#mandgreadings

Crossposting this from Instagram, and adding a bit more clarity: I was going to keep this a secret for a while but 1. People keep asking about it and it's hard to act blasé. 2. I've told too many people. 3. I'M EXCITED OKAY? AND VERY IMPATIENT.

Long story short, I was a massive idiot and my health issues did not help. I offer huge apologies to @greenerteacups for any stress or hurt caused, it wasn't your fault, a lot of things were happening to me and everything became too overwhelming.

I was suffering almost weekly gallstone attacks (unknown to me at the time) heavily sleep deprived and frustrated with doctors brushing me off, convinced I was slowly withering away, and it all came to a head. Your story still means a lot to me, it was a source of comfort for me in a dark period of my life and reigniting it in another dark place, feels like the light has returned. I'm unfortunately still waiting for surgery and it will be a while because the NHS is on it's knees.

I can't stress this enough, I've got nothing against multiple versions, but at the time, seeing another version pop up while I was struggling made me feel like maybe I wasn’t needed, so I stepped back. And because they were promising quicker uploads than me, I thought "well alright then, you can have it" and surrendered. I'm a very timid person and because I was already feeling crappy, it almost became an excuse to drop it.

Yes I'm working on that, reclaiming my version of Lionheart is exactly it. Imposter syndrome and low self esteem didn't help.

I also want to apologise to my listeners who the podfic became a comfort for, for taking that away from you, and lastly, myself for letting things get so out of control.

Now that I know my circumstances are temporary and I'm out of work as I've had to pause my business, it's time to resume something else I love and brings me joy. In the grand scheme of things, when you're in pain every day and due to have an organ removed, discontinuing a podfic is child's play. I am stronger than that.

And yes, I do still love it, infact that fuckin lion has been HAUNTING me, being jumpscared by songs called Lionheart, fiancés guild masters calling themselves Lionheart and most recently a conversation with someone about something totally unrelated, I click their username - they were called LionheartGuy. Well, the universe is sending me a sign, and I'm listening.

It will be a while before you hear any news on this, for the sake of my health and the original factor - self imposed stress and guilt about consistency and speed, I'm doing what I should've done originally and recording ahead (also incase surgery happens quicker than expected).

RE: other projects I picked up will still be recorded, things have had to be moved around due to my condition anyway, I'll update you on the schematic later.

Sit tight 🦁

Getting her finished so quickly in tandem with Part 1 was a big W. I re-used some of the stuff from previous attempts at recording and tidied it up a bit. So now at the very least you've got a full chapter before the operation and I'm not edging you. 😘

Hello! Surgery was a success! Just wanted to let you all know that I'm okay. We had a bit of a reality check though, so, it turns out I didn't just have chronic inflammation, my gallbladder was actually necrotic and infected to hell. This is terrifying because I showed no signs. No jaundice, nor fever. They said when they opened it to take a look at the stones, the bile was lumpy and more like pus😬 so I've had a biiig dose of the good antibiotics but they said Hagrid was a real one and because of his size (the biggest stone) he blocked the exit, sure it made me ill but he also kept the infection contained.

Maybe I should've called him Hodor instead....

Other than that sobering fact I would've eventually gotten sepsis, I'm all good! Just very tender. Bile reflux has immediately improved, I feel more alert than I have in years and it's only Day 1.

Due to the state of Galldemort I will require more recovery time than initially suggested, but I hope to be back recording within the next few weeks 🤞

Take care, and I love you all and am so happy and grateful that my fiancé forked out for private care. 🙈

Waiting for surgery is excruciatingly boring, day in day out I've been rotting in bed watching shows that aren't even that good, it's just killing time and so I've adopted a "done is better than nothing" approach to recording. Though I did re-record where the elastics had given me a strong lisp, that was for my benefit. You can see if I don't upload immediately - I'll edit and tweak till the cows come home, so really it's a win win.

So erm, I fell into a rabbit whole of writing the past week, got my prologue done though yay me.