#maeze

26th Sun of the Second Umbral Moon

We buried Aster today. I do not know what else to say. I have not written because our world almost fell out of the sky. We ran out of beds, hallways became infirmaries...and morgues. We lost most of the engineering crew, some support staff. 

We were conscripted into the Limsan fleet again and, well, I can still see the ships fall out of the sky when I close my eyes. I still see the man from the boarding party point his sword at me when he realized I was healing our defense team. I still remember grabbing Maeze and jumping over the planter wall onto the deck below. The fire, the screams and in the end we limped home. The ship was barely airworthy. 

And now a week has gone by and I just returned from the tall grasses overlooking the sea. Burying someone that once told me he loved me. Will this be the first? 

I return my gaze to the current crisis at hand and feel my heart shatter over and over again, knowing what I must become to save what is left of my Heart. Was this how Mafrea’s path began? I cannot help but mirror my mannerisms these days to his. Could Kat actually be right? 

Dear Kaiara,

Everything hurt, not right now but it did. I think I’m drunk.

A lot happened tonight. We fought Garleans. They were coming to attack with their horrible airships. A group of us boarded one of their vessels. We fought. It was hard. I got shot in the shoulder. Someone blew up a console. The blast was bad. We continued to the engines. We fought some more. I got on a turret. Someone tried to pull me off. They slashed my ankle. A blast ripped through the room we were in. It was bad. Arik and Jun went down, so did all the Garleans. Mafrea took Rosette, Yukiteru took Jun. I carried Arik. We got back to the medbay.

Our ship was bad. Crew I’ve never seen before where strewn everywhere, dead or dying. The med bay was full. Arik and Jun were seen to. I took Rosette from Mafrea. She didn’t want to let go. I promised her I’d put her next to him. He left. Katalin stopped me from going after him. Then Aster stopped breathing, Jun got worse, Maeze was blind but tried to help Jun. I was free to go after Mafrea. He had helped stabilize the engines. He came willingly. I kept my promise. Katalin healed me.

Aster died.

I went to the common room. I needed a drink, I’ve never needed a drink. Corsa’ir was at the bar and I’ve never been more thankful for that. A miqo’te was yelling about not wanting to be alliance cannon fodder. She said Garlean rule couldn’t be worse. I saw red. Corsa’ir told me no fighting. I don’t think I could even though I wanted to. Stupid girl. I will take tonight a thousand times over before living under Garlean rule again.

Never again.

Never again.

acceptance of the self

oc stuff yea