#malarkey

Donald Malarkey as portrayed by Scott Grimes in band of brothers!

1/10, you just heard someone else say this while describing Real Robot Mecha, only applies to Guntank style mobile suits which then stops working since they don't have legs.

"Gundams are like battleships with legs"

6/10, more accurate though dependent on the setting.

"Gundams are like giant people."

8/10, only accurate for the orignal 1979 serires but 100% accurate.

"Gundams are like giant knights"

9/10, only accurate to IBO/Gwitch but it's hella based.

"Gundams are like Gundams"

10/10, no notes.

"Gundams are like me."

➜ 𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: mortar boys x m!reader

➜ 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: suggestive content (if you squint), just the boys being flirtayyyy

➜ 𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒: the humorous mortar boys LOVE to flirt with their favourite comrade

𝐑𝐄𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐃: yes @trenchkissingboys

𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆 ♬ careless whisper by george michael

𝐀𝐋𝐃𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐍𝐄, 𝐄𝐍𝐆𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐃 (1944)

“Hey handsome.” You heard a flirtatious voice whisper from behind you.

Skip Muck.

Your cheeks turned bright red, you knew it would be one of them— the mortar boys, the flirty three. They loved to tease you, especially though whispers; when you couldn’t do anything, they enjoyed watching your cheeks flush as you stumble over words.

“Hey Skip.” You nodded at the man in-front of you.

Luckily, the men surrounding you didn’t hear his scandalous statement, although you doubted he would care either way— out of the three boys, Skip was the most out there.

It seemed your reaction didn’t satisfy him, though; he soon plopped down next to you, an innocent to others’, but devious smirk to you, hanging on his face. You wondered what he was up to this time.

Your pondering was soon answered however, when you felt a feather light touch slide up your thigh. You stiffened immediately, face going beet red, whilst Skip merged into conversation with the rest of the guys— acting like he wasn’t sending you insane. His hand grazed your knee, edging further up as he rubbed circles.

You had to get out of there, you were sure you would combust if you couldn’t grip him and pull him to you right now.

You stood abruptly.

“I’m gonna head back to barracks, catch you guys later.”

A chorus of “see ya’s” head your way, but you couldn’t focus on them; all you could focus on was the emptiness where Skip’s hand had just been.

And as you walked out, no one seemed to catch the sultry look the mortar man gave you. Thank god.

You were speeding back to the barracks, face still red as a tomato, you were sure. You were soon cut off from your thoughts, though, when you rounded a corner and were met with the broad chest of none other than Alex Penkala.

Perfect.

“Well, hey you,” Penkala’s eyes switched when he noticed who bumped into him, “watcha’ doing out here?”

You stuttered slightly, he knew exactly what his best buddy had just done.

“Let me guess, Skip?” He asked knowingly, a mischievous glint in his eyes too.

The look alone made you nervous, they were toying with you— they knew just what they did to you, and they loved it.

You didn’t answer, but your face said it all.

“Hm,” He hummed, the sound making your stomach erupt, “I mean, I can’t say I blame him.”

Your gaze shifted to him, if they wanted to play a game, who were you to deny them that.

“Oh yeah, why’s that?” You teased, folding your arms and acting clueless.

Penk’s eyes turned hungry as his chesire smirk grew.

“Well, look at yourself.”

He stepped closer to you now, the tension clear as the summer sky, and you felt it.

“Well, I don’t have a mirror.” You tilted your head, testing just how far he’d go.

Alex huffed a short laugh, but it wasn’t humorous— you gathered that when he took a step closer, and his calloused fingers met your chin gently, but with meaning.

You swallowed, licking your dry lips as you just stared at him— your own eyes flickering to his plump lips for a split second, but he caught it.

He leaned down slowly, too slowly for your liking; until he finally pressed his lips to yours.

It was quick, so quick that it had your lips chasing his as he pulled away, so quick that it was over in a blink— no one would’ve seen that. Hopefully.

“Catch you later.” Penkala winked as he pulled away, sauntering off with cockiness, while you just stood still.

Your hands absentmindedly reached to touch your lips, it all happened in a simple second, you weren’t even sure it actually happened.

You managed to drag yourself away from the scene as Penkala’s figure shrank into the distance.

You couldn’t help but smile to yourself— so they would actually go through with their flirting.

Once you finally reached the barracks, you slammed the door open; no one would be here, they were all down at the hall, eating and drinking. However, you were surprised when you came face to face with Malarkey.

You huffed, you couldn’t say you were surprised. They had probably planned this.

“Malark.” You greeted, a certain look in your eyes as you stalked over, standing directly before him.

“Hey.” His signature smile stained his face, as he looked up at you from his sitting position.

Your heart fluttered as your stomach tensed.

“Watcha doing?” You asked, eyebrow quirking.

“Hm,” He tilted his head up in mock thought, “I wonder.”

“Just wanted to see my favourite guy on base.” Malarkey revealed.

“And here I thought Muck and Penk were your best buddies.” You hummed.

“Oh, they are. But you’re different.”

The door burst open, causing the two of you to jump apart.

“You fellas okay?” Guarnere asked, eyebrows furrowed in suspicion at the reaction from the pair of you.

“We’re good Ghonnorhoea.” Malarkey laughed, like it was nothing.

“Alright,” he drawled, “just came to grab more beer.”

You nodded, before grabbing a crate beside Don and passing it to Bill.

“Thanks.”

“Sure.” Your lips pressed into a thin smile as you watched Bill walk away.

“Where were we? Oh yeah.” Malarkey smirked as he grabbed your back, still sat as he pulled you between his legs.

The tension was almost unbearable, until the door slammed open once again.

Muck and Penk. Of course.

“Hey guys!” Skip greeted first, wasting no time in walking towards you and Malarkey, dragging Alex along with him.

“Watcha doin’?” Penk curled his lips.

“Oh, not much.” Malarkey replied, but his look was one of silent invitation.

“Mind if we join you?” Skip quirked his brow.

You looked between the three men, a familiar feeling pooling at the bottom of your stomach. You couldn’t wait.

“Of course.” You winked, so slightly that an average person may miss it, but they weren’t average.

Penkala and Skip chucked as they strutted closer to you and Malarkey, oh boy what had you gotten yourself into.

———

Your eyes fluttered open, and you were immediately confused. You felt cramped.

However, you realised why that was when you looked to the side, to be greeted with Malarkey’s snoring face— as you looked to your other side, you were then met with the closed eyes of Muck and Penkala. You smiled to yourself as your stomach erupted again.

It seemed their flirting had worked.

☆*:・ﾟ