#katalin

Anna mentions Katalin and Dr. Matyas. Her father mentions Baron Bethlenffi. As narrator, Modri mentions the Kornich family and Transylvania.

this thingie

Aaaaaaa thank u ^^ love this, the contrast between them for each of these options is so ✨️✨️

8. How loose is their use of the phrase ‘I love you’?

Katalin: Not. She has trouble feeling loved, or naming what she feels "love." She has her people, and she cares so deeply about those people, but saying the words? How can she, when a part of her doesn't think she'll hear them back?

Seren: Girlie is just so full to bursting of love. She loves her girlfriend/wife. She loves springtime. She loves her sister and her children and her music and traveling and and and. And she says it, too, with words and with music and more.

I checked and Seren uses a variation of "I love you" 5 times during her story, and calls someone "love" 7 times. (ish for both. didn't count some because they were repetitions during a song, so actual count is a bit higher.) In a ~10k word story. And once during Katalin's story! Katalin, however, doesn't say the L-word at all during her story so far (it's currently twice as long as Seren's) (she's been told "I love you" twice so far and has trouble with it, including emphasizing that one of these people shouldn't love her).

31. When do they feel the most guilt? How do they respond to it?

Katalin: Uh. Well. It spikes when people talk about the evil things necromancers have done. Also when she remembers the time she killed and reanimated a bunny rabbit as a small child, which is of course an irrefutable sign of her evilness and proof that she deserves to be cut off from her magic (writing that made me 😭 she's got Issues). And uh. Also one time when she gets told "love you." She responds to it very well, if by "well" you mean "absolutely terribly for her mental health"! And by that I mean she kind of simultaneously sits there with all the guilt, feeling like she fully deserves it, and also tries to run away from it because that sort of shame/guilt mix is a shit feeling that makes you feel like trash.

so yeah she cries 😭

Seren: Probably the things she's felt the most guilt about were 1, "abandoning" her twin sister when she ran away from home (their relationship was fine and they got back in touch two years later), and later, 2, double-life type stuff doing spy/courier work and not telling her kids about it. That second one she and her wife talk about; neither of them feels good about keeping big stuff from their kids but they do feel this work is important, needs to be secret from most people they meet, and is not the sort of thing one can expect a ten-year-old to not tell anyone. So. Best to just. Not put that on the kids until they are more grown than smol.

54. What’s their instinct in a fight / flight / freeze / fawn situation?

Katalin: Oh, freeze, definitely, with flight a close second. Like a bunny rabbit 🐰

But, y'know, bunny rabbits will fight, too. If they're cornered and have to.

Her room at the Quicksand was small and modest, it served it’s purpose whilst her home was under renovation and repair. She couldn’t stay at the small house in Shirogane that the others could -- there were too many things that reminded her of the hallucinations that Jun’s father concocted and cast. She’d sooner move in with Alistair than live in that nightmarish hell.

Considering it had taken her a week to force herself to look in a mirror...yeah. Fuck that place. If Emeline and Jun weren’t so wrapped up in it, she’d fucking light it on fire herself.

She met her teal gaze in the mirror, noting how she was slightly paler and there were darker smudges beneath her eyes. Twelve, she was tired. She ached from sitting too long in chairs that were far too uncomfortable with Alistair, her mother, and Lady Noni. A low groan came from her as she pinched the bridge of her nose; the headache she had been fighting on and off for the past three days threatening to start up again.

All of them had been targeted by...whomever was after her. Either it was the same asshole cultist who was pissy about her possessing a certain journal or her list of enemies was beginning to lengthen more than she realized. Alistair had cornered her at the end of the four day stint of meetings, but she had managed to dodge the back hand and he had ceased his attempts when Lady Noni came out of the room with after bidding her mother goodbye. He was livid at the interruption to dealing a punishment he thought was just. She had felt a pulse of aether from it and her own miniscule amount threatened to curl through her veins to rise in defense. She had never felt her brother’s aether rise with such speed before and it caused more wariness than before.

She had been grateful to get the hell out of there.

She stared at herself in the mirror and began to apply her make up, prepping for the nuptials of Corsa’ir and Katalin this evening. She was losing her edge, her quick wit and silver tongue were dull. That was evident with the cool and tense conversation with Mafrea and Emeline last week, the results of it left her feeling like she was on uneven ground with the two. 

She was making mistakes left and right and it was starting to show; family, both of blood and of spirit, were suffering because of it. It was time for a reset, time to take a leaf from her favorite -- no, from Mafrea’s book. Emotions meant less control and she had to rectify that.

Rose brushed out her hair, reaching for the small bottle of Azeyma’s Rose oil and poured a little into her palm. She rubbed her hands together, threading them through her ebony locks to smooth them and take away and flyaway strands. Perhaps, she would recuse herself for a handful of days and take the time to handle things. Mayhaps, in doing so, she would draw the focus away from both parties. She could ferret out the seedy bar that the one hired fighter had spoken of. Some hair dye, different clothes, and some dirt would go a long way to change her appearance. Seven Hells, perhaps she could pick up the leve herself and confront the enemy?

She had to start thinking logically and plan. Gods, she was better than what she had been. She met her gaze in the mirror as she braided her hair back, twisting several lengths upward and pinning it in place. She smirked faintly; high risk meant high reward. It was time to handle her shit. 

27th Sun of the Third Umbral Moon

We got dressed up, found proper armor for Arik, managed to hold down Saphy long enough to get her cleaned up and then out the door we went. Jun wore this amazing tux and I put on my proper robes for an event in Gridania. Rosette was on point as usual. Mafrea was very handsome at her side, even if he did not understand he was filling suck a position. Catherina and Reiyah were the epitome of grace. And our good friend O’vissu came along with us. 

So what is all this excitement about? Last night was the wedding of our good friends Cosa’ir Boon and Katalin Hunter. It was a strange and beautiful affair. One I was happy to share with Jun, to help him better understand traditions. 

Once we went through the ceremony we were invited back to the Boondoggle for the reception. I was asked to speak alongside Captain Yohko to the crowd and happy couple.  I copy my speech here for the sake of memories for this day. 

‘Love is a strange thing. Some claim it is not for them, some claim it is all about the open road and never being tied down. But in the end, love is universal. It is of the heart for all to have. Love is not something that can be manufactured, constructed or only meant for a certain ‘type’. And in this love, sometimes two people rise to its pinnacle and take the bonding ceremony to entwine themselves. There is a beauty in days like this, where we pause in all the madness around us to celebrate the union of those we care so deeply about. To put aside strangeness and uncertainty to put our faith in those who celebrate love and thank them to include us in this day. Katalin, Corsa’ir...this day you have opened your hearts to us, and your wine cellar....to be a part of something so precious and special in the times we find ourselves in. I thank you for this beauty, I thank you for your friendship, as all those gathered do. For two people who swore this would never be their path, you seem all the better for letting your hearts open to it. May you always be blessed, may you only find fortune and may every day be a day where you wake up to confess your love to each other. Twelve be with you.’ 

It seemed to be a normal night after that. Catherina played a bit of the harp, we met some lovely people, caught up with some old friends. But that did not last long as there was a raid of Corsa’ir’s Ex’s stormed the bar, attempting to save Katalin from a life with Cor. It was humorous...and a little violent. 

I look forward to seeing them all again. I should host a gathering. 

Dear Kaiara,

Twice since I last wrote have I wound up in the medbay. Once for numerous stab and bite wounds from horrible creatures in a Nymian ruin and once for what should have been a simple gunshot wound. The first time everything was fine with Faol casting a powerful heal on me and Katalin ensuring I was ok. The second time...

I may have caused at least a part of the problem. A’kaia was the only medic around and Aifread was hurt bad. So I figured how hard could it be to remove one bullet. Bad plan. I made it worse. Then Faol showed up and healed the wound over it. I thought that was a bad thing but she said it was fine. I was content with that until A’kata came at me with a knife. The bullet was being removed. I don’t remember much after that, A’kaia must have used a sleep spell, but I’m better now. And I got candy!

I must admit, the medbay isn’t the same anymore. It’s more... clinical. It doesn’t have the same comforting feel without...

A’kaia is wonderful and she tries her best to make things still feel normal, like the person healing you actually cares. I haven’t had Remus yet, maybe he’s good too but...

I miss them. Even with all the noise of a still full airship, I can’t help but feel the emptiness they left behind.