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To Ribbons

When I'm currently in the process of writing some new material, I decided to open the site with a one-act I wrote just over a year ago for a playwriting class that was later performed during Lyons Township High School's 2013 "Tens by Teens" production. It's one of my most favorite pieces, so I hope you enjoy it!

To Ribbons

LUCAS: A male in his mid twenties. He is more caring then most men his age. He is a very definitive and honest person. He just had his first one-night stand ever with SAM.

SAM: A very attractive female in her younger twenties. She is not book smart or street smart, your stereotypical dumb blonde. Unbelievably clingy, and she thinks that every romantic interest is her dream boy. She is a babysitter.

TAMARA: A young girl who is no older than twelve. SAM is her babysitter, and she is incredibly brilliant, like the little kid from Jerry Maguire.

(Lights up on LUCAS, sitting on a park bench. He is talking on his cell phone to his friend DAVID. It is very late afternoon, but there is an unnatural lack of activity going on in the park. It’s probably a weekday or something. Yeah, let’s go with Monday. It’s Fall, and LUCAS sits on the far, stage right side of the bench.)

LUCAS: No Dave, I haven’t talked to her yet…I know it was only one night…Well I’m not going to just blow her off for the rest of my life…She’s been calling me and…(sighs) You know I don’t operate like you…Yeah, I’ll talk to you later. (Hangs up, and sits awkwardly, waiting)

SAM: (Entering from stage right, holding hands with TAMARA and carrying a small white box.) Alright Tamara, go over there and play.

TAMARA: What do you mean by play? I’m not that simple minded that I can entertain myself with playing in dirt, you know. (She walks away with sass and sits on the ground with a pouty face.)

SAM: (Looking at LUCAS) Hey there, pookie bear. (LUCAS stands up as if to greet her with a handshake or a hug, and she plants a sloppy kiss on him. People stare. When SAM pulls back she giggles, and Eskimo kisses him. He is confused and appalled.) How is my favorite man ever doing?

LUCAS: (Laughing uncomfortably) Ha…am I really your favorite?

SAM: Well of course you are, honey bunny. I’m so happy that you called to see me. I haven’t seen you in such a long time and I was getting worried.

LUCAS: Well it’s only been two days-

SAM: Two days too long! (They both laugh, SAM in an annoying giggly way and LUCAS still awkwardly. SAM puts down the box on the bench to her left and wraps her arms around LUCAS’ left arm. They both stare at TAMARA.) Oh aren’t kids so cute? I’ve always wanted one. Have you ever though about kids? (Looking up at LUCAS hopefully)

SAM: Well thank goodness we have our whole lives ahead of us to get to know each other, then.

LUCAS: (Pause) Sam, I wanted to talk to you about the other night.

SAM: Oh wasn’t it amazing!? I’ve been swimming in an ocean of wonderful.

LUCAS: Yeah, right. Well I wanted to talk about it, because even though it was fun-

SAM: (Perking up) Oh! That reminds me! (Grabbing the box and handing it to LUCAS.) Here, I got you a present.

LUCAS: (Faking surprise, like when you get a birthday present that you really don’t want.) Oh a present? For what?

SAM: You’re so cute when you act silly! It’s for our three day anniversary, Lukey.

LUCAS: Oh. Well that’s…sweet. You really shouldn’t have.

SAM: I should have. Because I love you.

LUCAS: Ok, wow. Sam, I really need to talk to you. (Puts down the gift.)

SAM: What’s wrong? Are you upset that you didn’t get me a gift too? That’s ok darling. You can just take me out to dinner.

LUCAS: No, that’s not it. I just…I feel like things have moved really fast, and Friday night was really nice. I’m just not looking for a girlfriend right now.

SAM: (Pause, then begins looking excited) Are you doing what I think you’re doing?

LUCAS: …What do you think I’m doing? Because you should not be reacting like this.

SAM: I mean, I know this is fast and that we just met. But screw it, yes Lucas! Yes! I will marry you! (Hugs him. LUCAS is as confused as he’s ever been.)

LUCAS: (Now irritated and pushing her off) How the Hell did you take that as a proposal?

SAM: (Startled) Because you said you didn’t want a girlfriend. So that must mean that you want a wife!

TAMARA: (Stands up and goes over to them) Oh my God, you idiot! He’s breaking up with you! You treat me like a child and tell me what to do, and even I can understand what he’s doing! You are just making this so much more painful than it has to be. You really bought him a THREE DAY ANNIVERSARY GIFT!? You aren’t in first grade anymore! Act your age you numb skull! (Returns to her spot and sits back down. LUCAS and SAM both look at her for a moment, astonished.)

SAM: (Looks back at LUCAS) You’re...you’re breaking up with me?

LUCAS: We were never even together!

SAM: We most certainly were! We spent all of Friday night with each other!

LUCAS: (Pause and sighs heavily) Yes. We physically were with each other Sam. I’m saying we were never a couple. This was just about sex. I just went out on Friday night looking for sex.

SAM: So I’m just…I’m just your play thing?

LUCAS: As opposed to what? My dream girl?

SAM: But on Friday night you said we were meant for each other.

TAMARA: (Scoffs) Wow, that’s original. (SAM and LUCAS both glare at her once again.)

LUCAS: It’s nothing you did. It’s just…me. (Winces at realizing how cliché he sounds.)

TAMARA: (Stands up and walks toward them while performing the sarcastic slow clap.) Bravo. Truly, a good performance on your part. Even I, the naïve fourth grader, have heard better excuses than that.

LUCAS: (To SAM) Who is she?

SAM: I’m babysitting her.

LUCAS: You brought the child your babysitting to visit your random post-bar hookup at the park?

SAM: What’s wrong with that?

TAMARA: (Very confused) Now I know that I am smart for my age, but what’s a hookup?

SAM: Well it’s when two strangers meet and they have se-

LUCAS: Are you being serious right now!? You are about to explain hooking up to a toddler!?

TAMARA: I am not a toddler!

LUCAS: Fine! Old…toddler. Whatever. Look, Sam this wasn’t ever anything more than a random Friday night sex-capade. I was trying to be nice, but you just make it impossible.

SAM: (Sniffling) I…I understand.

LUCAS: Ok.

SAM: (Pause. Lifts up box) I still want you to have the gift though.

LUCAS: I am still in awe that you honestly bought me a gift after knowing me for 72 hours.

SAM: I know. I’m a catch. (Sniffles again and hands it to him. She then looks as if she has something to say, but instead grabs TAMARA’s hand and leads her off stage left.)

TAMARA: (Exiting stage) If anyone is getting assisted in normal daily functions like walking, it’s going to be you, Sam.

LUCAS: (Opens up the box and reaches inside. He makes a disgusted face as he pulls out cooked spaghetti with sauce on it. It is most likely cold.) What the Hell is wrong with this girl? (He continues digging and finds a saucey and greasy slip of paper. He reads it aloud.) “On Friday night I had spaghetti for diner. (Stops to think, and then nods when he realizes she misspelled “dinner”. He continues reading.) I had no idea that it would be my last meal I ate alone, wondering what it would be like to be in love. I love you, Lukey pookie. XOXO Sam.”

(LUCAS stares down at the letter as the lights fade to black. End Scene.)

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