#malal

Nine whole months ago I made this post on r/grimdank (Warhammer 40k meme subreddit) based on those Which Sin Do You Relish the Most? memes but with Chaos Gods instead

I decided to watch a few YouTube videos before bed only to find someone did a BurialGoods style reading of it

I like the voice acting, but my only criticism is they cut the last one out like a coward

1. (The Lion)

“Well, they are certainly effective. And exceptional. And by thunder, Perturabo would have you know it.”

2.(Redacted)

“If PTSD were a Legion. They are equal parts bitterness and love of duty. Pray the bitterness does not seize primacy.”

3. (Fulgrim):

“All the stubbornness of the Thespian Hoplites at Thermopylae without the panache. And like the Thespians, they are often doomed to be forgotten.”

5.(Khan)

“Too many tanks. To little initiative.”

6.(Russ)

“If I were to say I fear but one of the Legions, it would be the Fourth. Against them, even the strongest foes fall in ranks and columns.”

7.(Rogal Dorn) “My brother has often bragged that his Legion could hold a quarter inch of ground against an invasion fleet if so directed . And, do you know something? I believe him. As do I believe he would waste their lives, especially the Olympians, were -HE- so directed.”

8.(Konrad Curze)

“They smell of oil, rust, and graveyard loam. But they get the job done.”

9. (Sanguinius)

“Not an inch of gilt. Or lace. Or whimsy. Brutally efficient.”

10.(Ferrus Manus)

“They are, for the most part, hardbitten men. Not without their merits as individuals, but men beaten in to a sort of collective that values the phalanx over the fire team and sees the legion itself as an apex hunter whose weaker parts must be excised, from time to time. Begin command of a Legion with a decimation order, and this is the result. I am not so certain this is a good thing.”

11.(Redacted)

“Cranky bastards, like my brother. But when you can get them to loosen up, they are just as human as any other man. Some day all sons must come home from burying their dead amongst wine dark stars. And I wonder what will happen then.”

12. (Angron)

“They rely too much on artillery, too little on cold steel. “

13.(Gulliman)

“Exceptional logisticians, which of course is understandable given their father. I know of few Terminator companies who excel in the siege as they do.”

14.(Mortarion)

“One would think that Hellenes would have a better sense of humor. They certainly excel in tragedy and drama… If you listen carefully, you can almost hear the sound of the whining over the sound of the bolter fire.”

15.(Magnus)

“Good soldiers. Well read. A bit boring.”

16.(Horus)

“Better that they adorn themselves in nothing but cold ceramite and iron. They would, otherwise, never be able to scrub themselves clean. And I do not speak here of mud.”

17.(Lorgar)

“His lack of faith reflects poorly upon them…”

18.(Vulkan)

“They are passionate men forced to do dispassionate things. I like the average man among them very much, but I fear the tragedy he could become.”

19.(Corvus Corax)

“They’ll just give any Legionary a gun and stick him in a hole these days, it would seem. Poor bastards.”

20.(Alpharius Omegon)

“Their father is unworthy of them.”

Khorne - a blood candy, like a hematogen or something like that, or protein powder.

Nurgle - a food that was left to rot for a VEEEEERY long time or literal feces.

Tzeentch - coffee, because of how inconsistent the reactions you get to it are.

Slaanesh - everything at once, but the longer you taste the more the taste of caramelized ""babybutter"" becomes dominant.

The Dark King/The God Emperor of Mankind - human flesh. Stop chewing on the corpse ffs.

Malal/Malice - paper. Specifically - lawsuit paper.