#manic?

*makes all new social media accounts*

*cuts hair*

*deletes all photos*

*cuts off friends*

*spend all money on food*

*goes off meds*

*opens ao3*

*hyperfixates on an old obsession because they’re afraid of change*

*gets hyper-depressed because can’t get enough of said hyperfixation and can’t let it engulf them completely because they have responsibilities*

*creates an ultra complex fantasy reality in their mind to daydream about to the point where they get confused on who they are anymore*

When you ask me what im thinking about, and i say " oh, nothing really", its not really a lie.

My thoughts skitter across their home like they've had gallons of coffee, suddenly shy.

Together, they make a soronous melody, filling my head endlessly.

Theyre never alone, never linear or on their own road always processing and moving on to the next code

After 29 years, they seem to be accepting that this is their home.

We're all nicer to each other now, and after years of teamwork, im rather proud.

But anyway

So, I can't tell if I'm manic or not. Gonna say yes because (1) I only got a few hours of sleep (I've been up since 3am), yet I'm full of energy (2) I want to do something really impulsive like get a tattoo right now.

Anyway, blah blah let's set some intentions/affirmations for the day!

I will let myself feel negative feelings but not dwell on them.

I will be as productive as my limits will allow me to be today.

I am loved, and will send that love back into the universe.

Hmm, strangely my brain is kinda empty this morning. Which is weird. Maybe getting back into some semblance of journaling is helping? Instead of all my thoughts and feelings banging around in my head, getting them out is freeing up space for more important stuff. I haven't even taken my meds yet and I'm feeling pretty good (hoe, go take your meds before you forget).

Anyway, as I sit here, enjoying some of the delicious tea I got from Japan, I'm feeling pretty thankful. Life isn't perfect, but I'm doing okay. And that's all I really want. Is to be okay.

hmmmm

+¥_%\^,^€~>{€.^,>>|€> _AHAHAHJDJCIFOFOKOA OKAY KOKAYNOKAY OKAY OKAY I NEED TO BE CALMER