#main note

Dear S

I gave you the picture I drew of K a while ago, and you responded with a note. You apologized for not responding to my last note, which was sent of the Tuesday we broke off. In the new note, you said we were allies, that even though we weren't friends anymore, that you will help me if I need help.

I responded with a rather long note, finally saying the things I have wanted to say since that day. I explained how awful your treatment of the situation makes me feel, that I felt you handled it terribly. I ended it with saying that you would ignore the note. That I was being stupid. (Which I still believe, by the way.) You...you sent me one last note. It said how sorry you are, how you regret how you handled it, and that your parents wanted us to take a break. I'm so sorry. If I had known your parents wanted this, I would never have gotten mad. You ended it by saying you wanted to talk in person.

I don't know what to say. I want to. But where? When? Argh.

Dear S

I stole two of the "Spirit Week" posters from school. I know you saw one of them, but the other was the Color Wars poster.

I think one of the worst feelings in the world is knowing that you have friends, but they aren't close friends. At most they're "haha look i'm stealing a bunch of posters from school(so people will notice me) haha isn't that random?!" friends, not "i can tell you about how my dad always jokes about me telling my mom to do stuff like get up earlier so she can wake my brother up and i always thought he was being serious and never thought about that that might not be okay until my step-mom started a huge hour long conversation about expectations and maturity and you would listen" friends.

Me and Kh are getting closer, but she'll leave as soon as she realizes that I'm a piece of abusive, corruptive shit. I think I might call S.M. today, but we have nothing to talk about anymore. All my friends either break it off or we just drift apart, and I just want someone other than Tumblr too talk to. 

I don't know why I'm posting this online. No one wants to read this shit.

Dear S

I don't often think about you over the weekends. I never see or have seen you on the weekends though, so...

I decided to finally listen to Hamilton, and it's really good. I still think it would be better if it was focused on the entire revolution, but I'd never heard of Alexander Hamilton before the musical came out, so 99.5/100.

I cried yesterday, which, as you know, is a rarity, but I don't really wanna talk about it right now.

Dear S

(This might be a two-part note - I’m typing this in third period.)

I need to tell you something. If someone is being a jerk without realizing it, TELL THEM. Talk to them, let them know that what they’re doing is making you uncomfortable. Don’t just stop talking to them one day without warning, then, after the person asks why you aren’t talking to them, don’t write them a note basically saying ‘We aren’t friends anymore. You’re just too much of a bitch.’

...maybe that last sentence was too on the nose. 

Anyways, if you decide to do that, at least tell your friends about it! S.J., K.C, and J all had no idea that we weren’t friends anymore. I had to tell them, and they were basically your friends. At least, J and K.C. haven’t talked to me in weeks. S.J. is okay, though.

Sorry for the long note.

Dear S

Right now I'm on my recliner, listening to Help by Pink Guy and waiting for mom to get home. Today was flannel day in school, and you put on a nice red flannel that reminded me of Dean Winchester, but you put your iphone in the flannel pocket. It was glaringly obvious. Of course the choir teacher saw it, half of it wasn't even in the pocket!

Our fourth period teacher - Mrs. H - is feeling awful. I know she "hates" you, and you think she's insane, but she's actually a really nice person if you just ask how she's been. I know that the whole "you said a south park reference and i wrote in in my planner and mrs. h saw and sent us to the guidance counselor" incident made you wary of her, but that was kind of a unique scenario. 

Anyway, I've been doing really shitty.

Dear S

Today I watched Tomska's Last Week vlog, and he talked about Eddsworld. It just made me think about all the fics I wrote and showed you, and all the OCs you made for Eddsworld. By the way, I always thought your OCs were really unoriginal. Come on, one of them is a recolored Tord with a missing eye and pink hoodie! Also, what's up with all your 'art'? You printed out art you liked, then used your markers and made it your binder cover. I only saw six original, non-traced pieces from you in the two years I knew you, and two of them were copied from other art. Maybe the reason I'm a better artist than you is because I practice. Lastly for today, I saw your new binder cover, and I'm honestly kinda creeped out. I know you like Bendy and the Ink Machine, but why did you color a Bendy with human proportions and muscles? It's really strange.

Dear S

Today marks the thirtieth day since we've last communicated directly. I know, it seems a bit strange to start this blog now, but you were my closest friend for two entire years. Thirty days is barely 1/24 of that time, and you know teachers love saying that habits take twice as long to lose than to gain. I hope it won't take quite that long for me to be happy with our separation for more than three days at a time, but hey. You never know.

K recently resolved our comments on the Morm Squad fic, and I got a notification for it. I sat there for an entire hour, staring at my screen, then I unfollowed and blocked both K and you on tumblr. It's kind of a haze when I look back on it.

You never did finish that fanart you promised me, did you.