Happy Valentine’s Day to Sirius who will be enduring a full day of James’ grand romantic gestures. One year, James is finally going to realise that Sirius just wants to spend the day in bed together.
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A/N: Like forreal I know this someone requested with an URL and I tried finding that someone but I couldn’t find her but I finished it and I hope she likes it. It’s not long and it’s how I felt when I was going through similar things.
REQUEST:Hi! Can you make a story that has to do with a gryffindor reader who has a rough past(her parents divorced at a young age, shes lived with mom and her mom keeps trying to find someone else but never finds someone), and last time she saw her mom, her mom was drunk and started talking about how disappointed she in in the reader, making the reader slowly start to break. Sorry if this is too much detail lol, also i feel like either Sirius or James would work for this, whichever fits! Love your books
WARNING: Idk really how to say it but this fic can be triggering to some people who have a problem with mental health or any suicidal thoughts, or alcholism so I advise that if any of the topics makes you feel uncomfortable just don’t read it.
XX
It felt as if your world was grey. Not black, nor white but grey. Grey as in seeing the dead roses on the shelves, faltering into depths of sorrow. Grey as in the room smelt of alcohol, not much of a flavor, more plain alcohol and dullness.
“Mom!” you called out from the hall, only a sports bag over your shoulder as you opened the door to the living room.
The reek entered your nostrils like a wave and you took a step bag, just trying to pull yourself together. You fixed your grimace into a straight face and saw her in the arms of a man.
You couldn’t believe it. You couldn’t.
Not thinking twice, you just went through the door. You’ll call a taxi but will you have enough money? It’s better to just wait for the bus but what if you’re going to miss the train?
“Fuck!” you ran your hands through your hair and gritted your teeth. You wanted to dig your nails into your scalp and peel the skin off. You were so angry! So furious and sad at the same time that you just plopped yourself on the stoop and let your head fall on your knees.
Everything. Everything was shit. Your whole life!
Your dad- where was your dad? WHERE!?
You wanted to cry. No, you wanted to scream. No, you wanted to run into a wall but no, not that either. You just wanted to hurt yourself because you couldn’t hurt the person who made you hurt. You wanted to release some of the tightness and the pain inside of you because it damn hurt.
You didn’t have a ride. You didn’t have anything really.
“I’ll be damned!” you heard someone shout but you only nuzzled closer into your arms. It wasn’t meant for you anyway. “My pretty transfiguration partner.” you shot your head up, finding blue eyes and a matching grin looking at you.
“Great.” you said, quickly wiping off the sorrow and the pain, placing allmighty smile on your face. “Lolly?” he offered you one from his hands as one was already in his mouth, throwing itself from one side to the other.
“Aren’t you supposed to be on your way to the choo choo?” he started to joke as he sat down next to you, looking at you and noticing something about your smile.
“Yeah, I am.” you stood up and slung the sports bag over your shoulder, walking away.
You really weren’t in the mood to joke around with someone who has only been your transfiugration partner in your fourth year and most of the time just played around, making rucus with his friend.
He really wasn’t anybody to you except some asshole.
“Hold up, girly.” he ran after you, catching up and walking by your side.
You felt your throat go sore, your eyes wanting to tear up but you didn’t let them.
Can’t he just leave you alone?! It’s not like you had enough last night! It’s not like you’re a worthless, unintelligent freak! It’s not like you were the biggest mistake ever made! It’s not like you’re just a burdon to everybody and everything and just wish to evaporate into disappointment that you are!
Your throat squeezed but you swallowed the dry feeling back inside.
He noticed.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah.” your voice was raspy, barely creating any sound at all.
“I can give you a ride?” he asked, eyes watching yours but you only shook your head, walking faster.
“No, thanks. I’ll walk.” it wasn’t much stronger but it was understandable and you hoped he got the hint to just leave.
Yet, he didn’t.
He stepped in front of you, holding you still in his arms.
“Ger’ off me!” you pushed his hands away and took a step back. “Don’t you get it! Leave me the hell alone!” you stared at him, eyes watering as if you’re about to break into a thousand little pieces. Your legs became numb, as if somebody cut you under your knees. He could see you barely standing and he could see you breaking in front of him but all he could see was how this fourteen year old girl, who sat next to him in Transfiguration with bright eyes and adorable laugh, pushing and shoving him away whenever he made a snarky remark about other students in the class. The girl who shot him a glare whenever he was too mean to someone. The girl who shushed him one too many times but never enough to keep him quiet. The girl he thought was cute but never much interested in him. The girl that was his Transfiguration partner one whole year until that year passed and they went back into being strangers.
That girl he thought he didn’t know at all. The girl he thought would be just another face to remember in the future was now the girl he saw breaking just as he broke once upon a time ago.
That girl. The girl breaking.
He took a step forward, despite all the stares passers gave him. “I won’t leave until you-”
“Why do you care!” it was more of an accusation than a question and he could feel it in your tone. “LEAVE ME ALONE!” you turned around and started running with a heavy bag on your shoulder that kept dragging you down.
You could hear him calling out but the tears were already falling and you didn’t want him to see you. You didn’t want anybody to see you. This was embarrasing. You losing it on the streets was embarrasing.
So you dropped the bag and you ran faster than you ever did in your life. And you ran- you ran so fast until your legs made you fall into the wet grass underneath you, somewhere in the nowhere.
You looked up, crying and weeping like a child. Hell, you were still a child.
You didn’t ask for magical powers. You didn’t ask dad to leave. You didn’t ask to have a mother to hate you. You didn’t ask for Sirius Black to be there when you were at your lowest. You didn’t ask to be alive so why the hell were you!
All alone in this grey world.
You couldn’t stop. You couldn’t stop wailing and weeping into the existance. You dug your fingers into the dirt, feeling it gather under your nails. The grass got slick among your fingers and the leaves were so sharp they cut.
You didn’t hear the sound of a motorbike. You didn’t hear the call of your name and you didn’t hear him approaching until he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into him.
A girl he didn’t know and he was holding her in his arms as if she was the most important being in the world for him. As if it was fragile and he was keeping it from breaking.
“It’s alright. I’m here.” he whispered and you cried, holding onto his arms.
Because at first you didn’t believe it. That he was there, Sirius Black. The boy who sat next to you in Transfiguration class but never exchanged a word after that. You had somebody to hold and somehow that made it better.
And like your heart was filling up the space in your throat, you heard yourself speak. “I’m alone!” you sobbed, crying and holding onto him. “She hates me! My own mother hates me and my dad doesn’t even care!” you cried and cried and you didn’t know but those words hit home with the boy.
Yet he didn’t break. He already broke once and once was enough. He had James. You have him now.
“You’re not alone, you hear me.” he whispered, almost ordered you to listen. “It’s not about them. It’s about what she thinks, what he thinks. You’re stronger without them. You’re stronger because of them. You’re strong.”
“How would you know? You don’t even know me.You don’t even notice me.” you looked up as he offered you a comforting smile. Not the one he usually gives you but the one that just gives you the feelign of empathy.
“The hell are you talking about? I know you.” he looked far at the distance. “I may not know your background but I have a feeling of how it feels. I know you like to hit me with a book- and one of the thick ones. Quite harshly too.” he started to joke a bit and you let out a laugh.
Merlin, you hated when somebody could make you laugh when you were angry.
“And I do notice you. I notice when you come down in the morning, you seem to run back up because you always forget something. You wear buns most of the time because they are the easiest thing to do. Just plop your hair up but there are days you come down with braids and I like those days. Back in Transfiguration I could see you wearing this parfume that was really nice- I don’t know which one it was but it always smelled so nice and you always smelled nice. You had that parfume for a while but then it stopped and I could only smell the cheap ones whenever we passed by. I didn’t mind the cheap ones. They didn’t smell bad but the one you had before was really great. Sometimes you would smell like a fresh summer breeze and I would always try to get closer to you in Transfiguration because you always smelled so good. It’s one of the things I really took notice in and noticed that you always smelled good.”
You were speechless. You haven’t expected that at all from him. Not from him and not so bluntly. He just said it like it wasn’t odd or creepy. It wasn’t thought. If somebody told you that one normal day, you’d think it’s odd but he told you now and it felt... it made you feel better. You were noticed. You still are.
And you didn’t do anything except continue to look up at him and then follow his gaze into the field of nothingness.
“You’re not alone. Not anymore.” he squeezed you gently. “You may think you are but you’re not. It’s always like that with us.”
“Us?”
“The family disappointments.” he quirked an eyebrow. “We are so used to being talked down on. For not following simple rules or obeying but that’s just an excuse for their pathethic decisions and pride. They put all of their flaws and faults on us but we’re not them. “ he looked into your eyes, ordering you to listen one more time. “You’re not what they say you are. You’re not what they make you believe you are. You’re better and stronger. You’re all they can’t be.” he kept looking into your eyes as you kept looking up into his.
And there was this moment of just you, him and the field of nothingness. The wet grass was damping your clothes and his words cleared your enough to realize that. You’re not alone. Not anymore. Not when he’s here and his eyes were the exact proof you needed to feel that.
He removed himself from you and offered you his hand, grinning. “So are we going to catch this train or not?”
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I know a lot of people say that Remus John Lupin was as much a badass as the rest of the marauders but I can’t shake the fact that he was also a soft, caring, and maybe-a-little-too-good boy at the best of times.
A/N: I love this so much and idk why but it hits differently.
XX
Healing. You were healing as you kept stroking the long trunk of the elephant. You caressed its dry skin as he kept nuzzling it closer to you, tapping you gently on the cheeks and causing your hat to fall off.
You laughed as you tapped his trunk and picked the hat, coming closer to him brushing your hand against his large leg. “You and me had quite the adventures, didn’t we?” you told the elephant as he let out a small sound. You hugged him with your arms that were too small to hug him whole and laid your head on it.
“You can’t take him with you.” you heard her laugh but you only hugged him tighter.
“Of course, I can. I’m a witch.” you continued to lay your head on him.
“And where will you put him? Backyard?” she came to his trunk as well and started to pet him.
“Newt Scamander had his beasts in a suitcase.” you pulled away as she furrowed her eyebrows.
“Newt who?”
“Nevermind.” you brushed your hand and walked to her, letting your arm wrap around her waist and your head lean on her shoulder. “You think he’ll be okay without us?”
“Who? Roman?” she tapped his trunk and smiled. “He’ll be fine. It’s you I think that I think won’t be okay without him.”
“I dealt with Remus and his act a long time ago. All I want is to stay here forever.”
She moved from your hold and turned around, letting her hand be wrapped around your waist for now, leading you away from the elephant and walking towards home where you had plenty of unpacked bags to finish.
“We can come back but we were away from home too long. We need to go back to our lives.”
“Correction. You want to go back to your life. I think this is my life.”
“Taking care of animals?” she asked. “For the rest of your life?”
“They’re the only beings that make the world so innocent-” you said but she cut you off, taking you by the shoulders and looking deep into your eyes.
“Then stay.”
“What? I though-”
“I know what I said but if this is what you want, then stay. You’re clearly made for it.”
“I don’t know. I need to go home and figure everything out. I want to be sure that this wasn’t just a getaway- or I don’t know.” you sighed, lowering your head as she wrapped her arms around you and squeezed you. She then let go of you, leaving without a word, only a comforting look in her eyes.
You were left alone to stand at the chilly road, looking around- looking at the tall green grass, something you could never see back home. The sight of animals that could only survive here, in the nature and not in the industrial city.
It felt like you could breathe here. Genuenly breathe and think clearly. You could think about Remus- his eyes. His dark green eyes, just like the jungle in front of you. You could remember all the gestures, the memories you had with him. Everything. Since the moment you first saw him, to the moment you first talked to him, had a long conversation, first kiss, first time, his proposal, his... his cowardly act-
You sighed, plopping back down on the grass, your feet digging into the sand in front of you, as well as your bare hands, taking a few marbles, a few larger rocks inbetween your fingers.
Until you could hear the footsteps that came towards you. At first you thought it was someone you knew here but when you looked up, you couldn’t recognise anybody looking like that.
It was familiar. The walk, the lean posture, the figure and it crossed your mind once or twice but why would he be here- he wouldn’t, would he?
“(y/n)?” he said as he continued to approach you, narrowing his eyes through the darkness.
“Sirius?!” you exclaimed in shock, trying to get your thoughts in order as you stood up.
“I knew the hat was decieving me- it really is you!” He beamed, opening his arms and wrapping them around you.
Surprised by his appereance you didn’t know what to do but wrap your arms around him as well. You haven’t seen him in a year and now he just appears out of the blue, at the same place as you. From all the places in the world, he finds you here.
“What are you doing here?” you asked as you pulled away.
“Look at you!” he put his hands on your cheeks as his eyes scanned your whole body. “You’ve got sunburns everywhere!” He laughed, than looked closely at your nose. “It’s actually cute- it’s like a long strip over your nose- oh and your chin as well.”
“Har- har.” you laughed, punching him away slightly. “Sirius, what are you doing here?” you asked again.
“Following a lead.” he replied. “Just an Aurors job- James is usually with me but he’s taking care of Harry and all.”
“Harry?” you said perplexed, your eyebrows drawing together.
“His son.” he wiggled his eyebrows. “Parental leave and all.”
“He’s got a son’?!” you exclaimed again, feeling your hand slap your mouth. “Oh my God! I’m so happy for him.”
“Yeah- since the whole wedding thing it was like you fell from the Earth.” he looked around, grinning. “Looks like you sort of did.”
“Yeah. I needed to get away- get distracted.” you sat back down as he joined you.
“Are you alright?”
“Now? I’m better than I was in a year. I’m finally starting to feel like myself again, you know?” you looked at him as he continued to watch.
“I’m glad to hear that.” was all that he said, wanting to say more which you realized immediately because Sirius Black could never be quiet for long, nor reply in such short sentances.
“And Remus?” you asked. “How’s he doing?”
“You really want to know?”
“You were always the one I could count on to tell me the truth. So just rip the bandage off. He has found someone, probably lives with her-”
“Umm...no.” he forced a smile and looked away. “He lives by himself, struggling to find a job and just regretting what he did.” he continued, looking back at you. “I don’t think he can live without you.”
Shocked by his words, you turned your head away completely speechless.
“He tried calling you, going to your place, your parents but nobody told him where you were. They said you didn’t want anybody to know.” he took a hold of your hand and brought it to himself.
You looked at him with tears in your eyes, unaware of how it still hurt. “He left me, Sirius.” your voice shivered. “He just left me with no explenation.”
“I know.” he brought you close to him, letting you lay on his chest as his arms wrapped around you. “I did beat the crap out of him. Went all kung fu, you know?” he started to joke and you laughed, making him smile as he heard your laugh. “I don’t know what he was thinking leaving you- you looked gorgeous in that dress.”
You looked up into his eyes, swallowing the tears that tried to come out and smiling at him. “Well, you did help me pick it.”
He continued to stare into your eyes so lovingly, almsot letting you know that his thoughts were a bit more dangerous right now because Merlin had he missed you. You were his best friend beside the other three and he had such fond memories of you- always. The boys were amazing all the time with him but it was you that just gave this incredible woman’s touch and perspective to his life that really mattered.
He shook his head, chuckling and trying to get rid of any further thoughts. “I know. My taste is impeccible.”
“It really is.” you followed his gaze into the forest. “So how did you find me?”
“I was just passing by, looking at the elephant herd at the distance when I saw a girl hugging one of them. She looked vaguely familiar with her walk and body movement.” he looked at you, his eyes traveling down your outfit. “She reminded me of you so much and I wanted to walk away because the chance of you being here was 1 to million but it was like an insitinct inside of me telling that I should be sure. So I followed you and found you- the hat is horrible by the way.” he pointed out in the end.
“Leave my hat out of this. “ you chortled and shoved his shoulder.
“I like your hair- I never saw you with short hair.”
“It’s really hot here and just dealing with hair every day and sweating- I just wanted to chop it.”
“So are you ever coming back?” he asked, changing the subject.
You looked at the distance again, taking some breath in as you remembered how much you could have missed in one year. James had a baby, Sirius grew a beard and Remus- well, he’s going through some troubles but until you talk to him and resolve what you’ve been avoiding for so long, you won’t be able to move on.
“Yes.” was all that you said, making Sirius smile. “I need to talk to Remus. One talk to find some closure and finally end that chapter of my life.” you finished with a stern look in your eyes as Sirius smile faded.
“So, no second chances?” he asked and you shot his head to him, disbelieving the question he just asked you.
“No. He left me at the altar, saying he’s sorry- like all those years didn’t mean anything to him. I took a year to move on from him. Hell, I’ve gone through more shitty nights crying into my pillow and asking myself what the hell is wrong with me for him to leave. I thought the worst of myself, thinking was I not enough? Talking down on myself, trying to find any reason of why he wouldn’t want to marry me up until I finally realized my worth and see that I was never the guilty one. He was and believe it or not, I am sad that he didn’t move on but at the same time I’m so happy that he knows what he had lost.” you stood up and pattend the dust of your clothes. “It was nice seeing you, Sirius but I need to pack. I’ll see you back home- I guess.”
