#maasqueen

I scanned the shelf, my eyes falling on the chestnut leather bound at the end. A series of poems, love and death, sun and moon. The usual poet’s choice of topics. However, this wasn’t usual, nor is it unusual. It’s purity in the form of ink. My fingertips gently touched the leather, pulling it out of its new home. I opened to the first page, my eyes scanning the small print until the book slipped out of my slender hand.

The sound of leather smacking against the wooden floor reminded me of Illyrian leathers, bracing themselves against the army of Hybern. The army of weak demons and blood thirsty slave drivers. The book splayed opened, pages unveiling the words I never taught Feyre, the words of failure and cruelty. 

This happened once before, when we first returned, I tried to read. To escape. I couldn’t get past the penetrating silence, the painful ringing in my ears the quiet cursed me with. It was similar to the silence that radiated through me as my power surged before emptying to save…to save…I can’t even say his name in my head. I even failed him. To protect him, us.

Decadent emerald walls edged towards me, slowly caving in like they had many times before. Before they could swallow me whole, I ran to the roof. Breathlessly clinging to the railings edge as I looked towards the horizon, towards the cobbled streets disappearing into the azure sea. This was the only place where there were no walls to keep me, no cauldron to imprison me, no king to attack me. I still couldn’t take baths without buckets, sleep in unforgiving darkness or face the fact that I had no more enemies to defeat.

“You missed practice…again.” Cassian’s commanding voice emphasized, again. His wings tucking behind him as he stood beside me, careful not to touch my skin. If he is the sun, I am the moon. His skin had darkened from several days of travel; and while his grew darker, mine became paler-unveiling a system of veins.

They stood on the roof top deck, overlooking Velaris. The sun had felt different, even though it was a fireball above us, it felt strangely cold. The wind and mountains, the sea-all these natural beauties had felt distant, colder since the war. It had been several weeks and normalcy had not replaced the ache each one of us felt, that much I knew.  

“I’m sure you managed just fine by yourself, bastard.” I replied with venom, hoping it would scare him away.  

Cassian’s eyes darkened, his lips twitched, “how will you defend yourself in the next war? Books?”

“I haven’t…” My voice failed me, I crossed my arms, forming what little barrier of strength I had left.

“You haven’t read? You’re not reading?” Concern lined his face as his eyes traced over my body searching for signs of external damage, of bloody wounds before gazing at my neck. The one he had once grazed his lips against.  

I let out my held breath, slumping my shoulders without realizing as a small pond pooled in my eyes, “No,” I whispered. The sky felt like it was bulging, ready to collapse on top of me. I looked up instinctively, imagining the fleet of Illyrian warriors turning to dust with a sharp ray of light. A single tear breached the surface of my lashes, another blink and he would see, he would know of all the internal wounds I kept hidden from everyone. I turned away from him, dropping my trembling hands to my side-careful not to look up again.

Cassian’s calloused hand gently glided down my forearm as he moved closer. The warmth of his skin invading mine, down to my iced marrow and my ruptured heart. I could feel him towering over me, a god of war and steel, his shadow casting down upon me. The space between us ached, it screamed at the separation-the distance. Cassian’s smell lingered in my nostrils, incredibly potent, even more so delicious. A shudder threatened to rip through me but I stopped it, with whatever power I had left, I stopped it. It was a similar feeling to when his tongue flickered against my raging pulse.

“Do you think of them when you look at the sky?” I asked not only to distract myself from the overwhelming heat and smell that wrapped around me but for reassurance, that I wasn’t the only one. He stepped closer, the gap between them evaporating. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t breathe-not with him this close. The leather against his chest touched against my back, I could feel his wild heart beat match mine.

Cassian sucked in a deep breath, the sun touched my hair as he looked up. An excruciating minute longer, and my head was covered by his shadow again. “Yes-I’ve never spent so much time looking at my boots.”

The hairs on the back of my neck stood in protest, I could feel his hazel eyes soften as stared at my bony spine pushing through my skin. “And do you ever see,” I coughed to clear the lump in my throat, “do you ever see your blood on your hands? Our enemy’s blood on your hands? My…my blood, on your hands?”

He let out a sharp breath, as if he was hit in the balls by my knee again. It took him a moment to digest what I was asking, what answers I was seeking. Or maybe it was just to recover from the unspoken words we all thought about.

“What I see most is you. I see you, Nesta.” Cassian paused, “I see the warrior I fought for, the woman I almost lost. The same woman I was ready to overturn the next world and the next just to find you again and do things the right way.” His voice tickled against the nape of my neck, “like I promised. And this time, not fail you,” he turned away as I turned towards him, letting the cold sun touch my hair as he rubbed his face, “again,” his voice almost broke as he burrowed his eyes into me.  

I stared at him, my eyes widening as they brimmed with tears. My bottom lip quivered in defiance as I raised my chin. I opened my mouth slightly, I tried to protest, to reply, but my voice failed me-again. I had seen him look defeated before, when I stepped out of the cauldron and his wings, his beautiful wings had been shredded to nothing. And then again, when he told me to run as he fought off Hybern. My heart thudded against its cage, screeching, thrashing.  

“Weakness is when you feel helpless, when you can’t move forward or backwards. Stagnate.” His head dipped, strands of his darker than night hair fell into his face as his hazel eyes raised to meet mine. “You, Nesta Archeon, are not weak. Take care to remember that.” Cassian’s voice had barely raised above a whisper, not for lack of strength but because he was emanating it through his hands that wrapped around mine.

I couldn’t take it; his eyes could see the deepest parts of me-the depths that even I didn’t want to venture to. The part that stole from the bastard cauldron with spite and malice. That cursed my past, present and future. I swiftly dropped his hand to turn away from him as my quiet sob found its way through me, making my shoulders rise and fall. The stillness stature I usually could maintain vanished as I shook uncontrollably.

Cassian stepped away from me, a building frost replacing his body heat. “My lessons are everyday at seven am,” his cocky voice rising with his left brow, “be there-unless you’re scared to get your ass kicked like your sister.”

“Yet it was me who saved your ass on the battlefield,” I replied, as sharp as the blade that I twisted in Hybern’s neck. I wiped the tears from my flushed cheeks before he could see either reaction. I still couldn’t look at him, if I looked at him then he would see the emotions I had pushed him away from seeing. I can’t let him see, I can’t let him in. I rebuilt the walls within, wall after wall until I was nothing more than bricks and iron.

“Remember that the next time you feel weak, Nes.” He muttered into my ear, his warm breath caressing my entire being.

“Don’t call me that,” I snapped, turning so quickly I thought I might topple over. My blazing blue eyes were matched with his, eye level and absolutely thickened with passionate angst.

“Nes,” Cassian replied smoothly, the corner of his lips turned upward. He raised his wings and with one flap down, he had sky rocketed into the air.  

I wanted to look up but I couldn’t see him without seeing the hundreds who had died. I couldn’t see him without hearing my blood curdling scream in my ears as I called to him in battle-begging him to be with me. My trembling hands shook, pulling my attention downwards. The twist of my lips had altogether disappeared, tears leaking heavily from my eyes. I’ve lost control, not only of my life but of my reactions-my body.

“You’re not weak.” I repeated to myself over and over until the tears stopped shedding and the ache in my chest dulled. “Thank you,” I mumbled, covering my eyes as I took a deep breath before heading downstairs to my room.

On the stairs down from the roof, I could hear the singing of Elain in the garden several walls down. The sound of metal clinking as Elain handed Azriel her shovel and spike, he released a frail smile and even the movement of his lips-I heard it. I could hear the brush strokes of Feyre, painting Rhysand in their bedroom. His seductive laughter curling around them like a dark curtain.

A sickening burn churned in my stomach which only quickened my steps till I reached my room. I slammed the door shut, forgetting about my newly developed strength as the sound reverberated against the walls. My back slid against the wooden door until I reached the floor in a pile of onyx skirts. I studied the plain obsidian dress, the tight sleeves and bodice were crushing me, digging into my thinning flesh.

Flashes of Tomas’ hands ripping at my skirt, broken pieces of straw beneath me as I dug my nails into the flesh of his face. My screaming echoing through the barn as he pulled at me until I kicked him in his hardened staff. My caught breath as I ran, my thundering heart as tears burned down my cheeks. “You are not weak,” I whispered to myself, closing my eyes.

A second flash of Feyre, the curse breaker and Elain, the seer and me-the repulsive older sister who failed them. Venom and rage pumping through me until Feyre took on the role of protector, of savior. Another flash of my father breaking, begging and until he became nothing more than a shell…until saving us only to die at the hands of Hybern as I did nothing.

My shoulders stretched as I rested the back of my head against the door. “You are not weak, you are not weak.” I repeated as I softly banged the back of my head against the door. Several deep breaths later and I slowly rose, my back stiffening, my heart jolting at the thought of what Cassian said. Of each word, each letter that he carefully crafted into an arrow.  

It took a moment for my eyes to adjust. The emerald bedroom had been fixed and by that, I mean someone waved their hand--producing the room as it was, before all the damage I had done. Thankfully, I didn’t need to face who saw the wreckage. My stomach gurgled, a sudden urge to eat overwhelmed me. There was a velvet, sapphire robe laying on the edge of the bed. I gathered the robe, wrapping it around myself. It smelled familiar, but I couldn’t place the intoxicating scent. 

I made my way towards the door, carefully cracking it open to look down the hall for the others. Hoping I wouldn’t bump into them, to awkwardly attempt at conversation that was pointless. The hall was clear except for a pair of cedar-colored boots that were placed on the floor, a note with my name in near-perfect cursive laid beside them.

Nes,

Defeat will hurt less with these.

Forever deliciously handsome,

Cassian

I clutched the note in my fist, that idiotic prick, I thought while swiftly closing the door behind me. At first, I didn’t want to try on the boots, I wanted to attend our lesson barefoot just to see his smirk fall when he looked at my feet. After several minutes of deliberating my best come back, I had to know what they felt like.

Shaking my head, I opened the door and stared at them. The boots were beautiful to say the least. It was the finest leather I had ever seen--touched; intricate flowers, leaves and thorns were embossed as a trim. My fingers trailed down to the tongue of the boot, tracing over the golden, cursive stamped “I”. Sturdy chestnut leather chords laced up to the top, falling just below my knee.

They were comfy too, perfectly forming to the arches of my feet. My tongue clicked against the top of my mouth as I stared down at the new boots, the prick has good taste after all. I unlaced them, realizing I needed pants to train. I had only worn pants once before, during the war but I remember how much I enjoyed them despite the surrounding chaos. 

The intricately carved dresser contained several pairs, mostly ranging from cream to fawn--I chose the darkest brown available. I sniffed the robe one last time before undressing, letting my senses flood with satisfaction. I pulled on a slim fitting cream tunic that had golden stars on the collar, and finally, put on the gorgeous rose embossed boots.

 “By the Cauldron, she’s alive!” Cassian sung, his wings raising around him in taunting welcome. He waited in the far corner of the roof, balancing on the railing. His tunic removed, revealing the swirling ink across his muscles; my fading heart beat sprung to action.  

“Defeat? Really?” I sized him up, my hands crossed in front of me, covering a weak point. His raven hair was pulled back into a low bun, several loose strands framing the sides of his face.  

Cassian’s features lit up as he stared at my feet, “like the boots? Specially made,” he stated while hopping down from the ledge.

“A thoughtful gift? From you? I thought your ego was far too large to fit a brain in the same body, let alone a heart.” I stated, lifting my chin towards him.

“You’re late.” He commented as he drew closer to me. Cassian’s coal-black leather boots, barely made a sound as he crossed the roof.

Inches away from him and I could feel my heart reach towards him, battling my bones and muscles just to touch him. “You’re early,” I replied, drawing my brows together, the corner of my lips edging upwards.

Cassian’s jaw-dropping grin lit up the sky, “let’s train-picking up where we left off. Unless you’ve forgotten already?” He winked as he tilted his head towards me, the blackened strands hung around him like thick vines. 

“I believe that we left off with you on the ground, crying for mercy.” I recalled, hands shifting to my hips as I wandered to the farthest corner away from him, letting the wind clear my wandering thoughts.  

“This is gonna be fun,” he quipped while stretching his arms overhead, flexing every muscle from his cut abs to his sculpted arms. “I’ve never wanted to hit a girl and then I met…”

“Woman,” I corrected him with a hardened gaze. My tawny hair picked up with the wind, blowing a lock of hair upwards, I didn’t dare to look. 

“Witch?” He suggested with a raised brow, his hazel eyes flashed to the floating strand.

I raced towards him, flinging a right hook into his jaw. He pulled back instantly, causing me to miss. “Do you always do these lessons half naked?” I asked with a harsh glare, my eyes catching the glow of his bronze skin.

“Why? Is it distracting?” Cassian wiggled his brows, a crooked smile forming on his thin lips.

“No,” I charged him, slamming all my body weight against him till we hit the stone floor. I landed on top of him, feeling his chiseled body beneath me as I breathed in heavily. “You’ve grown weaker since our last practice.”

Cassian grunted, rolling me off of him to pin me down with one move. “Have I?” his hardened body laid against mine, his calloused hands wrapped around my wrists. Our breathing synced as he gazed at my lips and then towards my neck where he once caressed with his...

Without saying a word, I flipped him to his back, pinning his spread wings--his head smacked against the stone. My heart plummeted as I heard the sound. Images of Feyre’s head cracking open and spewing blood filled my mind. I gasped, lifting myself upwards to sit directly on his hips. My eyes shot to the scars on his spread wings, the sun highlighting the difference in colors. 

“What did you see?” He asked in a hushed tone, his cosmic hands gently holding the sides of my thighs.

Our eyes connected, a surge of magic rolled through me, my nose crinkled. “Nothing. I saw nothing,” I repeated as I pushed myself off of him.  

Cassian jumped up, his fists at the ready, “let’s go through this again. Defensive position.”

Our parring continued, sweat dripped down my temples and back. I had to stop several times as I was overwhelmed with memories, with nightmares, telling him it was his unsettling odor. A burning heat in my hands would start up and instantly fade as he yelled at me to concentrate.

“C’mon Nesta, you’re holding back. I can see it in your stance,” he adjusted my hips with his firm hands. “I didn’t think it would be this easy to kick your ass. You’re taking all the fun out of this,” he whispered in my ear. My elbow shot into his stomach, his breath escaping him. “You know, I think you take too much joy in attacking me,” he crouched down, at the ready.

“I suppose that means we won’t continue with training then,” I blocked his first attack, a bead of sweat stinging my left eye. His fist aligned with my jaw but I ducked just in time.

“You can’t get rid of me that easy,” his eyes darkened except for a small ring of hazel that ignited.

“Such a shame,” I muttered, his foot connecting with my wrist as I barely made the block. “damn,” I breathed, shaking out my hand.

“Focus,” Cassian snapped, his body glistening with sweat.

An overwhelming amount of agitation washed over me, “stop telling me to focus,” I retorted-jaw tightening as I raised my hands.

“I will, when you actually do it.” He spun into the air, his foot connecting with my forearm.

I slid several feet backwards, barely able to keep standing, “bastard,” I breathed.

“Princess,” he smirked, walking towards the wooden table in the nearest corner, a bucket of water was waiting. Cassian drained the bucket over him, washing away the sweat from his clean-shaven face. He turned in time to see me studying him, his muscles flexing, “like what you see?”  

I scanned his wings then drew my eyes back to his, “small wingspan…”

Cassian chuckled, gliding towards me in wet glory. My breath loosened as he circled around me, the familiar scent I had smelled on the sapphire robe was his. Of course, it was.  

“Tell me, now that we’re back home, have you observed many…wingspans?” He implied, beads of water dripped from his wavy hair as his eyes danced in anticipation.

“Satisfyingly much larger than yours.”

Cassian’s jaw slackened, his fighting stance returned, “saving the best for last, I guess.”

I slid a jab into his ribs, forgetting to block myself with my other arm. Cassian pushed me back as if I were a feather and his hands were the wind. My foot connected with his hand, another block. I switched into my defensive stance, grinding my teeth as I watched him circle me.

Circling me, Hybern. Images of Cassian staked to the sandstone cave walls flashed before me, blinding the jarring fist that smashed into my cheek.

“Nesta,” he cursed under his breath, “focus, damn it.” Whether he was angry at me for not paying attention or the fact that he punched me so hard my jaw pounded with thunderous pain, I wasn’t sure.

I held my mouth, rubbing the spot he hit. Another vision of invisible claws shredding his wings, my hands flew up to my ears as I heard his blood curdling scream.

Cassian wrapped his arms around me from behind, holding me tighter to his chest than I had ever been. “Escape me--unless you want to be this close to me.” He mumbled against my ear.

I struggled against his grasp, trying to kick and punch but it was useless. All I could see were his wings leaking crimson, his face draining of life.

“I taught you this months ago--break free.” His voice felt far away, as if I was being dragged down into the sea and he was above water.

“I can’t,” I pulled against him, his muscles tightening as mine shrieked.

Cassian’s voice strained, “you’ve barely tried.”

“I can’t,” I repeated, trying to elbow him, but unable to get the correct angle. I closed my eyes, praying the images of his torn lifeless body would go away.  

“How many times do I have to tell you to focus today?” His lips pressed against the cartilage of my ear as he held me close. 

“Till your wings give out,” I said under my breath, hoping he didn’t hear me.

“Better them than my face,” he claimed, his wet hair entangling with mine, droplets falling onto my neck, mixing with my own sweat.

“Liar,” I nearly cried, twisting against him, trying to focus on the boots he gave me. On the roses dispersed between vines of thorns. The Illyrian “I” sparkled as a ray of sun kissed it.  

He shook his head, a shower of water and sweat invaded my skin like poisoned arrows. “Since my unbelievably gorgeous looks are distracting you-let’s try something else,” his voice sounded rough, deadly. 

“Release me,” my voice strengthened as I stopped fighting against his hold, Hybern’s words snaking through me, biting at my weak points.

“Demanding me to do something will get you know where,” his spreading lips stopped short, I could feel his temperature rise. We stood there, not moving, his thick arms still encasing me.

My chin raised, “that’s right, I’m no high lord or lady.”

“Is that what you want?” He asked quietly, a strand of his wavy raven hair curled against my shoulder.

“I want you to let go of me,” I spoke clearly, carefully--happy I wasn’t facing him.  

“Is this making you uncomfortable? Just you wait…” He raised his head, standing straight but his arms tightened.

“Let go!” I shoved against him but he didn’t budge. 

Cassian’s voice softened behind me, “you barely eat and when you do, it’s a struggle when you see anything red on your plate.”

“I don’t like meat,” I replied swiftly, my heart strings tugged.  

“Bullshit,” he thundered, “You set your entire room on fire last night and if it wasn’t for Feyre’s water ability you could have died. We could have lost you.”

“It was nothing,” I said bitterly, “I’m fine.”

Cassian scoffed, “Bullshit, yet again, Nes.”

“Stop. Calling. Me. Nes.” A sickening flame grew within my chest, circling itself around my soul. 

“You can’t look up at the sky and you can barely…you can barely look at me without sadness touching your eyes.” He turned me around to face him, his head bowed until we were eye level, “so what is it? Who do you see?” his bruised hands gently laid on top of my shoulders. “What do you see?” Cassian’s fingers pressed into me, his hazel eyes frantically searching mine. 

My body quaked within his hold, my heart raging against my ribs as memories struck me from every angle. Staring into his eyes became unbearable, I looked away before I would crack further.

“Hybern-do you see him? Is it your hands stained in blood as you ripped off his head? Is that what’s haunting you?” Cassian’s voice penetrated my ear drums, the fire within me building.

“Release me,” I whispered with trembling lips, my eyes glistening over.

Cassian straightened, lifting my chin, my eyes still refusing to look up at him. “Or is it your father? The sound of his neck snapping? Is that it?” he begged, “talk to me, Nesta.”

“Stop it,” I cried, hearing the sounds of my father’s neck snapping, echoing against my pointed ears.

“Is it your father? The man who gave up, who gave up on you only to turn up when it counted most. When you needed him most? Just to watch him be murdered in front of you.” His voice hollowed, the muscle in his jaw feathered as the vein in his neck stood out.

I pushed against him, unable to break free as I winced. My hand slapped against his chest, “stop, Cassian. Just stop it.”  

“He’s dead, Nesta. You couldn’t have done anything differently to save him. Do you understand that? Is that what’s killing you inside?” He shook me, trying to make me look at him but I couldn’t. I couldn’t look at him without more memories drowning me.

I smacked his chest, the sensation sending relief through the bubbling rage within. I hit him again and again, the skin on my knuckles scraping, my nails cutting into my palms. Cassian wrapped his arms around me, forming a cage of skin and bone. 

“What is it that you see? Speak to me, please. Is it Feyre? Do you see what you’ve done to her? Is it the guilt that’s eating you away? Is it the pain of not being there for her just like your father wasn’t there for you?” Cassian’s voice hardened, his hair nearly dry from the pestering sun.

“Shut up,” I punched him until my fists felt bruised, he only gripped me tighter.

Cassian shook his head, “no, what’s wrong, Nesta?” His body stiffened against mine as he pulled me in closer, barely giving me space to breathe.

“You,” I cried, tears leaking out of my eyes. Cassian lowered his head into my tangled hair as I buried my face into his chest, “I see you, your…” my voice finally broke, droplets of amber flames brushed against his pecs. The smell of burning flesh filled my nostrils, more memories flooding in. “I see you, okay? Is that what you wanted to hear? Because It’s you!” 

I felt him wince as he pulled away, his entire demeanor changing as he lifted my chin towards him, his somber gaze glistening. “Me?” he croaked, his eyes widening as he took in my face, at the amber flames dripping down my cheeks, “your, your crying…fire?”

“Let. Me. Go.” I said as evenly as I could, staring at him broke me. My own skin unharmed by my tears; I looked at the three burn marks on his chest, the burns that I caused. More pain that I caused.

He finally released me, rubbing his eyes before looking back at me, “it is real. You’re crying fire. What is happening?”

“What I deserve.” I replied before walking towards the steps on the other end of the rooftop.

“Nesta, I…” his hand pulled at mine, I stood there a moment longer than I should have. Letting his penetrating heat dance with mine. Cassian’s calloused hand pulled me back towards him, turning me enough to face him.

Before he could speak, I remembered what he had said, his words that had crushed me. “You can’t love someone filled with as much spite and ice as me. Remember?” I sharply threw in his face, my eyes glowing red as I gazed up at him. The light within them growing brighter, I turned away. Afraid of what other ability I might have, that I might unleash upon him. My gifted boots clicked against the stone as I crossed the roof.

“Let me explain,” he reached for me again, missing my hand and pulling at the top of my pants.

I whipped around, feeling Tomas’ hands crawl along my skin. Fire grew from my fingertips, forming talons--ready to strike.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…” recognition of what I felt, of what I saw crushed him. “Nesta…please let me explain,” he reached towards my cheek.

I closed my eyes, feeling the talons retract, my mouth parted as I breathed in deep, “I may be spiteful, I may be made of ice--but at least I’m not a liar.” I pulled away from his gentle touch, turning on my heel once again. My speed picked up while wiping my flaming tears away.

“I told you to stay away from him,” Mor’s silky voice turned to steel. Her scarlet ensemble flowed to her ankles as she leaned her back against the midnight blue wall of the hallway.    

Her voice struck me like a poisoned dagger, sinking into my flesh with every syllable. My back stiffened, “If you want him, he’s all yours.” I looked over my shoulder towards her, “unless you want someone else as well?”

Mor’s hand slid to her hip, her painted red lips pursed.

“It’s less complicated and painful to have a lonely, cold heart such as mine.” I added enough bite to my words that pride shuffled back into my chest, puffing it out like it had many times before. “Is it Azriel? I can only assume since Rhysand is taken by your best friend-not to mention he’s your cousin. Leaving only Azriel and Cassian left.” I watched as Mor’s lip twitched, her chin jutting outward. “If you truly love them, then pick one. Stop making them pine over someone who wants to keep them for her own selfish agenda.”

Mor sneered, “You know nothing about us and the bonds that tie us together. Unlike you, we know what it’s like to take care of our family. You’ll get yours when the time comes.”

“I have nothing, I took nothing,” I hissed as I felt his decomposing hand tightly grip my left shoulder.

“You do and you did,” he waved his hands, revealing a dim lit sandstone cave. Several iron sconces lined the rocky tanned walls, loose sand beneath my bare feet.  

My hands instinctively flung upwards to defend myself, hoping that I could handle his counter attack while my eyes adjusted.

“No, no, no-Nesta. I don’t need to fight you in physical combat. It’s much more rewarding breaking spirits than bones.” Hybern’s head was reattached to his body, his decaying skin had a pale sheen to it. There were areas where flesh and bone no longer connected, a string of tissue connected his cheek and jaw bone.

Chunks of vomit raced up my throat but I swallowed hard, hoping he didn’t notice.

With a reverberating snap of his fingers, my father appeared in his grasp. Terror overtook me, smothering my breath. Not only was Hybern alive, but so was my father. My trembling hands reached for him only to be blocked. One by one, they all appeared. Feyre, in her battle gear, already assessing the situation as Elain cried beside her. Their arms heavily chained with a turquoise glow.

“Release them,” I demanded, a pungent cold chill blasted towards me as he laughed.  

“I forgot how fun you were to play with.” Hybern lifted his nose, what remained of his mouth adjusted into an unsettling grin, “when you give back what I want, they’ll be released.”

“Burn in hell,” I shot back, patience thinning. Feyre struggled against her chains, I could see her attempting to use her power--nothing.  

Hybern’s smile fell, a grimace lining his rotten face. “Let’s try a different tactic, shall we?” He reached around my father’s neck, slowly squeezing the life out of him.

Father gasped, his strained voice professing his love for us. The harder Hybern gripped, the more my father’s eyes bulged.  

“No…” I whispered, my heart cracking as I watched him die in front of me--again. Our father’s hands gripped around the death hold on his frail neck. Gasping for oxygen as I stood frozen in place.  

“Let him go!” I reached for him but it was too late, I was too late. Hybern snapped his neck, the bone crushing sounds my father’s neck made twisted inside me. My hands ignited, flames roaring into talons while my stomach recoiled. I moved a step forward only to be pulled back into place. Again, and again, I tried and failed to move.  

He released father’s body, letting the thud reverberate against the cave walls. Hybern’s already cold stature turned to ice, matching his milky colored eyes, “now, let’s try this again, give back what you stole.” His decomposing fingers clutched Elain’s bicep, digging into her flesh as he forced her to the other side of the cave, flames fighting against the wall above the sconces.  

“Don’t touch her!” I screamed as he curled his finger, rubbing his bony knuckle against her smooth, tear stained cheek.  He pulled out a blade--Azriel’s blade-- and touched it to her thin neck. “I don’t know what I stole, I don’t remember.” Elain wept as Hybern tightened the turquoise shackles, a fragile yelp left her rose colored lips. “Release her,” I snarled, my lower lip quivering with rage.

“Nesta, please. Help me, ple…” Elain’s trembling words were cut short as he slid the blade across her throat.  

“No, no!” I shouted, watching the waterfall of scarlet gush out of her, “Elain!” I tried to rush to her but something was holding my feet in place, I looked down, iridescent chains of blue stone had wrapped around my feet.  What was it? What, what is it? The stones…the name, the magic. It’s to lock down my power. I pulled against them, struggling to break through. Whatever was coursing through me tingled, the smell of magic fading from my nostrils.

Elain’s eyes focused on me, glossing over as the crimson stain widened on her pale gray nightgown.

“You’re going to run out of family members soon…” Hybern snickered while reaching for Feyre. Her war cries sounded when he touched her, tears rushing down her face. Feyre fought him, kicking and punching as much as she could to break free despite her lack of mobility. “Sad--making a deal that not only will end your life, but your mate’s too.”

Feyre spat in his face, her fighting useless against her restraints.

“Let go of my sister,” I seethed, the fire had grown up my arms, entangling itself around my skin like vines as light poured out of my hands. I could hear the bending and cracking of my shackles.

Hybern sneered, his guttural voice growing louder, “your light is no match for my darkness.”

“You’re terrible at one liners,” Feyre grunted as she shoved herself into him, forcing him backwards as she ran towards me.

“Run, get back to Rhys!” I bellowed, still struggling to break free.

“We’re leaving together,” she muttered, clenching her jaw. Feyre ran towards me, her messy braid waving behind her in the thick, damp air of the cave. An invisible wall shot up between us, her face smashing against it before falling to her feet. Blood drained from her broken nose and busted lip, a moan escaping her lips.

“Get up, get up…” I repeated while slamming my shoulder into the shield between us. “C’mon, Feyre!” I looked behind me, adjusting my position to keep Hybern in view.

His haunting laugh bounced off the walls, his body disappearing from my side of the wall. I threw my entire body against it, in hopes the wall would move with enough force.

“Feyre?” I called to her, “sister?” Heartache sinking into the marrow of my bones.  

Hybern reappeared on Feyre’s side of the wall. He gripped her golden-brown hair, raising her head for me to see, “she’ll be free if you give your gift back-and the one you stole. Or you can come with me--I’ll take either option.”

“No,” Feyre let out a breath, “don’t go…” she struggled speaking as she choked on her blood.

“I’ll go! I’ll leave with you.” I cried out, my body shaking viciously. “I will kill you,” I promised, my veins setting fire within me.  

“Nesta?” Feyre tried to crawl towards me, she winced as he pulled back her hair, her hands flinging to his. “Nesta!” She cried, “run.”

I shoved myself towards her, only to bounce back. Over and over, I slammed myself against the wall until my shoulder cracked under the pressure. A blinding white light flashed in front of my eyes as the pain rumbled through me. “I’ll kill you!”

“You already killed me and look, I’m still here.” Hybern taunted, shoving Feyre’s head into the sandy floor, a violent crack against the buried stone made my heart stop. The shield between us disappearing along with the bonds around my feet.    

“Feyre?” I ran to her limp body, “wake up! Feyre?” I begged her, my hands clasped against my back revolting with fear. Her back rose with a short breath. Blood soaked her golden-brown hair, a small halo beginning to from around her. I couldn’t speak, it hurt too much to say her name. Tears of amber and flame dripped from my eyes as I watched the crimson seep out of her. “Hold on, please.” I watched her chest rise and fall, then nothing.

“What did you think would happen? Thieves always get what they deserve. You robbed me of my future, of my kingdom.” He was shouting by the end of his sentence but all I could focus on were the three bodies circled around me.  

“I’m sorry,” I whispered in my baby sister’s ear-my lips trembled against her cheek.

“I didn’t realize you cared so much for her--good.” Hybern snickered, his yellowed teeth had turned to chipped daggers.

I stood heavily, afraid I might fall over if I came up too fast. The ache in my shoulder felt like nothing compared to the loss of my sisters, the loss of my father. “You’ve taken everything away from me,” my wrists twisted against Hybern’s shackles, cracking against the heat.

“Not yet,” he coldly laughed, with a flick of his fingers, Cassian appeared across from me.

Cassian’s face was bloodied, his left eye swollen with a deep purple bruise. His shirt had been torn in several places, unveiling bloody gashes and torturous burn marks.

“Nesta,” he fought against the same restraints they had all been wearing, his hazel eyes growing with rage as he took in the silent chaos--the bodies around us.

“Cassian,” I ran towards him until Hybern’s hand went in the air, thrusting me backwards, I heard several cracks in my rib cage from the force of my body hitting the sandstone wall.

Cassian fighting towards me, unable to move in any direction--he bellowed a curse. Sand made its way into my eyes, scratching and stinging until more tears formed.

“Nesta!” Cassian croaked, his muscles tightening as he pulled against his chains. “Nes,” his wings opened, Cassian flapped his wings once, soaring towards me.  

Hybern shook his finger, his decaying, taut lips barely moving, “no. Not yet, no happy reunions until I get back what should have been mine.” He lifted his hand, pulling on Cassian’s wing effortlessly as he threw him back towards the earth.  

The bones in my knees and shins felt the crushing pressure of an invisible weight, I couldn’t lift up against it, “I told you I would go with you. Let him go, spare him,” my teeth gritted against each other. Amber streams trickled from my eyes as I watched Cassian reach for me. Cries escaped me, shaking my head, begging him not to fight-not to endanger himself further.

“That wasn’t the answer I was looking for,” he huffed as his eyes shifted from me to Cassian. Hybern’s face contorted into a wicked fox grin.

My blazing eyes blocked out everything and everyone but Cassian. “Don’t hurt him,” I barked to Hybern. The fire in my body erupting like a volcano, exploding through every cell, every vein and limb flowing with lava. I shimmied myself to a seated position, flattening my back against the sandstone.  

“Beg me,” he pressed, watching Cassian struggle against his invisible hold.  

“Please…” I breathed deep to avoid further crying, “don’t…hurt him.”

“Not good enough,” Hybern raised his hands, flinging Cassian towards the wall opposite of me.

Cassian let out a gut wrenching scream as I watched his wings get pinned to the sandstone with dozens of iron spikes, invisible claws shredding him one section at a time.

“Cass!” I screamed-unable to get his entire name out as I cried with him. The fire dancing against my skin ignited from the inside, “No!” I reached for him, for his hand, for anything I could touch. “Cassian,” I begged as I watched the blood leave his face.

 “Nesta!” Someone violently shook my shoulders with icy hands. A bitter coldness encasing my arms.  

“Feyre? What…? What happened?” I asked frightened, she was dead. I, I saw her die. Tendrils of smoke curled around them, “you’re okay, you’re alive.” My body crumbled with relief, crushing a pile of ashes beneath me.

A shadow disappeared out of the corner of my peripheral. Puffs of gray swirled against the darkness of the room. I adjusted myself on my elbow, barely needing to squint my eyes to see the emerald room was charred, several puddles of water crowded the dirty floor.

“What the hell was that?” Feyre whispered, her hands working on a couple of flickering flames on the chaise across the nonexistent bed. Water and frost built around the fire, suffocating it until it was nothing but a shadow marking the floor.  

“I did this,” I didn’t need to ask, the ice around my hands melted, my limbs still burning. I peered down to see the light in my hands fade. “Is everyone okay?” I couldn’t look at her, not out of embarrassment or anger, not even out of fear or envy.

“No one’s hurt. I was up when I smelled the fire.” She held out her hand over a small set of flames, water pouring from her palm, “painting.”

I crossed my arms around my shaken legs, I was naked. I swallowed hard as I watched the wind from the window pick up ashes. My body trembled as I stood, damp air attacking every pore. I stood with my bare feet in another heap of ashes that were once a dresser and desk. “I didn’t mean to do this, I had no intention of damaging your home.”

“It’s your home too and it’s fine. It finally gives Mor an excuse to redecorate,” Feyre mentioned. The sound of Mor’s name pierced what portions of my heart I had left. I buried my fighting tongue into my left cheek and opened the closet. A floor length dusty blue nightgown was all that remained. Hesitantly, I pulled it on, lace panels itched against my dried skin but I wasn’t going to complain after nearly burning down the entire house.

Feyre completed putting out the remaining fires, her face softened as she caught me looking away from her. “What did I do to you that caused so much malice, so much hatred? Just tell me so I can fix it or at least acknowledge it and not repeat the same mistake.” Her voice coated with despair, with exhaustion as she rubbed her temple.

“You did nothing, Feyre,” I hesitated, caught in between wanting to say more and not wanting to remember the past. My jaw tightened, grinding my teeth together as I debated.

“Hopefully one day you’ll tell me. That you’ll be able to look at me without seeing whatever happened,” she looked upwards, towards the onyx colored ceiling and then back down.  

Our eyes met, “you look like mother,” was all I managed, my arms wrapping around me as I noticed the frosty areas of the room.

Feyre nodded, her face clouded with frustration until she looked away from me. “I’ll be out of Velaris tomorrow. I think it would be best if you attend training with Cassian. It could help.”

“Already in my schedule,” I replied, careful not to sound rude.

She nodded before heading towards the door, my lips parting, “I won’t tell anyone if that’s what you’re about to ask.” Her head hanging as she took a deep breath. 

I nodded, relief soothing my aching chest, “Curse Breaker and Secret Keeper.”