#marcmin

He's supposed to be happy, right? "On the cloud nine" or whatever Americans say. It was his childhood dream to become a MotoGP world champion, and, now, it was just a matter of time when he'll become one.

But Fermin was far from being happy. He, in fact, was super fucking miserable.

He never felt like that before. Never had to pretend so much either. Fake smiles, forced laughs and constant acting like everything was fine. At this rate, he could win that fuckass Oscar just from the amount of acting he has to do. And he wasn't even a fucking actor.

Fucking Marc Marquez.

Somehow, it's always about him. Fermin's first win happened because Marc crashed. His first championship will be because Marc decided to retire. Some records he couldn't beat just because they were set by Marc first. He seconds the older in everything. At some point, it started to irritate him.

Probably, at the time, when Marc started dating that girl. Gemma or something like that. He just saw her username in one of Marc's stories. Might've even followed her after.

Whatever.

She wasn't important to him.

Marc, on the other hand...

Fuck, Fermin will be lying if he says that he hates Marc now. It was quite the opposite.

Fermin loved him. Maybe, a bit too much. He saw his future with the older rider. But Marc... didn't see it that way, apparently.

Why "apparently"?

Because he still doesn't believe all those shitty excuses Marc made when breaking up with him. It drove Fermin insane. A good reason why they should break up - that's all he wanted to hear from the older man. Not several. Just one would've been enough. But, no, Marc saying some bullshit about how - "You'll understand with time", "We shouldn't be together" and "This would be better for the both of us".

It's been months. Fermin still can't see how this is better for the both of them.

Well. That's not really true, is it?

It got better for Marc. He's got a proper girlfriend now that he can show off to the whole world without being afraid of backlash and hate. Something he just couldn't do with Fermin. And, yeah, maybe he still gets jealous when he sees them together. Not necessarily jealous of Gemma, but more so of their relationship. Of how open it was.

Fermin always wanted that with Marc. He dreamed of that in their future, when both of them have retired from the sport.

That doesn't matter now.

One more dream that will never come true.

It still hurts, though. He's not sure if the pain will ever go away. Or if he could ever love someone at least half as much as he loves Marc.

Fortunately, it not like he has to find someone just yet. He can focus on his career, say that he doesn't want any distractions on his way to becoming one of the greats. All this just to hide pain and misery he feels. Maybe, success will help with numbing his feelings. Fermin genuinely hopes that it'll work.

— he isn't the first one? okay, who is the first one?