#madchen

well, as the creator of the madchen flag and gender itself, i had noticed it’s basically a horrible eyestrainy mess of a flag in it’s original iteration. thus, i had remade it into its current form that you see now.

madchen is defined as a gender that is feminine, but in an entirely off the binary way. it combines femininity with abinary gender-ness, being a feminine gender that is entirely neuter, null, or otherly. although it’s feminine, and indeed kind of almost an equivalent to femme almost as i kind of currently envision it as a feminine role akin to valeo’s masculine nonbinary role, it’s true gender is otherly and apart from masculinity, femininity, or concepts derived from such, at all.

it’s based on the third “maiden” gender of the universe of simoun, and the name of the gender is literally the word “maiden” in german.

so, here’s my updated take on the madchen term as well as it’s flag!

the colors mean something like this:

the coral red represents the inherent “off” femininity to this gender. the white represents the myriad experiences of madchen-hood one can have, blending all together like a prism. and the sunflower yellow represents the inherent abinary, otherly, neuter, or null traits of this gender that are separate from masculinity, femininity, or any combination of the above.

From Amazing Fantasy Vol. 3 #002, “Tribes”

Art by Kaare Andrews

ty! lol a+ conversation topic.

yk I have a lot of Thoughts about Guts jerking off, but surprisingly few about Griffith? But wrt Guts I basically think that during the Golden Age he’s repressed, he’s dumb, he’s super attracted to Griffith but totally incapable of realizing that. He’s a teenager so he jerks off plenty but he tries not to really think about anything when he does it. It’s just a physical release, not fun self-exploration.

(Though considering how often naked Griffith pops into his head when his hand isn’t on his dick, I have 0 doubt that he’s come up a few times while b8ing. But he’s probably like, w/e just a random unrelated memory flying by while his mind is unfocused, doesn’t consider it meaning anything.)

During the Black Swordsman days I think he’s even more repressed and probably ends up frustrated and swinging his sword instead a lot of the time because anything that might come to mind when he’s horny pisses him off, from memories of actually having sex making him feel guilty having abandoned Casca, to everything related to Griffith. Sometimes he finishes anyway and sex and ragey violence maybe start getting a little concerningly intertwined in his head. Guts has self-loathing Issues about this but he tries not to think about it.

And after NeoGriffith’s resurrection I think Guts just gives up and knowingly gets off to thoughts of fighting/fucking NGriff for a while and blames it on the beast of darkness and being too into revenge for too long. I don’t think he’s out there having a sexuality crisis off-screen during the Millenium Falcon arc exactly, but honestly I could so easily buy Guts acknowledging his attraction to Griffith but pretending to himself that it’s cause he got his revenge wires crossed and it’s all just variations of the urge to kill, and this being part of what motivates him to try to get over his desire for revenge lol. Yk, he’s thinking to himself that once he gets Casca back and gets to have het sex again it’ll all go away, so it doesn’t matter.

I’m js it fits right in with my take that Casca is a distraction from Griffith and his own complicated feelings and now that she’s awake and still not dtf he’s gonna have to deal with some of his issues he’s been avoiding. And the Beast of Darkness was hardly subtle with its taunts, c’mon, this is practically canon.

Griffith otoh... hmm. I could see him as aware that he’s gay and rolling with it and even aware of his sexual attraction to Guts and rolling with that and fantasizing about Guts throughout the Golden Age.

Well, I say “rolling with it” but if I’m thinking of Griffith as aware he’s gay (and for this ask I want to because it’s boring if I just say the same things about Griffith I said about Guts) I’m also thinking that he has a huge load of internalized homophobia going on too, but like, once-removed? He’s gay, it’s a big source of self-loathing for him because his frame of reference for m/m attraction is not great, but he’s also repressed the hell out of his self-loathing lol so like, I guess I’m imagining him seeming mostly fine with his sexuality and attraction to Guts, mostly just rolling with it fairly easily because it’s not like it’s going to get in the way of his dream or really affect anything so it doesn’t matter, but occasionally just getting fucked up over it and thinking about it as yet another thing that makes him monstrous. Like say after Tombstone of Flame when Guts implied that he’s cruel, or after he leaves.

(Which is actually kind of an interesting combination with Griffith trying to escape his feelings for Guts by becoming a monster, it’s like a contradiction of that internalized homophobia. But back to the point)

So like I imagine he jerks off fairly regularly but his fantasies are relatively tame, more Guts swinging his sword and sparring ft grinding and exchanging handjobs bc he’s got hangups about penetrative sex, and if he thinks about Guts kissing him and comes immediately that’s also something he has to avoid thinking too hard about.

And I got nothing on NeoGriffith lol, I can’t imagine him masturbating because it’s too linked to emotion and need. And if he did I think he’d be able to keep it purely physical without a mental or emotional component. Though that said I like to think that some thoughts might slip into his head while he’s having sex with Charlotte.

(Ok and I just want to link a few posts where I got more into actual fantasies they might have about each other. Griff’s fantasies, Guts’ fantasies, and one more post about Guts’ potential sexual feelings wrt Griffith.)

POV — something that’s already happened, retold from another character’s perspective 

I’ve been working a lot on i think we’re haunted recently, so here’s a little snippet that will never make it into the story ... what Gai experienced when Lee was out of the room in Chapter 3.