#madisonia

sweaterboy, standing at a cautious out-of-angle distance: don't they say never to stand between two mirrors

Frustration

Slow down.

Do it carefully.

Don’t take shortcuts.

Breathe.

No motivation

You have to do it.

The same you that’s worrying that you can’t.

Find the levers to pull. Find the buttons to push.

Start with the least important part.

Keep going.

Creative block

Make it stupid.

Make it silly.

Make it fun.

Make it, whatever ‘it’ is.

Suicidality

Why would I kill myself?

Why was that wrong? Did I fix it?

You’re good and okay, even though that happened.

Is this productive? Is this how you want to solve things?

I know you think it would be so relaxing to be dead and have no responsibilities, but cats don’t have responsibilities either. Wouldn’t it be nicer to be a cat?

Seeing things

You know it’s not real, because: [reasons go here].

Are you sure it wants to hurt you?

What else might it want?

Why might it be here?

Is it too dark in here?

Self-loathing

If you’re so bad, why do so many people like you?

Aren’t you good at things?

Don’t you try hard?

Don’t you love people, and do your best to fix it when you fuck up?

What would you tell your friend if they were saying things like this about themself?

or, "I don't believe in Spooky Shit but I'm having a Spooky Experience and I don't know what to do!"

My friend who isn't a witch or anything Like That had a spooky experience just recently. She got locked out of her empty house, while she was in the front yard, and had no explanation for the event more rational than "ghosts??" which she doesn't believe in. There probably is a rational explanation, but she doesn't know what it is and she very plausibly never will; either way, she still has to deal with being freaked out in the present.

Now, as it happens, I have a lot of experience with that sort of problem! I'm a witch, yes, but I'm also a skeptic; I don't think any of the stuff I do or interact with as part of my witchcraft is 'real,' at least not the way rocks are real. And when I was a kid, I had what I knew to call 'an overactive imagination,' which nowadays I call 'psychosis'- hallucinations and delusions. I would see and(/or) become inflexibly afraid of things that on a rational, intellectual level I knew were not real; monsters don't exist, the dead do not rise. But just because I knew it wasn't really happening didn't stop it from happening to me; you can't logic your way out of a weird brain. And for a long time, I was stuck there! I couldn't acknowledge the fake-not-real things that were happening to me, because that would somehow mean I was ‘admitting’ they were real-not-fake.

But it's not that simple, of course. Even the 'sane,' with nothing unusual about their brain, hallucinate sometimes; and people believe things that are provably untrue all the time, likewise without anything wrong with their brains. People just aren't rational creatures with perfect access to the real state of the universe, even when we try to be, and we don't have to think our problems are based in reality to want to do something about them. If a problem is irrational to start with, an irrational solution may be in order. It certainly helped the fuck outta me.

So here's my argument for why skeptics might, sometimes, want to look into spiritualism or other folk esoteric traditions:

Something scary is happening to me that I have an irrational explanation for, but no rational alternative.

Either what I'm afraid is happening is really happening, in which case:

there may be a real solution to this real problem, and if there is you may as well look to what other people have done for that.

Or this is all in my head, in which case:

anything I do that makes me less afraid is an appropriate solution to the problem, even if it doesn't really 'make sense'; and

anything that makes me more afraid, including pretending I'm not afraid and that I understand what's going on, is going to make the problem worse.

We're skeptics; we rule out case 1, barring really good evidence (i.e., better evidence than our own fear). But that doesn't mean the solution to case 1 can't be helpful for case 2. You live in a culture where people kinda-sorta-sometimes believe in irrational things, and you are also afraid of that irrational thing, and the cultural knowledge you share with believers in the irrational may be helpful!

(Disclaimer for the following section: I'm a white American, and most of the advice I have to offer you comes from the European folklore I learned. If this stuff isn't relevant to you, hopefully reading it will give you an idea of the kinds of superstitions you do know that can give you a sense of control when something Spooky is-or-isn't happening.)

Practical advice

There’s some good mundane things you should do anytime you have an Irrational Problem, or anything involving your state of mind- open curtains or turn lights on to improve lighting, clean any clutter, fix anything that could give you perfectly reasonable anxiety (unbalanced piles, open cupboards- that’s an actual folklore thing, at least for the Scotch-Irish). Attend to your hygeine, make sure your environment sounds and smells pleasant. Sleep if you haven’t been, and consider that your real life problems can come out in Irrational ways.

Traditionally, not every 'scary' folkloric creature necessarily has it out for you. A ghost might have the folkloric power to do something freaky like throwing your shit around or locking your front door, but that doesn't mean it wants you dead or even particularly dislikes you. If you're alone, or with people who understand why you're doing it/are also freaked out, try talking to your Irrational Problem.

Maybe introduce yourself, to be polite; just because it isn't real doesn't mean you feeling like you've been polite won't calm you down.

If it 'does something' obnoxious, tell it to stop.

Ask it what it wants.

Look for signs that it's talking back; of course, it is not, but just as perfectly mundane things can be misinterpreted to make you afraid of something that isn't real, misinterpreting perfectly mundane things to make you less afraid is also possible.

Most Christians (or cultural Christians, here meaning 'people raised Christian who may-or-may-not actually believe') that I know have the idea that the Lord's Prayer (from Matthew 6:9-13) can make unclean spirits fuck off. Did someone actually teach us this? Did we just pick it up from horror movies? Either way, it is in fact a longstanding tradition in Christian spiritualism, and so if you learned the text and said it a lot in a religious setting and have this cultural idea that it'll help, repeating the Lord's Prayer may solve your Irrational Problem. (If you're not Christian, but you don't have a suitable substitute, you can use it too as far as I'm concerned.) Here's the version that has the most resonance for me, but feel free to substitute your own nostalgic version:

Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on Earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, for thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory. Amen.

There's stuff in your house that can traditionally be used to make spirits (or whatever) fuck off.

Throwing spilled salt over your shoulder prevents the 'bad luck' spilling it causes; salt is nearly universally kinda magic. If you saw Hocus Pocus, you saw Allison throw salt around herself in a circle; a bunch of folklore beasties can't cross a line of salt. Put it at doors, on windowsills, anywhere that seems intuitively like something could 'come in' through there to keep things out. (Sweep it up if necessary, and try to keep it inside- magic may not be real, but salting the earth is a very real tactic of war.) Dissolve the salt in water for a subtler effect- paint it where you would otherwise leave a line, or flick it from your fingers onto/near any object that's involved in your Irrational Problem- if, for instance, you've got a creepy bit of decor your landlord won't let you get rid of.

Black pepper, and by extension anything else spicy, is good for banishing things. Garlic repels the undead. Make something spicy for dinner and think real hard about how it's gonna make that spooky shit fuck right off.

If you grow your own herbs and are interested in drying some, anyplace you'd leave a line of salt and perhaps any doorway is a good place to hang some nice pungent herbs to prevent your Irrational Problem from getting in.

Similarly, you can always write something to the effect of 'get out and stay out' on a piece of paper and leave it hanging near doorways. Specific cultural traditions dictate particular things be written on this kind of paper charm- in Europe it's often Biblical text and arcane symbols. If you need to be discreet, put something else over it so other occupants and visitors don't get suspicious.

You may have seen that Tumblr post about banging pots and pans and telling a ghost to leave. That was funny, right? It was also serious. Making lots of noise is, in fact, a traditional way to get a haunting out of your house. If your neighbors would complain about obviously extraneous noise, practicing an instrument or blasting music is a fine alternative.

You could carry a candle around your house, through every room, again focusing on making that spooky shit leave. If you have anything that produces more smoke than a candle, that's traditionally even better. If you're okay with smoking inside- regardless of what it is you're smoking- try getting a little bit of smoke in every room. You don't have to set off any alarms or make your house permanently smell like smoke, it's symbolic. (Getting smoke near things is also good for creepy decor you can't get rid of.)

If it's not a big deal to you that your Irrational Problem leaves, as long as it stops fucking with you, there's a number of folklore creatures that accept tribute.

Milk is traditional for fairies.

Some traditions- the ones I can think of are from the African diaspora, so tread carefully here if that's not your background (magic is a cultural tradition, and people may have perfectly good reasons to be miffed about you using theirs)- leave alcohol out. Keep in mind, though, that in the traditions I'm thinking of alcohol gives spirits a great deal of vitality, so this might be best if you've already established a more-or-less friendly relationship with your Irrational Problem.

A bowl of candy would probably work just fine, and wouldn't alarm anyone else who happens to see it. Humans consuming it isn't usually an issue- across many traditions, tribute is often consumed by spirits-or-whatever indirectly through animals or people. Just replenish it if it empties and the Irrational Problem raises its ugly head.

If the thing that spooks you is out of your house- for instance, you get that pesky sense you're being followed (and do make sure no-one's actually following you, because being stalked is an entirely other advice category)- there are a number of things you can do on the go.

Cross yourself, if that's relevant- the traditional way to do it is to tap your forehead, your solar plexus, your non-dominant shoulder (i.e., left if you're right-handed, right if you're left-handed), and your dominant shoulder with your dominant hand. If you're iffy about using a cross, feel free to improvise a different gesture incorporating another shape.

The horned hand, known variously as the main cornu, 'rock on' gesture, 'hook 'em horns' if you are an Aggie (Texas A&M) or know some, the ASL sign for ILY (variant with the thumb extended)- that is, with the middle finger and ring finger flat against your palm, thumb either against the middle two fingers or extended, and the index and pinky fingers extended straight out- protects against the evil eye, and may be useful to you as a general protective gesture.

A wide variety of European folkloric creatures, including both vampires and fairies, are compelled to stop and count anything you throw in front of them. (This is where the Count from Sesame Street comes from.) Grab some sand/dirt/rocks, rip up some grass, grab pine needles as appropriate, and throw 'em on the ground. Over your shoulder is traditional, especially while crossing a symbolic or literal threshold/boundary delimiter.

If you happen to be able to cross running water to get where you're going, that'll also stop a certain class of beastie.

Carry something lucky- a rabbit's foot, real or fake; a four-leaf-clover charm; a pendant or charm to protect against the evil eye; your favorite patch-covered jacket, with the addition of a patch you made for yourself that to you means luck or protection. Touch the lucky thing when the Irrational Problem looms.

If you have something an ex, or an ex-friend, or anyone you've cut ties with gave you, and looking at it or thinking about it makes you sad or uncomfortable- get rid of it, or perhaps even destroy it. It certainly won't hurt any Irrational Problem you're having to not have things that get you lost in your unpleasant memories around.

First jar spell (quarter for scale), I decided to make a protective charm- salt at the bottom, a whole bunch of pungent/sharp/’hot’ seasonings (including four kinds of pepper), coffee and tea for a power boost, a sorta bloody/grungey finish with red nail polish for the adhesive and ash and some leftover grindings. Inside is a nail attached to the bottom with wax, point up. The color striation was sorta modeled after protective coloration, I think, although I didn’t consciously have that in mind. And it’s taglocked to me with my spit.

now, as I was standing there, hauling on the chain, it occurred to me that what I was doing could fairly be called “asking to be taken by the fairies.” sure, I was gathering metal, but I didn’t know what kind it was or if it was ‘real’. also: standing alone on the employee side of a parking lot hauling on a rusty chain is absolutely how you get to Underhill in strip mall suburbia if there happens to be an entrance there. so I was warm with the glow of streetcombing ambition, but I was on the lookout. I may be stupid, but I’m not dumb.

closer to home, but still in the same parking lot, I passed a loading dock full of rubble where I’ve found a couple of cool things before. it’s big and it slants downhill before the sudden tick upwards for the dock itself, so searching it for neat shit takes a while. I’m walking downhill slowly, staring at the ground, not finding much. eventually I’m right by the dock, and I notice that there’s light coming out from under the sliding doors. not surprising really, it’s not that late. I get a little closer, step by step, until I’m close enough to detect a faint, unidentifiable melody.