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If I were to say that Battle: Los Angeles, which surrounds the actions of US marine staff sergeant Aaron Eckhart and his newly formed platoon in the defence of (well, you guessed it) Los Angeles, is just a recycled Semper Fi version of Independence Day only contrast by the lack of military focus and heart warming 'heyyyyll no' charm of Will Smith in the latter, some might say I am just being overly critical if not anal retentive. To those people I say, suck my dick. 

The preliminary advertisement and endorsement for the feature, such as teasers and relevant inspiration/prologue which happened to be quite interesting, did prove to be quite effective; after all the teaser did leave me somewhat teased. Boasting a peculiar yet intriguing combination of slide show styled images displaying supposed UFO sightings in major population centres throughout the globe AND an engrossing (yet only touched upon) prologue which portrayed a marked point in history as part of the subsequent plotline. The aforementioned event happens to be the false Great Air Raid of Los Angeles in 1942 which entailed an anti aircraft barrage on 'unidentified airborne objects' that was initially believed to be an invading Japanese air raid but was later dismissed as a false alarm and a rampant case of 'war nerves'. The USA had only been in the war for three months by this point so it is believable considering the aftershock of the Pearl Harbour invasion on the people of America. Jonathon Liebesman (Director) took an alternative view and suggests that these unidentified objects were actually some form of alien aircraft readying themselves for an invasion decades in advance. Pretty cool. It is quite notable of a fictional film to try and make its mark on history, at least, in my opinion it is. Regardless, I wanted to go and see this film; I waited with bated breath.

I saw the film, not once, but twice, so that I could assure myself I hadn't missed anything crucial the first time round, to assure myself that days in bated anticipation for what could only be a burgeoning masterpiece weren't spent for nothing, to assure myself that the disappointment I felt after the first viewing was amiss of the real deal. Don't misconstrue what I'm trying to say here. As much as I found Battle:Los Angeles confounding against my initial high hopes, overall the film was still OK. But only OK. Nowhere near expectations that the adverts and teasers lead us to believe, nowhere near. I thought to myself though, maybe, just maybe, the lethal combination of my intense voracity and the ambiguity of the trailers factored too greatly into mine, and a lot of other people's, criticism of the film? But then I remembered that every single aspect of the film, bar perhaps special effects and the short-lived fight scenes, was upsettingly poor or mediocre at best. So subsequently, I quickly dismissed that said thought. It is true that I did, and I can assert many others did too, have extremely high expectations of the film but that doesn't nullify any criticism as a bunch of people that are now extremely butthurt because their own self professed and highly unachievable vision of the film was not realised. Whether a film is expected to be good or not does not in the slightest affect how good the actual final product will be. If anything, a film that is formerly perceived to be a train wreck turns out to be applauded should be considered a masterpiece, so instead, initial high hopes illustrate just how far downhill a film can slide.

The film did deliver a neat opening which proved to be tantalisingly absorbing, dipping in and out of the everyday lives of (somewhat cliché) characters which provided a nice little transition from good day to bad day. Ironically the films presentation takes this turn of events too. Several clusters of incandescent celestial lights are widely reported as being meteor showers; however somewhat ill-boding is the fact that the ground zero for every shower just happens to be offshore of every major population centre in the world. Oh, how curious. How this hasn’t also crossed the mind of adept astronomers is astonishing. Fucking astronomers. Surprisingly, the seemingly sporadic showers happen to be a calculated and convoluted extra terrestrial invasion. Consequently a shitstorm ensues; a fast paced one at that.

It becomes abundantly clear what you're about to witness when the screen ignites in a myriad of slick tv report and explosive shots of the alien invasion as the meteor vessels obliterate anything on the shoreline. You're about to gawp at the screen, like a drooling lobotomite, as marvellous, eye popping CGI is crammed down your throat with the lead characters M16, and all the while your brain oozes from your ears as the sheer octane of the gunfights overstimulates your senses. Yet, it goes without saying that there is nothing exceptionally new brought to the table. Sure, Liebesman does deliver some intense gunfights, resonant of Black Hawk Down-ish showdowns, however, in the grand scale of things, the action set-pieces sometimes fall deplorably short compared to films of the same ilk, whilst essentially feeling incredibly contrived. I mean, the laborious combination of 'fight, get their arses kicked, run away, have another pop, fail again, run away, attempt stirring morale boost, someone dies and finally fuck off for good' really does become loathsome and irretrievably distorts the perception of 'action'. Action isn't fun when it feels forced. 

Ultimately the films major downside is that it lacked weight, juicy juicy weight. The storyline was so aggravatingly candid that it was impossible to not guess every single minor twist and turn on the pothole riddled cul de sac of a storyline. The dialogue was often banal and unimpressive and surprisingly devoid of subtext despite the numerous possibilities the topic provided. Yeah, it wasn't as though I was struggling through the feature but a film shouldn't a miserably boring ordeal, yet this felt like a Critical Thinking lesson; I know! What the fuck is a Critical Thinking lesson? That was until straight forward evolved into just purely ridiculous, to an extent that it made an ignominious mockery of the sci fi genre. 

To give anyone who hasn't seen the film some context here, this invading alien race has travelled millions of light years to purportedly reap the Earth of its precious resources (namely water, for some reason) so, therefore, it is logical to infer that this uber species has become so proficient in science that it has mastered space travel, maybe even time travel. Alright, stick with me here. So, this uber race of brooding Dr Robotniks on LSD struggle enough to make water themselves, which is relatively simple compared to travelling through space effectively, and so opt for the easy decision.. make war with Hollywood  The aliens land on Earth and successfully fuck shit up, which is entirely plausible due to their clearly more advanced tech etc. Okay, okay everything is going to plan and makes sense, sorta. But this is AMERICA! Some grizzly, war hardened veteran will rise from the ashes of civilisation and give the aliens what for! And yay, we're going to look forward to it. Aren't we? AREN'T WE? So, with mankind on the brink of collapse I'm expecting a memorable last stand for the longevity of the human race, oorah. But instead, they all shoot a bit at some 'water tower' and that sends the supposed menacingly lethal alien race packing. They just like, give up. After all of that. Extra terrestrials with spaceships, fucking spaceships, and flying artillery batteries that wreak untold havoc the whole film, just decide to pack it in and surrender when a handful of wearisome marines put some holes in a little water retrieving contraption. Great. Just perfect. 

I don't think I can bring myself to finish this now, I'm too mad. Instead I'll give it a rating, and not even a Kotaku styled one that I believe you all deserve. I'm sorry everyone. I am so sorry. 

Ultimately, the film is a wearisome product that falls short of any expectations a fan of either war films or the sci fi genres may anticipate. It is still better than twilight though. The story is frightfully fragmented at times, the dialogue is an acrimonious divorce settlement between what sounds cool and what makes sense, with the concessions of both just ruining the end result, and the tenuous character personalities didn't satisfy my needs. It won't satisfy the needs of most either. However, it is still worth a watch to pass the time, just switch the logical side of your brain off; beer helps.

Battle: Los Angeles - 5.5/10

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