#mae2025

reposting this because it's my new phone wallpaper

I’ve got such a complicated relationship with art, mostly because it was a way to express myself and my parents didn’t want that. I was a child of immigrants that wanted me to blend in, keep my head down, listen to others and do what I was told. 

When I would draw, they would discourage it, when I wrote they said it was a waste of time. I had no outlet that was appropriate for them and so I created less and less the older I got. My role was that of something they could brag about (when I became a doctor, which obvs didn’t happen) and to compete with their siblings. When I didn’t meet those expectations I was “nothing but a disappointment” and “a regret”.

The only time I was useful was when they realized they could use my talents for their own gains. People only call you selfish if you don’t give them what they want. They don’t care about what you want.

It wasn’t until I was able to run away halfway across the world that I could truly be an artist without their words to hold me back. I finally began drawing again in 2016 and went digital in 2019. 

I could have become an abusive narcissist like my mom or an alcoholic like my dad but instead I’m giving myself to art. My skill isn’t close to where I wish it could be and my voice is small, but it’s my voice. Something AI will never be able to replicate in a thousand years.