Pairing: Platonic and EXTREMELY codependent Rhodey/Tony (can involve others?)
Title: A Trashcan Fire in a Prison Cell
Neither Carol nor Steve get paid enough to deal with this shit.
A Trashcan Fire in a Prison Cell
“This is your fault!” Tony shouted as they ran down the hall.
Rhodey was only one step behind him. “I did not get us kidnapped by aliens! If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s yours!”
Tony turned to glare at him as they rounded a corner to dodge some of the lasers being shot at them. “My boyfriend isn’t wanted by intergalactic fascists!”
“Oh, so it’s Carol’s fault she got kidnapped and brainwashed and had to escape or die, is that what you’re saying?!” Rhodey snapped back.
Steve had literally never been more tired in his life. He wanted to sleep for seventy more years. “Can we just focus on fleeing and not whose fault this is, please?!”
“Mind your own business, Steve,” they both snapped at him.
“Oh my God,” Steve muttered, but wisely shut his mouth.
They turned another corner, and Tony yelped, and Rhodey and Steve both skidded to a stop as they watched Tony get yanked back by some sort of... laser whip that had been snapped around his neck. He hit the ground on his back hard enough that his breath left him in a sickening ‘whuff,’ and then laid there, unmoving.
“I am so fucking tired of people hurting Tony,” Rhodey ground out, and that was all the warning Steve got before the other man just... fucking launched himself at the aliens rounding the corner.
“Oh my God,” Steve said again, with more horror this time. Luckily, though, the aliens seemed unprepared by the might of Rhodey’s fury, so he tended to Tony while Rhodey plowed through them. The whip stung his fingers enough to make him wince, which explained why Tony hadn’t moved yet, so he rushed to unwrap it and toss it away.
“Ow,” Tony said.
Steve opened his mouth to ask if he was okay, but all that came out was a startled yelp as he was socked in the jaw so hard he fell to his side. “What the fuck I’m on your side!” he shouted when he saw Rhodey fussing over Tony.
“Adrenaline, sorry,” Rhodey replied, not sounding sorry at all as he helped Tony to his feet.
Tony blinked, surprised, then looked up at Rhodey, beaming. “My hero!”
Steve, not for the first time, wanted to know why they were like this. His fingers still hurt, though, and he could see electrical burn marks around Tony’s neck, so he wisely kept quiet about it, because Tony deserved the comfort from his friend.
“Okay, I found us some escape pods. What the fuck is this,” Carol said, flying up beside them. Tony and Rhodey ignored her. She looked to Steve, took in his exhausted expression, and decided not to question him on it. “I was coming to rescue you guys. How did you get out?”
“They started talking about how a fire would make all the doors unlock because fire in space is bad and the next thing I know they’ve lit a trashcan on fire,” Steve sighed, then paused. “...Or what I assume is a trashcan.”
“How’d they set the fire,” Carol began.
“I don’t know,” Steve huffed. “And Jim punched me so I just kinda wanna go home.”
“What the fuck,” Carol muttered, then grabbed Tony and Rhodey for lack of anything else, throwing them over her shoulders so she could fly them toward the docked escape pods.
“Carol!” Tony said happily. “Hi. I’ve decided this is all your fault.”
“You are causing me actual, physical pain,” Carol said, at the same time Rhodey shouted, “You’re the one who had to play around with alien technology, Tony!”
Carol thought that she and Steve might get some cuddle time on the spaceship she stole, but instead, Rhodey and Tony curled up together in a chair (it looked very uncomfortable, these seats were clearly only designed to hold one butt) and immediately fell asleep. “I want to file a complaint,” she groused as she steered the ship away from the burning wreckage of the ship they’d escaped. “I’m the one who blew up the spaceship. What the fuck.”
“You get used to it,” Steve replied tiredly, crossing his arms over his chest a he settled in for a nap, not noticing as she whipped around to stare at him in horror.
