#maghawir

I can learn from others again.

I can feel love again. deep, love. love that I dont know what to do with. love that stays deep. love that won't go. love that I want to last forever.

I can listen to others.

I can BE THERE.

and they will be there for me.

I can let people be there for me. I am not ashamed of needing love. of needing help. of needing support. These are human things to need. these are human things to want. I am normal and it is normal to love and be loved. cringe culture does not exist. those who participate are a pox that identifies itself for me.

I can CRY again.

I can cry again.

I can cry again.

when I am in pain I feel pain. it hurts and I notice it hurts. I act like it hurts. when people ask me how I'm feeling, I say not that well. I am not trapped in endless torment any more. I know what bad feels like because I have a Good to compare it to.

I can speak again. there is a word to my emotions. I have a voice. it is quiet, it is timid. and I like that. I want that.

I can still be bold. I can't always be bold for myself. that is harder than being bold for others and I do not know why. maybe it is because we are human and we are supposed to work together. maybe I do not have to be good at everything.

I understand the value of mutual aid.

I understand that a human should not be considered as an individual.

I understand that it is our network of love that keeps us sustained.

I understand that maintenance of that network is vital. If those I love are not well, I will struggle to be well. and I recognize that if I struggle to be well, I cannot help others be well. this does not mean that I suppress myself.

I understand that I must care for myself, first and foremost. If I do not exist there is no world to experience, and my work is for naught.

I understand that I must care for myself, first and foremost. If I am unwell, my help is not helpful.

I understand that I must care for myself, first and foremost. when I am healthy, I can give so much and so fully. the love comes so freely.

song that makes me want to dance: palace - brockhampton (perf for a lap dance tbh...)

June 15, 2016 — Monday morning, as we were all absorbing the horrors of the Pulse attack in Orlando — the deadliest mass public shooting in modern U.S. history — Mashrou' Leila arrived to play a Tiny Desk concert. For this band from Beirut, Lebanon, the full weight of the tragedy hung heavily, and its members wanted to begin their set by addressing the Pulse shootings.