Yelena who yanked the man back by his jacket), that you didn’t even think they were bruised.

On the ride home, things were silent. But you were all smiling. It was the first time the 3 of you had been sent on a mission together without anyone else to help, and you were proud that it was a success. Peter especially, because you were the first one after Tony to really get to know him, and he quickly came to view you as an older sister. He wanted to impress you, and knowing he did that was better than the feeling of Tony removing the training wheels protocol on his suit all those years ago.

Just before the quinjet landed, you debated on what to do. Everyone was always asking you to come to the compound for a sleepover. They knew you had your own floor, of course, but you were an amazing cook and they all knew that whatever kitchen you were in, that was where the leftovers got stored. Bucky, offered to kick Sam out so that you could take his place. Pietro offered to kick Wanda off of their floor so that you could take her place too.

As tempting as it was to spend the night with your team, which you did genuinely love to do, deep down there was only one place you wanted to be, and it wasn’t your apartment, either.

After quickly showering and changing because you needed a moment to decompress before going home to see Matt, you said your goodbyes to everyone and headed out the door. You often lost track of time, right now being one of those instances. It wasn’t until you slid the spare key he gave you into the lock, that you glanced at your watch and realized it was midnight.

Matt had gotten home at about 4pm. It was a long day at work, but he quickly rushed home to wait for you. He wanted to call and text you, but knew you were currently on a mission and he would’ve never been able to forgive himself if the sound of your phone going off with a notification from him, was enough to distract you and you got hurt. So he basically twiddled his thumbs and cleaned his already clean apartment for a couple of hours, hoping it would make time go faster.

As soon as the sun went down and it was dark, he put on that red suit and decided at the last minute to go out. You’d told him that the mission was all the way on the West Coast, so you’d probably be a while anyway.

He soon realized going out was a mistake. Although he managed to save a couple of people, he also took quite a beating. He was off his game, only able to think of you and how the last thing he did with you was argue. After standing on a random rooftop for nearly 10 minutes and not hearing anybody in need of help, he headed home. As he undressed and changed back into regular clothes, you crossed his mind yet again.

It terrified him. That if something had happened to him tonight, arguing would be the last memory that you had.

When you finally walked through the door at 12:01am, he didn’t think he had ever felt such sweet relief.

When you laid eyes on him, you wanted to cry. Although he was just in sweatpants and a plain t-shirt, he hadn’t yet wiped the blood off of his face. As he struggled to get up from the couch, you rushed over to him, dropping your bag by the door. When you touched his face, he immediately leaned into your hand, finally allowing himself to cry.

As you asked what was wrong, all he could do was stand up and pull you into his arms. He never wanted to let you go again.

“I’m sorry sweetheart, I’m so sorry,” he mumbled, feeling a sense of peace now that you were there with him.

“I’m sorry too Matt, I shouldn’t have—”

Matt shook his head, effectively silencing you with a kiss. “You have nothing to apologize for. I shouldn’t have stormed out like that. The whole day, all I could think about was you. And I don’t ever want to leave if either of us is angry again. God, if something had happened to you I… I don’t know what I would’ve done.”

You dried his tears, placing a soft kiss each time you wiped his face. “I’m okay, I promise I’ll always do whatever it takes to come home to you. No more leaving upset. Now come on, let’s get you cleaned up, hmm?”

And it really did change. If things were tense, or you were in even a small disagreement about something, you sat and talked it out. Neither of you ever left the other angry again. Even on occasions where you argued when you were apart, every phone call or video chat still ended with I love you.

The most recent time he cried was when you’d convinced him to take a day off from work, after triple checking with Foggy that he and Karen could run things on their own for a day. You smiled fondly as you remembered that whole day.

If Matt was asked, he’d immediately say that it was one of the best days he has ever had. Not quite the best day, he was saving that title for when he got to marry you.

It took lots of convincing arguments and pleading, but he had finally agreed to take a random day off. You called Foggy the night before, and as soon as you told him what you had planned, he told you that if Matt so much as stepped foot into the office the next day, he’d take you to court.

With every little thing and activity you did, Matt was reminded of how lucky he was.

You started out by bringing him breakfast in bed, which he said you’d better be careful because he could very quickly get used to this kind of treatment. Afterwards as you were doing the dishes, Matt stole you away from the kitchen for a few minutes when he put a record on and led you to dance in the living room.

He got butterflies when he laid on the couch with his head in your lap, and you read to him from your favorite book. Yup, he thought to himself, if I die right now, I will die a very happy man.

The entire day was perfect, both of you secretly surprised that not a single thing went wrong.

You had him wait on the couch, saying you had a few more surprises in store. After a few minutes, you returned and led him to the bathroom. As he undressed you turned the water on in the tub, then discarded your clothes and joined him in the shower while you waited for the water to fill the tub. It was so intimate, but not in the sexual way that you blushed just thinking about. As you ran your fingers through his hair, helping him wash and then condition it, he sucked in a breath. You were so fucking good to him.

While rinsing off, you lightly traced the scars on his face and chest, kissing each one and whispering things like how you loved him, you were proud of him, and you wished you could take his pain away. He nearly broke down right then and there, but managed to hold it in.

But after when you both had dried off and you surprised him with delivery from his favorite takeout place, followed by laying in bed while he was the little spoon this time, and you ran your hands through his hair while he listened to your heartbeat, his head resting on your chest. You softly spoke about all of your favorite memories, and all the things you loved about him. It had been years since he’d felt this kind of love and eventually he gave in and let himself cry. You were worried you upset him, but he told you it was the opposite. He couldn’t believe how lucky he was, you loved him no matter what, and you cared for him in a way no one else did.

That was on your mind right now. You wanted to leave and maybe decompress separately before things got too heated and you broke out into a full blown argument. But you remembered the promise you made to each other, and Matt was terrified. That if you walked out that door, something would happen. Now he’s determined to do whatever it takes to talk this out with you.

“Please,” he’s nearly on the verge of tears right now, prepared to get on his knees and beg you to stay and talk to him, if that’s what it’ll take.

“Matty,” you say sadly, “I don’t want to leave. But you’re not making any sense right now, and I don’t want to stay if this is going to turn into some huge fight. I love you, and I don’t want to fight with you.”

That last sentence does him in, he falls to his knees, wiping the few tears that managed to escape.

“Matt,” you try again. Joining him on the floor, you kneel in front of him as he moves himself to a sitting position, clearly trying to hold back more tears. “What is it?”

“I just… I can’t stop thinking about how I almost lost you. And I know, I go out at night and do what I do, and that’s not the worst fight you’ve been in. But that’s exactly what terrifies me. I know when you get hurt you can go to the compound and Dr. Cho helps you, and you heal faster than the average person, but I, I feel so helpless. What if I’m not enough to take care of you, and I’m so scared that one day something will happen, and it’ll be my fault. What if one day it’s just you and I, and something happens and I can’t protect you? You are without a doubt the best thing that has ever happened to me. I can’t lose you.”

Finally, you understand. It’s about so much more than you putting yourself in harms way, and more than the people you work with. He’s doubting himself, too.

“Hey,” you pull him to a standing position, and take his hand, leading him to the bedroom. Without a word, he gets in on his side of the bed and holds his arms open, waiting for you. You climb in and get under the covers, and he immediately pulls you close. “Remember that promise you made me? And I made it right back? I will always do whatever it takes to come home to you. And I know you don’t know everyone else that well, but I trust them with my life, just like I trust you. They would never send me anywhere if they thought I’d be killed. We only go in solo or in pairs if we know we have the upper hand, or it’s just surveillance and intel. If we don’t, it’s all hands on deck and nobody ever fights alone.”

You feel him relax a little, comforted by your words. “And, my love, I promise that you are enough. A thousand times enough. I love you more than anyone else in the world, you’ve been it for me since the moment we met. No one loves me or cares for me the way that you do. I know you doubt yourself, but I promise you have no reason to. You are the best man I know, and I’m so lucky that I have you in my life, and even luckier that you love me too. I’m so sorry that you’re feeling this way, and I wish I could take all of those bad thoughts away from you. I wish that you knew yourself like I do. I know that you often think about your mistakes, or things that you should’ve done, but when I look at you, all I see is the man I love. The man that puts everyone before himself, and fails to realize how amazing he is.”

“Sweetheart,” Matt tries to find the words, “I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I just need you to know that I am so thankful for you, every day. Even if we’re mad at each other, or something else, I’m grateful for you always. You’re so good to me,” he puts his hand under your chin, tilting your head up and causing you to look at him.

“I loved you from the moment we met, even if I didn’t know it was love back then. But do you know the exact moment I realized I was in love with you?” You can’t remember if you ever told him this.

He’s curious. “When was it?”

You smile, looking back on that evening. “We’d been together about two weeks, you invited me over one night for dinner. I was a little late because we’d just gotten back from a mission, but I hadn’t had a chance to tell you I was going to be late. I rushed straight from the compound, not even bothering to change because I was so excited to see you. And when you opened the door you immediately sensed something was wrong. I thought I could get away with the cut on my cheek because you wouldn’t be able to see it. But that was before, you know, before I knew.”

“And before I knew you were an Avenger,” Matt plants a soft kiss on your forehead.

“Yeah, now you’re one of the lucky few. I just remember you being so worried, it struck me as odd how calm you were but again, I didn’t know that other part of you yet. You were so gentle, making absolute sure I was okay before finally leading me to the dining table. And even though I know you weren’t actually looking at me, after when you held me close and you leaned down and put your forehead against mine, it was like there was this moment where I knew I was in love with you.”

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I love you so fucking much.”

“I love you more,” you whisper, moving to a sitting position. You lean down and Matt is quick to pull you in for a kiss.