#madeleinecookiekin

Discovers Fictionkinity: A fresh pie? Save me a slice 😋

- is c!Karl - : That’s good

- c!Philza kin appears - Okay, that’s good.

- Starts to kinsider only two characters - : That - that’s… alright, that’s good —

- Kinfirms Chihiro - : okay , OKAY, alright

- and Kinfirms Ghostbur - : ALRIGHT , okay, ALRIGHT

- Kinfirms Madeleine Cookie - : Okay , that’s GOOD

- Has many other kinsiders - : THATS GOOOD. ITS-

- starts having a fun little kin crisis over which c!Smajor I am - : ITS ENOUGH SLICES —

the first one I stopped really masking around was espresso and he just. Gave me this weird look when I stimmed and it felt so horrible I completely shut down and backed off . I knew it was just rsd and he didn't intend to be negative about it- he just didn't expect it. But in that moment I felt so cornered I just. Put up all those walls back up. It scared me so much that he might not see me for the perfect image that I put up even though he didn't in the end and that was okay

It's a little funny because I share a lot of symptoms with npd myself. I don't have it but I share a lot of symptoms. And ig it still rlly sucks that people still describe self absorbed people as narcissists. Completely ignoring how it's literal ableism! (It goes hand in hand with calling someone who's slow or oblivious autistic. It's meant to be an insult towards an actual disorder. It's ableism.)

Also in general it hurts ! A lot. To see someone bashing me. I wish?? People understood I had to be that way. Yeah I was self absorbed, overconfident, etc etc and most of my goals were focused on myself but that didn't mean I didn't want to help others. I really did. But I just. If I became a more powerful hero, if I became immortal and became some kind of "favorite" of the divine, then I'd be a better hero. The best. And everyone would love me

When you're raised in a house of high expectations where you only receive love if you do good, and with constant praise when you do good? That's kind of how you turn out.

I used to be so strong ,, I could swing claymores and shields at the same time, I could take down dragons and the worst monsters. But now? I couldn't even cut a pizza. I'm so weak I couldn't cut a pizza- one of those easy ones too. I've fallen so far. I worked so hard for my strength and now I don't have an ounce of it. I can't build myself all the way back up again i,,

All this over a pizza.