#m tmp

s2 2x22 D&M

Danny: Yeah, I got to get used to it since I'm gonna be the breadwinner, and you're gonna be the stay-at-home mom. Mindy: I'm not quitting my job. And if we have kids, we're gonna get, like, a million nannies to take care of them. All ugly, you perv. Danny: One kid, one child, one maximum, and it's gonna be a boy. Mindy: What? We're having nine girls.

s3 3x15 Dinner at the Castellanos

Mindy: Okay, well, if I am so horrible, maybe I should just go.// Danny: You know what, maybe that's a good idea. I mean, look, this is a family matter, and we (without Mindy) gotta figure it out, so.

Danny: Ma, relax, it's the best thing for the family. Annette: I haven't even gotten to you yet. Do you have Stockholm Syndrome? You just love raising your brothers and your sisters. And now you kicked your girlfriend and your unborn child out of the house? Danny: What? What are you talking about? Annette: You don't know? Castellano men. Shoot first, ask questions never. She's pregnant!

Danny: Why didn't you tell me? // Mindy: I tried to tell you. There never seemed to be a good time. Danny: We're a family.

3x16 Lahiri Family Values

Danny: I'm gonna be a dad. Okay, are you sure you want to go back to San Francisco? Why don't you stay here in New York? You could work until the little guy comes and then quit and take care of him and make sauce. Mindy: I'm not gonna quit my job.I still want to start that fertility clinic with Rob.// Danny: I get it, but sometimes family has to come first, and your family... our family is here in New York City. Mindy: Well, I have family in San Francisco. // But it doesn't matter. The only family that matters now is you, me, and little Mindy. Now, I have to get on a plane. Danny: I'll move to San Francisco with you.//What's important is exactly what you just said this, us, the three of us.

3x17 DCIMN

Dr. Bergdhal : ...I think you're stressing her out. // All I'm saying is, when that baby comes, all bets are off. //You're gonna backslide. You're gonna go back to that vice, and you are definitely gonna want her to cut you some slack.

Danny: I think I'm hard on you sometimes because I'm worried when the little guy comes that I'm not gonna know what the hell I'm doing, and I need you, Mindy. I need you to be around. Mindy: Are you serious? Danny, I only get upset with you about your smoking because I need you around. I can't do this by myself. Danny: Yeah? Mindy: Yeah. I was so scared when I found out that I was pregnant, but I thought the kid will be fine 'cause you're the dad.

3x18 Fertility Bites

Danny: You know it's just, this new practice makes me nervous. I mean, we're both always really busy, but I could always see you at work, and now I can't count on that anymore. Mindy: Well, if you want to see more of me, I have some good news. I think I'm ready to move in. Danny: You are? That's fantastic.

3x19 Confessions of a Catho-holic

Danny: I've been doing a lot of lying to you, and I'm not gonna lie about this little guy. That's my son, and Mindy's the crazy ex-girlfriend you've been hearing a lot about. // I know I was supposed to confess all this to you, but for some reason, I don't know why, I just couldn't. But I think it's because when you confess, it's because you feel guilty about something. And, Father, I don't feel guilty about this at all. I've never been happier about anything in my life.

*Mindy: I know that Danny is a guilty Catholic weirdo, but his guilt is also what makes him so kind and wonderful. And if our kid is half that good, then I'd be happy. So I guess what I'm saying is, I think I would like our baby to be raised Catholic.

3x21 BEST MAN

Mindy: Hey. Since when do you not want to get married? Danny: I don't know. A while now, I guess. Uh, since I got divorced. Mindy: Well, you proposed to me when you found out that I was pregnant. Danny: Because I thought it was the right thing to do. Because I wanted you to know I'm committed to you, Mindy, and this baby, and then you said you didn't want to do it. And I got to be honest, I was relieved. Mindy: Yeah, but I never said I never wanted to get married. I just wanted you to propose because you love me, not out of obligation. Danny: Come on, you know I love you.// Mindy: Then, Danny, I want you to love me in a way that I can show on Instagram. Because that's what I'm like. It's not weird to want your boyfriend to get down on one knee, and to meet your parents, and to get you a ring.// Danny: Look, I've done it. I've been married and it didn't go so well. It means it just marriage means nothing. Mindy: It means something to me. How do you know it wouldn't go well with us? Why do I not get to try it out? //...it's not fair.

Annette: I'm mad at myself for letting my lousy marriage completely mess up my son. // All these years, I thought, wow, I am so lucky. He's been through so much and it didn't even affect him. But it did. You were always grouchy and now you're cynical. //You think everything is gonna end badly, so you don't even take chances anymore! Danny: I'm just realistic, Ma. I don't believe in fairy tales. Annette: // Well, then, you really picked the wrong girl to knock up. Danny: When you married Dad, you thought he was the greatest person in the world, right? When I got married to Christina, I thought she was the greatest person in the world. And now what? We hate them both, Ma. We hate them. I don't want to end up looking at Mindy that way, okay? I don't want to split up from her, and not live with my son, and have him feel like I felt. Alone. I don't want that. Okay? That's what marriage is, Ma. I'm sorry, but that's what marriage is. Annette: // Danny, maybe the problem isn't marriage. Maybe the problem is we picked people who didn't deserve it.

*Mindy: Dear Mom and Dad, I need to tell you something. Do you remember Danny Castellano from work? The one I used to complain about all the time? Well, he's the father of my baby. I wanted to introduce you but only when he and I had figured out our situation. But we haven't, and I don't know if we ever will. Today, I realized, even if we don't stay together, I am certain of a few things. He's the best man I've ever dated, and he's become the most important person in my life, besides you two and the baby. And most importantly, he will be a great dad.

Morgan: And the worst part is, Dr. C's not here to keep me company. Mindy: Danny's not at the wedding? Then where is he? - Danny: Hi. I'm Danny Castellano And I'm in love with your daughter.

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~Season 4~

Ep 1 WIWS

WIWS, switches to our-world and alt-world (Mindy’s dream) in the episode. (Alt-Danny’s quotes might be relevant for Danny’s POV in s4A and s4B.)

Our-world

(To the servant), Danny: I'm Danny Castellano, and I'm in love with your daughter. I'm the father of her baby, and I need you to know that I will love them and take care of them until the day I die. But I don't believe in marriage, due to some personal experiences I've had, which I won't get into now. My father ran out on us and my wife cheated on me.//

Morgan: Did you ask for Dr. L's hand? What did they say? Danny: No, I'm not doing that, okay? I came here to tell them I love her, but I'm not built for marriage. Morgan: Okay, no, no, I'm sorry, I did not use all of Dr. L's Marlboro points to fly halfway across the globe, tell the Taliban I would "think about it," only to have you say yet again you are not gonna propose to the woman that you knocked up. "Oh, my feelings! My qualms! I have all these qualms.”

Sonu: If not him, then who? Danny: Me. I'm the father of Mindy's baby. Tarun: And you've come to ask for her hand? Danny: Not exactly.

Sendhil: If she's so great, how come you won't marry her? Danny: Those are my own stupid issues. If I grew up seeing a marriage like this one, I don't know, maybe I wouldn't have them. Mindy is amazing.

Danny: Look, I I'm sorry I insulted your arranged marriage. Sonu: ...go and take care of our daughter. You can call it whatever you like. Danny: Okay. Uh. Thank you.

Mindy: I don't care if we're not married. I just want to be with you, okay? Danny: Me too. // I was in India. I was with your parents. //I told them that I love you, but I don't believe in marriage. // But when two strangers can meet on their wedding day and still be in love 40 years later, maybe I'm wrong. I'd like to be wrong. Mindy Lahiri, will you marry me? Mindy: Yes.

Alt-world

Mindy: Hey How would you describe our relationship? Danny: Bad.// Mindy: Why? Danny: Because I have to work with you and I don't think you're a good person. Mindy: What are you talking about? I'm a great person. I go to church with you every single week. I'm not even Catholic. It's boring as hell to wait in a long line for one stupid chip. Danny: What are you talking about? We haven't talked in, like, two years. You didn't even invite me to your wedding. Mindy: I didn't invite you to my wedding? Danny: Not that I'd invite you to mine. Mindy: Wait, are you getting married? Danny: No, never. I would never make that mistake again. Mindy: Ah, yes, there is the Danny I know. Sorry I wasted your time. Okay, universe, I guess the lesson here is that, without me, Danny Castellano is a miserable meatball.

Mindy: Danny, I thought "Be careful what you wish for" was something that people said in books I've never read. But it's happening to me! I'm not supposed to be with handsome Matt! This life is wrong. Danny: There is no other life. This is it. Mindy: That's not true. I lived it! Okay, when we were on that plane coming back from L.A., you were supposed to follow me to the back and kiss me. But you didn't. Why didn't you kiss me? I know you don't believe me, but that's what was meant to happen. You know I'm right! Why didn't you kiss me? Danny: We date and you cheat on me like you cheat on your husband? Mindy: I would never cheat on you, Danny. 'Cause you're the one I'm supposed to be with. [kiss] Danny: //This is crazy. // Mindy: See? That's why I need you. Because you say annoying stuff like that, Danny. You make me a better person, and I make you a better person. Danny: You have a husband. Mindy: I don't want a husband. I want you!

Ep 2 CIFC

Danny: Okay, so you want to sleep through (C-section) your first big challenge of being a mom? Fine. But there’s gonna be nothing but more challenges down the line, and you’re not gonna be able to sleep through those.

Danny: I just got this crazy woman pregnant and now she wants to check out for the most important moment in her life.

Mindy: Oh, God, Danny! It hurts so much, Danny. Danny: Look, look, I’m sorry. I know I was a jerk. I know you’re really scared, and so am I. Mindy: You are? Danny: Yeah, I am terrified. But the only thing that calms me down is knowing that I’m doing this with someone that’s stronger than I am. Mindy: I’m not, Danny, I’m not. Danny: Hey, yes, you are. You are much stronger than me. You know it. And you can do this. You know why? Mindy: Why? Danny:  Because you’re a stone-cold bitch. You’re tough. You’re tougher than anyone I know. You’re even tougher than Ma.

Mindy: ...Can you please pick a name? Okay. Danny: Leo. Leo, the lion. 'Cause this little guy’s gonna be really strong. Like his ma. Mindy: I’m Ma. I love you, Leo Castellano.

Ep 3 LCIMS

Danny: We're both in this together, okay? Look at him. He's all that matters.

Danny: How am I supposed to go back to work tomorrow? Maybe I should take paternity leave.

Danny: Mi familia. Mindy: Okay, you're getting very Italian and very emotional this morning. Danny: You guys I love you guys so much.

Mindy: You know what? It is not fair that I am locked here with zero entertainment. Danny: I just want what’s best for Leo. Mindy: And I don’t?

Danny: You know, I was wrong to use the nanny cam. It’s our first baby and I was just a little nervous. But of course I trust you, Mindy. Mindy: That’s a nice thing to say. Danny: And I didn’t do it just to keep an eye out. I wanted a way to check in when I was missing you two. Mindy: //I have to tell you something, too. I am so happy that the father of my son wants to be so involved in his life. I’m really lucky. But you have to just let me be a mom the way that I know how to. And I’m going to make mistakes, like a lot of mistakes. Like, more mistakes than pretty much anyone, but I think Leo will be okay. Because we’ll balance each other out. Danny: Yeah, as long as we both compromise a little. Mindy: No, that’s not what I said. [kiss]

Ep 4 TBIB

Danny: Look, I just think it’s gonna be a lot harder to go back than you think. Being a working mom is really tough. Mindy: I don’t know. According to movie posters, it’s just like carrying a briefcase and a baby bottle at the same time. Danny: Well, look, I just want you and Leo to be happy. That’s it. Mindy: Danny, I love working. I’ve always worked. I didn’t change just 'cause I had a kid. I’ll always make time for Leo... //

Mindy: Well, what should I do? Danny: Well, you need to weigh all your options. I mean, you were happy and calm yesterday, now only a couple hours back at work, and you're so stressed out, you can't stop clenching your fists. Mindy: // Yes, I am stressed, but I'm stressed because of Jody, not 'cause of work. Danny: Well, I don't know what to tell you. He's a great doctor. Unless he gives Jeremy a reason to fire him, Jody isn't going anywhere.

Danny: Look, I want Mindy to stay home with Leo, so I thought if I bought her something nice, it might help convince her. Tamra: You’re trying to buy Dr. L’s freedom? What the hell is wrong with you? Danny: Well, she love being a mom, and work stresses her out, and I make enough money for the both of us. Tamra: So what? Jay-Z’s so rich, he throws his car out when it runs out of gas, and he doesn’t stop his wife from working. If you want to give Dr. L a gift, don’t tell her to quit her job. She’s already bled and sacrificed for you, what have you sacrificed for her, huh? Danny: I don’t know. That’s a good question. I never thought about that.

Mindy: You either fire him, or I'm gone. Jeremy: Okay, Mindy, come on. Jody: Well, maybe that would be for the best. Danny: Hey! Dude, you shouldn't have said that. Mindy: You know, don't bother. I quit. // Danny: Hey, Min, you don't really want to quit, do you? Mindy: I think I do, Danny. I don't fit in here anymore, and I don't even know if I want to. And honestly, there's someone at home who loves it when I squirt breast milk in his face. I'd rather be with him. So, thank you, Jody, for making this so much easier for me. Danny, I will see you at home, when you finish your work day with these penis-brains. Danny: I'm sorry.

Mindy: Listen, I think earlier I overreacted when I said that I wanted to quit. Danny: I wasn’t going to say anything, 'cause Tamra said it was uncool. It was a whole thing, but I am overjoyed that you want to stay at home. Mindy: Yeah, but I-I cha... Danny: You’re gonna be there for all the big moments, and Leo’s gonna feel so loved. And so secure because he’s gonna know that someone’s always at home with him. Babe, when I was growing up I never had that, and I’m just so happy that Leo will. Thank you. Mindy: I’m so happy, too. Danny: I got you a little just a little push present. You know, you bled and you you suffered for me, and I felt like it was only right if I did too. [Leo tattoo] Mindy: Oh, my God, I love it. Danny: I cried when I got it, but not just because it hurt. Thank you so much, babe.

Ep 5 SAHMILF

Danny: Min. Look, if we're gonna be a single-income family, we can't afford to eat takeout every night and have a housekeeper wait on us hand and foot. Ma did it with no help, and she had to work cleaning hotel rooms. Mindy: That's a good point. I can do this. Danny: That's the spirit. You're gonna be a great stay-at-home mom, I know it.

Mindy: I just I was hoping to take a break, I mean I worked all day. Danny: Yeah, I also worked all day, and I would also love a break. But your job's fun. I'm jealous, you get to hang out all day with the coolest little guy around. Mindy: Hang out all day? Danny: Yeah. Mindy: You think this is a vacation? You think I'm laying on the beach tits-deep in a margarita? If you think this is so easy, Danny, then why don't you try it? You would die. // Well then, you got a deal, bud. On Monday, I'm gonna go to work, and you can stay at home. Danny: Great, sounds like a lot of fun.

Danny: My son's late for a doctor's appointment, so how long's it gonna be? What do you mean, "What's a guy doing home at 2:00 p.m.?" I'll tell you what I'm doing home, I'm a stay-at-home dad. That's okay now. No, you're getting heated! [line clicks] Oh, he hung up on me.

Danny: Fine. I had help, okay? But it wasn’t to make you look bad. It was it was because you were right. My schedule was in shreds by 12:00. I called Ma crying. Okay? I couldn’t do it. It’s hard. It’s really hard. // I don’t know how you do it. I changed my shirt, like, four times. He just he saw a new shirt come, he was like Mindy: Blech. Danny: Yeah, big challenge. Mindy: Did he do that thing where he’s clearly crying but there’s no sound coming out, he’s like... Yeah, that’s exactly what he does.

Danny: // I’m a lucky guy. I’m with someone that actually wants to do this every day. Mindy: I have to talk to you about something. Danny: What’s up? Mindy: I haven’t been... [phone rings] Danny: Sorry, hold on one sec. Hey, Little Danny, how’s my favorite half-sister? What’s up on the Worst Coast? You don’t need to cry. I’m only joking around with you. California’s not... Wait, what? My dad had a heart attack. Okay, Little Danny, well, I’m gonna I’m gonna get out there as soon as I can. Just call me if anything changes. Mindy: It’s okay, it’s okay. Here’s what we’re gonna do. I’m gonna help you pack, and then you’re gonna go out there and be with your dad and with your sister. And then, I’m gonna go back to work while you’re gone, and your mom can take care of Leo like she did today, and It’s gonna be okay. Danny: Oh, God, you’re the best. Thank you. // Mindy: I’m actually happy to go back to work.

Ep 6 Road Trip

Danny: Okay, babe, I’ll be back as soon as I can. I just got to get my dad settled in with an in-home nurse. // Leave it to my dad to screw up my life again. Mindy: Babe, you have to let go of this resentment of your father. All right? It’s not good for you. Did you learn nothing from my Dr.Phil calendar? Danny: //Get over here. I'm really gonna miss you.

(to Morgan), Danny: Look, I'm sorry about before, and I just want to say the reason I didn't want you to come on the trip is because I've been really emotional about my dad, and I didn't want you to see me cry.

Danny: No, I didn't have a secret family. Eric only e-mailed me a month ago. I didn't want to tell anybody until I knew it was real. In case I was being catfished. Anyway, I figured we'd stop here on the way and sort things out.

Danny: Eric, how'd you find me anyway? Eric: Well, I asked my mom for years who my dad was and then finally she told me ...//

Eric: I just wanted my friends to see that I had a dad, especially Tyler. He’s got two dads. Danny: Yeah, I know where you’re coming from. I mean, my dad, he wasn’t around much. But I need you to know the only reason I wasn’t here is because I didn’t know about you.

Eric: Why are you even here? To brag about your awesome life and then just go back to New York? Danny: No, no, no. I wanted to meet you. I was passing through to go to California. You know, my my dad had a heart attack. Eric: Grandpa had a heart attack? Danny: You didn’t even know him. Look, I don’t want to go. I mean, he wasn’t a great dad. Eric: Neither were you, you dick.

Evelyn: Eric, Danny is not your dad. Eric: What? He’s not? Well, then why’d you tell me he was? Evelyn: Because Danny is smart and he’s educated, and I just wanted you to think that you came from something good. Eric: Well, great. Thanks for ruining my birthday, Mom.

Danny: Hey, Leo. I hear you’re giving your Ma a hard time. Listen, buddy, I love you, okay. Come on, stop crying. It’s okay. I can’t wait to see you again. I’m gonna be home soon. See, it’s gonna be okay. Now, do me a favor, be good for your Ma. Mindy: Oh, my God. Danny, it worked. You’re, like, a hypnotist. Danny: I just told him I loved him. Mindy: See that, Leo? Aren’t you lucky to have such a good dad?

Danny: Look, Eric, I meant everything I said in there. You’re a great kid. And when you think about your dad, I want you to remember this, resentment is when you take the poison and you hope the other guy gets sick. Eric: Thanks again, Danny. And I hope you patch things up with your dad. Danny: Thanks.

Danny: You know, I was thinking about my dad. I mean, my dad’s around, you know? I got to work out my stuff with him. I just I can’t go there, just get him a nurse, and split. I mean, who knows, this might be my last chance. Morgan: That’s nice.

Ep 7 Mindy and Nanny - none

Ep 8 Later, Baby

Mindy (voice over): When your fiancee is across the country caring for his sick dad, it's important he knows that everything back home is smooth sailing. Mindy: Hey, Leo, sweetheart, you gotta chill, okay? People are not liking the screaming. It's not a good look. [paper rips] Damn it. Okay, no one no one reach for it or anything. Just a single mom trying to trying to pick up her fruit. [phone vibrates] Danny: Hey, what's up? Mindy (typing): Everything sucks! Leo's screaming and my first time buying fruit was a total disas... Danny: Things are tough here. Dad said he saw Jesus for a seconds last night. How are you? Mindy (voice over): The last thing you want to be is another problem for him, so best to just pretend everything is smiley face emoji wearing sunglasses.

Mindy (typing): Danny, you gotta talk to your mom. I can't do this by myse... Danny: Hey, hon. The Doctor thought dad might be strong enough for physical therapy. Mindy: Oh, thank God. Danny: But then he fell and soiled himself. How are you?

Mindy (voice over): But, it's not easy running two businesses, raising a child alone, and doing Danny's share of the chores which, as it turns out, was all of the chores. [phone vibrates] Danny: Another turn for the worse. I need a pep talk babe. Okay. You can do this. I love you! [phone vibrates] Danny: Why isn't it wearing sunglasses? Is everything ok? Mindy: Oh, come on. [emoji]

Danny: Hey, babe, how's it going? Mindy: Not so great. I know you're dealing with a lot with your dad, but I miss you and it's really hard. Danny: I'm sorry, babe. I'm calling you now. You can tell me all about it. [phone rings] Mindy: Hello? Danny: Hey, how are you? Mindy: I'm so glad you called. Danny: I wish I was there with you guys. Mindy: I miss you and things are a little overwhelming right now. Danny: I miss you and Leo so much. Tell me what's going on. Mindy: Really?

Ep 9 JKKIMH - none

Ep 10 The Departed

Danny: So, you put your apartment up for sale! Mindy: I have not. I just have so many memories on that place. Do you know how many dudes I've slayed there? Danny: All the more reason to sell it! Mindy: I guess so. Hey, any news when you're coming home? Danny: Don't kill me, but I'm hoping by Christmas. Mindy: What? Christmas? That's three holiday Reese's Peanut Butter Cup shapes from now! Can't you make it home by Turkey-shape? Danny: I know, it's hard for me too. I changed my ringtone to "Fat Bottomed Girls" just to feel closer to you. Mindy: What? No. Okay. Give your weiner a honk for me. I will. Danny: Give Leo a kiss for me.

Mindy: Hey, we need to talk. Right now. Danny: Not a good time. Can it wait? Mindy: No, Danny, it can't. I'm calling you. [line trilling] [muffled "Fat Bottomed Girls" plays in hall] He's home.

Ep 11 TLATC

Danny: Okay, look look, that was just my way of saying I wanna set a date for our wedding. Yeah, I was doing my weekly dry fruit run [snaps] And it just came to me. I'm tired of living in sin. // Mindy: Okay, well why now? Danny: Well, when I was taking care of my dad, the only thing that got me through was thinking about you and Leo.

Danny: Babe, I'd marry you in a gutter.

Danny: What the hell's going on with you two? Mindy: Okay, the truth is Jody and I were gonna go on a business trip. Danny: Excuse me? You guys are in business together? Jody: Yeah. We've been traveling to colleges, telling young women how to freeze their eggs. Danny: So, in addition to your regular practice and your fertility practice, you have a third job? What about our family? Mindy: Well, it's great for our family. Making extra money, I'm happy, and these college girls are really responding. I mean, they look at me like I'm a role model. Danny: Okay, look, I'm back, okay? And you're not even supposed to be working. That was the deal, right?

Danny: When I left, you were excited to stay home with Leo, right? Mindy: Yes, I was. Kind of. Danny: Kind of? Mindy: Yes. Then you left, and I had to be a mom, and go to work. And you know what, Danny? It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. But I did it, and I loved it and I wanna keep doing it. Danny: Oh, you you wanna keep doing it. Well, you know, I realized something too when I was taking care of my dad. I thought my childhood was terrible and Richie and I basically, we had to take care of ourselves, and I don't want that for our son. Don't you want him to have family around? All the time, always? Mindy: I don't know. My family's been here for two days, and you've threatened to throw yourself out of the window 14 times. Danny: Yeah, because it took some getting used to, but I need it. I love it. Mindy: Oh, you love seeing my dad's penis? Danny: You know what, I do. I love seeing every wrinkly inch of it, because that's life, that's what family is. I didn't have that growing up, and I'd like Leo to have it, because, you know what? There's nothing better. Mindy: Okay, listen to me. Leo is going to be fine, all right? He's amazing. And Danny, I'm doing a good job. He is loved. And honestly, if that is not enough for you, then, by all means, why don't you give up your career and stay at home? Danny: Ha-ha are you kidding me? Mindy: Are you kidding me? I don't like to be bullied like this. Danny: I'm not bullying you. Mindy: You are bullying me. Danny: We agreed, and now you're changing your mind? I can't keep up with you. You know what? I don't even recognize this relationship anymore.

Tarun: Danny, did I ever tell you that Sonu put her acting career on hold to raise our family? Danny: And it was the right choice, right? I mean, that's what I keep telling Mindy. Tarun: Nope. She's resented me for 30 years. Danny: Well, she always seems so happy. Tarun: Most of the time, yes, but then, once a week, she screams, "You ruined my dreams!" and throws a scalding teabag at my face. Danny, giving up your passions is very hard, no matter what you give it up for. And Mindy is a much better doctor than Sonu was an actress.

Danny: Wow. Min, that was incredible. Mindy: Thank you. I can't believe you came down here. Mindy: You're so great at this. I can see now that you can do both. Mindy: I'm so happy to hear that. Danny: Yeah, you can stay home with Leo, and do this on the weekend, like a hobby. Mindy: Hobby? Danny: Yeah, it's perfect for being a mom, 'cause we're gonna have another kid soon, and then, you know, this will get you out of the house. Mindy: We're having another kid? Danny: Yeah, that's why I pushed up the wedding 'cause you wanna have more kids. Right? Mindy: I haven't thought about it in a while, but yeah.

Ep 12 The Parent Trap

Danny: Why would I do that, and if I did, I mean, would that be the worst thing in the world?

Mindy: Kind of. Danny: Why? Mindy: Well, my fertility practice is just now starting to succeed. Well, there's no perfect time, man. Danny: I mean, Leo didn't come at a perfect time, and now he's our fantastic little diaper dude. Mindy: Exactly, so maybe Leo's enough. Mindy: // Look, we're not trying and we're not not trying, okay? We are not trying to have a baby. Right. Danny: Right. Business as usual.

Danny: Hey, look, if anyone deserves a night off, it's you, babe. I mean, two jobs, a kid, and on top of it all, you got to deal with a bum like me who doesn't always appreciate you. Look, tonight, I wanna focus on you. Mindy: That's my favorite thing to focus on.

Mindy: Danny, I just tried to introduce you to my first patient. You didn't seem very excited to meet her. Danny: Well, I mean, it's a pregnant woman. I see them all day long. Would you go up to a fisherman and be like, "Hey, look a trout!" Mindy: Trout? Yeah, I guess so.

Danny: Our date night went so well. Why don't we do it again tonight? //I'd really like to do it tonight, babe.

Danny: We got a date night tonight. What you looking at here? Jody: Why, the future, Danny. In the coming years, Mindy and I will cover this wall with the beaming faces of miracle babies. Oh, how I envy the Caribbean nannies who will raise them. Danny: Well you never know what the future holds. I mean, if something was to happen, you'd be able to run this place by yourself, right? Easy? Jody: Run the practice alone? Sure. Why? Danny: Say we were to have another kid, Mindy would probably stop working. Mindy: Oh, you don't say. I wasn't aware that Mindy wanted any more children. Danny: Oh, we do. Yeah. We're not trying, but we're not not trying. So maybe save a little spot on this wall here for us. Have a good day.

Morgan: I find your lack of support for Dr. Lahiri appalling. // When you went out to Cali, all right, I had no faith in her. I mean, she's got a baby, two jobs, a sex drive that borders on mental illness, I mean, she's got to have it. // The point is this, okay? You were going doing God knows what, and she built this amazing practice from the ground up and now it's actually helping people and you want her to stop? Danny: She said she would stop. We had an agreement. Morgan: People change! Things change! I only took this job as part of a long con so I could steal all the office equipment, but I changed, and so did you. I mean, you didn't like me when I first started working here, and now we're best friends.// Danny: Well look, yeah, what she's done is pretty incredible. I just don't know when the things we wanted became so different. Morgan: If she's important enough to you, maybe it's time for you to want something else. Danny: That might be the most insightful thing you've ever said. Morgan: Thank you. (Danny finds Mindy’s birth control pills.)

Mindy: Hey, what is wrong with you? Danny: I'll tell you what's wrong with me. I found these in the pocket of your lab coat. Birth control pills? Mindy: Okay, Danny, I can explain. Danny: //I can't believe you! //This is a betrayal. Mindy: Oh, this is a betrayal? Danny: It's a betrayal, yes! Mindy: What about you trying to get me pregnant behind my back?

Danny: How long has this birth control business been going on? You know how embarrassing that is? Mindy: I don't know, maybe as long as you've been keeping track of my periods on your calendar. //You know what the worst part is, Danny? That I thought you were being really romantic this week. I loved it. It was wonderful, but really you were just trying to trick me into getting pregnant. Danny: Look, I'm sorry, but I'm not sorry that I want a bigger family. Look, listen to me. I never wanted kids before I met you and you made me be the kind of guy that does, and now all of a sudden that's a bad thing? Mindy: No, it's not a bad thing, Danny. It is fine for you to want kids, if that's what I also wanted. Danny: Oh, yeah, right, your career. You're too busy getting half of Manhattan knocked up, and Leo, he's just out there by himself alone, playing pat-a-cake against the wall while his mom's working? Mindy: There! You're doing it again. Every time that you disagree with something that I do, it's a referendum on my character. If I want to go to work, it means I'm a bad mother. If I want to have a second glass of wine, it means I'm out of control. Danny: Come on! Don't exaggerate. Mindy: I'm not! In your eyes, every single thing I do is more evidence that I'm a bad person. Danny: You're not a bad person. You want me to help you make good decisions, don't you? Mindy: Yeah, I thought I made good decisions, and now you're just making all the decisions for me. Danny: So what, if it's the right decision? Look, Mindy. Look at me. You are an amazing mom. Any child would love to be with you. Would love to have you as a mom. Why not do it again? Mindy: I'm also a good doctor. I don't want to have to give up any more to have more kids. Danny: That's selfish. Mindy: I'm selfish? Danny: Yes! Mindy: Was it selfish when I took care of our son by myself for months while you were across the country taking care of your estranged father? Danny: My dad had a heart attack. What did you want me to do? Abandon him? Mindy: Or you could have hired a nurse, or you could have asked your younger brother to help, but you didn't. Danny: Okay. Mindy: Whenever you decide to do something, it's selfless, and whenever I decide to do something, it's selfish. You get to choose all the definitions. You are the judge, the jury, which just leaves me to be the "sexecutioner." I'm sorry, not the right time, but I had to. Danny: Maybe I need to be the judge and jury because I make better choices than you do. You're flighty, indecisive, and you don't think through consequences. Mindy: That's probably true. I just wish that you didn't have a list of my flaws ready right there at the tip of your tongue. You're a good person, Danny, but if you were the best person, you wouldn't always rub it in my face all the time.

****Check out a parallel gif set post HERE

Mindy: [phone vibrates] [phone beeps] My patient just went into labor. I have to go. Danny: Just let someone else take care of it. Mindy: No, this is my fertility clinic's first patient to go into labor. Don't you see how important that is? Danny: What, we're gonna just leave it like this? Mindy: Danny, I have to go. I'm sorry.

Danny: I was thinking maybe we should hold off on the wedding for a while. Think things through. Something to think about. Mindy: Okay. Danny: Night. Mindy: Good night.

Ep 13 When Mindy Met Danny

- flashback and present time (I think the flashback quotes can be foreshadowing to S4A and s4B.)

Present Time Quotes

Danny: You see that, Leo? Scrooge was obsessed with his money and his career, putting his work above his family. Mindy: And, yet, if Tiny Tim's mother had worked instead of having 12 kids, maybe her son wouldn't have a sad-ass limp. Danny: I didn't say anything about 12 kids. 12 kids? That's over-exaggerating, okay? A couple of kids. Mindy: Okay, but who's gonna take care of these kids? Danny: Don't give me that.

Danny: What are you holding on to that apartment for? Are you trying to leave? Mindy: I am trying to sell it, but no one will meet my price. //

Mindy: You know what? Why don't you just decorate the tree by yourself. Danny: Whoa, come here. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. We've been blowing up at each other a lot, and I don't want to do it. We should be happy. We have a lot to celebrate. Mindy: Yeah, you're right. [Leo picture-ornament]

Danny: Oh, I used to love that shirt. Whatever happened to it? Mindy: Oh, I used it to stop a nosebleed, and then I gave it to Morgan. Mindy: No, that's not what's weird. What's weird is that we're smiling in this picture but we hated each other back then. Danny: Yeah, we did. // Mindy: I just don't get it. Why are we smiling here? Danny: I don't know.

*them in bed.

Flashback Quotes

Mindy: Not a good analogy. Danny: I didn't mean to start a whole conversation here. Mindy: Oh, because you're used to people just shutting up after you say rude things to them? Danny: Do I know you from somewhere? // You and I, we did a couple rotations in residency. So what are you doing in the building anyway? Mindy: Today happens to be my first day at my new job. Danny: Wait, you work here? Mindy: Wait, you work here? Oh, God.

Danny: Sorry, I like to keep the seat next to me empty so it's easy for me to get away. Mindy: Well, at least I know now who my workplace nemesis is.

Dr. Schulman: You seem so upset, Danny. Do you need some more time off to work things out with your wife?// Danny: No, no. My marriage is fine, guys. We're going to The Rockettes this week.

Danny: I just want to know, why'd you hire this woman? Dr. Schulman: I have to admit that maybe I hired Dr. Lahiri by accident? // Danny: We'll just have to fire her. Dr. Schulman: Danny, the days in which you could fire a young woman of color for no reason are long gone. At least three years. Danny: Well, she could quit. Right? You know, like, if she hated it here and found it to be an uncomfortable place to work. Dr. Schulman: You are describing a hostile work environment. Danny: Exactly.

(To Christina), Danny: No, I don't want to have this conversation. How many times are we gonna have it? Look, our appointment's all set, okay? I just need Jeremy to cover my C-section. Yeah, and I can't find my glasses. Wait, what do you mean, you're not coming? Well it can't be couples' therapy if one of us isn't there. I'll be screaming at an empty chair. I mean, not no, not screaming, empathizing. God damn it, where are my... Have you seen my glasses anywhere at home? What? No, okay, Christina, look, I need you to come. Please. I'm begging you. I need you to be there. Please. Okay, I'll see you there. [glass crunches] Mindy: I think I found your glasses. Look, I am very, very sorry. I just needed to use your computer, and you know what? I think I fixed them. Danny: Just get out. Mindy: Listen to me, I can help you, okay? Why don't you let me do the delivery and then you can go to therapy. Beverly: Dr. C's in therapy? What a loser. Danny: You want my delivery? // Honestly, I would rather have any other doctor on earth do it. Mindy: Wow, I cannot believe that a nice, charming guy like you is having marriage problems. If I was your wife, I'd be thanking my lucky stars. Excuse me. Beverly: Whoo, Dr. C's really losing it.

Danny: Are you out of your mind? Did you impersonate Dr. Reed and do my surgery for me? Mindy: Hey, how did your therapy session go? Did Christina show up? Danny: No. Mindy: Ah, man. Danny: She didn't. I'm standing there like an idiot. I've just... You know, what? It's none of your business, okay? Don't change the subject. What you did was a total violation. // You impersonated a doctor, and changed a birthing plan without authorization. Now I'm gonna get you fired. Mindy: //Look, I get it. I know that you hate me, but I swear to you I'm a good doctor. Danny: You know we hired you by accident, right? Dr. Shulman wanted Mandy Lahoro but he mixed up the names.// But we ended up with you. Mindy: Okay, maybe the circumstances of my hiring were quirky, but I believe that years from now, we will look back at this, and we will laugh as colleagues. Danny: Colleagues? Come on, we're not colleagues. You're a joke, Mindy. Mindy: You know, it was not my fault that I was hired as a mistake. I'll tell you one thing, I treated your patient like a queen. Maybe that's why you hate me so much, 'cause you know there's finally a doctor here who's as good as you. Or better. Doesn't matter, you can't fire me because I fire you. I quit.

Mindy: I'm just saying good-bye to my office. I'll be out of here as soon as I can. Danny: I talked to Mrs. Ramsay. She was really happy. Mindy: Well, doy. It was a type A nuchal cord, you know, you can wrestle a baby right out of that if you have meaty enough hands. Which I do. Danny: Look, I'm sorry about what I said. You know, I think you might actually be better than the guy we were meant to hire. Mindy: Thanks. Danny: // Hey I think you should stay. Mindy: No, thanks. Danny: No, thanks? I'm saying I'm not having you fired for your extremely fireable offense. You could stay and have the job of your dreams. Mindy: Yeah, I know what you said, but today was just too traumatizing for me, Danny. You're a very rude man. And the culture in this office is so cold and competitive, you know? I need to be friends with people I work with. I want happy hour and Secret Santas. Danny: I could maybe be like that. Mindy: No, you couldn't. Danny: Well, if you want to change things, stay and make them different. Mindy: It's not worth it. I'll just go on welfare. It's easier. Danny: Hey, Mindy, no, now hold on. You're great at this, and don't ever let anyone try to stop you from doing what you want. Not even me. Mindy: I don't know, Danny. Danny: You know what we should do?

Danny: You see this stupid armoire? Mindy: Yes. Danny: If it can fit into your office, take it as a sign from the universe your favorite thing. // I hate to tell you, but it fits. Mindy: Okay, I'll stay. Danny: Good.//

Mindy: Okay, smile. You know how to smile, right? Danny: Yeah, of course I know how to smile. Mindy: Put your arm around me. Danny: Okay. Mindy: Like that. Just like that. [picture taken]