To Feel Your Heartbeat Next To Mine
And suddenly, theyâre dancing.
Magnus decides that he could stay like this forever. He has all he needs. His lover, his Alexander is close to him, holding him and he's not scared. He knows Alec will never let go.
Alec smiles softly the next time he dips him, his eyes crinkling at the corners. Itâs one of Magnusâ favourite smiles, the one that truly means happiness and comfort. He doesnât get to see it a lot these days.Â
And suddenly, theyâre dancing.
Alec just sweeps him up in his arms, like it was some common thing, their routine, something they do every day.
One moment Magnus was standing in the middle of the living room and now Alec is spinning him around and dipping lightly.
He may not know where this whole thing came from, but he resorts he likes it.
Being close to Alec, being able to feel his heartbeat as they press their chests flush together. He can feel his glamour slipping, but he doesnât care. He knows Alec finds him beautiful, no matter what eyes.
They keep swaying to the soft music playing around the loft. There is a certain fineness in Alec's moves. Something Magnus wouldn't expect from him. They're spinning and taking a bit tentative steps. But they're doing good. More than good. It feels amazing.
Magnus decides that he could stay like this forever. He has all he needs. His lover, his Alexander is close to him, holding him and he's not scared. He knows Alec will never let go.
He doesnât know how much times passes, doesnât really care. The whole world might have been on fire and still, Magnus would only care for his Shadowhunter. As long as heâs safe, thatâs what matters the most.
Alec smiles softly the next time he dips him, his eyes crinkling at the corners. Itâs one of Magnusâ favourite smiles, the one that truly means happiness and comfort. He doesnât get to see it a lot these days.
Magnus closes his eyes and lets that image burn into his memory. Alec straightens their position and Magnus can feel him leaning in close, can feel his breath ghosting on his face and he smiles at the realization of whatâs to come.
But instead of feeling Alecâs lips on his, his lover begins to speak.
âYou need to wake up, baby.â
Magnus opens his eyes, confused at what he means. Alec still smiles, and he reaches with his palms to cup his face, creasing his cheeks gently.
And Magnus wants to ask, wants to know what he means, because heâs very much awake. Heâs here, with Alec, in their home, and itâs lovely. It feels like none of their worries can reach them here. And Magnus doesnât plan to let go of this feeling.
Abruptly, Magnus recognizes that he doesnât really know how he got here. The last thing he remembers is being in Alecâs officeâŠ
He knows his glamour is down, but it isnât right. He doesnât have his magic, his cat eyes are gone.
He remembers the feeling of choking on blood, the inability to breathe. He vaguely recalls the picture of Alecâs concerned face as he began to step towards him. And then, there was darkness.
But it isnât true. Alec is right here, heâs smiling and his beautiful, hazel eyes are shining in the sunlight. Thereâs no hint of this concern Magnus saw what feels just like a second ago.
âYou need to come back to the real world.â Alec whispers as his eyes settle on Magnusâ.
Magnus reaches with his hands and wraps them around Alexanderâs neck. What does he mean? This is real. They are real. Magnus can sense it, can feel Alecâs steady pulse underneath his palm.
âYou have to go back. They need you.â Alec speaks again.
Who? He has everything he needs right here.
âI need you.â His boyfriend adds.
âIâm right here.â Magnus is surprised at how weak and feeble his voice sounds. He barely gets these words out.
Alec shakes his head lightly, his expression a bit amused, the smile still playing at the corner of his lips.
âNo,â He starts. âno, youâre not. Not really.â
Magnus looks at him confused, but a part of him has already figured this whole thing out. But he doesnât want to listen to that part. Not now, not ever.
Alec huffs out a small laugh and leans in to kiss him. Magnus gets lost in the feeling of their lips brushing together, but way too soon for his liking, Alec pulls back.
âI love you. And I need you back with me. The real me.â He says, staring deep into Magnusâ eyes, so hard that he has a feeling his Shadowhunter can see his soul.
âI love you too.â Magnus whispers and his arms tighten around his lover. âI donât want to leave you.â
âThatâs why you need to wake up, love.â Alec smiles again and hugs him as tightly as he. Magnus buries his head into his shoulder and feels the tears building up in his eyes.
âI canât.â He speaks, his voice muffled by the material of Alecâs suit jacket, but itâs enough for his lover to hear him. âIâm scared.â He admits.
âI am too.â Alec replies and Magnus feels his hands running up and down his back lightly in a soothing gesture. âBecause youâre not there with me.â He continues as he pulls back to meet Magnusâ eyes again. âAnd we can only figure this out, when weâre together.â
âI want to stay here. With you.â Magnus desperately clings onto him. âThis is all I need. I want nothing more.â
Here he has Alec, he has his magic. Thatâs enough. Always was and always will be. Thatâs selfish of him, but he doesnât care. Heâs terrified of what he will find when he wakes up. The fear, the slowly escalating effects of losing his magic. Heâll die, he knows it. His age will catch up to him. And here, he doesnât feel any of this panic. Itâs peaceful and calm. Why would he ever want to go back.
âThis isnât real, baby.â Alec reminds him, ever the pragmatic and responsible one. Even this imaginative version of him is like this. âAnd you have a family that needs you back there.â
âHere I have you.â Magnus tries.
âYes, but Iâm back there too. And so are the others.â
Magnus thinks of Catarina, Madzie, Raphael, Isabelle, Clary, Simon, Luke, Jace⊠of everyone. His family. He never thought heâd find people who would accept him just the way he is.
âThey love you.â Alec prompts. âYou canât leave them too.â
He knows he canât. It would be devastating and he never wants to cause them pain.
And then he thinks of Alexander. Of how he last saw him. Worry clear on his face, the fear he must be feeling now, when Magnus is lying unconscious on his officeâs floor.
This one here is not his Alec. He might look like him and sound like him, but heâll never be his Alexander.
âI know.â Magnus agrees with Alecâs earlier words. âBut I canât-, I donât know how-â
âJust close your eyes and breathe.â Alec advices him. âWeâll always find our way back to each other.â
Magnus does as heâs told and slips his eyes shut. Breathing in deeply. He swears he can here Alecâs voice, but not the soft one which spoke to him a second before, not this Alecâs voice, not the oneâs whoâs holding him in his arms now, but his Alexanderâs, back at home.
 Magnus, please.. no, wake up. Please donât leave me. Please, I love you.
He takes on last deep breath and opens his eyes.
 He doesnât feel like heâs choking anymore, but his chest still hurts and itâs hard to breath. His eyes are open, but itâs like his brain hasnât caught up to them yet, and he canât see anything. When he finally does, itâs blurry and unfocused, but heâs met with his loverâs eyes.
Alec is looking down on him, tears streaming down his cheeks, his expression a mix of fear, grief and pain. He lets out a long exhale as Magnus blinks a few time to regain his focus. He vaguely registers another person in the room. Catarina is kneeling next to Alec, blue magic only now dying at the ends of her fingers.
âMagnus, I thought-â Alec starts, but then a sob escapes his throat. Magnus reaches with his hand to crease his boyfriendâs arm, let him know heâs really here, that heâs okay.
Alec moves to hug him, clinging tightly onto his body and sobbing into his shoulder. Magnus lets him. Itâs enough for him to feel his loverâs heartbeat now. Itâs uneven, way too fast, but it lets Magnus know that heâs here too.
âI canât lose you. I canât.â Alec cries into his shoulder. âIâm so sorry Magnus, Iâm sorry.â
Magnus hugs him back, way weaker than he does, but he tries. He feels exhausted, too tired to tell Alec than none of this is his fault. He already said it before, a lot of Times. But his Shadowhunter continues to blame himself for all this mess. Magnus doesn't feel like he could speak now, but he tries to give the reassurance with his comforting touch. Heâll do anything to reassure Alexander now. Itâs going to be fine, theyâll figure this out together.
âI thought you were gone, I-â Alec still rumbles, his voice wet for crying. âI canât-, no I-â
âWeâll always find our way back to each other.â Magnus whispers faintly and another sob overcomes Alecâs body.
He doesnât know how long that stay like this. How long Alec cries in his arms, on the floor in his office. He doesnât care. As long as he has Alexander, as long as theyâre both here, together, nothing else matters.