#mainchick

Dating > Finding Out You’re the Sidechick (Sidehoe)

Finding out the guy you’re dating is seeing someone else is a huge blow. An even bigger blow? Finding out that you’re not even the mainchick, you’re the sidechick.

My experience: 

I’ve been through the sidechick thing twice—completely blindsided by it both times. The first guy was Markus. He was a short fling that I most likely didn’t actually have feelings for, but the lying in itself and the ghosting afterwards really hurt. I felt like I wasn’t even worth ending things with. He just blocked me on every social media platform. About two months after Markus ghosted me, I found out about his girlfriend—who he’d never broken up with.

The second guy was Frank. This was a much bigger blow as I had been dating him exclusively for three months. Towards the end of the three months this was someone I trusted and appreciated and had almost fallen for. I couldn’t wait to spend time with him and hated being away from him. I would’ve gladly spent all my Sunday mornings curled up in his arms, avoiding the real world. No one had made me that happy in a long time. However, after the three months, I discovered he’d never actually broken up with his girlfriend and had been in love with her the entire time. He’d even gone and visited her in Hong Kong, promising me he’d see me after the trip. Whether he was able to like me and love her at the same time, or had been faking everything for sex, it hurt all the same. He loved her and used me.

It definitely hurts to find out you’re the sidechick. It makes you question everything you had with that person. Was it even real? Were they faking the entire time? And it makes you question yourself. Why me? Am I not good enough to be the main chick? First of all, no matter what excuses this guy (or girl) has, they’re a liar, a cheater, and a selfish jerk. Don’t allow them to make you question yourself. No, this doesn’t mean you’re not as good as the mainchick. No, this doesn’t mean you have a sidechick quality about you (unless you’re doing it intentionally, of course). None of his actions reflect on who you are.

What Can You Do?: 

(If you’re in the situation at the moment) For your own well-being and that of the mainchick’s, let go. The longer you continue to be a sidechick, the more hurt you will be in the end. He’s not a good guy and not someone you should want to continue to be with.

(If you’ve already ended it) Block him and block the mainchick on social media. Nothing is uglier than jealousy and wanting to stalk them constantly to see if they’re hanging out will only hurt you. Delete any trace of him on your phone (I’ll be the first to admit that this is incredibly hard). You can do it whenever you want, but once you have, there’ll be nothing you can look back on. Nothing that will make you miss him or remind you of him (on your phone, at least).

Change your sheets. His smell is probably on them and no matter how much you try and smell them, it won’t make you feel better. It’ll just make you feel sad and lonely. Clean your room. Make sure anything that belonged to him is gone.

Take a break from men or jump right back in. Whichever one feels better—as long as you’re proactive about getting over him, you’re on the right track.  

Personally, I wouldn’t intervene with the relationship. Both times I found out, I never once thought it was a good idea to tell the mainchick that she’s being cheated on. I don’t think it’s any of my business as my relationship was isolated from hers. I think this is something someone needs to come to terms with on their own.

Women / Teen to Elder

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