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lost soul,
go grab a map.
It is time to make your way home.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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map home, if they come for us, fatimah asghar
In regards to compulsive researching / Googling:
“You stop doing it. Really.
If you lived in a country or place without internet how would you search and seek this reassurance all the time? I used to compulsively seek reassurance on the internet all the time. I broke that by realizing I was getting nothing from it. It was just this hole that lead to more and more searching on the internet.
You have to learn to stop searching, and just deal with the anxiety that might come while you aren't seeking reassurance. Or you might realize "what the hell am I doing with my time?" I realized that I didn't need the reassurance, I didn't need the googling. I just let all the fears and worries come, and realized that everything would be all right without my vigilant research about obscure concerns. You have to let the "worst" circumstances come and then your worries have no where to go. You just say "so what"..."and?" with your biggest fears.”
bronzesquid || psych forums
One dark day, you will see a flicker of light in the distance. At first it goes out immediately- but there is no way to unsee it. You lit this lamp in the darkness a long time ago in case you ever got lost again. You kept moving, and the light is within view. It fades in and out, and at times you wonder whether you imagined it. Don't turn back. Don't be led astray by the shadows in the corner of your eye. Keep moving, following that instinct, that ancient fighting spirit you accepted a long time ago. You are not under pressure to fight against OCD- you only have to fight for your own future.
OCD and the Breadcrumb Trail
At this time, as I experience a spike in OCD obsessions and old tricks (likely thanks to medication changes), I feel compelled to tell you about how I cope with spikes when all was well for a long time. Spiking in OCD is like waking up in a cave. You aren’t sure where you are and don’t remember getting there, but you know the place looks familiar somehow. You have a lamp- yes, you’ve used it before- but it’s almost completely out of oil. As if you’ve re-entered a dream years after it first began. The wound is old, the same as it's always been, but it has reopened, and perhaps that scares you more that anything else. If we find ourselves in a very good place, it can be easy- when we slip back into the past due to life changes, medication, and other triggers- to wonder how the hell you got there and how you got out before. I have an OCD tag here as an advocate on Tumblr. I have a set of diaries and art that I created years ago. I even have a book that was written out of desperation for relief, and most of these things were brought into the world so I could share them with someone in the hopes that they could make it through the darkness. Sometimes, that someone is you. The one who needs the help you created is you. If you use your times of clarity to reach out to others, to speak reason, you speak to a potential future version of yourself as well. If you RECORD these things, you immortalize them for everyone to use. Even you. A version of you who may not believe anybody else. But when you, in a spike, look back on the things you wrote and made, recognizing that person, it helps you find the broken pieces. It’s like writing a map or letter for your future self to use so that they may find their way back to you and the life you know is possible. That trail of crumbs might be all you need in a given moment. Someone prepared for this. Someone understood and did not pretend it was impossible. It’s time to become a historian, to accept that you don’t feel like yourself, and to trust the version looking out for you from within that distant window of time.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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OCD tells you that you don’t deserve to have things go well to keep you from being happy when they do. It tells you that you are a monster, and in that, you are alone. “No one walks alongside you in this,” it says. “This time it’s not me; it’s you, and it’s real.” These thoughts don’t have power over you. Somehow it is easier to be miserable on the hunt for certainty than it is to be content with the fact that such certainty is not possible. You can make it through this. There is a brave piece deep inside you that knows this. Pass the responsibility onto them for a while, and take a break. Tell OCD you will think about the trouble later. There are other, more important things you need to do right now.
I know OCD is hard at its worst. It’s more than hard. I respect every person who continues through that. I know you think you can’t do it. But you do it anyway.
